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So there's this girl at work.
DarwinsFavoriteTortoise
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Today we had some time apart, so we started chatting and it turns out we share a similar sense of humor, which is important to me. She is also very intelligent. She also made a few comments about how I'm so much smarter than another co-worker that is always trying to help only the hot chicks (we were complaining about him), which confused me, since it just came out of the blue and out of the context of the conversation.
So should I wait a bit before I ask her out? I want to ask her out very much, but 1) it feels too soon, and 2) i get a horrible feeling in my gut when I imagine how awkward it would be around work if she said no.
Should I try to casually find out if she already has a boyfriend? Any smooth ways of doing this? I'm thinking this also might work out in two ways, since she will probably notice whatever inquiry is made about her boyfriend, possibly figure out that I'm interested, and then I can gauge her response.
So:
1) Should I ask her out? If yes, when?
Thanks.
So should I wait a bit before I ask her out? I want to ask her out very much, but 1) it feels too soon, and 2) i get a horrible feeling in my gut when I imagine how awkward it would be around work if she said no.
Should I try to casually find out if she already has a boyfriend? Any smooth ways of doing this? I'm thinking this also might work out in two ways, since she will probably notice whatever inquiry is made about her boyfriend, possibly figure out that I'm interested, and then I can gauge her response.
So:
1) Should I ask her out? If yes, when?
Thanks.
DarwinsFavoriteTortoise on
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Maybe after you're no longer co-workers. Dating a co-worker makes problems that shouldn't be at a workplace, especially if it goes sour. That and your company's policy might forbid it, anyway.
But yeah, thats something to consider. I'll look into that tomorrow.
For now, though, let's assume that it is not against the rules.
Also for some reason the top part of the OP is gone, but its not really important anyway. Just FYI in case it flowed weird.
If his current occupation is intended to be his career, then I will agree with your statement. Otherwise, if its just a retail position then who really cares?
I would say that you should wait until you have more than one conversation with her before initiating anything.....or at least you find out if she is single.
I've been there. Don't do it. And, yes, I was in the exact situation you are now when it happened, working part-time at a bookstore. When things go bad, the work environment gets weird, even in retail.
If you remove gender from the equation in your head, has anything she's done really made you think asking her out is a good idea? If I asked out every female I thought was cute and funny and who was nice to me...whoa Nellie...
Take it slow. And since you work with her? TAKE IT REALLY SLOW.
This isn't middle school. Just let things happen. You'll KNOW if it's a mutual attraction or not.
Worst case is she turns you down, and you're mildly uncomfortable for a day or two.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Don't screw the crew. Golden rule.
You think the worst case is two days of uncomfortable? Really? That's probably the wrongest thing I've heard all day.
Working together made us want to kill each other at times. Their were a couple of rides home after work (about a half hour commute) that were non-stop screaming matches.
If it's true love, or ya just gotta have her lusty parts, consider finding another job.
In a perfect world? Sure. In the real world? Not likely.
This will not end well.
[x] Radisson Hotel Boston
[x] Pre-Pax Dinner
[x] BYOC and 3 Day Pass
that's nice
I suppose, OP, that the real worst case scenario is her freaking out, telling your boss you're stalking her, and whatever other weird circumstances you're able to think up. Or maybe you are both nominally well adjusted people, and asking a girl out who you think might be interested in you won't produce an adolescent chernobyl.
Of course walking around terrified of that outcome has a lot of negative consequences, like maybe missing out on dating this girl.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
No. Just no. Whatever the post says, no.
Be friends. If you become good friends and then HAVE to be more than friends, fine. It's part-time retail, who cares. Until you're that close outside of work, you probably shouldn't.
thanatos is with some sanity. thank god
Asking a girl out to dinner is not a crime and even if you later decide to be just friends then that turns into what was a dinner amongst friends.
No one says you have to make out with the girl at dinner. Sit down and talk, get to know each other, decide later. I have taken many a girl from work out to dinner and it is not as big a thing as people here are making it out to be.
Despite what most people are saying I don't think its a big deal that you work together. Like you said... its part time at a book store. Not your career.
Asking a coworker to grab a bite at some point is fine, but he's phrasing it (and he hasn't denied it yet) as straight up asking her out on a date. If he can casually pull it off as an unintimate get together with her, fine and dandy, but I don't think that's his intention at all.
OP, do not just blurt out "Would you like to go out sometime?". Have a few more little chats with her here and there, feel it out, and then if you still think it's a good idea, see if she wants to grab a bite after work or maybe there's some movie you both want to see.
Well, the way I see it, it can only go one of these two ways.
You: So, what have you got planned for the weekend?
Her: Oh, just hanging with the boyfriend.
You: Dang...
alternatively,
You: So, what have you got planned for the weekend?
Her: Oh, not much.
You: Cool. I was thinking of going to see Up (or something). Wanna come?
Plus lunch or something has the added benefit of being more casual.
Fixed that for you.
In all seriousness though, I was just thinking at the time how much I'd like to see Up. If I'd been thinking about rock climbing I probably would've written that.
Personally, I think a meal date is a horrible idea. I just cannot talk with food in my mouth (blame mum) and I take forever to chew my food. I'm a slow eater anyway, but if I try to have a conversation at the same time it just takes forever. It might work for other people, but not me. I have no problem talking during a film though...
Which, unless you are in your home, makes you an asshole. Talking or making out during a movie is incredibly disruptive and annoying to everyone around you. Movies these days are expensive as hell and I wouldn't want that kind of distraction.
Most people seem to have no problem talking during a meal. It is what humans have done for millenia. Seriously. Eating together is a sort of ancient bonding thing. What you do is, you don't talk with food in your mouth! That would not be classy. Chew your food, swallow it, and speak. When you are done with whatever you are saying, eat. Then you can listen to what she is saying.
You being incapable of talking in that situation does not make it a horrible idea.
Broke up.
Guess who I see 5 times a week and don't want to? It makes getting over the relationship rather... difficult to say the least.
Now, I'm not saying don't go for it, but just keep that in mind.
It can work out.
Don't shit where you eat!
Sure, one or two people in your entire life will have some anecdote about how they found true love in a coworker... but it just doesn't happen.
Nothing can kill a relationship faster than absolutely no time apart.
These points cannot be limed ENOUGH!!
That's also good advice for a dinner date.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
This is not your career, go ahead and ask her out. If she is a little interested she will go. If you start dating, then be careful about feeling trapped into that Part-Time job because your girlfriend likes to work with you every 3-4 days.
This.
If he were in his 30's, climbing the ladder in the corporate world, and considering asking out one of his subordinates, I would completely agree with the louder voice in this thread. However, he is not. It's a part time job at a bookstore, for fuck's sake. I would bet that if he and this chick hit it off, the relationship will last longer than the job.
And plus, like others have said, it's a part time job at a bookstore. It's not like he's on his ultimate career path here.
i'm going to agree with the crowd who's saying go for it since this is just a part time job at a bookstore.....if she turns you down things will NOT be that awkward for very long, and if you do start dating and things DO turn out bad then it's just a part time job at a bookstore...you can find another job or deal with it for the 15 hours you're there during the week...if this were a career i would agree that it's a dumb idea...but in your situation, go for it
Anyone have an idea as to when? Should I wait a week or something? Let her have more time to get comfortable with me? Or should I just ask when I see her today?
"Hey! It's lunch break time! I'll buy you corn dogs, gurl!"