So I broke up with my girlfriend + Doubt

Fuzz

I broke up with my girlfriend of a little over a year of dating last night. It was pretty terrible. It wasn't that she was a bad girlfriend, she was a great one, but I kept having this overwhelming urge to be single. Not to date or whatever, but just to be alone..

I kept thinking that it wasn't right for her to be dating someone who felt this way and that it was unfair to keep her thinking everything was honky-dory, so I broke up with her.

Also, all of my friends and family kind of wanted me to break up with her for various reasons..

I can't think of anything else right now, obviously. I'm just having serious doubts on whether or not I made the right decision.

VisionOfClarity

Well it's a little late to think about whether or not you should have broken up with her now.

Instead of talking to her about your feelings you kept them hidden and you allowed yourself to be pressured by friends and family despite you thinking she was a great gf. And now you're not sure if you made the right choice because you didn't really think about it much beforehand.

Take this as a lesson for the future. If you're unhappy in a relationship you should talk about it and before you break up with someone be sure that's what you want to do and that it's not you having a 'grass is greener' moment. But don't dwell on this, you'll never get over it that way.

Richard_Dastardly

Unfortunately, you made one of those decisions in which you'll never know if it was the right choice or the wrong one since you can't quicksave, reload and then try out not breaking up with her.

Fuzz

god dammit

EggyToast

Sometimes decisions aren't about right or wrong -- it's been made, and that's that.

For your own sake, don't put it in terms of "I didn't want her to date a guy who wanted to be single," just be up front with "I want to be single." It's OK to feel that way and to make that decision. Regardless of whether it was right or wrong, you're single now and you should do the things that you felt being single entailed.

If you do those things and realize that you were wrong, then so be it, and look to get into dating again. And I would suggest, for now, you talk to your friends and family that wanted you to break up and ask why they felt that way, now that it's a done deal.

ANTVGM64

Was this your first serious relationship?

Fuzz

I've only had two relationships, both over a year, but I'd consider this one my first real *serious* relationship.

Eat it You Nasty Pig.

Sometimes a relationship is just over, for one or both people. It basically boils down to how much you know your own mind, I guess. If there was some ulterior motive going on, then maybe you made the wrong decision. If it was just 'I'm not that into you anymore,' then better to have it over than to drag on.

pogo mudder

This EXACT thing just happened to me a couple of months ago, only it was like 4 years of a serious relationship.
I too have been thinking oh shit, how do i know that i didn't just make a terrible decision, and what if she was like the perfect person for me but i won't know until i'm 40, single and depressed.
I also found that i stopped thinking like this as soon as i started trying to meet new people. The more you put yourself out there the less you start thinking about your ex. I don't mean like go out and try to find a new girlfriend. But just go out and have fun and hang out, and you'll get over it a lot faster.

mully

My first boyfriend dumped me for the same reason -- he wanted to be alone, didn't know why, I was an awesome girlfriend, he just wanted to be alone -- after 5 years together.

You made the right decision. If you aren't putting 100% of yourself into that relationship, then you're not doing her any favours. You'd eventually start ignoring her or resenting her for "holding you back". Basically, you don't deserve her if you're lying to yourself while being in the relationship, anyway.

GreasyKidsStuff

I did the same thing a month ago. 8 months of dating, lots of fun, no real big issues, but I got the feeling of 'what else is out there' and just doubting that we were gonna last that much longer anyways. This feeling made me feel sick to my stomach for days and I realized I just needed to end it. That was a month ago. Does it still suck? Yeah, but I've gotten waaaaaaaaaaaay better since the day I did it. Do I think I made the right decision? Yes. It doesn't feel like it sometimes (you have the days where you feel lonely, wondering maybe it was something wrong with you, or WHY DID I RUIN A GOOD THING??!), but I know in the long run it was what's best.

Go out with friends, and focus on other things. I know it's the advice everyone gives you, and I know you're probably hoping for a magic answer that makes everything come into focus and eases all your doubts, but... it's not going to happen :P You gotta figure it out for yourself. Just keep yourself focused on other things. And talk to other girls!

DodgeBlan

I'm not saying you should, but contrary to the opinions expressed in this thread these things can actually be undone.

GreasyKidsStuff

I think you have to be absolutely certain that's what you want to do. And you gotta promise to yourself and to her that you'll both try your hardest to sort out the issues you have. Otherwise you'll be right back at square one, and that won't end well.

Forkes

You did the right thing. There I said it.

If you wanted to be single, you didn't want to be in a relationship. If you didn't want to be in a relationship and you were, you would be miserable. If you were miserable she would pick up on it. When she picked up on it she would think something was wrong and possibly get miserable herself when you couldn't really explain it. Then, as the feeling would persist and grow, you would both continue to be miserable and there would be constant discussions about why you are both miserable with neither of you having a concrete explanation. That sucks for everyone.

You are having second thoughts because you did something which could be considered a big descion. That's fine, that's normal. It was a big descion. It was probably hard to do. That doesn't mean it was the wrong descion. If you were unhappy in a relationship, or even just not happy, and you don't think you are going to be able to be happy in it, then there is no reason to stay in it. For either of your sakes.

I would say though, the reason you probably wanted to quit the relationship was that you just didn't want to be in it anymore, not because "I kept thinking that it wasn't right for her to be dating someone who felt this way and that it was unfair to keep her thinking everything was honky-dory, so I broke up with her." There's nothing wrong with that, you have the right to your happiness without feeling selfish about it.

I broke up with a girl for the same reason, and thought I was doing for those reasons, cause it wasn't fair to her and such, but really when I actually thought about it, I broke up with her cause it wasn't fair to me to be in a relationship I didn't want to be in. There's nothing wrong with that, you don't have to feel guilty about it.

nowthen

Had the same thing done to me, he didn't say it out-right but I sort of knew.
After a while he wanted me back but thought no, he might try it again. Take my advice and listen
to your gut feeling and not your family or friends, it's your happiness that counts. Good Luck.