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Stress/Anxiety/Job problems
Scrum
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Alright, I don't often do this sort of thing but I need advice about my stress and anxiety problems. I'll start out with the basics: I'm 20 years old, male, single (but dating), and going to college while working. I live with four other guys in a 3 bedroom apartment and am currently living in the living room. This may be sorta long while I explain where I'm coming from but I suppose if you have the time to read this forum you'll probably be fine with it.
Work Stress!
School/Moving Stress!
Girl Stress!
This basically says it all. I don't show this stress outwardly at all, and have been described by many people as the most relaxed person they know. Despite this outward relaxation, I'm an incredibly tense person, and despite logic I'm prone to bouts of extreme paranoia over weird little things. Only a few people know this about me, and I would like to keep it that way. I am constantly under the impression that either everyone hates me, or is out to fuck me over, in part due to how shitty life has been going for me this past year. I know this mindset is irrational, yet can't shake the thought and it causes me an extreme amount of stress. I am open to any advice about how to cure or at least calm this irrational mindset, excluding only religious or semi-religious means. I've thought about medicine (or perhaps marijuana), but I have no idea how to go about getting it and also have a job that drug-tests. Thanks for reading.
TLDR: I hate my job, I get no sleep, I have school stress, I need help getting my credits transferred over, and I'm worried about fucking up early in a relationship. Help me if you can.
Work Stress!
Let me start out by saying that I have tried looking for another job, but the job market is awful in this city. I regularly apply to work at other places, but haven't gotten a call back. If I were offered any other job in the city, I would take it. I can't quit my job, because I kinda need to eat and pay rent. My main source of stress is my unbelievably shitty job at Safeway. If you've worked at Safeway before, you'll understand how strict the place is. I've had my boss send me home for having shoes that weren't completely black (my other shoes wore out, and I couldn't afford new ones so I wore my mostly black Converse). Other things include having to wear a bright orange vest at all times along with a white shirt and tie and long black pants during 108 degree weather, signs posted in the back room informing the employees that "Stealing is illegal! If caught, you will be arrested", and a policy of having a receipt attached to everything you bring into the store with you on threat of being charged with theft. There's a lot more belonging in the strict category, but you get the picture.
My boss likes to follow me around while I'm working and tell me to work on different things, then get mad when I haven't finished the thing he had me stop doing. He also likes to spend five minutes informing me how to do something like mop a floor when I've been working in the Grocery service since I was 14 and have had nothing but good performance reviews throughout my work history.
At Safeway, we have can recycling machines that I was supposed to tend to. These machines are absolutely covered with filth, require constant attention and changing, and attract drunken homeless people who like to treat me like shit (this doesn't really bother me too much, but shit builds up). Anyhow, people in my department have keys for these machines that we have to grab from management in order to do one of the worst parts of our jobs and given the carelessness of some of my fellow employees these keys get lost a lot (I never have). My boss' solution for this is to require all of the people in my department to hand over their personal state I.Ds every time they grab the keys, something I have a problem with. I inform my boss that while I understand that they don't want to lose these keys and will gladly give my Safeway punch card or something, I will not give them my I.D. My boss presses the issue and I inform him that I'll call the union or the ACLU if the practice continues. The practice stops completely at this point. After this, I see my hours go from a steady 20 hours a week, down to 8 hours a week putting me into a state of financial panic and causing me to have to sell a bunch of old stuff in order to pay my rent.
After begging for more hours, to no avail (around March or so), I come into the store and overhear a conversation between my boss and a PIC about how well the store is doing profit wise. I wait a few minutes and ask my boss if I could get some more hours, to which he tells me that the store has not been doing well, and blah-blah-blah the economy. I inform him at this point that I overheard his conversation with another employee (it was in the hallway, nothing private) about how well we're doing. A week or two later I'm working Night Crew because that is where my boss and I will never have to see each other.
My shifts vary between 12am-4am and 12am-8:30am depending on the week. The work itself isn't bad, but the hours are hard on my social life and cause me to miss out on doing a lot of stuff during the day. I already had chronic insomnia, and this shift has left me in a perennial state of exhaustion.
My co-workers on night crew are the type of people who enjoy Shania Twain's music and think of Hollywood Reporter as their main source of news, so I've formed few friendships with any of the people I work with (aside from people who have quit). I've been able to deal with this job because I was under the impression that I was moving at the end of the summer and would never have to walk into a Safeway again.
My boss likes to follow me around while I'm working and tell me to work on different things, then get mad when I haven't finished the thing he had me stop doing. He also likes to spend five minutes informing me how to do something like mop a floor when I've been working in the Grocery service since I was 14 and have had nothing but good performance reviews throughout my work history.
At Safeway, we have can recycling machines that I was supposed to tend to. These machines are absolutely covered with filth, require constant attention and changing, and attract drunken homeless people who like to treat me like shit (this doesn't really bother me too much, but shit builds up). Anyhow, people in my department have keys for these machines that we have to grab from management in order to do one of the worst parts of our jobs and given the carelessness of some of my fellow employees these keys get lost a lot (I never have). My boss' solution for this is to require all of the people in my department to hand over their personal state I.Ds every time they grab the keys, something I have a problem with. I inform my boss that while I understand that they don't want to lose these keys and will gladly give my Safeway punch card or something, I will not give them my I.D. My boss presses the issue and I inform him that I'll call the union or the ACLU if the practice continues. The practice stops completely at this point. After this, I see my hours go from a steady 20 hours a week, down to 8 hours a week putting me into a state of financial panic and causing me to have to sell a bunch of old stuff in order to pay my rent.
After begging for more hours, to no avail (around March or so), I come into the store and overhear a conversation between my boss and a PIC about how well the store is doing profit wise. I wait a few minutes and ask my boss if I could get some more hours, to which he tells me that the store has not been doing well, and blah-blah-blah the economy. I inform him at this point that I overheard his conversation with another employee (it was in the hallway, nothing private) about how well we're doing. A week or two later I'm working Night Crew because that is where my boss and I will never have to see each other.
My shifts vary between 12am-4am and 12am-8:30am depending on the week. The work itself isn't bad, but the hours are hard on my social life and cause me to miss out on doing a lot of stuff during the day. I already had chronic insomnia, and this shift has left me in a perennial state of exhaustion.
My co-workers on night crew are the type of people who enjoy Shania Twain's music and think of Hollywood Reporter as their main source of news, so I've formed few friendships with any of the people I work with (aside from people who have quit). I've been able to deal with this job because I was under the impression that I was moving at the end of the summer and would never have to walk into a Safeway again.
School/Moving Stress!
I am attending community college in town in order to finish up my associates transfer degree with plans of transferring to University of Oregon. I'd made plans to move to Eugene with a friend of mine, and had already been accepted to the school for fall term. I had been looking for a place, but was informed by my friend that he had a place lined up that was cheap enough for us both to afford. So, I relax a little bit, but call to make sure everything is still in place at various points during the summer and am assured that everything is going fine. A week before we were supposed to move in, he informs me that he found a place with another friend of his and that there is no place for me there. I freak out, and spend the rest of the day or so isolated in the bathroom having a complete mental breakdown. I can't afford a place by myself, and don't currently have the time to look for a roommate so I am essentially stuck where I am. I eventually calmed a bit, pulled out from UofO, registered for classes again at the community college (I still have a few credits to finish up before I'm done with my associates anyhow), and told my roommates of my plans to stay where I am currently living. This situation is far from ideal for me, but I came out of it better than I expected. I have also found out recently that almost none of my credits from my first year of college in California have transferred over properly, and if I can't get them fixed I'm looking at having to do another year of college. Ever since this occurrence, I have had an ever-present feeling of doom about everything I do and am overcome with nausea and a feeling of panic when confronted with something I'm not sure how to fix.
Girl Stress!
Oh, what H and A thread would be complete without a dating problem? Not this one! Recently, a girl who works at a restaurant I have frequented over last year gave me her number out of the blue and informed me that she's had a long-standing crush on me. She'd been, apparently, flirting with me for months but I had passed it off for her simply trying to be nice or something and was completely unaware of her flirting. I have not dated since I got out of an incredibly awful first relationship my first year of college, a situation I am still not comfortable talking about. I had not planned on dating while I lived in this city, given my strong desire to leave, but I am not about to turn down someone as cute as she is. I figure if the relationship is important to me by the time I'm ready to move, I can make it work out.
Anyhow, this advance brightens my general demeanor, but also brings out my anxiety problem. We have a lovely first date during which (not to get too into details here) we eat dinner, catch a movie, and talk till about 3am. No kiss, but one of her neighbors had decided to park himself outside and chat with us while we were about to finish up so it wouldn't have been the right move. I like pretty much everything about her, save for her smoking like 7 cigarettes during the entire date (also kinda why I didn't go in for the kiss...), but that can be overlooked given everything else going quite well. I call her a day after to say I had a good time, etc, and she calls me to confirm that she had a good time and eventually calls me again to make plans for a second date that was supposed to be today, but she calls and cancels at the last minute because a friend came from out of town. We reschedule for Thursday of this week. I have a tendency to over think everything, but can't help but see a last minute rescheduling as a bad sign and am pretty much figuring that she'll tell me she hates or something when I see her on Thursday, or we'll reschedule again and eventually simply not date. I understand this line of thought is irrational, but can't shake out the feeling of anxiety. I talked to a couple friends about this, and they basically told me I was stressing too much and not to read into it too much which is pretty much the reply I am expecting (hoping for) here.
Anyhow, this advance brightens my general demeanor, but also brings out my anxiety problem. We have a lovely first date during which (not to get too into details here) we eat dinner, catch a movie, and talk till about 3am. No kiss, but one of her neighbors had decided to park himself outside and chat with us while we were about to finish up so it wouldn't have been the right move. I like pretty much everything about her, save for her smoking like 7 cigarettes during the entire date (also kinda why I didn't go in for the kiss...), but that can be overlooked given everything else going quite well. I call her a day after to say I had a good time, etc, and she calls me to confirm that she had a good time and eventually calls me again to make plans for a second date that was supposed to be today, but she calls and cancels at the last minute because a friend came from out of town. We reschedule for Thursday of this week. I have a tendency to over think everything, but can't help but see a last minute rescheduling as a bad sign and am pretty much figuring that she'll tell me she hates or something when I see her on Thursday, or we'll reschedule again and eventually simply not date. I understand this line of thought is irrational, but can't shake out the feeling of anxiety. I talked to a couple friends about this, and they basically told me I was stressing too much and not to read into it too much which is pretty much the reply I am expecting (hoping for) here.
This basically says it all. I don't show this stress outwardly at all, and have been described by many people as the most relaxed person they know. Despite this outward relaxation, I'm an incredibly tense person, and despite logic I'm prone to bouts of extreme paranoia over weird little things. Only a few people know this about me, and I would like to keep it that way. I am constantly under the impression that either everyone hates me, or is out to fuck me over, in part due to how shitty life has been going for me this past year. I know this mindset is irrational, yet can't shake the thought and it causes me an extreme amount of stress. I am open to any advice about how to cure or at least calm this irrational mindset, excluding only religious or semi-religious means. I've thought about medicine (or perhaps marijuana), but I have no idea how to go about getting it and also have a job that drug-tests. Thanks for reading.
TLDR: I hate my job, I get no sleep, I have school stress, I need help getting my credits transferred over, and I'm worried about fucking up early in a relationship. Help me if you can.
Scrum on
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School Stress- Ah the number of times I've been fucked over by shitty roommates. It happens bro, and it always seems like it puts you one step closer to being homeless. But homeless people don't really care all that much about being homeless. Since you do, I doubt there is much of a chance of being out in the street. An extra year of college is the last thing you want to get stressed about. College is a great time in your life. I did it in 4 years, and I feel like I missed out. Sure another year is expensive, take out loans and deal with it in your thirties when you are working 60 hours a week for the man.
Girl Stress- Quit over thinking it and get back to being Awesome! If this girl doesn't see the rock star in you another one will. If you want something to stress over, be concerned about how to get this girl in bed with you and another girl. There is a problem worth solving.
And I absolutely recommend smoking pot. It is proven to reduce anxiety and help cope with stress. Take a few bong hits and you will see how silly alot of your concerns are (no offense, I deal with the same shit). Alot of these problems are really just in your head, as the rest of us don't really care enough about you to be talking shit all the time (sorry).
Passing drug tests for THC is easy. Drink alot of water and as much white distilled vineagar as you can the day before the drug test. Don't drink too much though it will make you sick, a cup or three should be find. White Distilled Vineagar is key. Most places make you pass a drug test when you are first hired and thats it. If you are working at a place that tests randomly they better be paying you a hell of alot of money.
Good luck dude!
You can't date, go to school, and work at the same time and do any of the three particularly well.
Drop one. And I would drop the girl.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
If ganja isn't your thing, try red meat and red wine. That's what the French do and they are healthy and happy, load of serene bastards how I hate them and their beautiful women.
It's good that you got the message about the girl. Sorry bro, it happens.
You are doing alright, IMO, when you get hit with these feelings of stress/anxiety, just realize it's mostly just chemical (in your head) and train yourself not to dwell on them. This is key, you need to turn a negative into a positive here by finding something to occupy your mind and heart when this shit comes up. Play some pick up basketball, do a puzzle, polish the skulls of vanquished prey, whatever activity you like to do other than brooding.
Although pot is clearly a healthier, if you can't find any then maybe you should consider seeing a doctor and getting some kind of benzodiazephine. I've taken them for both anxiety and insomnia and goddamn if they don't work like a charm. Of course you should always try natural remedies and life style changes before medication, but if you're already stressed out and overworked than pills might be a better temporary solution until you can ground yourself.
That is helping to relieve the stress, but you aren't fixing the problems generating stress.
Work: Is it possible to transfer to different Safeway stores in the area? That would get rid of the old boss and potentially get you a normal schedule later down the road. No, it isn't perfect, but it would be an improvement.
School: Find out who you need to talk to about the transfer credits at both the college and UofO. Then talk to them and even make appointments with whoever can give you the answers you need. That sense of doom is just the unknown, and if you were able to cope with the shitty roommate problem you should be able to handle whatever the answer to that is as well.
With the girl, I have no idea what I did wrong (if anything), she was the one who scheduled the second date, cancelled twenty minutes before we were going to go out in a super apologetic tone, and then rescheduled for Thursday but never showed up or called me and totally fucked up my schedule for my only two days off. I really didn't have the chance to fuck it up in that time frame because I was out/working the entire couple of days in between. Unless she had a family emergency, that comes off as really flakey and entirely rude to not even tell me she'd changed her plans, so I'm pretty sure things worked out for the better. The only problem is that the restaurant she works at is right across the street from me and totally convenient, and now I feel totally uncomfortable going in there. I did grab a bight to eat there this morning when I knew she wouldn't be working, so as to avoid awkwardness. I will probably cross that off of places to eat in the future, though. I'm going through a mixture of pissed and confused that is exasperating my anxiety issue with this, but hopefully it will fade soon.
I've already started with this school stuff, but I haven't been able to get a hold of the person who deals with credit counseling (They have a really bad phone system, and the main campus is a ways off) so I'm going to be going down to the main campus on Monday to see if I can find him. I've been thinking about moving back down to California to escape this place, as I was really happy and mostly stress-free when I lived there. I'm good at actually taking care of paper work and actually getting stuff done, I just happen to have the irrational anxiety issue following me through everything and I need to find a way to work that out.
One thing that I forgot to mention with all of this, is that I've more recently found it incredibly hard to eat due to a complete lack of appetite, and the previously mentioned nausea. I try to eat, but it only makes me feel sicker. I've also been unable to sleep for more than four hours in the past couple of days. I think I may have the flu along with the stress, or something at least. I've lost at least 6 or 7 pounds, and can see a noticeable difference to my frame.