Well this was interesting... I was watching a BBCA online video about Doctor Who and I saw a girl I met through OKC in one of the videos. I texted her about it and well I got a date out of it even though we last saw each other in Feb.
Sudden surge of interest, maybe your last date didn't go to well because she had someone else she was more interested in at the time? You suddenly come back, show that you share an interest and she thinks back "Hey, the date with that guy was pretty fun, maybe we should see each other again?"
I've had an odd rash of contact with flaky people of late as well. Last weekend I messaged a bunch of people, and actually heard back from 4 of them. Exchanged a few messages, and then suddenly nothing. Conversations were going well, interest in a low pressure coffee meeting had been arranged with two of them, and then suddenly nothing back at all.
Yes, of course, I realize they might have a million things going on at work, or a half dozen other dates to juggle around or whatever, but when I search for new people to message some of them keep showing up as Online, so apparently despite some fun banter back and forth, somewhere things died off. Very frustrating to go from "wow, I could have 3 dates in the next week or two, better keep some nights open" to the sound of crickets and a tumbleweed drifting by.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
I keep getting messaged back on my icebreakers, which I treat as throwaways. Too bad no one responding are people that are a. local enough for me and b. my tastes.
I've had an odd rash of contact with flaky people of late as well. Last weekend I messaged a bunch of people, and actually heard back from 4 of them. Exchanged a few messages, and then suddenly nothing. Conversations were going well, interest in a low pressure coffee meeting had been arranged with two of them, and then suddenly nothing back at all.
Yes, of course, I realize they might have a million things going on at work, or a half dozen other dates to juggle around or whatever, but when I search for new people to message some of them keep showing up as Online, so apparently despite some fun banter back and forth, somewhere things died off. Very frustrating to go from "wow, I could have 3 dates in the next week or two, better keep some nights open" to the sound of crickets and a tumbleweed drifting by.
It's unfortunate that this seems to be the social practice. Not only is it discouraging for you but I'm sure it would be discouraging for them when they're hit by it as well.
Add on to that, most action in attempt to help remedy this situation will just result in you screwing yourself over.
The best you can do is give it a week, send them a message back saying "Hey, I had a good time talking with you. Are you still interested in that date?"
So, I find myself very suddenly thrust back into the dating scene. I'm also horrible at filling out online profiles. Anyone want to take a look and tell me where I could improve?
I've had an odd rash of contact with flaky people of late as well. Last weekend I messaged a bunch of people, and actually heard back from 4 of them. Exchanged a few messages, and then suddenly nothing. Conversations were going well, interest in a low pressure coffee meeting had been arranged with two of them, and then suddenly nothing back at all.
Yes, of course, I realize they might have a million things going on at work, or a half dozen other dates to juggle around or whatever, but when I search for new people to message some of them keep showing up as Online, so apparently despite some fun banter back and forth, somewhere things died off. Very frustrating to go from "wow, I could have 3 dates in the next week or two, better keep some nights open" to the sound of crickets and a tumbleweed drifting by.
It's unfortunate that this seems to be the social practice. Not only is it discouraging for you but I'm sure it would be discouraging for them when they're hit by it as well.
Add on to that, most action in attempt to help remedy this situation will just result in you screwing yourself over.
The best you can do is give it a week, send them a message back saying "Hey, I had a good time talking with you. Are you still interested in that date?"
This might have nothing to do with it at all, but is any part of your Facebook profile publicly available, Forar? There's always the chance that someone tried to find you and saw something that turned them off.
I made the mistake of doing that after meeting with a woman the first time. I saw that her age didn't match what she'd told me(twice) in person. I quickly realized what I was doing was a bad idea, but learning that bit of information did slightly harm my view of her.
Hi, Spacemilk... Can you do me now, please? I don't get much in the ways of responses anymore and I think I should rework it. Have I got some red flag in there somewhere? I ask you because you seem to have a knack for this... Though any responses are most welcome.
your profile is a-ok to me! it's well-written, light, and informative. only thing i'd do is kill the "message me if" section and put something far simpler.
most importantly get better, clearer, more recent photos and only have like.. one with a ton of other people in it. your profile is otherwise alright.
-maybe talk more about your health/transformation/marathon stuff. i know i like a dude that at least attempts to take care of himself, especially in the exercise fashion.
-kill the rain man reference; if someone doesn't know what you're referencing it doesn't come off well.
-revise your 6 things list. and for the love of god get rid of the bit about twitter.
-nix the bit about telling girls to shut up in a movie theatre. don't knock the gender you're trying to attract.
-honestly, in the "private thing" section the part about pro-wrestling comes off pretty badly. the snuggie part is also lame.
-nix the bit about christianity in your 'message me if' section. it's a bit much.
sorry if this was harsh, i'm just trying to be straightforward with you!
It's unfortunate that this seems to be the social practice. Not only is it discouraging for you but I'm sure it would be discouraging for them when they're hit by it as well.
Add on to that, most action in attempt to help remedy this situation will just result in you screwing yourself over.
The best you can do is give it a week, send them a message back saying "Hey, I had a good time talking with you. Are you still interested in that date?"
This might have nothing to do with it at all, but is any part of your Facebook profile publicly available, Forar? There's always the chance that someone tried to find you and saw something that turned them off.
I made the mistake of doing that after meeting with a woman the first time. I saw that her age didn't match what she'd told me(twice) in person. I quickly realized what I was doing was a bad idea, but learning that bit of information did slightly harm my view of her.
Since a week had gone by, I did just that, and messaged two whom I'd chatted with the most with a little "hey, the past week turned out to be crazy, still interested in coffee?", and both actually replied. One promisingly suggested that Wednesday or Friday are good, so I guess that's worth inking into the calendar, and the other said she has been crazy busy, but would love to touch base again in a couple of weeks. Which is a red flag to me, and might just be an attempt to let me down gently by hoping I'll forget about the whole thing, but I'm willing to take it at face value, and will get back in touch then. If she's not really interested, hopefully she'll just say so then.
And no, after Facebook basically made everyone's profile's private by default, I never changed any of that, and none of the people in question have my last name, so finding me (while not impossible) shouldn't be terribly easy. They know what city I live in, my first name, and that's about it, and I'm sure there must be plenty of *Forar's* in Toronto.
Funny thing, I actually use a seperate username (or some variation thereof) for dating sites than I do here, just so people can't trace me back to the forums or other such sites very easily.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
eHarmony boasts over 20mil profiles, but has only about 750k active subscribers.
Match.com claims about the same amount of profiles, but has around 1,377,000 confirmed subscribers. It goes further into stating that the odds of the profile being active are less than 10%, which gives you a 93% chance of flirting into the void.
OKC and PoF stats don't really matter for the most part because they're free. I don't mind if my time is wasted reading a dead profile and sending off a witty icebreaker to someone that's not there, but damned if I'm going to pay for it.
Besides, even if someone hasn't viewed their PoF or OKC profile in forever, they get a notification sent to the email they have linked to the account that they got a message, and can just go look at it right away if they want. With Match and eHarmony, they'll notify you, but you have to sign back up in order to even view the profile of the person who sent you the message.
Fascinating that they don't post the same information for OKC
...you don't have to pay to have an account on OkC. So even ignoring the fact that all you'd be wasting is time rather than cash monies, it would be a bit tricky to find out how many 'active' they have for however many total there are without arbitrarily cutting people out. Just because someone hasn't been online in a year, say, doesn't mean they won't break up tomorrow and come back to check/respond to their inbox. On Match.com they literally can't do that unless they decide to break out their credit card to check/respond.
OKC and PoF stats don't really matter for the most part because they're free. I don't mind if my time is wasted reading a dead profile and sending off a witty icebreaker to someone that's not there, but damned if I'm going to pay for it.
Besides, even if someone hasn't viewed their PoF or OKC profile in forever, they get a notification sent to the email they have linked to the account that they got a message, and can just go look at it right away if they want. With Match and eHarmony, they'll notify you, but you have to sign back up in order to even view the profile of the person who sent you the message.
That's a fair point, but it would be some really damning evidence to demonstrate that OKC and POF have equal rates of "dead" profiles vs. "live" profiles compared to the pay sites.
OKC and PoF stats don't really matter for the most part because they're free. I don't mind if my time is wasted reading a dead profile and sending off a witty icebreaker to someone that's not there, but damned if I'm going to pay for it.
Besides, even if someone hasn't viewed their PoF or OKC profile in forever, they get a notification sent to the email they have linked to the account that they got a message, and can just go look at it right away if they want. With Match and eHarmony, they'll notify you, but you have to sign back up in order to even view the profile of the person who sent you the message.
That's a fair point, but it would be some really damning evidence to demonstrate that OKC and POF have equal rates of "dead" profiles vs. "live" profiles compared to the pay sites.
You also don't have to pay to have a profile on match or eHarmony. You have to pay to send messages.
My slash basically sums it all up.
/it ignores the whole "last logged in" search factor which I know at least match has, but....yeah.
No one bothers sending messages to profiles which haven't logged in for 3 months or longer. Or hell, for the most part, a month or longer. It doesn't matter if it's a pay site or not.
So the problem (which they do admittedly focus on in the blog post) is the advertisement of 20-something-million people using the site. It's false (or at the absolute best intentionally misleading) advertising.
That being said, it would be interesting to get breakdowns of each site to see how many profiles were "active" (ie, someone logged in) during a set time period (say, six months), and then for the pay ones get a proportion of paying to non-paying to see what percentage of those can't respond.
Another point about OKC and PoF is that I'd expect them to have a considerably larger amount of profiles on their websites because it's much simpler to set one up, and it's free. Again, the percentage of active vs inactive accounts on free sites doesn't matter nearly as much when compared to their money-sucking cousins.
OKC and PoF stats don't really matter for the most part because they're free. I don't mind if my time is wasted reading a dead profile and sending off a witty icebreaker to someone that's not there, but damned if I'm going to pay for it.
Besides, even if someone hasn't viewed their PoF or OKC profile in forever, they get a notification sent to the email they have linked to the account that they got a message, and can just go look at it right away if they want. With Match and eHarmony, they'll notify you, but you have to sign back up in order to even view the profile of the person who sent you the message.
That's a fair point, but it would be some really damning evidence to demonstrate that OKC and POF have equal rates of "dead" profiles vs. "live" profiles compared to the pay sites.
But with both sites you just filter who you look at by last logged in, POF does it automatically if I recall (your "Matches" might be wonk but actual searches will turn up people who logged in recently first) and OKC also has the last logged in search filter.
I think someone said Match.com has that filter as well.. I dont know about Eharm.
darkmayo on
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited April 2010
Assuming that the protocol to setting people up is the same, then sure.
I think that part of the assumption is that you are paying for a better service.
The fact that there are a lot of inactives on a dating website is not indicative of anything. Each one of those inactives could be a person who entered into a relationship.
Munkus Beaver on
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
Another point about OKC and PoF is that I'd expect them to have a considerably larger amount of profiles on their websites because it's much simpler to set one up, and it's free. Again, the percentage of active vs inactive accounts on free sites doesn't matter nearly as much when compared to their money-sucking cousins.
This point isn't necessarily a good thing. You'll get lots of spammers, or just plain terrible profiles with no effort put in.
So me and my friend have invented a new game. We link each other profiles and we HAVE to message them. This has meant we've messaged 10 different people who we normally wouldn't have looked at twice. We'll see how this works.
So, I find myself very suddenly thrust back into the dating scene. I'm also horrible at filling out online profiles. Anyone want to take a look and tell me where I could improve?
Hi, Spacemilk... Can you do me now, please? I don't get much in the ways of responses anymore and I think I should rework it. Have I got some red flag in there somewhere? I ask you because you seem to have a knack for this... Though any responses are most welcome.
Hey Hyllest! Thanks for the compliments, I try to give good advice Unfortunately I've been maintaining a strict no-login policy for OKC until I'm ready to start dating again, so that I cut down on the number of people I'm not responding to. So, long story short, I can't view your profile since it's member-only. You can change it and hope that I look quickly, or you are welcome to copy-paste your sections into a PM to me, either way works. Hope that helps!
So, I find myself very suddenly thrust back into the dating scene. I'm also horrible at filling out online profiles. Anyone want to take a look and tell me where I could improve?
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited April 2010
Wow.
That OKCupid blog entry was basically written as an advertisement for people who never took a statistics class.
Munkus Beaver on
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
In brief, mind explaining to those of us who haven't taken statistics classes what they did wrong?
I'm not arguing they didn't, I'm sincerely curious what errors were made and if they were simple mistakes or outright fabrications and flights of fancy.
Forar on
First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
Will she be amazing? Will she be a bore? Will she thing i'm a bore? Will she even show up?
Who knows! Better plan a back-up just in case!
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Gabriel_Pitt(effective against Russian warships)Registered Userregular
edited April 2010
I just found the profile of a woman nearby who in her profile mentions she enjoys Lovecraft, Warhammer 40K, Zombies, and PnP RPGs, is single, nearby, and in all of her profile pics, quite attractive. Either I have encountered the neatest person in this particular pocket of space time, or it's a trap and I'm going to end up with my severed head rattling around in an ice chest while my organs proliferate the black market.
I just found the profile of a woman nearby who in her profile mentions she enjoys Lovecraft, Warhammer 40K, Zombies, and PnP RPGs, is single, nearby, and in all of her profile pics, quite attractive. Either I have encountered the neatest person in this particular pocket of space time, or it's a trap and I'm going to end up with my severed head rattling around in an ice chest while my organs proliferate the black market.
I just found the profile of a woman nearby who in her profile mentions she enjoys Lovecraft, Warhammer 40K, Zombies, and PnP RPGs, is single, nearby, and in all of her profile pics, quite attractive. Either I have encountered the neatest person in this particular pocket of space time, or it's a trap and I'm going to end up with my severed head rattling around in an ice chest while my organs proliferate the black market.
Let's hope on the former.
I found a girl on OKCupid that loved BSG, Radiohead, Neil Gaiman, and Neal Stephenson. We're now obliquely discussing getting married. Sometimes, God (or at least The Internet) throws you a bone.
I just found the profile of a woman nearby who in her profile mentions she enjoys Lovecraft, Warhammer 40K, Zombies, and PnP RPGs, is single, nearby, and in all of her profile pics, quite attractive. Either I have encountered the neatest person in this particular pocket of space time, or it's a trap and I'm going to end up with my severed head rattling around in an ice chest while my organs proliferate the black market.
Let's hope on the former.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
I just found the profile of a woman nearby who in her profile mentions she enjoys Lovecraft, Warhammer 40K, Zombies, and PnP RPGs, is single, nearby, and in all of her profile pics, quite attractive. Either I have encountered the neatest person in this particular pocket of space time, or it's a trap and I'm going to end up with my severed head rattling around in an ice chest while my organs proliferate the black market.
Let's hope on the former.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
I mean if it was me I'd be more hoping she was into Slaanesh
Just sayin'
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GreasyKidsStuffMOMMM!ROAST BEEF WANTS TO KISS GIRLS ON THE TITTIES!Registered Userregular
edited April 2010
Hmm, question.
How rude would it be to stop talking to a girl when you just moved on to MSN with after a month of messaging on okcupid? I ask because a girl I asked out a few days ago (who said she wanted to get to know me better first, so said no) now says she'd like to go out sometime. This girl isn't on okcupid, I met her once a few months ago and have been talking ever since through text and facebook. She comes back to town this weekend (lives a few hours away for school) for the summer. I think I have a much better chance with her, and frankly I think I like her more too.
Kay know what this all just says I should forget okcupid girl for now. Nevermind!
edit: well then again a single date is hardly a commitment, hrgaghgblargh I can't juggle two girls
Personal opinion is that if it's been a month than a sort of "been talking to someone else looks like it might be working out, sorry" message wouldn't necessarily be out of line.
Mostly because if the tables were turned, that's the sort of thing I'd prefer to radio silence.
Personal opinion is that if it's been a month than a sort of "been talking to someone else looks like it might be working out, sorry" message wouldn't necessarily be out of line.
Mostly because if the tables were turned, that's the sort of thing I'd prefer to radio silence.
Yeah, that's the thing. And the OKcupid girl sent me an invite to this indy-flick in the town I live in (she lives across the country but she's ALSO coming back this weekend) tomorrow, so I said I would go see it. Her cousin made the film, so I was kinda going for brownie points.
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Sudden surge of interest, maybe your last date didn't go to well because she had someone else she was more interested in at the time? You suddenly come back, show that you share an interest and she thinks back "Hey, the date with that guy was pretty fun, maybe we should see each other again?"
Yes, of course, I realize they might have a million things going on at work, or a half dozen other dates to juggle around or whatever, but when I search for new people to message some of them keep showing up as Online, so apparently despite some fun banter back and forth, somewhere things died off. Very frustrating to go from "wow, I could have 3 dates in the next week or two, better keep some nights open" to the sound of crickets and a tumbleweed drifting by.
It's unfortunate that this seems to be the social practice. Not only is it discouraging for you but I'm sure it would be discouraging for them when they're hit by it as well.
Add on to that, most action in attempt to help remedy this situation will just result in you screwing yourself over.
The best you can do is give it a week, send them a message back saying "Hey, I had a good time talking with you. Are you still interested in that date?"
You look like Eric Clapton!
That's rad as hell man.
This might have nothing to do with it at all, but is any part of your Facebook profile publicly available, Forar? There's always the chance that someone tried to find you and saw something that turned them off.
I made the mistake of doing that after meeting with a woman the first time. I saw that her age didn't match what she'd told me(twice) in person. I quickly realized what I was doing was a bad idea, but learning that bit of information did slightly harm my view of her.
your profile is a-ok to me! it's well-written, light, and informative. only thing i'd do is kill the "message me if" section and put something far simpler.
www.okcupid.com/profile/brownchiclets
most importantly get better, clearer, more recent photos and only have like.. one with a ton of other people in it. your profile is otherwise alright.
-maybe talk more about your health/transformation/marathon stuff. i know i like a dude that at least attempts to take care of himself, especially in the exercise fashion.
-kill the rain man reference; if someone doesn't know what you're referencing it doesn't come off well.
-revise your 6 things list. and for the love of god get rid of the bit about twitter.
-nix the bit about telling girls to shut up in a movie theatre. don't knock the gender you're trying to attract.
-honestly, in the "private thing" section the part about pro-wrestling comes off pretty badly. the snuggie part is also lame.
-nix the bit about christianity in your 'message me if' section. it's a bit much.
sorry if this was harsh, i'm just trying to be straightforward with you!
Tearing into pay sites.
The tl;dr:
eHarmony:
match:
/it ignores the whole "last logged in" search factor which I know at least match has, but....yeah.
Since a week had gone by, I did just that, and messaged two whom I'd chatted with the most with a little "hey, the past week turned out to be crazy, still interested in coffee?", and both actually replied. One promisingly suggested that Wednesday or Friday are good, so I guess that's worth inking into the calendar, and the other said she has been crazy busy, but would love to touch base again in a couple of weeks. Which is a red flag to me, and might just be an attempt to let me down gently by hoping I'll forget about the whole thing, but I'm willing to take it at face value, and will get back in touch then. If she's not really interested, hopefully she'll just say so then.
And no, after Facebook basically made everyone's profile's private by default, I never changed any of that, and none of the people in question have my last name, so finding me (while not impossible) shouldn't be terribly easy. They know what city I live in, my first name, and that's about it, and I'm sure there must be plenty of *Forar's* in Toronto.
Funny thing, I actually use a seperate username (or some variation thereof) for dating sites than I do here, just so people can't trace me back to the forums or other such sites very easily.
My work blocks images from okcupid (yes, only the images. no, i don't know why). Can someone tell me what they show?
Huh, I dated one of the women in that block of 30 photos. Small world.
Even with the couple of problems I have with the methodology, the numbers still seem pretty bad.
eHarmony boasts over 20mil profiles, but has only about 750k active subscribers.
Match.com claims about the same amount of profiles, but has around 1,377,000 confirmed subscribers. It goes further into stating that the odds of the profile being active are less than 10%, which gives you a 93% chance of flirting into the void.
Rehosted
Besides, even if someone hasn't viewed their PoF or OKC profile in forever, they get a notification sent to the email they have linked to the account that they got a message, and can just go look at it right away if they want. With Match and eHarmony, they'll notify you, but you have to sign back up in order to even view the profile of the person who sent you the message.
...you don't have to pay to have an account on OkC. So even ignoring the fact that all you'd be wasting is time rather than cash monies, it would be a bit tricky to find out how many 'active' they have for however many total there are without arbitrarily cutting people out. Just because someone hasn't been online in a year, say, doesn't mean they won't break up tomorrow and come back to check/respond to their inbox. On Match.com they literally can't do that unless they decide to break out their credit card to check/respond.
That's a fair point, but it would be some really damning evidence to demonstrate that OKC and POF have equal rates of "dead" profiles vs. "live" profiles compared to the pay sites.
You also don't have to pay to have a profile on match or eHarmony. You have to pay to send messages.
My slash basically sums it all up.
No one bothers sending messages to profiles which haven't logged in for 3 months or longer. Or hell, for the most part, a month or longer. It doesn't matter if it's a pay site or not.
So the problem (which they do admittedly focus on in the blog post) is the advertisement of 20-something-million people using the site. It's false (or at the absolute best intentionally misleading) advertising.
That being said, it would be interesting to get breakdowns of each site to see how many profiles were "active" (ie, someone logged in) during a set time period (say, six months), and then for the pay ones get a proportion of paying to non-paying to see what percentage of those can't respond.
But with both sites you just filter who you look at by last logged in, POF does it automatically if I recall (your "Matches" might be wonk but actual searches will turn up people who logged in recently first) and OKC also has the last logged in search filter.
I think someone said Match.com has that filter as well.. I dont know about Eharm.
I think that part of the assumption is that you are paying for a better service.
The fact that there are a lot of inactives on a dating website is not indicative of anything. Each one of those inactives could be a person who entered into a relationship.
This point isn't necessarily a good thing. You'll get lots of spammers, or just plain terrible profiles with no effort put in.
Thank you.
I just now saw this and it made my night.
I've never been compared to Slowhand before
That OKCupid blog entry was basically written as an advertisement for people who never took a statistics class.
I'm not arguing they didn't, I'm sincerely curious what errors were made and if they were simple mistakes or outright fabrications and flights of fancy.
Will she be amazing? Will she be a bore? Will she thing i'm a bore? Will she even show up?
Who knows! Better plan a back-up just in case!
Let's hope on the former.
I dunno, I could use a spare liver. Just in case.
I found a girl on OKCupid that loved BSG, Radiohead, Neil Gaiman, and Neal Stephenson. We're now obliquely discussing getting married. Sometimes, God (or at least The Internet) throws you a bone.
Just sayin'
How rude would it be to stop talking to a girl when you just moved on to MSN with after a month of messaging on okcupid? I ask because a girl I asked out a few days ago (who said she wanted to get to know me better first, so said no) now says she'd like to go out sometime. This girl isn't on okcupid, I met her once a few months ago and have been talking ever since through text and facebook. She comes back to town this weekend (lives a few hours away for school) for the summer. I think I have a much better chance with her, and frankly I think I like her more too.
Kay know what this all just says I should forget okcupid girl for now. Nevermind!
edit: well then again a single date is hardly a commitment, hrgaghgblargh I can't juggle two girls
Mostly because if the tables were turned, that's the sort of thing I'd prefer to radio silence.
Yeah, that's the thing. And the OKcupid girl sent me an invite to this indy-flick in the town I live in (she lives across the country but she's ALSO coming back this weekend) tomorrow, so I said I would go see it. Her cousin made the film, so I was kinda going for brownie points.
I am getting myself in too deep!