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Galaxies: Unleashed

nakirushnakirush Registered User regular
edited May 2007 in Artist's Corner
This is a small comic I do from time to time for my friends in SWG.

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nakirush on

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    anableanable North TexasRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    I'm a fan of the art. It's very clean and well colored/shaded.

    That being said, I'm not a fan of the dialog. The jokes are a bit weak and Heslo's accent doesn't do it for me. It's a shame because I really like the art style a lot. Other people would be much better at critiquing the flow, pacing, perspective, and all that jazz.

    anable on
    Writings · Paintings · Photography @ nilsdougan.com
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    MagicToasterMagicToaster JapanRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    I didnt like the dialouge. It was very boring.

    MagicToaster on
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    NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    um...
    i don't get it. does he speak broken english because he's some sort of mutant alien witch devil or because he's retarded?
    the art is ok, the dialouge is pretty bad.

    NakedZergling on
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    NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    The bad news: Your dialogue is really quite bad. All of the comics are difficult to read, and not just because your rodian character uses broken english. Someo of the dialogue is just plain unnecessary like in #7 "Yeah, uh..." and that dialogue about the creature from the abyss. Is he talking about something in the toilet? Is he referring to the guy who walking into the bathroom? Dialogue is not your strong point.

    The good news: The art is actually really nice. It's a shame your writing isn't anywhere near the same level. I'm not really sure how you can get better at dialogue. I suppose a writing class might help. Or practice maybe. Keep on illustrating though, your style is really good.

    NibCrom on
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    nakirushnakirush Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Thanks for the comments and crits, guys!

    I've never been strong at writing, unfortunately. Hopefully I can pick up some writing books this week. :) As for the way Heslo talks, he is (as I believe was mentioned) a mentally retarded alien.

    nakirush on
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    NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHA

    i actually laughed out loud here.

    i didn't see you mention he was a retard. when i suggested he might be it was because as i read it i said, "what is this thing retarded or something?".

    so maybe you're writing is dead on. a regular shakespear...or at least dean koontz.


    nakirush wrote: »
    Thanks for the comments and crits, guys!

    I've never been strong at writing, unfortunately. Hopefully I can pick up some writing books this week. :) As for the way Heslo talks, he is (as I believe was mentioned) a mentally retarded alien.

    NakedZergling on
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    NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    nakirush wrote: »
    Thanks for the comments and crits, guys!

    I've never been strong at writing, unfortunately. Hopefully I can pick up some writing books this week. :) As for the way Heslo talks, he is (as I believe was mentioned) a mentally retarded alien.

    Thanks for taking our opinions into consideration.

    And welcome to the forums.

    NibCrom on
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    vascyvascy Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    The dialog makes more sense when reading it again knowing that the character is supposed to be stupid,
    but nothing really made me laugh...

    The artwork is good though.

    vascy on
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    EntrYEntrY Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    I like the fact that he uses snaps as a curse word :D

    EntrY on
    beavotron wrote:
    hang on, i need to go put an adult diaper on before you continue explaining.

    Flickr ... Myspace
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    TylerbroorTylerbroor Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Absolutely adorable art. Bring more.

    Tylerbroor on
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