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A little help..

ronnie3ronnie3 Registered User new member
Okay let me start off by saying that It's 4 am and something is bothering me..I like bigger chicks and literally everyone gives me a hard time about it. I know that I'm not supposed to care about what people say, but there's only so much a person can take. People always ask me "why do you like fat girls" or "why do you always date fat girls". I mean, I like what I like and it's just me..i don't understand what's wrong with people.. Even my so called "friends" give me a hard time about it but they stop when I say that's enough. I have kinda always liked the bigger chicks for some reason. I just want to know why I'm downed for it...

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    PedroAsaniPedroAsani Brotherhood of the Squirrel [Prime]Registered User regular
    Sounds like you hang around with arseholes. Stop doing that.

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    schussschuss Registered User regular
    Be you, fuck the haters. People hate things that aren't normal, especially when they're young. Everyone is different, just be you.

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    EclecticGrooveEclecticGroove Registered User regular
    There is also a difference between liking women who are a bit heavier, and liking those who are morbidly/dangerously obese.

    If the women you like are just overweight, but not so much as to be a health risk, and are happy with the way they look. Then hell with your friends, just let them know they are being shallow idiots and you won't put up with it.

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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Also, it is best to move beyond physical attraction and find out if you enjoy the person themselves, rather than their body proportions. What if you get in a long term relationship with a heavier woman but 5 years down the road something or other occurs and she is now weighing less? This can come about from lifestyle change, illness, disease, random fluctuations...is this really a healthy way to judge a person you want to at the very least be your friend?

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    Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    how does one "move beyond physical attraction?" You like what you like.

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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    You can be attracted to various aspects of a person, rather than being preoccupied by physical appearance, which is a fleeting thing at best. If my wife and I based our relationship on how we looked when we met 20 or so years ago, it would be frightening that we even decided to start the friendship. Instead, we happened to enjoy similar things, engaged each other intellectually, and began a relationship based on liking each other based on our personalities.

    Moving beyond physical attraction should be a step in a person's development in how they view others around them so they aren't just judging whether or not they want to sleep with them tonight.

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    flowerhoneyflowerhoney Registered User regular
    I get what @davidsdurions is saying, but it doesn't sound like the OP has an issue where he objectifies and fetishizes a particular body type, he just says he's attracted to heavier women. Kinda like if someone has a preference for brunettes, or likes tall people, or whatever.

    OP there's nothing wrong with that, your friends seem like jerks who can't see past a person's weight. PLUS your weight doesn't have to have anything to do with how healthy you are. I could go on all day about how women's bodies are constantly policed, how society at large thinks women need to be slim in order to be attractive (ie "you would be so pretty if you just lost some weight"), and a bunch of other stuff but I won't because it takes too much time.

    Basically other people don't get to choose who you're attracted too, its their loss for being so close minded. Just keep being you and telling the haters to jump in a lake.

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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    OP asks why he's being given a hard time for liking a certain kind of woman. So, I guess if I were to directly respond to that, my position is that if he were my friend, I would give him a hard time, not because of what it is he is attracted to, but because it appears he discounts all other aspects of a person and focuses on their outward appearance. Which is something that is going to change anyhow, and maybe his preference will change over time as well, but to just let a friend of mine treat women like they need to be judged based on their appearance is not something I would allow.

    Maybe I'm over sensitive on the subject and should leave it alone for now. Sorry if I have caused confusion or any hard feelings.

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    flowerhoneyflowerhoney Registered User regular
    edited July 2014
    Again I see where you're coming from and what you're saying.

    But, in this particular case the OP says that his friends give him a hard time for "liking fat chicks" which sounds like a cruel thing to say, as if fat women don't deserve to be loved or desired. There's not really anything wrong with being fat. And its getting the OP down because he feels like the women he's interested in are looked down on by his friends (which is shitty) and there's something abnormal about his desires for them. I think at the heart of the matter you and I are both talking about the same thing, but in maybe different ways.

    If you want to have a more personal discussion just you and me I'm down, cuz body policing and objectification is something I like discussing.

    flowerhoney on
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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    I think we're on the same page, I guess I was just taking it beyond the scope of the question.

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    GnomeTankGnomeTank What the what? Portland, OregonRegistered User regular
    Sounds like you've got shitty friends. I like curvy women as well, and none of my friends say a word (even though most of them are more in to model types). They know it's what I like, and they would never make "fat girl" comments to me, or to any of my dates.

    I think you either need to sit your friends down and tell them politely to mind their own business if they can't say something nice. If they won't accept that, it's time to find a new crowd to hang out with. No matter what age you are, you can find a crowd of people who are accepting. You just have to be more selective about your friends. Not to make any assumptions about your age (since you didn't give it), but I know when I was in my 20's I used to think I needed a lot of friends. I finally realized I actually just needed a few really good ones who had my best interests at heart.

    Sagroth wrote: »
    Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
    Steam: Brainling, XBL / PSN: GnomeTank, NintendoID: Brainling, FF14: Zillius Rosh SFV: Brainling
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    Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited July 2014
    Sounds like your friends need to grow up in a major way. my advice would mirror @GnomeTank‌'s If it's getting to you, tell your friends to cut the shit or kick rocks.

    Dr. Frenchenstein on
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    CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    I agree with those who say your friends are acting like assholes here. What you might try is the next time they say "Why do you like fat girls" you can say "whoa, that comment is really out of line" and then change the subject. And if they keep harping on it, you can say "I told you I don't appreciate that comment, we're done talking" and then walk away/hang up the phone/leave. Eventually they'll understand that they can't talk about you and the girls you like that way. This is setting a boundary, and it's admitedly really, really difficult to do, especially the first time you set the boundary.

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
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    XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    ronnie3 wrote: »
    Okay let me start off by saying that It's 4 am and something is bothering me..I like bigger chicks and literally everyone gives me a hard time about it. I know that I'm not supposed to care about what people say, but there's only so much a person can take. People always ask me "why do you like fat girls" or "why do you always date fat girls". I mean, I like what I like and it's just me..i don't understand what's wrong with people.. Even my so called "friends" give me a hard time about it but they stop when I say that's enough. I have kinda always liked the bigger chicks for some reason. I just want to know why I'm downed for it...

    quick question.

    Is this how you refer to the girls you like when you're around your friends?

    cause it might be part of the problem?

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    CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    I'm a big fan of the advice blog http://captainawkward.com and while I don't know if this specific question has been asked you can search the archives for a lot of good advice about enforcing boundaries with assholes. This question about whether it's "ok" for an academic to be dating a non-academic has some general good advice for people who try to tell you that you're wrong for dating someone that they wouldn't date. If you click the 'dating' tag you should find applicable advice.

    The main thing I've gotten from Captain Awkward is a sense that it's OK for me to stand up for myself, and that people who are being assholes around me are the ones who are making things "difficult and uncomfortable", rather than me for calling them out.

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
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    GnomeTankGnomeTank What the what? Portland, OregonRegistered User regular
    I think @Cambiata‌ nailed it. You have to learn that it's not YOU making the situation uncomfortable by calling out assholes being assholes. It's instead you clearly putting up a boundary that you won't put up with it. If the people around you are uncomfortable with you calling out asshole behavior, while being perfectly comfortable with the original jerky behavior, then I think that tells you what you need to know about the people you're hanging around.

    Sagroth wrote: »
    Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
    Steam: Brainling, XBL / PSN: GnomeTank, NintendoID: Brainling, FF14: Zillius Rosh SFV: Brainling
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    ronnie3ronnie3 Registered User new member
    Thanks for all the help guys, I needed that. I didn't really wanna say my age because I figured someone would have a comment to say about it, but I'll just tell you that I'm in high school.

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    GnomeTankGnomeTank What the what? Portland, OregonRegistered User regular
    Doesn't matter if your 15 or 50, your friends should treat you with respect and courtesy.

    Sagroth wrote: »
    Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
    Steam: Brainling, XBL / PSN: GnomeTank, NintendoID: Brainling, FF14: Zillius Rosh SFV: Brainling
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    LeptonLepton Registered User regular
    ronnie3 wrote: »
    Thanks for all the help guys, I needed that. I didn't really wanna say my age because I figured someone would have a comment to say about it, but I'll just tell you that I'm in high school.

    Hell, man, there's your problem. High school kids are jerks (no offense). It won't last forever, and you'll find better company who have the maturity to care about other qualities of your girlfriends than their weight.

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    ronnie3ronnie3 Registered User new member
    Okay. I just needed to let that out to someone

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    GnomeTankGnomeTank What the what? Portland, OregonRegistered User regular
    The good news is, you seem like NOT a jerk, which is great for a high schooler. Keep that going, it will serve you well later in life.

    Sagroth wrote: »
    Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
    Steam: Brainling, XBL / PSN: GnomeTank, NintendoID: Brainling, FF14: Zillius Rosh SFV: Brainling
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