I'm in a professional writing program and there are a ton of young writers who are convinced they are going to be the next Hunter S. Thompson. So there's parties where people do coke, because a lot of writers did drugs.
Also a lot of people are obsessed with mental illness and think that is the ultimate key for some profoundly deep writing.
So one girl was showing off her (very low dosage of) antidepressants really proudly.
I saw The King's Speech last week and it was great
I saw Green Hornet last night, quite enjoyable. But then I was feeling the fake buttered popcorn at 4, all "great, i'm freaking out and feel like I'm gonna puke."
Edit: Fuck you Droid!
I cried like a little bitch during that movie. So glad I sat in the front row by myself. I went and saw it again and held myself together.
Have you made sure you arent starring in a horror movie?
Because that is some scary shit.
Quite sure it's not a horror movie, there's no huge-breasted actresses with low self-esteem to bang just hanging around. However, I will say that in my brain-meats it looks like one.
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ArtreusI'm a wizardAnd that looks fucked upRegistered Userregular
Pretty good movie. Wish I saw it when I was 15 though
I don't want to watch this movie because I spent time in a psych ward and it was kind of awful and seeing things like that makes me really uncomfortable
My brother was admitted into a psych ward for about a month and it was a horrible horrible place and I couldn't stand visiting much less wrap my mind around what it would be like to stay.
The movie made me feel a little better about that experience though.
Welp, not gonna be able to do anything productive today, since I keep going over how fucked up I was last night. Guess i'll just play halo til bedtime.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited January 2011
I still get night terrors sometimes but I stopped seeing things a long time ago.
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ZoelI suppose... I'd put it onRegistered Userregular
edited January 2011
So for a few years (read: since I had the mental capability to have a mental illness) I have been struggling with bipolar disorder. I want to believe that I've gotten over it, and I have some pretty compelling reasons to think so. Here's what happened:
My (former) psychatrist had drug reps from a company called glaxcosmithklein catering her office every week, and they were pushing a drug called lamictal. My therapist was inclined to prescribe it to me because A) catering, duh b) It's not like she can look in my brain and figure out what chemicals are missing, might as well just throw a fucking dart and see what drug you hit and change it three months later if it doesn't do anything. So, she throws a dart and hits catering, i'm on lamictal.
It turns out that some drug reps push very fucking effective drugs. I think the lamictal has been working for quite some time, but I didn't know it. The problem with drugs and evaluating their efficacy is that they can't be a silver bullet for most people. They CAN be, but only if you have some experience or history of thinking with a non fucked up mental state.
My mental state was based on 27 years of being bipolar. Even though my brain chemistry was now working correctly, I had no experience of the world except through the lens of a person with bipolar disorder. The last two months were particularly hard for me because I had another really depressive episode, but this episode was based on my perceptions, not on chemicals in my brain working incorrectly. After hitting rock bottom, I had a somewhat sudden realization that almost literally everything I thought about my place in the world was completely wrong.
It was pretty tough. Getting over a mental disorder is itself somewhat traumatic, because it requires that you come to terms with the real reason for the consequences of things that made you upset in life. The real reason is you. It's sort of like waking up after 27 years and finding that you have blood all over your hands, and for some reason, the president is lying in front of you dead. It's traumatic, but no matter what else happens, at least you're free.
Walking out of your shelter after a hurricane is a rough sight. You're glad it's over, but you feel terrible about all the lives and homes destroyed. For twenty seven years I made other people miserable, I was unpleasant to be around at best, and I persistently sabotaged and destroyed relationships that were important to me.
However, I was finally able to appreciate my friends. The friends who put up with me even though I created impossibly high barriers to being my friend. The ones who dealt with me when I was completely unreasonable, or I was being a brick wall. The ones who didn't hold a grudge over the stupid, stupid shit I did. Some of them read this board, and I want you to know I appreciate you now more than ever.
BONUS: So anyway once you stop being a miserable sack of shit it turns out women like you more, and my okcupid inbox is out of control. I am taking all the dates. There are no dates for anybody else.
Zoel on
A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
I once had like 2 weeks where I didn't eat, because I was alternating rapid fire between some kinda depression beyond imagining and an intense, hateful anger.
I've had like one panic attack and one short-lived bout of depression and aside from that the worst brain problem I got is probably dyscalculia and I'm not even sure if I really have that or if I'm just dumb.
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ZoelI suppose... I'd put it onRegistered Userregular
edited January 2011
Some people with dyscalculia, such as myself, find that their condition is exacerbated by laziness.
Zoel on
A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
I still get night terrors sometimes but I stopped seeing things a long time ago.
I don't really 'see' things very much, it takes a good deal of pressure to make it happen.
I hear stuff all the time, kinda like snippets of conversation, usually mundane stuff about the trash and the bills. Imagine spinning the dial on a radio just slow enough to hear about five words and then it fades into the next conversation.
The screaming is the worst. Sometimes, I can feel it vibrating my eardrums, can feel the heat of someone's breath on my neck.
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ZoelI suppose... I'd put it onRegistered Userregular
Man, I wish I had friends who could deal with me even when I'm not having a break down.
THE TRICK: Make friends with a lot of crazy people. You will find that they are less judgmental about people being unreasonable.
Also, you'll always feel like you're less crazy then them even if you aren't, since you think your view of the world is basically right.
Zoel on
A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
So for a few years (read: since I had the mental capability to have a mental illness) I have been struggling with bipolar disorder. I want to believe that I've gotten over it, and I have some pretty compelling reasons to think so. Here's what happened:
My (former) psychatrist had drug reps from a company called glaxcosmithklein catering her office every week, and they were pushing a drug called lamictal. My therapist was inclined to prescribe it to me because A) catering, duh b) It's not like she can look in my brain and figure out what chemicals are missing, might as well just throw a fucking dart and see what drug you hit and change it three months later if it doesn't do anything. So, she throws a dart and hits catering, i'm on lamictal.
It turns out that some drug reps push very fucking effective drugs. I think the lamictal has been working for quite some time, but I didn't know it. The problem with drugs and evaluating their efficacy is that they can't be a silver bullet for most people. They CAN be, but only if you have some experience or history of thinking with a non fucked up mental state.
My mental state was based on 27 years of being bipolar. Even though my brain chemistry was now working correctly, I had no experience of the world except through the lens of a person with bipolar disorder. The last two months were particularly hard for me because I had another really depressive episode, but this episode was based on my perceptions, not on chemicals in my brain working incorrectly. After hitting rock bottom, I had a somewhat sudden realization that almost literally everything I thought about my place in the world was completely wrong.
It was pretty tough. Getting over a mental disorder is itself somewhat traumatic, because it requires that you come to terms with the real reason for the consequences of things that made you upset in life. The real reason is you. It's sort of like waking up after 27 years and finding that you have blood all over your hands, and for some reason, the president is lying in front of you dead. It's traumatic, but no matter what else happens, at least you're free.
Walking out of your shelter after a hurricane is a rough sight. You're glad it's over, but you feel terrible about all the lives and homes destroyed. For twenty seven years I made other people miserable, I was unpleasant to be around at best, and I persistently sabotaged and destroyed relationships that were important to me.
However, I was finally able to appreciate my friends. The friends who put up with me even though I created impossibly high barriers to being my friend. The ones who dealt with me when I was completely unreasonable, or I was being a brick wall. The ones who didn't hold a grudge over the stupid, stupid shit I did. Some of them read this board, and I want you to know I appreciate you now more than ever.
BONUS: So anyway once you stop being a miserable sack of shit it turns out women like you more, and my okcupid inbox is out of control. I am taking all the dates. There are no dates for anybody else.
(b'.')b Welcome to being awesome. Here is your top hat, monocle, and manly 'stache-beard combo. Would you like a pimp cane? We have pimp canes.
Man, I wish I had friends who could deal with me even when I'm not having a break down.
THE TRICK: Make friends with a lot of crazy people. You will find that they are less judgmental about people being unreasonable.
Also, you'll always feel like you're less crazy then them even if you aren't, since you think your view of the world is basically right.
Dang guess I need to find some crazy people then. Or crazy people I can stand hanging out with that is.
well there are actually groups of people who do this explicitly for the purpose I'm talking about, like the consumer movement
Also if you have some sort of issue, you'll naturally gravitate towards people with similar issues. I kind of broke free of it a lot later than most of my other friends, but I'm always going to share a kind of kinship with them, esp. my college friends, because hopy shit that was rough
It's like being blood brothers or something
Zoel on
A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
Make sure they are not also hard-core heroin users.
I can't think of a worse solution to any problem than hanging out with hard-core heroin users.
I can:
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ZoelI suppose... I'd put it onRegistered Userregular
edited January 2011
I can speak from experience (not recreational experience, thank god) that cocaine users are a hell of a lot more fun than heroin users. Also they're more easily impressed.
Zoel on
A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
I wish teenager me wasn't such a stubborn jackass and actually did something about the constant anxiety I pretended wasn't real and went to therapy.
I also wish child me went to the counseling group for siblings of kids with autism instead of insisting that it never bothered me.
But you need some good mistakes to feel like you're living though.
I wish I had had therapy and counseling my entire life.
Me and my brother never did.
He's autistic, I'm bipolar, my mom and dad split up when we were too young to remember but he had visitation for a while and basically tortured us when we went.
I am just now getting therapy, for the first time in my life, at nearly 24.
Because the early psychologists I went to threw Ritalin at me and told me to get out after talking to my mother for two minutes, and my brother, god, they wanted to do a study on him.
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ZoelI suppose... I'd put it onRegistered Userregular
edited January 2011
three years earlier than I did, Uriel
just remember that drugs alone don't do it, you gotta try to think really hard about whats going on around you once you've been on them for a while
Zoel on
A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
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Caulk Bite 6One of the multitude of Dans infesting this placeRegistered Userregular
edited January 2011
Brain Problem: I am a high functioning autistic. I get extreme anxiety in abnormal social situations, which lead me to freeze up in indecision, though I've been getting better at mitigating this without medication. I also have occasions where I simply cannot think of a specific word, and it stops me in my tracks as I try to recall it (it helps if I think of synonyms, but not always).
Then there's the reduced pain recognition, the results of which I've revealed to this forum fairly recently.
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Viscount Islands[INSERT SoKo HERE]...it was the summer of my lifeRegistered Userregular
edited January 2011
As far as I know I have no mental problems whatsoever.
Viscount Islands on
I want to do with you
What spring does with the cherry trees.
Posts
please do. Do it for me.
My brain is so dumb.
I cried like a little bitch during that movie. So glad I sat in the front row by myself. I went and saw it again and held myself together.
rural texas
Because those stories always facinated me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5raCudsjNk
Pretty good movie. Wish I saw it when I was 15 though
Is it like when you're riding the edge of exhaustion and you see shit at the corner of your eye, turn and look, oops nobody's there....
And then there's a child made out of shadow and smoke in your living room holding a butcher knife?
'Cause that still happens to me.
This is basically what I respond and apologizes with when I'm a dick to someone
it is a terrible excuse and I mostly just find it hilarious
Have you made sure you arent starring in a horror movie?
Because that is some scary shit.
Quite sure it's not a horror movie, there's no huge-breasted actresses with low self-esteem to bang just hanging around. However, I will say that in my brain-meats it looks like one.
I don't want to watch this movie because I spent time in a psych ward and it was kind of awful and seeing things like that makes me really uncomfortable
albeit short term ones.
Shit looks upsetting.
Also the first time I went I was 14 and was obsessed with a girl there for like 5 years.
The movie made me feel a little better about that experience though.
My (former) psychatrist had drug reps from a company called glaxcosmithklein catering her office every week, and they were pushing a drug called lamictal. My therapist was inclined to prescribe it to me because A) catering, duh b) It's not like she can look in my brain and figure out what chemicals are missing, might as well just throw a fucking dart and see what drug you hit and change it three months later if it doesn't do anything. So, she throws a dart and hits catering, i'm on lamictal.
It turns out that some drug reps push very fucking effective drugs. I think the lamictal has been working for quite some time, but I didn't know it. The problem with drugs and evaluating their efficacy is that they can't be a silver bullet for most people. They CAN be, but only if you have some experience or history of thinking with a non fucked up mental state.
My mental state was based on 27 years of being bipolar. Even though my brain chemistry was now working correctly, I had no experience of the world except through the lens of a person with bipolar disorder. The last two months were particularly hard for me because I had another really depressive episode, but this episode was based on my perceptions, not on chemicals in my brain working incorrectly. After hitting rock bottom, I had a somewhat sudden realization that almost literally everything I thought about my place in the world was completely wrong.
It was pretty tough. Getting over a mental disorder is itself somewhat traumatic, because it requires that you come to terms with the real reason for the consequences of things that made you upset in life. The real reason is you. It's sort of like waking up after 27 years and finding that you have blood all over your hands, and for some reason, the president is lying in front of you dead. It's traumatic, but no matter what else happens, at least you're free.
Walking out of your shelter after a hurricane is a rough sight. You're glad it's over, but you feel terrible about all the lives and homes destroyed. For twenty seven years I made other people miserable, I was unpleasant to be around at best, and I persistently sabotaged and destroyed relationships that were important to me.
However, I was finally able to appreciate my friends. The friends who put up with me even though I created impossibly high barriers to being my friend. The ones who dealt with me when I was completely unreasonable, or I was being a brick wall. The ones who didn't hold a grudge over the stupid, stupid shit I did. Some of them read this board, and I want you to know I appreciate you now more than ever.
BONUS: So anyway once you stop being a miserable sack of shit it turns out women like you more, and my okcupid inbox is out of control. I am taking all the dates. There are no dates for anybody else.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
Worst two weeks of my life.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
I don't really 'see' things very much, it takes a good deal of pressure to make it happen.
I hear stuff all the time, kinda like snippets of conversation, usually mundane stuff about the trash and the bills. Imagine spinning the dial on a radio just slow enough to hear about five words and then it fades into the next conversation.
The screaming is the worst. Sometimes, I can feel it vibrating my eardrums, can feel the heat of someone's breath on my neck.
THE TRICK: Make friends with a lot of crazy people. You will find that they are less judgmental about people being unreasonable.
Also, you'll always feel like you're less crazy then them even if you aren't, since you think your view of the world is basically right.
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
(b'.')b Welcome to being awesome. Here is your top hat, monocle, and manly 'stache-beard combo. Would you like a pimp cane? We have pimp canes.
Oh man, I have got the dyscalculia so bad and also I think today is a good day to stay inside all day.
Dang guess I need to find some crazy people then. Or crazy people I can stand hanging out with that is.
I also wish child me went to the counseling group for siblings of kids with autism instead of insisting that it never bothered me.
But you need some good mistakes to feel like you're living though.
I can't think of a worse solution to any problem than hanging out with hard-core heroin users.
well there are actually groups of people who do this explicitly for the purpose I'm talking about, like the consumer movement
Also if you have some sort of issue, you'll naturally gravitate towards people with similar issues. I kind of broke free of it a lot later than most of my other friends, but I'm always going to share a kind of kinship with them, esp. my college friends, because hopy shit that was rough
It's like being blood brothers or something
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
Or best solution?
I can:
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
I wish I had had therapy and counseling my entire life.
Me and my brother never did.
He's autistic, I'm bipolar, my mom and dad split up when we were too young to remember but he had visitation for a while and basically tortured us when we went.
I am just now getting therapy, for the first time in my life, at nearly 24.
Because the early psychologists I went to threw Ritalin at me and told me to get out after talking to my mother for two minutes, and my brother, god, they wanted to do a study on him.
just remember that drugs alone don't do it, you gotta try to think really hard about whats going on around you once you've been on them for a while
However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
Then there's the reduced pain recognition, the results of which I've revealed to this forum fairly recently.
What spring does with the cherry trees.
You post here, that's enough to get you committed.
Oh for sure.
I've struggled my entire life with these issues, the medicine helps keep me from losing it entirely and helps me focus on what is really bothering me.
But therapy is just so slow, I go once a week for an hour and it still seems like not enough.