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Unbiased opinion on alcoholism needed
I was diagnosed as a drug addict and alcoholic when I was 19 and went into recovery. I had my last drug on October 13, 2007 and my last drink on January 13, 2008. At first, I attended regular AA meetings and went through an outpatient rehab program that lasted a little over a year. I came to terms with the fact that I was no longer a normal person. My 21st birthday came and went. I spent the whole day working and I spent my evening in a group rehab session. I didn't even feel like I was missing out.
In my sobriety, I have met a woman, gotten engaged to her and I am about to get a Bachelor degree in culinary arts, something I have wanted my whole life. I feel like everything is going fairly well considering all the shit I used to do. In fact, I have been sober longer than the duration of my substance abuse. I have not attended an AA meeting in over a year and a half. It's hard to be an atheist in AA. It's a pretty preachy program. And I felt like they were brainwashing me.
The problem I face now is that I am no longer content with being the guy who always turns down invitations to hang out at bars and I'm sort of jealous of people who get to come home after a long day of work and relax with a beer. I want to be a normal 23 year old. I'm not saying I want to go out and get wasted. In fact, I'd like to avoid getting completely shit faced. I want to go back to being a social drinker. When I first started drinking and doing drugs, I barely ever got drunk. I was high often and on other things alot, but I didn't ever drink heavily unless I was out of drugs.
I am aware of the disease concept of alcoholism and that it never really goes away. I know I can't necessarily be cured of addiction, but I think it is possible to redirect one's addiction. Anyone who has ever suffered addiction is still addicted to something. Right now I am all about Fallout: New Vegas and food. Also I masturbate alot. But I want to know if anyone else thinks this is a logical idea, that someone can overcome their addiction and be able to drink on occasion without returning to being a booze swilling good-for-nothing. In recovery, we are warned about this line of thinking. We are told that there will come times when we attempt to rationalize our desire to drink or do drugs but that we shouldn't listen. We will only pick up right where we left off. This makes sense and I don't doubt it to be true, but it makes me feel like Ed Norton in Fight Club. "Mr. Durden said you would say that." Like I said, I feel kind of brain washed.
I'd really like some advice on this, especially if it is coupled with evidence of some kind.