So I've been exchanging a few messages with this girl online, and I am thinking about asking her out in my next message (she just sent me one). It is Wednesday night here, and I'm unsure about when would be a good day for us to potentially have a date. I'd imagine tomorrow night would be too short of a notice. I don't think Friday or Saturday night would look good, as I don't want her to think I have no life. So should I just ask her to meet next Tuesday or Wednesday? Sorry if this sounds like a dumb question
I don't see why making a date for Friday or Saturday would make it seem like you have no life. I think if you made a plan on Friday to go out Friday night, yeah, that might come off that way, but it's Wednesday. People are just now starting to make plans for the weekends. You make plans to go out on Friday night? You've got plans. You've got a life.
Personally, I find out what she does and work around that. I work 8-5. This girl I'm going out with Saturday goes to law school. A work night might cut into her studying, and I like to goto the gym after I get off work. I have no plans for Saturday, she doesn't have school (I assume), so why not?
Omeks on
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Plans for a lunch date on Saturday have been made.
Question about paying. I fucked up last time and just bought everyting. Ended up spending way too much in the process. How is the best way to tackle things this time? So far I'm starting out with coffee and lunch and plan to pay.
Its a social problem, so I'd go this way. If you want it to be a romantic date, not a lets hang out thing/date, expect to pay. Splitting the check reads to some women as "this is just us hanging out" and paying for it is a sign of "I view you romantically." Alternatively, if it feels like she is only interested in you as a friend/stranger, when the bill comes you look at it, put your share down, and wait.
If you want her to think of you as someone to date, you need to be willing to pay the first few times.
god damn this is dumb
I always offer to split, never expect someone to pay for me
And if dude says no he will pay, then I offer to get the next dinner (if there is one) and I actually do pay for it!
I wonder if you polled women how many still think the guy is obligated to pay for everything
Yes, it is dumb. Good on you for offering to split, but I'm talking about erring on the side of caution. Some women just never even considered that a man wouldn't pay for something on the first date and would be put off/given the wrong idea if asked to split. Lets also not forget that there is a good argument to be made for "Look, you invited me out, the onus is on you to pay."
Obligated is one thing, and not one thing that I said. I said that its a clear way to show romantic intent.
Question for the thread:
So I made plans with this girl for this weekend, but just now I'm looking at her profile again and in the "what are you looking for" box all it says is "new friends." Are there girls out there on the internet setting up times to hang out 1 on 1 with a guy with the intention of only making friends? Am I going to need to clarify whether this is a date or not at some point? I mean, I'm down to just make a new friend, but it'd be nice to have the option of flirting with her. Thoughts?
Plans for a lunch date on Saturday have been made.
Question about paying. I fucked up last time and just bought everyting. Ended up spending way too much in the process. How is the best way to tackle things this time? So far I'm starting out with coffee and lunch and plan to pay.
Its a social problem, so I'd go this way. If you want it to be a romantic date, not a lets hang out thing/date, expect to pay. Splitting the check reads to some women as "this is just us hanging out" and paying for it is a sign of "I view you romantically." Alternatively, if it feels like she is only interested in you as a friend/stranger, when the bill comes you look at it, put your share down, and wait.
If you want her to think of you as someone to date, you need to be willing to pay the first few times.
god damn this is dumb
I always offer to split, never expect someone to pay for me
And if dude says no he will pay, then I offer to get the next dinner (if there is one) and I actually do pay for it!
I wonder if you polled women how many still think the guy is obligated to pay for everything
Yes, it is dumb. Good on you for offering to split, but I'm talking about erring on the side of caution. Some women just never even considered that a man wouldn't pay for something on the first date and would be put off/given the wrong idea if asked to split. Lets also not forget that there is a good argument to be made for "Look, you invited me out, the onus is on you to pay."
Obligated is one thing, and not one thing that I said. I said that its a clear way to show romantic intent.
First "date" first girlfriend nearly didn't go out with me again because I didn't pay for her movie ticket. But I opened the car door and theatre doors for her so that essentially saved my ass for the second date.
Depending on what the rest of her profile says, yeah, it could be just to meet friends. It could be a way to weed out the dudes who just want a fuck. I went out with a chick from the site several times who had the friends thing on it. It was clear to me the second time that it was more of a "let's see how this person is before I let him know boobs are a potential in his future" kind of friends thing.
I generally pay on the first date (if it went well, anyway) just because normally first dates aren't very expensive and sometimes ladies expect it. Most of the time they offer to pay their half, though.
If you went on a comparatively expensive second date and they still didn't offer to pay though, I play the "throw in half the cash and wait" card.
it was the smallest on the list but
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
I just found out that my ex-girlfriend is together with a guy she met while we were dating.
I learned about this after she contacted me, because he "hit" her. She continued to say that they get along, for the most part, and this seems to have been an isolated event.
If you are still friends with her, you will tell her it doesn't matter if it's an isolated event (it's almost certainly not) that she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and that her partner needs to recognize he has a problem and seek help
And maybe let her know some resources that are available to her for support if she decides to leave, or if he becomes more abusive
And don't judge her if she doesn't leave/come running back to you/etc
That's exactly what I told her, but she said that my advice was "fucked up."
Slider she came to you because as an ex she can justify anything negative you say about the guy as jealousy. Its a tough attitude to change keep trying though.
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
I just found out that my ex-girlfriend is together with a guy she met while we were dating.
I learned about this after she contacted me, because he "hit" her. She continued to say that they get along, for the most part, and this seems to have been an isolated event.
If you are still friends with her, you will tell her it doesn't matter if it's an isolated event (it's almost certainly not) that she doesn't deserve to be treated like that and that her partner needs to recognize he has a problem and seek help
And maybe let her know some resources that are available to her for support if she decides to leave, or if he becomes more abusive
And don't judge her if she doesn't leave/come running back to you/etc
That's exactly what I told her, but she said that my advice was "fucked up."
Huh?
I don't think there should be any way for her no communicate with her. I hate being an asshole who cuts someone out but yeesh.
I tried the duck thing out and people's reading comprehension (or lack of it) scares me.
Me:"I was wondering, who is your favourite duck?"
Her:"Mallards"
Me:"Thanks for the answer but I was thinking more along the lines of Scrooge, Donald and Daffy etc etc"
Her:"Oh, Scrooge in that case"
This is a girl that claims she is an english graduate studying creative writing. In fact I'm noticing an irritating trend with the online conversations I'm having.
Me:"blah blah blah question 1? blah blah blah question 2? blah blah blah question 3?"
Her:"Answer to a question I never asked but vaguely related to what I wrote."
Why? Is it so hard to answer three related questions. This was basic stuff we did in junior school. "Read the following paragraph and answer the questions related to it". Basic comprehension skills. In my experience, and I've been meeting women from the internet for about a year now, is that if they consistently make comprehension mistakes then the dates are usually a disappointment.
I think that is a general problem with the interwebz ... people have a very, very narrow and selective perception. Besides "it's only the internet, so it is no big deal".
I tried the duck thing out and people's reading comprehension (or lack of it) scares me.
Me:"I was wondering, who is your favourite duck?"
Her:"Mallards"
Me:"Thanks for the answer but I was thinking more along the lines of Scrooge, Donald and Daffy etc etc"
Her:"Oh, Scrooge in that case"
This is a girl that claims she is an english graduate studying creative writing. In fact I'm noticing an irritating trend with the online conversations I'm having.
Me:"blah blah blah question 1? blah blah blah question 2? blah blah blah question 3?"
Her:"Answer to a question I never asked but vaguely related to what I wrote."
Why? Is it so hard to answer three related questions. This was basic stuff we did in junior school. "Read the following paragraph and answer the questions related to it". Basic comprehension skills. In my experience, and I've been meeting women from the internet for about a year now, is that if they consistently make comprehension mistakes then the dates are usually a disappointment.
Are you trying to quiz these girls as a precursor to the GRE, or go on dates with them?
I tried the duck thing out and people's reading comprehension (or lack of it) scares me.
Me:"I was wondering, who is your favourite duck?"
Her:"Mallards"
Me:"Thanks for the answer but I was thinking more along the lines of Scrooge, Donald and Daffy etc etc"
Her:"Oh, Scrooge in that case"
This is a girl that claims she is an english graduate studying creative writing. In fact I'm noticing an irritating trend with the online conversations I'm having.
Me:"blah blah blah question 1? blah blah blah question 2? blah blah blah question 3?"
Her:"Answer to a question I never asked but vaguely related to what I wrote."
Why? Is it so hard to answer three related questions. This was basic stuff we did in junior school. "Read the following paragraph and answer the questions related to it". Basic comprehension skills. In my experience, and I've been meeting women from the internet for about a year now, is that if they consistently make comprehension mistakes then the dates are usually a disappointment.
A) What's wrong with mallards? Are you asking 3 questions at once? Try asking the one you want answered and leaving it at that. It's a conversation, not a reading-comprehension exam.
As for my idea to pretend to be a lawyer, I appreciate the input and know that I need a better picture and whatever. But that's not the point. I've had no success thus far and I'm going to see if pretending to be a lawyer improves my success. The only thing I'll have changed is my occupation so I'll know that that's is what people are responding to. It'll be an interesting sociological experiment.
And what happens if, by coincidence, you do find a girl who responds to you and likes you, and then she discovers you lied?
I once had a boyfriend whose name was X but he told me it was short for XXX. I wouldn't have cared either way what his name was, of course. When my parents asked what his name was, I told them it was X short for XXX. If people said, 'oh, is his name short for XXX?' I'd answer yes.
A few months after we started dating I saw his ID and noted that his name was written as X. I asked him why his full name wasn't on his ID and he said, 'oh, my name really is X, I just tell people it's XXX because I think it sounds more interesting.' I nearly broke up with him then and there! The fact he'd felt able to lie so nonchalantly about his own name was a huge red flag in my book. Not only that, but I felt a little humiliated. I had to go to my parents and tell me I'd been mistaken about his name. I'd fallen hook, line and sinker for his lie and that also made me feel pretty wretched.
It's like lying about your height, or income. If you want to actually DATE someone, the truth is going to come out. If you just want to meet them and have sex and say goodbye, then you can lie about your background, job, education, whatever. Unless they're not an idiot, in which case they'll probably figure you out pretty fast.
Besides, anyone who isn't an idiot will know that dating a lawyer sucks. You're busy all the time, you have an insane amount of debt, and your conversations sound like you're a lawyer. Not to mention that no one likely gives a shit because these are people you're looking to interact with outside of work anyway.
As for the conversations, a friend of mine who is newly single tells me "Why are the majority of guys on Match.com conversationally retarded?" Then cites that she will have a conversation going, some questions back & forth, and then hits a wall. The guy responds with "Yes" or "Darkwing Duck." Or asks a question like "What college did you go to?" as a flat question on its face. Example time! Which is more interesting?
"Hi, I noticed you're a Terp. I'm a Gopher myself, although I admit that I actually have very little school spirit and never watched a game played by Minnesota. I only started caring after I had been out of school long enough for my student loans to come due. What was your major, anyway?"
OR
"Hi, I see you went to the University of Maryland. What was your major?"
Real-life example time! I have received numerous messages of the following:
"Hi! Your cats are so cute!"
BOOOOORING. Not only boring, I have no response, and I already know my cats are cute. That's why I have cats. That's why I put a picture of them up. It's not to appear sensitive or to attract a crazy cat lady. It's to say "These guys are important in my life and I think they are super cute, so they come with the package."
Much better real life message I received!:
"Your profile makes me think you're awesome. If we get as much snow as they're predicting, how about you come over and we can bake muffins."
No question at all! In fact, the girl was simply being flattering. But she doesn't compliment any particular thing about me, but rather a general "I think you're cool" vibe, and mentions a current local event and a possible activity, indicating something she likes to do. She got a response and we went on a few dates.
That also means that there is no silver bullet. It's as true for offline dating as it is for online. You don't know someone's background, what they find attractive, or how they're necessarily seeing you. Be yourself, but you must first be aware of who yourself actually is. That's an awkward sentence. It's more than just "I like short blond girls" or "he should share my religion." Try to think of one sentence that describes an important element about you. For me, my one word description is "nuanced." So I use it to explain how I generally view the world -- we're replete with shades of gray, I rarely have favorites, have trouble ranking things, I understand that there is a difference between subjective like and objective fact, and I try not to be an asshole because I understand that my life is only my own, and what works for me may not work for you in the least.
Dating someone shouldn't feel like a challenge. That also means you need to present yourself in a way that makes it seem like going out with you will be more fun than not going out with you. If you ask very pointed questions and stick to a script, you're going to seem like dating you would be like dating a proctor or a robot.
Question for the thread:
So I made plans with this girl for this weekend, but just now I'm looking at her profile again and in the "what are you looking for" box all it says is "new friends." Are there girls out there on the internet setting up times to hang out 1 on 1 with a guy with the intention of only making friends? Am I going to need to clarify whether this is a date or not at some point? I mean, I'm down to just make a new friend, but it'd be nice to have the option of flirting with her. Thoughts?
Guess you'll have to clarify at the date. I don't even respond to people who have the "new friends" tab as the only selection. What the fuck are people doing on a dating site just looking for friends?
Alternatively, it could just mean she doesn't know what she wants and put 'friends' to be "safe".
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
Plans for a lunch date on Saturday have been made.
Question about paying. I fucked up last time and just bought everyting. Ended up spending way too much in the process. How is the best way to tackle things this time? So far I'm starting out with coffee and lunch and plan to pay.
Its a social problem, so I'd go this way. If you want it to be a romantic date, not a lets hang out thing/date, expect to pay. Splitting the check reads to some women as "this is just us hanging out" and paying for it is a sign of "I view you romantically." Alternatively, if it feels like she is only interested in you as a friend/stranger, when the bill comes you look at it, put your share down, and wait.
If you want her to think of you as someone to date, you need to be willing to pay the first few times.
god damn this is dumb
I always offer to split, never expect someone to pay for me
And if dude says no he will pay, then I offer to get the next dinner (if there is one) and I actually do pay for it!
I wonder if you polled women how many still think the guy is obligated to pay for everything
It's always awkward cause everyone is different. I usually go to pay and if a lady offers some money, that's cool.
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
Dating a lawyer is awesome. They're busy, like to drink and are fun. In my experience. I'd date a lawyer again.
I'm glad Eggy can still summon the energy to give good, constructive advice.
I saw advice in this thread a few weeks back to do just that. About height, that is. I don't know if guys are generally lying about their income or not.
At least with height you're found out immediately. Also, I know a few people who have misstated their height out of genuine ignorance. Unless you've been recently measured at a doctor's, you might not know exactly how tall you are. If you have short friends/family, who are constantly telling you, 'gosh, you're tall,' you might believe yourself to be taller than you are.
Same with weight - how many people's weight, as shown on their driver's license, for example, is actually accurate? And people can look much heavier than they actually are and vice versa.
But something like your name or your career... you KNOW what your name or your job is! And why lie about something that is so easily found out?
You're a salesman. Salesman lie. If the salesman is just looking to a sell a car right now, then he'll lie and usally desperation breeds out the bigger lies.
Should you lie? No. Why do people lie? To get laid. This happens in real life at the bar or other pickup joints. I don't see why it's so strange in the dating equivalent of such a place.
1. Are you wanting to date, or looking for a one night stand? Lying at a bar to get a girl to go home with you for one night is vastly different than trying to find a girlfriend.
2. What are you lying about? Your career, IMO, is far too large a part of you to lie about it. Okay, maybe you use euphemistic terms. Or you don't really mention what you actually do, but to outright lie about it? It's very easy to find out whether someone is a qualified lawyer or not.
I made a few quick texts to this girl. I'm still glad to be meeting her, but I am getting a stronger feeling that she's going to be really clingy. I said my day went decent but was glad tomorrow is Friday. She responds with "That's true. I wish I could meet you before Saturday. I'm impatient haha." This wouldn't be that concerning if it weren't for the first night "Wish we could snuggle" text.
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Well you should know within 5 seconds to 5 minutes her precise level of crazy and go from there. Hopefully whatever you set up doesn't lock you in to a massive block of time if it's bad..
I guess lawyers don't really need to carry their bar card. But all the lawyers I know do because that piece of plastic cost them $150K and damned if they're not going to keep it cocked and ready.
Dating a lawyer is awesome. They're busy, like to drink and are fun. In my experience. I'd date a lawyer again.
I'm glad Eggy can still summon the energy to give good, constructive advice.
The only problem with dating a lawyer is that when you argue, especially if you are right and the lawyer is wrong, the argument quickly stops being about whatever the argument is about and turns into an argument about the format of the argument.
You're a salesman. Salesman lie. If the salesman is just looking to a sell a car right now, then he'll lie and usally desperation breeds out the bigger lies.
Should you lie? No. Why do people lie? To get laid. This happens in real life at the bar or other pickup joints. I don't see why it's so strange in the dating equivalent of such a place.
Salespeople sell products...commoditizing other people is kinda backwards.
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I don't see why making a date for Friday or Saturday would make it seem like you have no life. I think if you made a plan on Friday to go out Friday night, yeah, that might come off that way, but it's Wednesday. People are just now starting to make plans for the weekends. You make plans to go out on Friday night? You've got plans. You've got a life.
Personally, I find out what she does and work around that. I work 8-5. This girl I'm going out with Saturday goes to law school. A work night might cut into her studying, and I like to goto the gym after I get off work. I have no plans for Saturday, she doesn't have school (I assume), so why not?
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Yes, it is dumb. Good on you for offering to split, but I'm talking about erring on the side of caution. Some women just never even considered that a man wouldn't pay for something on the first date and would be put off/given the wrong idea if asked to split. Lets also not forget that there is a good argument to be made for "Look, you invited me out, the onus is on you to pay."
Obligated is one thing, and not one thing that I said. I said that its a clear way to show romantic intent.
So I made plans with this girl for this weekend, but just now I'm looking at her profile again and in the "what are you looking for" box all it says is "new friends." Are there girls out there on the internet setting up times to hang out 1 on 1 with a guy with the intention of only making friends? Am I going to need to clarify whether this is a date or not at some point? I mean, I'm down to just make a new friend, but it'd be nice to have the option of flirting with her. Thoughts?
First "date" first girlfriend nearly didn't go out with me again because I didn't pay for her movie ticket. But I opened the car door and theatre doors for her so that essentially saved my ass for the second date.
If you went on a comparatively expensive second date and they still didn't offer to pay though, I play the "throw in half the cash and wait" card.
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
That's exactly what I told her, but she said that my advice was "fucked up."
Huh?
I don't think there should be any way for her no communicate with her. I hate being an asshole who cuts someone out but yeesh.
This is a girl that claims she is an english graduate studying creative writing. In fact I'm noticing an irritating trend with the online conversations I'm having.
Why? Is it so hard to answer three related questions. This was basic stuff we did in junior school. "Read the following paragraph and answer the questions related to it". Basic comprehension skills. In my experience, and I've been meeting women from the internet for about a year now, is that if they consistently make comprehension mistakes then the dates are usually a disappointment.
Are you trying to quiz these girls as a precursor to the GRE, or go on dates with them?
A) What's wrong with mallards?
Are you asking 3 questions at once? Try asking the one you want answered and leaving it at that. It's a conversation, not a reading-comprehension exam.
*shakes fist* EGGGGYTOOOOAASSST!!!!
Natural (or Sexual) Selection is a bitch.
And what happens if, by coincidence, you do find a girl who responds to you and likes you, and then she discovers you lied?
I once had a boyfriend whose name was X but he told me it was short for XXX. I wouldn't have cared either way what his name was, of course. When my parents asked what his name was, I told them it was X short for XXX. If people said, 'oh, is his name short for XXX?' I'd answer yes.
A few months after we started dating I saw his ID and noted that his name was written as X. I asked him why his full name wasn't on his ID and he said, 'oh, my name really is X, I just tell people it's XXX because I think it sounds more interesting.' I nearly broke up with him then and there! The fact he'd felt able to lie so nonchalantly about his own name was a huge red flag in my book. Not only that, but I felt a little humiliated. I had to go to my parents and tell me I'd been mistaken about his name. I'd fallen hook, line and sinker for his lie and that also made me feel pretty wretched.
Besides, anyone who isn't an idiot will know that dating a lawyer sucks. You're busy all the time, you have an insane amount of debt, and your conversations sound like you're a lawyer. Not to mention that no one likely gives a shit because these are people you're looking to interact with outside of work anyway.
As for the conversations, a friend of mine who is newly single tells me "Why are the majority of guys on Match.com conversationally retarded?" Then cites that she will have a conversation going, some questions back & forth, and then hits a wall. The guy responds with "Yes" or "Darkwing Duck." Or asks a question like "What college did you go to?" as a flat question on its face. Example time! Which is more interesting?
"Hi, I noticed you're a Terp. I'm a Gopher myself, although I admit that I actually have very little school spirit and never watched a game played by Minnesota. I only started caring after I had been out of school long enough for my student loans to come due. What was your major, anyway?"
OR
"Hi, I see you went to the University of Maryland. What was your major?"
Real-life example time! I have received numerous messages of the following:
"Hi! Your cats are so cute!"
BOOOOORING. Not only boring, I have no response, and I already know my cats are cute. That's why I have cats. That's why I put a picture of them up. It's not to appear sensitive or to attract a crazy cat lady. It's to say "These guys are important in my life and I think they are super cute, so they come with the package."
Much better real life message I received!:
"Your profile makes me think you're awesome. If we get as much snow as they're predicting, how about you come over and we can bake muffins."
No question at all! In fact, the girl was simply being flattering. But she doesn't compliment any particular thing about me, but rather a general "I think you're cool" vibe, and mentions a current local event and a possible activity, indicating something she likes to do. She got a response and we went on a few dates.
That also means that there is no silver bullet. It's as true for offline dating as it is for online. You don't know someone's background, what they find attractive, or how they're necessarily seeing you. Be yourself, but you must first be aware of who yourself actually is. That's an awkward sentence. It's more than just "I like short blond girls" or "he should share my religion." Try to think of one sentence that describes an important element about you. For me, my one word description is "nuanced." So I use it to explain how I generally view the world -- we're replete with shades of gray, I rarely have favorites, have trouble ranking things, I understand that there is a difference between subjective like and objective fact, and I try not to be an asshole because I understand that my life is only my own, and what works for me may not work for you in the least.
Dating someone shouldn't feel like a challenge. That also means you need to present yourself in a way that makes it seem like going out with you will be more fun than not going out with you. If you ask very pointed questions and stick to a script, you're going to seem like dating you would be like dating a proctor or a robot.
Guess you'll have to clarify at the date. I don't even respond to people who have the "new friends" tab as the only selection. What the fuck are people doing on a dating site just looking for friends?
Alternatively, it could just mean she doesn't know what she wants and put 'friends' to be "safe".
It's always awkward cause everyone is different. I usually go to pay and if a lady offers some money, that's cool.
I'm glad Eggy can still summon the energy to give good, constructive advice.
Same with weight - how many people's weight, as shown on their driver's license, for example, is actually accurate? And people can look much heavier than they actually are and vice versa.
But something like your name or your career... you KNOW what your name or your job is! And why lie about something that is so easily found out?
Should you lie? No. Why do people lie? To get laid. This happens in real life at the bar or other pickup joints. I don't see why it's so strange in the dating equivalent of such a place.
1. Are you wanting to date, or looking for a one night stand? Lying at a bar to get a girl to go home with you for one night is vastly different than trying to find a girlfriend.
2. What are you lying about? Your career, IMO, is far too large a part of you to lie about it. Okay, maybe you use euphemistic terms. Or you don't really mention what you actually do, but to outright lie about it? It's very easy to find out whether someone is a qualified lawyer or not.
They tell me they are lawyers?
|Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
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|Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
|Xbox Live Tag: Omeks
|PSN Tag: Omeks_R7
|Rock Band: Profile|DLC Collection
Yup.
I'm gonna start carrying a class IV laser license
The only problem with dating a lawyer is that when you argue, especially if you are right and the lawyer is wrong, the argument quickly stops being about whatever the argument is about and turns into an argument about the format of the argument.
Which is annoying.
If she's really that clingy I don't think saying you're going to a public venue to drink is going to deter her.
Salespeople sell products...commoditizing other people is kinda backwards.