The intro to the movie just took all James Bond intro action scenes and just said "Get the fuck out of here!" and then showed how to deliver an action scene and get people pumped for the rest of the movie.
TLB I bought Death Wish today and am going to finally watch it tomorrow. It was a decent consolation for the fact that I couldn't find Raid: Redemption.
okay so here's what i want expendables 3 to be like
i'll assume that stallone can get everyone he wants but wesley snipes because prison's a bitch
i'm spoilering things, as it might ruin some expendables 2 plot points:
okay, so a young asian woman fell in love with rambo stallone. naturally, following action movie logic, she needs to die in the first five minutes of expendables 3
the opening should be them, with chuck norris in tow, kicking some triad/asian gangster ass in some asian country
they get captured and beaten down and the chick dies
now, since they probably won't get tony jaa, but they fuckin' love meta stuff like all of the references to dolph lundrgen's actual biography, jet li comes in, full on buddhist monk clothes, big ass beard, riding an elephant, and totally wastes the whole room.
stallone bluh bluh bluhs a little and debates quitting but then realizes that even though the asian girl died, they totally did what they set out to do: save a bunch of orphans and grandmothers the asian gangsters were using in a sweatshop. chuck norris rides off into the sunset and the title hits.
yeah, i know you're all wondering what asian country this should be and are thinking hey the triads are a hong kong deal. remember, this is the expendables. all foreigners are the devil in this franchise.
alright so after the titles, we hang out in mickey rourke's bar which is now owned by clint eastwood. we know this because there is a closeup of his scowl with a cowboy hat on which pans out to him taking it off and calling it dumb and the expendables making jokes and being badass and then statham is all mopey because his wife left him for another dude so he leaves.
which leads to a pretty radical fight between jean reno and jason statham which ends in them laughing and hugging. we learn that jean was the dude who trained statham, and blah blah blah heard you need a new member and in saunters idris elba. idris talks in his normal accent and immediately antagonizes statham and jean reno is all naw doggs cool down and statham is all whatever and leaves and then jean reno talks to idris a little bit and then he leaves and then the scene ends. trouble will be a brewin'
we go back to the now empty bar and someone is trying to fuckin' rob it and clint eastwood shoots the gun out of his hand, then five shots around him, aims at his head. the gun clicks. he goes "well, punk, today's your lucky day" then pistol whips him and the scene ends.
then we have stallone do some stuff to show why he's the star of the movie, maybe be all sad about asian girl, until he gets blindsided the same way he was by church in the second movie while he hangs around in his plane. only this time it is not church, it is harrison fuckin' ford. who is playing church's boss. there's a bunch of bullshit and references to harrison ford movies and basically harrison ford says that church has been held hostage and he's sending two teams to get him, and whoever gets him out first gets the money or something but it's all just a flimsy excuse for schwarzenegger to show up and then the three talk macho until stallone tells ford to get off his plane.
it's here we find out that nic cage is playing the villain and has kidnapped church because of all that cloak and dagger bullshit. america is all poking it's nose in everyone's business and being jerks and he will have none of it. and normally this would be an okay position, but this is the fuckin' expendables and USA USA USA so clearly he's a jerk who hates freedom. he does some dastardly things and then some nic cage things and then goes away.
and that's the end of the plot. though statham and elba constantly trying to one-up each other will be a thing, it'll just be the expendables kicking some ass in crazy action sequences until the third act where we find out jean reno has been following the guys along the whole time so he kicks some ass. and then the expendables are getting overwhelmed by nic cage's men so schwarzenegger's team finally shows up. it is comprised of arnold, steven seagal, carl weathers, wesley snipes (if he's out of prison), michael dudikoff, jesse ventura, michael biehn, and lorenzo lamas.
it's jut a gigantic twenty plus minute fuck you gunfight/swordfight/kung fu fight/fistfight between all the action heroes
and at the very end, bruce willis kicks the shit out of nic cage and the movie ends
but there's also a post-credits scene of mickey rourke and jason statham's wife all making out in the tropics.
Also, I think 2 missed a great opportunity with Gunnar
How awesome would it have been if his bomb actually worked?
that would be a neat but
what really should've happened was there to be an explosion from the other side caused by arnold so gunnar totally thought his bomb worked for a split second. however, gunnar being a drug addled/drunken fuckup is also funny as hell so i was cool with it
Posts
I want him to make a buddy cop movie with michael madsen
Per person?
Wasn't Li filming another movie at the time? Wiki says that "Detective Who Is Second To None" is being released in December.
Steam
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do you got some bullshit tastes, tube?
Does that make me less awful?
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the fact you haven't seen the raid seconds it
As for not seeing Death Wish I have no excuse.
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He didn't do anything in Hunger Games
He literally sat on a hillside and glowered at the sky for the entire movie
It was everything I wanted in an action movie and then some.
i'll assume that stallone can get everyone he wants but wesley snipes because prison's a bitch
i'm spoilering things, as it might ruin some expendables 2 plot points:
the opening should be them, with chuck norris in tow, kicking some triad/asian gangster ass in some asian country
they get captured and beaten down and the chick dies
now, since they probably won't get tony jaa, but they fuckin' love meta stuff like all of the references to dolph lundrgen's actual biography, jet li comes in, full on buddhist monk clothes, big ass beard, riding an elephant, and totally wastes the whole room.
stallone bluh bluh bluhs a little and debates quitting but then realizes that even though the asian girl died, they totally did what they set out to do: save a bunch of orphans and grandmothers the asian gangsters were using in a sweatshop. chuck norris rides off into the sunset and the title hits.
yeah, i know you're all wondering what asian country this should be and are thinking hey the triads are a hong kong deal. remember, this is the expendables. all foreigners are the devil in this franchise.
alright so after the titles, we hang out in mickey rourke's bar which is now owned by clint eastwood. we know this because there is a closeup of his scowl with a cowboy hat on which pans out to him taking it off and calling it dumb and the expendables making jokes and being badass and then statham is all mopey because his wife left him for another dude so he leaves.
which leads to a pretty radical fight between jean reno and jason statham which ends in them laughing and hugging. we learn that jean was the dude who trained statham, and blah blah blah heard you need a new member and in saunters idris elba. idris talks in his normal accent and immediately antagonizes statham and jean reno is all naw doggs cool down and statham is all whatever and leaves and then jean reno talks to idris a little bit and then he leaves and then the scene ends. trouble will be a brewin'
we go back to the now empty bar and someone is trying to fuckin' rob it and clint eastwood shoots the gun out of his hand, then five shots around him, aims at his head. the gun clicks. he goes "well, punk, today's your lucky day" then pistol whips him and the scene ends.
then we have stallone do some stuff to show why he's the star of the movie, maybe be all sad about asian girl, until he gets blindsided the same way he was by church in the second movie while he hangs around in his plane. only this time it is not church, it is harrison fuckin' ford. who is playing church's boss. there's a bunch of bullshit and references to harrison ford movies and basically harrison ford says that church has been held hostage and he's sending two teams to get him, and whoever gets him out first gets the money or something but it's all just a flimsy excuse for schwarzenegger to show up and then the three talk macho until stallone tells ford to get off his plane.
it's here we find out that nic cage is playing the villain and has kidnapped church because of all that cloak and dagger bullshit. america is all poking it's nose in everyone's business and being jerks and he will have none of it. and normally this would be an okay position, but this is the fuckin' expendables and USA USA USA so clearly he's a jerk who hates freedom. he does some dastardly things and then some nic cage things and then goes away.
and that's the end of the plot. though statham and elba constantly trying to one-up each other will be a thing, it'll just be the expendables kicking some ass in crazy action sequences until the third act where we find out jean reno has been following the guys along the whole time so he kicks some ass. and then the expendables are getting overwhelmed by nic cage's men so schwarzenegger's team finally shows up. it is comprised of arnold, steven seagal, carl weathers, wesley snipes (if he's out of prison), michael dudikoff, jesse ventura, michael biehn, and lorenzo lamas.
it's jut a gigantic twenty plus minute fuck you gunfight/swordfight/kung fu fight/fistfight between all the action heroes
and at the very end, bruce willis kicks the shit out of nic cage and the movie ends
but there's also a post-credits scene of mickey rourke and jason statham's wife all making out in the tropics.
it is a thing i fuckin' know
everyone give me their money
and also sly stallone's phone number
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Being saved for the all-Spanish Expendables.
Steam
i already have one hispanic guy
if i have two, the audience will get confused
and renegade fuckin' owns
I'm wondering...in your version of Expendables 3 does the Triad have secret ties to generic terrorist group?
i debated it, but him not being the villain sets up a better one-liner
nope. it's a james bond style opening that has nothing to do with the plot.
that would be a neat but
It totally does