A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies..... "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
it's from the dreadnought hoax, where cole and some members of the writers' circle known as the bloomsbury group put on blackface and turbans and convinced the royal navy to show them around their flagship, the hms dreadnought
one of those fellows in oriental guise is actually a young virginia woolf!
Captain Marcusnow arrives the hour of actionRegistered Userregular
re: poet guy
He used to 'wander the streets with a cow's udder poking through his flies. At the moment of optimum outrage, he would then produce a pair of scissors and snip off the offending protrusion.'
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies..... "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
In a bid to improve my vocabulary, I recently found out what the term is for the outcome of a set of actions is. So that’s a result.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick
My sister bet me twenty quid I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian
How does a train eat?
It goes "chew chew"
How is imitation like a plateau?
They're both the highest form of flattery
What sport do you play with a wombat?
Wom
A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
Doctor doctor, I found a lettuce leaf sticking out of my bum - is it serious?
I'm afraid that's just the tip of the iceberg.
How do you keep people from stealing your bagels?
Put lox on them
What's grey?
A melted penguin
What's hard and rocky?
Sylvester Stallone
Why couldn't anybody save the drowning hippy?
He was too far out, man
I applied for a job as a farrier. The interviewer asked, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said, "No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off."
An anteater walks into a bar. The barman says, "Howdy, chum - care for a beer?"
The anteater says, "Nooooooooooooo..."
The barman then says, "How about a whisky?"
The anteater says, "Nooooooooooooo..."
The barman then says, "How about a rum?"
The anteater says, "Nooooooooooooo..."
The bartender asks, "Why the long nos?"
We were all sorta bitching about all the fad diets and the stupidity of gluten free things in an environment where there are constant clouds of flour in the air.
And he looks at me and says " Isn't Glutteny a sin?" I lost it. I 'm also not doing it justice.
Posts
Why is OkCupid full of Nazgul?
A) use the sunglasses smiley
I used to be an orange farmer, but I had to sell up and move on. I just couldn't concentrate on the job.
Oh my God.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies..... "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
What did Tarzan say when he saw 2000 elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?
i just recognized the picture here
it's from the dreadnought hoax, where cole and some members of the writers' circle known as the bloomsbury group put on blackface and turbans and convinced the royal navy to show them around their flagship, the hms dreadnought
one of those fellows in oriental guise is actually a young virginia woolf!
He used to 'wander the streets with a cow's udder poking through his flies. At the moment of optimum outrage, he would then produce a pair of scissors and snip off the offending protrusion.'
"I’ll have an H2O."
"I’ll have an H2O, too."
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context.
Steam // Secret Satan
"I'm going to the doctor - I don't like the look of my wife."
"I'll come with you - I can't stand the sight of mine."
[Comic business]
He sipped his coffee before it was cool!
Why do hipsters only use the microwave to cook?
What's the difference between a farmer and a hipster?
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
clap
clap
clap
News Jazz
A voice from the back calls out: "You don't have enough bullets!"
In 1940 Goebbels made a speech claiming the Swastika was an example of the Golden Ratio.
Turns out, it was a fibbin' Nazi.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She's a 10, but it sucks 'cause she's imaginary.
What does a taxidermist do for a living?
Oh, you know... stuff.
"Hey, did you hear that Apple is coming out with their own Google Glass type product? They're calling it the iBrow."
.
.
.
.
"Go sit down."
They're a twisted pair.
Satans..... hints.....
THE REST.
Satans..... hints.....
Those that understand binary.
Those that don't.
And those that didn't realise this joke was in base 3.
Have you ever seen an elephant wearing sunglasses?
What's red and bad for your teeth?
My sister bet me twenty quid I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
How does a train eat?
How is imitation like a plateau?
What sport do you play with a wombat?
A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
PSN- AHermano
This joke always bugs me because it's not pronounced that way.
Who's there?
Java
Doctor doctor, I found a lettuce leaf sticking out of my bum - is it serious?
How do you keep people from stealing your bagels?
What's grey?
What's hard and rocky?
Why couldn't anybody save the drowning hippy?
I applied for a job as a farrier. The interviewer asked, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said, "No, but I once told a donkey to fuck off."
An anteater walks into a bar. The barman says, "Howdy, chum - care for a beer?"
The anteater says, "Nooooooooooooo..."
The barman then says, "How about a whisky?"
The anteater says, "Nooooooooooooo..."
The barman then says, "How about a rum?"
The anteater says, "Nooooooooooooo..."
The bartender asks, "Why the long nos?"
I am laughing way too hard at this
I asked, "Was that before your chapter on prostitutes? Because then you'd be putting Descartes before the whores."
Holy shit
And he looks at me and says " Isn't Glutteny a sin?" I lost it. I 'm also not doing it justice.