Suburbs are the worst. Living in one is literally gonna kill me since I walk like 1/10th of what I used to. It's all car car car mall car.
When I lived in one I'd eat dinner and then go out for a tremendously long walk and listen to audio books or podcasts. I actually kind of miss that having moved to an urban area. It was so quiet after 8pm.
With only 1 car per person and a baby to watch the suburbs are prison-like. Especially in the winter. Nowhere you could go to. Fucking real suburbs don't really even have anywhere to bike to. I didn't grow up in the heart of downtown but I was in the city enough anything you wanted was only like 15 minutes bike away at the least. Out here it's a fucking neverending wasteland of houses.
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LudiousI just wanted a sandwich A temporally dislocated QuiznosRegistered Userregular
Well fwiw after Friday it'll just be a nuclear wasteland
okay I take back anything I said about veganism not being some kind of crazy cult
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MrMisterJesus dying on the cross in pain? Morally better than us. One has to go "all in".Registered Userregular
Joseph Kabila, President of the Democratic Republic of Congo
I ate way, way too much rip me
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LudiousI just wanted a sandwich A temporally dislocated QuiznosRegistered Userregular
I kinda know how those evangelicals that thought the world was gonna end on a specific day felt. I kinda want to max out all my credit and just ride this out in hedonism
I kinda know how those evangelicals that thought the world was gonna end on a specific day felt. I kinda want to max out all my credit and just ride this out in hedonism
how they felt?
...pretty stupid when the world didn't actually end?
there was a millennium-suicide cult back in 1999 in Ontario that got busted when one of their members went to the cops after getting kicked out of the cult
turns out the reason he got kicked out is he decided to go fuckin' ham on his credit cards, take out lines of credit, just really go wild with livin' it up since, y'know, world's ending right?
except no, he wasn't supposed to do that, he was supposed to live very simply and quietly and love jesus and give all his wealth over to the cult's leader who would use it to prepare for the reckoning (and not at all be the one who didn't kill himself and just fucked off with all the dead people's money)
so the cult gave him the bootski for being impious about the apocalypse, and he was upset about this and went to the authorities
nobody actually killed themselves related to the cult, as it turns out when the police raided the place and interviewed people and shit very few members of the cult were true believers genuinely interested in killing themselves or actually believing the end was nigh; many instead were just depressed lonely people who were enjoying the kinship and having sex with each other
there was a millennium-suicide cult back in 1999 in Ontario that got busted when one of their members went to the cops after getting kicked out of the cult
turns out the reason he got kicked out is he decided to go fuckin' ham on his credit cards, take out lines of credit, just really go wild with livin' it up since, y'know, world's ending right?
except no, he wasn't supposed to do that, he was supposed to live very simply and quietly and love jesus and give all his wealth over to the cult's leader who would use it to prepare for the reckoning (and not at all be the one who didn't kill himself and just fucked off with all the dead people's money)
so the cult gave him the bootski for being impious about the apocalypse, and he was upset about this and went to the authorities
nobody actually killed themselves related to the cult, as it turns out when the police raided the place and interviewed people and shit very few members of the cult were true believers genuinely interested in killing themselves or actually believing the end was nigh; many instead were just depressed lonely people who were enjoying the kinship and having sex with each other
there was a millennium-suicide cult back in 1999 in Ontario that got busted when one of their members went to the cops after getting kicked out of the cult
turns out the reason he got kicked out is he decided to go fuckin' ham on his credit cards, take out lines of credit, just really go wild with livin' it up since, y'know, world's ending right?
except no, he wasn't supposed to do that, he was supposed to live very simply and quietly and love jesus and give all his wealth over to the cult's leader who would use it to prepare for the reckoning (and not at all be the one who didn't kill himself and just fucked off with all the dead people's money)
so the cult gave him the bootski for being impious about the apocalypse, and he was upset about this and went to the authorities
nobody actually killed themselves related to the cult, as it turns out when the police raided the place and interviewed people and shit very few members of the cult were true believers genuinely interested in killing themselves or actually believing the end was nigh; many instead were just depressed lonely people who were enjoying the kinship and having sex with each other
whoops
Join a cult you say?
that was basically everyone's takeaway when the news broke about it
"oh huh i guess if i could've just joined a millennium cult to get free sex i probably would've done that back in 99 when it was cool"
if you start slapping "DOES NOT CONTAIN RAT FECES" on your candy bar wrapper it's like
wait
wait why are you doing that now
did your candy bar contain rat feces before and this is some kind of new initiative
the resurgence of this tactic seems to be based on the words vegan and gluten
last time loved ones informed me that angrily berating confectionary is not a sign of a stable mind was when a packet of wreath cake bars (kransekakestenger) loudly and proudly said GLUTEN FREE
this annoyed me so much
wreath cake has exactly four ingredients: almonds, sugar, the odd stray needle from those tiny paper norwegian flags we put on them, egg white
i learned a lot about cults when a good friend of mine got eaten up by scientology
a stunning number of them either blatantly use offers of casual sex as recruitment, or sort of like, imply that you will get laid if you join
whether or not you actually do is a huge diceroll because it turns out a bunch of cults at least in Canada are based around some whacko version of Christianity and thus have really bizarrely puritanical attitudes about sex and so there's no actual casual sex to be had
just a pretty girl who bats her eyes at you to get you to give the leader your social insurance number
if you start slapping "DOES NOT CONTAIN RAT FECES" on your candy bar wrapper it's like
wait
wait why are you doing that now
did your candy bar contain rat feces before and this is some kind of new initiative
the resurgence of this tactic seems to be based on the words vegan and gluten
last time loved ones informed me that angrily berating confectionary is not a sign of a stable mind was when a packet of wreath cake bars (kransekakestenger) loudly and proudly said GLUTEN FREE
this annoyed me so much
wreath cake has exactly four ingredients: almonds, sugar, the odd stray needle from those tiny paper norwegian flags we put on them, egg white
gluten free
fuck off
i have seen "gluten free and vegan friendly" on
i shit you not
bottled water
bottled water and the way it is marketed is its own special circle of dante's hell tho
kransekakestenger - wreath cake bars - is even simpler since it lacks the decorating thing since it's just the same recipe, but you spent six minutes rolling the dough out because you wanted something to snack on, not decorate a table with, so there's no needles or those things that go pop and there's a terrible joke inside
they're also a jillion times better since you can eat them when they're fresh out of the oven. Offer the first one to someone else, the gooey inside is p much literally napalm if they're too fresh-out-of-the-oven, test them on a sibling.
anyway, gluten free, you motherfuckers
Abdhyius on
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simonwolfi can feel a differencetoday, a differenceRegistered Userregular
Joseph Kabila, President of the Democratic Republic of Congo
to be fair most brands of margarine do contain trace amounts of dairy products, usually either whey or lactose
that said, please buy my new range of gluten free mousepads
it cracks me up that coke couldn't get Dasani to catch on in the UK because their marketing people like, could not fucking back down
Dasani is just fuckin' tap water in a bottle, and people cottoned on to this, and Dasani's marketing people tried to be like NUH UH and insisted how much cleaner their stuff was than tap water and in doubling way the fuck down on their filtration methods essentially managed to impugn the British water company that was actually supplying their water, who were like "the water is already clean and safe this is london not tijuana stop being twats"
Dasani got into a shitty fight with them over it and ended up looking like asshats and in the end they just stopped trying to make Dasani a thing in the UK
it cracks me up that coke couldn't get Dasani to catch on in the UK because their marketing people like, could not fucking back down
Dasani is just fuckin' tap water in a bottle, and people cottoned on to this, and Dasani's marketing people tried to be like NUH UH and insisted how much cleaner their stuff was than tap water and in doubling way the fuck down on their filtration methods essentially managed to impugn the British water company that was actually supplying their water, who were like "the water is already clean and safe this is london not tijuana stop being twats"
Dasani got into a shitty fight with them over it and ended up looking like asshats and in the end they just stopped trying to make Dasani a thing in the UK
oh yeah that story is fucking hilarious.
I mean not only did they claim that their bottled tap water was better than other tap water because it was filtered - which the water company already does - but they managed to fuck up so bad that their extra, entirely unnecessary filtration process added illegally high concentrations of a carcinogenic
also, they launched with the slogan "bottled spunk"
Abdhyius on
+5
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simonwolfi can feel a differencetoday, a differenceRegistered Userregular
Joseph Kabila, President of the Democratic Republic of Congo
it cracks me up that coke couldn't get Dasani to catch on in the UK because their marketing people like, could not fucking back down
Dasani is just fuckin' tap water in a bottle, and people cottoned on to this, and Dasani's marketing people tried to be like NUH UH and insisted how much cleaner their stuff was than tap water and in doubling way the fuck down on their filtration methods essentially managed to impugn the British water company that was actually supplying their water, who were like "the water is already clean and safe this is london not tijuana stop being twats"
Dasani got into a shitty fight with them over it and ended up looking like asshats and in the end they just stopped trying to make Dasani a thing in the UK
oh yeah that story is fucking hilarious.
I mean not only did they claim that their bottled tap water was better than other tap water because it was filtered - which the water company already does - but they managed to fuck up so bad that their extra, entirely unnecessary filtration process added illegally high concentrations of a carcinogenic
also, they launched with the slogans "bottled spunk"
yyyyyeah
everything with Dasani's attempt at getting into the UK is like a textbook case of What Not To Do
Posts
there's a fish down there that owes god money
those eyebrows are on fleek
ban this sick filth
With only 1 car per person and a baby to watch the suburbs are prison-like. Especially in the winter. Nowhere you could go to. Fucking real suburbs don't really even have anywhere to bike to. I didn't grow up in the heart of downtown but I was in the city enough anything you wanted was only like 15 minutes bike away at the least. Out here it's a fucking neverending wasteland of houses.
okay I take back anything I said about veganism not being some kind of crazy cult
how they felt?
...pretty stupid when the world didn't actually end?
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
gotta be careful with that kind of claim, tho
if you start slapping "DOES NOT CONTAIN RAT FECES" on your candy bar wrapper it's like
wait
wait why are you doing that now
did your candy bar contain rat feces before and this is some kind of new initiative
usually, but this time I figured I'd mix it up a bit
Come back soon!
When you're ready of course :bro:
turns out the reason he got kicked out is he decided to go fuckin' ham on his credit cards, take out lines of credit, just really go wild with livin' it up since, y'know, world's ending right?
except no, he wasn't supposed to do that, he was supposed to live very simply and quietly and love jesus and give all his wealth over to the cult's leader who would use it to prepare for the reckoning (and not at all be the one who didn't kill himself and just fucked off with all the dead people's money)
so the cult gave him the bootski for being impious about the apocalypse, and he was upset about this and went to the authorities
nobody actually killed themselves related to the cult, as it turns out when the police raided the place and interviewed people and shit very few members of the cult were true believers genuinely interested in killing themselves or actually believing the end was nigh; many instead were just depressed lonely people who were enjoying the kinship and having sex with each other
whoops
Join a cult you say?
that was basically everyone's takeaway when the news broke about it
"oh huh i guess if i could've just joined a millennium cult to get free sex i probably would've done that back in 99 when it was cool"
the resurgence of this tactic seems to be based on the words vegan and gluten
last time loved ones informed me that angrily berating confectionary is not a sign of a stable mind was when a packet of wreath cake bars (kransekakestenger) loudly and proudly said GLUTEN FREE
this annoyed me so much
wreath cake has exactly four ingredients: almonds, sugar, the odd stray needle from those tiny paper norwegian flags we put on them, egg white
gluten free
fuck off
a stunning number of them either blatantly use offers of casual sex as recruitment, or sort of like, imply that you will get laid if you join
whether or not you actually do is a huge diceroll because it turns out a bunch of cults at least in Canada are based around some whacko version of Christianity and thus have really bizarrely puritanical attitudes about sex and so there's no actual casual sex to be had
just a pretty girl who bats her eyes at you to get you to give the leader your social insurance number
i have seen "gluten free and vegan friendly" on
i shit you not
bottled water
bottled water and the way it is marketed is its own special circle of dante's hell tho
they're also a jillion times better since you can eat them when they're fresh out of the oven. Offer the first one to someone else, the gooey inside is p much literally napalm if they're too fresh-out-of-the-oven, test them on a sibling.
anyway, gluten free, you motherfuckers
that said, please buy my new range of gluten free mousepads
I will scald your testicles beyond repair
asparagus water
Dasani is just fuckin' tap water in a bottle, and people cottoned on to this, and Dasani's marketing people tried to be like NUH UH and insisted how much cleaner their stuff was than tap water and in doubling way the fuck down on their filtration methods essentially managed to impugn the British water company that was actually supplying their water, who were like "the water is already clean and safe this is london not tijuana stop being twats"
Dasani got into a shitty fight with them over it and ended up looking like asshats and in the end they just stopped trying to make Dasani a thing in the UK
i like that asparagus water was like, the bridge too far
even for whole foods hipsters
people were like "no fuck off Whole Foods, this is too far" and they backpedaled on that
like you can sell a lot of overpriced nonsense to people but that's an envelope you can only push to a limit
homeopathic water is possibly the only homeopathic product i will genuinely consider legitimate
since, y'know
by definition
oh yeah that story is fucking hilarious.
I mean not only did they claim that their bottled tap water was better than other tap water because it was filtered - which the water company already does - but they managed to fuck up so bad that their extra, entirely unnecessary filtration process added illegally high concentrations of a carcinogenic
also, they launched with the slogan "bottled spunk"
legitimately laughed out loud at this one
au contraire
if my bottles of homeopathic water turns out to actually be filled with water, how is it homeopathic? This is a ripoff!
if my bottles of homeopathic water turns out to actually be filled with air, how is it water this is etc
yyyyyeah
everything with Dasani's attempt at getting into the UK is like a textbook case of What Not To Do
So much cake