HeatwaveCome, now, and walk the path of explosions with me!Registered Userregular
edited April 2009
Not a really exciting or funny story but still pretty damn awkward
I'm using the toilet (at home) and hear some dude (neighbor?) next door start talking. I think he was trying to talk to me because I couldn't hear anyone else.
He says "I'm here...look behind you...". I could hear him quite clearly so I assume he must be near by. I look behind myself and no one's there. Thank god. Of course I'd know if anyone was in the room but still, a relief. He must be speaking through the window (obviously).
"I want to talk to you...", he continues. Well I'm kinda occupied right now so how about no. "...face to face...". What? Ah, maybe if I pretend to not be home he'll go away. So I do so. After I remain quiet he abandons his feeble attempt at chatting to me while I'm talking a crap.
Seriously, what the hell, man?! You wanna talk, knock the front door! Don't be all creepy! Srsly! This creeped me out so much that waited 10 minutes after I was done to flush, in fear that he might still be hanging around.
I can't recall whether I've told this here or not...
Back in 2003 my wife and I moved from Washington to Connecticut, so we had the chance to take a cross-country drive. 3 days in, we stopped at some diner in Kansas for lunch. After lunch I head to the men's room. It was a little place, so there was only one stall and one urinal. I went to the stall, sat down, and tried to deal with the digestive effects of long cars rides and several days of bad food.
A few minutes pass and the bathroom door opens. The guy must have seen the stall door closed because he said, "Damn," under his breath. He stands there for a moment, I guess trying to decide what to do, and then walks over to the urinal.
I hear him unzip his fly, and then the rustling of clothes. I can see his feet under the wall of the stall, and he's facing away from the urinal. Then I hear a truly horrifying sound which I cannot replicate here which lasted for a good few seconds, followed by a truly horrifying smell. He pulls his pants up, zips, walks out. There's now liquid shit dripping onto the floor, splat, splat.
I got out of there in a hurry. Haven't been back to Kansas since.
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HeatwaveCome, now, and walk the path of explosions with me!Registered Userregular
So a few years ago, on the day after my high school prob, my then girlfriend was over and we were packing and getting changed as we were about to go on a little trip as we had been dating for about a year and a half.
While packing and changing we decide to get a little frisky and start going at it on my bed room floor - I had a water bed at the time and they are really noisy for sex - anyways my mom then barges in my room with clothes I should bring and there we are, doggy style with me holding her hair from behind. My mom just looks appalled stands there for like 5 seconds and leaves...its all quiet for a moment and I hear her shout "Your going to a hotel you can do it as much as you want there"
She must now think I'm a sex addict or something. It was pretty embarrassing as it was full day, sunshine coming in through the window. Both fully nude...
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Suicide SlydeHaunts your dreamsof mountains sunk below the seaRegistered Userregular
edited April 2009
My god these are the best threads, and now I will make a feeble attempt at a contribution.
This isn't so much as a single embarrassing moment but a string of them that define my life.
I have very bad luck when it comes to blind people which is odd because pretty much all through high school I hung out with a blind guy. It first starts when I made fun of a lawyers tv commercial because he wasn't looking anywhere near the camera. I laugh hysterically and make some dumbass comment about how he couldn't be a lawyer because he would never be looking in the right direction or something. That's when fiance pipes up that he is blind. Well I feel like a douche but it's just me and her and she knows that I'm an idiot.
The next incident happens when some coworkers and I are watching American Idol (newest season) in the breakroom. I see this guy dancing around on stage and naturally, because I'm the lord of the dance, I have to say that he "sucks at dancing" and that he even has to be "dragged around on stage by someone else." By the time else hit my lips I realized what was going on, unfortunately everyone else was let in on the little secret that he was blind. Naturally I am chewed out for it by my coworkers. So now I'm feeling like an idiot and I should just keep my comments to myself, but alas I can't and one more slips through.
I think the last one happened the very same night as someone pointed out some huge ass coupon that a customer had used. I loled really really loud, I think I found that a coupon the size of a sheet of paper was hilariously large and deserved a laugh of equal size. Next thing I know someone yells out "Those are for blind people!" I shut up, instantly, and I don't dare turn around. I finished up my work and left. I hope to god that I've learned my lesson now, but history shows that probably won't happen.
tl;dr version: I make fun of blind people and haven't learned my lesson yet.
Not a really exciting or funny story but still pretty damn awkward
I'm using the toilet (at home) and hear some dude (neighbor?) next door start talking. I think he was trying to talk to me because I couldn't hear anyone else.
He says "I'm here...look behind you...". I could hear him quite clearly so I assume he must be near by. I look behind myself and no one's there. Thank god. Of course I'd know if anyone was in the room but still, a relief. He must be speaking through the window (obviously).
"I want to talk to you...", he continues. Well I'm kinda occupied right now so how about no. "...face to face...". What? Ah, maybe if I pretend to not be home he'll go away. So I do so. After I remain quiet he abandons his feeble attempt at chatting to me while I'm talking a crap.
Seriously, what the hell, man?! You wanna talk, knock the front door! Don't be all creepy! Srsly! This creeped me out so much that waited 10 minutes after I was done to flush, in fear that he might still be hanging around.
I think the last one happened the very same night as someone pointed out some huge ass coupon that a customer had used. I loled really really loud, I think I found that a coupon the size of a sheet of paper was hilariously large and deserved a laugh of equal size. Next thing I know someone yells out "Those are for blind people!" I shut up, instantly, and I don't dare turn around. I finished up my work and left. I hope to god that I've learned my lesson now, but history shows that probably won't happen.
I think someone was fucking with you. The idea of making something larger for blind people sounds like yelling a a deaf person.
I got a funny story from when I was working at a bank.
I had got some lady who was wearing some sweat suit and ballcap. She was doing some depositing and withdrawing. I had to get approval from my manager, so I told the lady he would be right out. While we were I was printing receipts and I hear her talk to herself in low tone. She says, "is it because of the sweat suit?" I assume she is thinking out loud and ignore here. She keeps muttering stuff, but I can't hear it. After a couple of minutes my manager comes in and tells the woman he can help her with her situation at the end station. The lady starts heading over, but stops and takes a step back. She outstretches he arms and yells, "IS IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T SHOWER THIS MORNING?!?"
There was about 10-15 people in the bank at the time and everything came to a dead silence for about 5 seconds. I lost it and immeadiately head to the back to laugh for about 10 min. I hear my manager say, "no ma'am. It's just that my station is over here".
Minor "in retrospect, this should have been embarrasing" story:
Last week, my wife rented the Unrated version of "Role Models". Neither of us had seen it, so we didn't know what would be in it that wasn't in the theatrical version. I said, "Probably more boobs."
Low and behold, when the first pair of tits popped up in the film, I raised my hands in affirmation, and shouted "YES!" I like being right. After that, I settled down and enjoyed the film, not giving it a further thought.
I'm still not sure if my wife was boring a hole in my head with her stare or not.
It was around the middle of the month or so. My ladyfriend and I are walking to a friend's house for drinks. We're on a residential street in the evening, and it's one of those calm, winter evenings.
Suddenly, this guy bolts around a corner onto the street, carrying a fully decorated Christmas tree. It wasn't a particularly large tree, but big enough that seeing someone booking it down the street with it caught us off guard. A second later, someone who I'm pretty sure was a cop came around the same corner after him.
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firewaterwordSatchitanandaPais Vasco to San FranciscoRegistered Userregular
Minor "in retrospect, this should have been embarrasing" story:
Last week, my wife rented the Unrated version of "Role Models". Neither of us had seen it, so we didn't know what would be in it that wasn't in the theatrical version. I said, "Probably more boobs."
Low and behold, when the first pair of tits popped up in the film, I raised my hands in affirmation, and shouted "YES!" I like being right. After that, I settled down and enjoyed the film, not giving it a further thought.
I'm still not sure if my wife was boring a hole in my head with her stare or not.
At least you didn't try for a hi-five.
And Suicide Slyde, your story reminded me of the episode of the old George Carlin show where it's basically him fucking with blind people as a cab driver and catching hell for it. And now I feel old.
Minor "in retrospect, this should have been embarrasing" story:
Last week, my wife rented the Unrated version of "Role Models". Neither of us had seen it, so we didn't know what would be in it that wasn't in the theatrical version. I said, "Probably more boobs."
Low and behold, when the first pair of tits popped up in the film, I raised my hands in affirmation, and shouted "YES!" I like being right. After that, I settled down and enjoyed the film, not giving it a further thought.
I'm still not sure if my wife was boring a hole in my head with her stare or not.
Similarly, but in a more "Oh god I'm going to be killed now" way, I was working at Blockbuster, and one of the perks was getting to rent movies a week or so before they came out. So my gf, by now memorizing certain release dates and requesting them when we got them, had asked for Dukes of Hazzard. Okay, right, I grab a pre-release copy before I clock out and we're all good. Well I get home, we pop it in, and me, her, and her whole uber-conservative Christian family (she's not) all sit down to watch this delightfully enjoyable family flick. With sorority boobies! Yeah, see apparently the pre-release copies Blockbuster sent us, 2 each of Unrated and Regular, had gotten their disks swapped. Our copies were in plain black cases, and the only difference was a small (U) next to the title. This was also some odd occurance, as usually they came in their regular covers. Apparently someone upstairs was just fucking with me. So that was one thing I didn't notice. The other was apparently the 'UNRATED' in the title screen when I pressed play, because I probably didn't give a shit when every other movie coming out then had an XTREME! version, and was a normal 20 year old guy who liked watching boobs.
So now, movie instantly stops after a few seconds of glorious mammary-infested screentime. Dad says "Jordan ... come with me into the garage". I go out there, ahead of him, he shuts the door. Now I know this guy's got a cabinet full of guns on the other end of the house, and he hasn't come out yet, and the longer I waited the more I could picture him trying to decide which weapon to blow my genitals off with. I hear muffled argument on the other side of the door. Soon he comes out, tells me "Be more careful what you bring into my house, young man" and that's that. Apparently, Crystal lied about the situation, actually thought I was an idiot and purposely rented that version, but the lie she told him was indeed "They must've accidentally switched the disks, dad". And all I could do was nervously laugh and tell her "Oh sure, like that's the first time your little brother has seen boobs".
Yes. Right there in the garage, I brought up sarcasm as a verbal weapon, because that was the right thing to do, right? Little did I know that her dad had gone outside the house through the back door, and at that moment came into the garage from the outside. And heard me. And I decided that now was the best time to leave that house, and did so at a rapid rate of speed.
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Suicide SlydeHaunts your dreamsof mountains sunk below the seaRegistered Userregular
I think the last one happened the very same night as someone pointed out some huge ass coupon that a customer had used. I loled really really loud, I think I found that a coupon the size of a sheet of paper was hilariously large and deserved a laugh of equal size. Next thing I know someone yells out "Those are for blind people!" I shut up, instantly, and I don't dare turn around. I finished up my work and left. I hope to god that I've learned my lesson now, but history shows that probably won't happen.
I think someone was fucking with you. The idea of making something larger for blind people sounds like yelling a a deaf person.
Yea, I assume they meant legally blind but didn't really press the issue. I guess for me the worst part about it is that I spent three years or so hanging out with a totally blind person nearly every day.
Now awkward or embarrassing, but my best friend is now my unofficial attorney.
We decided that his pay would be 1 booster pack of magic cards and 1 Dragonlance novel per every time he gives me legal advice.
Also, I get to refer to him as "my 99 pound Italian attorney"
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RingoHe/Hima distinct lack of substanceRegistered Userregular
edited April 2009
Well this just happened to me:
I had not one, but two short stories due for a creative writing class yesterday. I have big issues with writer's block/procrastination/perfectionism and whatever else keeps me locked in my head and not writing. Yesterday was no exception and I got so crazy about the whole thing I completely skipped class and probably shot myself from a Pass to a Fail.
So I've been sitting around agonizing about finishing these stories for tomorrow's class (and procrastinating by wasting time here at PA today) when I finally decide I should check my school email and see if my teacher sent me anything about my missed class. Sure enough, I've got email from my teacher, and I'm dreading it enough that I have to walk away from the computer for a minute before sitting down to read it.
You know what she sent me yesterday?
A notice that class was canceled because she was sick. Workshops are postponed till Thursday.
HOLY SHIT
Now if only I had written something worthwhile today....
Minor "in retrospect, this should have been embarrasing" story:
Last week, my wife rented the Unrated version of "Role Models". Neither of us had seen it, so we didn't know what would be in it that wasn't in the theatrical version. I said, "Probably more boobs."
Low and behold, when the first pair of tits popped up in the film, I raised my hands in affirmation, and shouted "YES!" I like being right. After that, I settled down and enjoyed the film, not giving it a further thought.
I'm still not sure if my wife was boring a hole in my head with her stare or not.
Similarly, but in a more "Oh god I'm going to be killed now" way, I was working at Blockbuster, and one of the perks was getting to rent movies a week or so before they came out. So my gf, by now memorizing certain release dates and requesting them when we got them, had asked for Dukes of Hazzard. Okay, right, I grab a pre-release copy before I clock out and we're all good. Well I get home, we pop it in, and me, her, and her whole uber-conservative Christian family (she's not) all sit down to watch this delightfully enjoyable family flick. With sorority boobies! Yeah, see apparently the pre-release copies Blockbuster sent us, 2 each of Unrated and Regular, had gotten their disks swapped. Our copies were in plain black cases, and the only difference was a small (U) next to the title. This was also some odd occurance, as usually they came in their regular covers. Apparently someone upstairs was just fucking with me. So that was one thing I didn't notice. The other was apparently the 'UNRATED' in the title screen when I pressed play, because I probably didn't give a shit when every other movie coming out then had an XTREME! version, and was a normal 20 year old guy who liked watching boobs.
So now, movie instantly stops after a few seconds of glorious mammary-infested screentime. Dad says "Jordan ... come with me into the garage". I go out there, ahead of him, he shuts the door. Now I know this guy's got a cabinet full of guns on the other end of the house, and he hasn't come out yet, and the longer I waited the more I could picture him trying to decide which weapon to blow my genitals off with. I hear muffled argument on the other side of the door. Soon he comes out, tells me "Be more careful what you bring into my house, young man" and that's that. Apparently, Crystal lied about the situation, actually thought I was an idiot and purposely rented that version, but the lie she told him was indeed "They must've accidentally switched the disks, dad". And all I could do was nervously laugh and tell her "Oh sure, like that's the first time your little brother has seen boobs".
Yes. Right there in the garage, I brought up sarcasm as a verbal weapon, because that was the right thing to do, right? Little did I know that her dad had gone outside the house through the back door, and at that moment came into the garage from the outside. And heard me. And I decided that now was the best time to leave that house, and did so at a rapid rate of speed.
My old roomate worked at BB for a while
he would routinely and gleefully swap Jack Frost the horror movie and Jack Frost the kids movie.
It was around the middle of the month or so. My ladyfriend and I are walking to a friend's house for drinks. We're on a residential street in the evening, and it's one of those calm, winter evenings.
Suddenly, this guy bolts around a corner onto the street, carrying a fully decorated Christmas tree. It wasn't a particularly large tree, but big enough that seeing someone booking it down the street with it caught us off guard. A second later, someone who I'm pretty sure was a cop came around the same corner after him.
?
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HeatwaveCome, now, and walk the path of explosions with me!Registered Userregular
I have very bad luck when it comes to blind people which is odd because pretty much all through high school I hung out with a blind guy. It first starts when I made fun of a lawyers tv commercial because he wasn't looking anywhere near the camera. I laugh hysterically and make some dumbass comment about how he couldn't be a lawyer because he would never be looking in the right direction or something. That's when fiance pipes up that he is blind. Well I feel like a douche but it's just me and her and she knows that I'm an idiot.
Was it this guy? Because if so, I know exactly the commercial you're talking about and also didn't know for a long time that he was blind.
I met a girl over the weekend who is incredibly long-sighted: around +7 in both eyes, I think. I'm -6.15 -6.75, so, as you do, we swapped glasses to see prescription strengths. My other friend, who is -6.75 -7.15 and wears contacts, pipes up with this gem: "So, if I wasn't wearing my contacts, and wearing long-sighted glasses, I'd be seeing... backwards?"
That whole evening was quite strange, come to think of it. We talked about the use of hazmat suits in embalming, the status of bionics (apparently there's an infra-red artificial implant being tested at the moment), games to play with seeing eye dogs, steampunk monocles... And yet, when I was walking her to the train station at the end of the evening, the topic of Dungeons and Dragons came up and, in my mind, I went from "interesting, witty guy" to "shut-in nerd who still plays make-believe". Looking back, I can't believe how insecure I must have sounded for no good reason.
TL;DR: I realise that I have deep-seated insecurity issues about D&D by deciding that, while embalming and bionics are good topics of discussion, roleplaying is just too strange and embarrassing.
I met a girl over the weekend who is incredibly long-sighted: around +7 in both eyes, I think. I'm -6.15 -6.75, so, as you do, we swapped glasses to see prescription strengths. My other friend, who is -6.75 -7.15 and wears contacts, pipes up with this gem: "So, if I wasn't wearing my contacts, and wearing long-sighted glasses, I'd be seeing... backwards?"
That whole evening was quite strange, come to think of it. We talked about the use of hazmat suits in embalming, the status of bionics (apparently there's an infra-red artificial implant being tested at the moment), games to play with seeing eye dogs, steampunk monocles... And yet, when I was walking her to the train station at the end of the evening, the topic of Dungeons and Dragons came up and, in my mind, I went from "interesting, witty guy" to "shut-in nerd who still plays make-believe". Looking back, I can't believe how insecure I must have sounded for no good reason.
TL;DR: I realise that I have deep-seated insecurity issues about D&D by deciding that, while embalming and bionics are good topics of discussion, roleplaying is just too strange and embarrassing.
Did she mock you for playing DnD? or did you just bring it up and then go "not that I play it. It's still pretty cool and not at all nerdy."?
There was no mocking whatsoever, that's the stupid thing. She asked whether I went down to London often, and I replied that my weekends were usually taken up with roleplaying. I then spent the next ten minutes defending the hobby for no good reason, and probably came off worse than if I'd just continued the conversation about the club she was all but inviting me to.
Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
There was no mocking whatsoever, that's the stupid thing. She asked whether I went down to London often, and I replied that my weekends were usually taken up with roleplaying. I then spent the next ten minutes defending the hobby for no good reason, and probably came off worse than if I'd just continued the conversation about the club she was all but inviting me to.
Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
Maybe you can pick up pointers for your book from Gosling.
Kidding. But seriously, don't be afraid to be a nerd. Just embrace it and move on. If you're lucky, maybe she'll ask you to put on your robe and wizard hat.
"I usually spend part of my weekend playing Dungeons and Dragons with some friends. I know, kinda nerdy, but I'm okay with that."
Rhesus, do you need an internet Cyrano?
I worked out that that would probably have been the best thing to do a few days after the event :P
New story time.
Yesterday was the deadline for my course's dissertation. After we handed ours in, a bunch of us went to a few pubs and then on to happy hour at a cocktail bar. The lure of moderately-priced girly drinks worked, and I proceeded to drink my way through the menu. We then continued back to one guy's room for more drinking.
I woke up this morning with a hangover, and I was expecting that. What I wasn't expecting was to see my shirt hanging up with blood all down one sleeve. I check my elbow, and it turns out it's mine. My initial thought was that I scuffed my elbow climbing over the wall of my college to shave a few hundred feet off my walk home, but when I got dressed I realised that all of my clothes were covered in dust.
A few Facebook investigations and a brief interrogation of the host of the party determined that I'd actually injured myself wrestling with one of my friends on gravel. I had absolutely no recollection of this, and I haven't seen my friend since yesterday. I hope when I see her tomorrow at lectures she doesn't hold anything against me, as I still don't know the full extent of the story
And that's why I've given up drinking for a while - I figure that I should at least be able to remember the outcome of my abysmal impulse control getting the better of me.
There was no mocking whatsoever, that's the stupid thing. She asked whether I went down to London often, and I replied that my weekends were usually taken up with roleplaying. I then spent the next ten minutes defending the hobby for no good reason, and probably came off worse than if I'd just continued the conversation about the club she was all but inviting me to.
Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
You only need to be concerned about a women's reaction if you are the kind of guy who has let his role playing take over and has made it to age twenty six with his virginity intact, skin that has never seen daylight and suffering personal hygeine. Women usually love geeks, there's something sweet about a man asking you to join his D&D group because he really wants to share something he enjoys.
mystikspyral on
"When life gives you lemons, just say 'Fuck the lemons,' and bail" :rotate:
A few weeks after my 18th birthday, I take my mother's car to pick up a lil chick I had been diggin at the time. We had done sexual stuff before, but hadn't made it to full blown sex yet, but I take my condoms just in case. Dinner, movie and I'm taking her home and she says "Lets head to Belle Isle". Fuck it, I have neothing else to do so we roll all the way downtown to cruise around the island. There's a particularly notorious stretch of road on Belle Isle known for folks driveing there strictly to fuck in their cars, and she directs me there. We go at it in the car, clean up and I take her home.
Next day, my moms comes storming up to my room demanding that I come outside. She's like "Open the passenger door... ", I open it and lo and behold and empty condom wrapper and a pair of panties are on the floor on the passenger side. Moms is like "Don't EVER use my car for a motel EVER AGAIN!!!" and storms back into the house.
About an hour later, I get a call from my father, he asks me about the incident and then reassures me "at least you wore a rubber..."
My dad was cool like that. He's the type to tell you that his neighbor's daughter is fuckin "... and you need to go holler at her to get you a piece. She cute too"
Women usually love geeks, there's something sweet about a man asking you to join his D&D group because he really wants to share something he enjoys.
I have heard before, but this could just be pity advice (not to me, I think I heard it on tv) that women dig anyone who is passionate about anything (to an extent) and willing to take control and teach them how to take part. There is a difference between enthusiasm and obsession, though.
Unless of course, you threaten to punch her in the dick if she rolls two 1s.
Wait, so you also managed to embarrass yourself with another woman while drunk by presumably wrestling and tackling one of your lady friends to the ground?
There was no mocking whatsoever, that's the stupid thing. She asked whether I went down to London often, and I replied that my weekends were usually taken up with roleplaying. I then spent the next ten minutes defending the hobby for no good reason, and probably came off worse than if I'd just continued the conversation about the club she was all but inviting me to.
Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
You only need to be concerned about a women's reaction if you are the kind of guy who has let his role playing take over and has made it to age twenty six with his virginity intact, skin that has never seen daylight and suffering personal hygeine. Women usually love geeks, there's something sweet about a man asking you to join his D&D group because he really wants to share something he enjoys.
Okay smarty, tell me how to rephrase this conversation:
"So how did you get into acting/improv?"
"I used to LARP..."
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
There was no mocking whatsoever, that's the stupid thing. She asked whether I went down to London often, and I replied that my weekends were usually taken up with roleplaying. I then spent the next ten minutes defending the hobby for no good reason, and probably came off worse than if I'd just continued the conversation about the club she was all but inviting me to.
Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
You only need to be concerned about a women's reaction if you are the kind of guy who has let his role playing take over and has made it to age twenty six with his virginity intact, skin that has never seen daylight and suffering personal hygeine. Women usually love geeks, there's something sweet about a man asking you to join his D&D group because he really wants to share something he enjoys.
Okay smarty, tell me how to rephrase this conversation:
"So how did you get into acting/improv?"
"I used to LARP..."
"When I was a kid, my friends and I used to play this pretend game where we were wizards and stuff. It sort of just took off from there."
Posts
It just takes me to the last page of the thread.
I'm using the toilet (at home) and hear some dude (neighbor?) next door start talking. I think he was trying to talk to me because I couldn't hear anyone else.
He says "I'm here...look behind you...". I could hear him quite clearly so I assume he must be near by. I look behind myself and no one's there. Thank god. Of course I'd know if anyone was in the room but still, a relief. He must be speaking through the window (obviously).
"I want to talk to you...", he continues. Well I'm kinda occupied right now so how about no. "...face to face...". What? Ah, maybe if I pretend to not be home he'll go away. So I do so. After I remain quiet he abandons his feeble attempt at chatting to me while I'm talking a crap.
Seriously, what the hell, man?! You wanna talk, knock the front door! Don't be all creepy! Srsly! This creeped me out so much that waited 10 minutes after I was done to flush, in fear that he might still be hanging around.
Steam / Origin & Wii U: Heatwave111 / FC: 4227-1965-3206 / Battle.net: Heatwave#11356
Back in 2003 my wife and I moved from Washington to Connecticut, so we had the chance to take a cross-country drive. 3 days in, we stopped at some diner in Kansas for lunch. After lunch I head to the men's room. It was a little place, so there was only one stall and one urinal. I went to the stall, sat down, and tried to deal with the digestive effects of long cars rides and several days of bad food.
A few minutes pass and the bathroom door opens. The guy must have seen the stall door closed because he said, "Damn," under his breath. He stands there for a moment, I guess trying to decide what to do, and then walks over to the urinal.
I hear him unzip his fly, and then the rustling of clothes. I can see his feet under the wall of the stall, and he's facing away from the urinal. Then I hear a truly horrifying sound which I cannot replicate here which lasted for a good few seconds, followed by a truly horrifying smell. He pulls his pants up, zips, walks out. There's now liquid shit dripping onto the floor, splat, splat.
I got out of there in a hurry. Haven't been back to Kansas since.
IOS Game Center ID: Isotope-X
Steam / Origin & Wii U: Heatwave111 / FC: 4227-1965-3206 / Battle.net: Heatwave#11356
So a few years ago, on the day after my high school prob, my then girlfriend was over and we were packing and getting changed as we were about to go on a little trip as we had been dating for about a year and a half.
While packing and changing we decide to get a little frisky and start going at it on my bed room floor - I had a water bed at the time and they are really noisy for sex - anyways my mom then barges in my room with clothes I should bring and there we are, doggy style with me holding her hair from behind. My mom just looks appalled stands there for like 5 seconds and leaves...its all quiet for a moment and I hear her shout "Your going to a hotel you can do it as much as you want there"
She must now think I'm a sex addict or something. It was pretty embarrassing as it was full day, sunshine coming in through the window. Both fully nude...
This isn't so much as a single embarrassing moment but a string of them that define my life.
I have very bad luck when it comes to blind people which is odd because pretty much all through high school I hung out with a blind guy. It first starts when I made fun of a lawyers tv commercial because he wasn't looking anywhere near the camera. I laugh hysterically and make some dumbass comment about how he couldn't be a lawyer because he would never be looking in the right direction or something. That's when fiance pipes up that he is blind. Well I feel like a douche but it's just me and her and she knows that I'm an idiot.
The next incident happens when some coworkers and I are watching American Idol (newest season) in the breakroom. I see this guy dancing around on stage and naturally, because I'm the lord of the dance, I have to say that he "sucks at dancing" and that he even has to be "dragged around on stage by someone else." By the time else hit my lips I realized what was going on, unfortunately everyone else was let in on the little secret that he was blind. Naturally I am chewed out for it by my coworkers. So now I'm feeling like an idiot and I should just keep my comments to myself, but alas I can't and one more slips through.
I think the last one happened the very same night as someone pointed out some huge ass coupon that a customer had used. I loled really really loud, I think I found that a coupon the size of a sheet of paper was hilariously large and deserved a laugh of equal size. Next thing I know someone yells out "Those are for blind people!" I shut up, instantly, and I don't dare turn around. I finished up my work and left. I hope to god that I've learned my lesson now, but history shows that probably won't happen.
tl;dr version: I make fun of blind people and haven't learned my lesson yet.
He could have been on the phone.
I think someone was fucking with you. The idea of making something larger for blind people sounds like yelling a a deaf person.
I had got some lady who was wearing some sweat suit and ballcap. She was doing some depositing and withdrawing. I had to get approval from my manager, so I told the lady he would be right out. While we were I was printing receipts and I hear her talk to herself in low tone. She says, "is it because of the sweat suit?" I assume she is thinking out loud and ignore here. She keeps muttering stuff, but I can't hear it. After a couple of minutes my manager comes in and tells the woman he can help her with her situation at the end station. The lady starts heading over, but stops and takes a step back. She outstretches he arms and yells, "IS IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T SHOWER THIS MORNING?!?"
There was about 10-15 people in the bank at the time and everything came to a dead silence for about 5 seconds. I lost it and immeadiately head to the back to laugh for about 10 min. I hear my manager say, "no ma'am. It's just that my station is over here".
Last week, my wife rented the Unrated version of "Role Models". Neither of us had seen it, so we didn't know what would be in it that wasn't in the theatrical version. I said, "Probably more boobs."
Low and behold, when the first pair of tits popped up in the film, I raised my hands in affirmation, and shouted "YES!" I like being right. After that, I settled down and enjoyed the film, not giving it a further thought.
I'm still not sure if my wife was boring a hole in my head with her stare or not.
It was around the middle of the month or so. My ladyfriend and I are walking to a friend's house for drinks. We're on a residential street in the evening, and it's one of those calm, winter evenings.
Suddenly, this guy bolts around a corner onto the street, carrying a fully decorated Christmas tree. It wasn't a particularly large tree, but big enough that seeing someone booking it down the street with it caught us off guard. A second later, someone who I'm pretty sure was a cop came around the same corner after him.
At least you didn't try for a hi-five.
And Suicide Slyde, your story reminded me of the episode of the old George Carlin show where it's basically him fucking with blind people as a cab driver and catching hell for it. And now I feel old.
But my ex has printed off a ton of e-mail coupons which seem to like to fill an entire page.
Similarly, but in a more "Oh god I'm going to be killed now" way, I was working at Blockbuster, and one of the perks was getting to rent movies a week or so before they came out. So my gf, by now memorizing certain release dates and requesting them when we got them, had asked for Dukes of Hazzard. Okay, right, I grab a pre-release copy before I clock out and we're all good. Well I get home, we pop it in, and me, her, and her whole uber-conservative Christian family (she's not) all sit down to watch this delightfully enjoyable family flick. With sorority boobies! Yeah, see apparently the pre-release copies Blockbuster sent us, 2 each of Unrated and Regular, had gotten their disks swapped. Our copies were in plain black cases, and the only difference was a small (U) next to the title. This was also some odd occurance, as usually they came in their regular covers. Apparently someone upstairs was just fucking with me. So that was one thing I didn't notice. The other was apparently the 'UNRATED' in the title screen when I pressed play, because I probably didn't give a shit when every other movie coming out then had an XTREME! version, and was a normal 20 year old guy who liked watching boobs.
So now, movie instantly stops after a few seconds of glorious mammary-infested screentime. Dad says "Jordan ... come with me into the garage". I go out there, ahead of him, he shuts the door. Now I know this guy's got a cabinet full of guns on the other end of the house, and he hasn't come out yet, and the longer I waited the more I could picture him trying to decide which weapon to blow my genitals off with. I hear muffled argument on the other side of the door. Soon he comes out, tells me "Be more careful what you bring into my house, young man" and that's that. Apparently, Crystal lied about the situation, actually thought I was an idiot and purposely rented that version, but the lie she told him was indeed "They must've accidentally switched the disks, dad". And all I could do was nervously laugh and tell her "Oh sure, like that's the first time your little brother has seen boobs".
Yes. Right there in the garage, I brought up sarcasm as a verbal weapon, because that was the right thing to do, right? Little did I know that her dad had gone outside the house through the back door, and at that moment came into the garage from the outside. And heard me. And I decided that now was the best time to leave that house, and did so at a rapid rate of speed.
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Yea, I assume they meant legally blind but didn't really press the issue. I guess for me the worst part about it is that I spent three years or so hanging out with a totally blind person nearly every day.
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We decided that his pay would be 1 booster pack of magic cards and 1 Dragonlance novel per every time he gives me legal advice.
Also, I get to refer to him as "my 99 pound Italian attorney"
I had not one, but two short stories due for a creative writing class yesterday. I have big issues with writer's block/procrastination/perfectionism and whatever else keeps me locked in my head and not writing. Yesterday was no exception and I got so crazy about the whole thing I completely skipped class and probably shot myself from a Pass to a Fail.
So I've been sitting around agonizing about finishing these stories for tomorrow's class (and procrastinating by wasting time here at PA today) when I finally decide I should check my school email and see if my teacher sent me anything about my missed class. Sure enough, I've got email from my teacher, and I'm dreading it enough that I have to walk away from the computer for a minute before sitting down to read it.
You know what she sent me yesterday?
A notice that class was canceled because she was sick. Workshops are postponed till Thursday.
HOLY SHIT
Now if only I had written something worthwhile today....
Think about it. "Oops, the sex was bad. But we tried again and it was good."
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My old roomate worked at BB for a while
he would routinely and gleefully swap Jack Frost the horror movie and Jack Frost the kids movie.
I host a podcast about movies.
?
Steam / Origin & Wii U: Heatwave111 / FC: 4227-1965-3206 / Battle.net: Heatwave#11356
Was it this guy? Because if so, I know exactly the commercial you're talking about and also didn't know for a long time that he was blind.
That whole evening was quite strange, come to think of it. We talked about the use of hazmat suits in embalming, the status of bionics (apparently there's an infra-red artificial implant being tested at the moment), games to play with seeing eye dogs, steampunk monocles... And yet, when I was walking her to the train station at the end of the evening, the topic of Dungeons and Dragons came up and, in my mind, I went from "interesting, witty guy" to "shut-in nerd who still plays make-believe". Looking back, I can't believe how insecure I must have sounded for no good reason.
TL;DR: I realise that I have deep-seated insecurity issues about D&D by deciding that, while embalming and bionics are good topics of discussion, roleplaying is just too strange and embarrassing.
Did she mock you for playing DnD? or did you just bring it up and then go "not that I play it. It's still pretty cool and not at all nerdy."?
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
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Essentially, another chapter in the book of Why Rhesus Sucks At Talking To Women. It's getting on for two volumes now.
Rhesus, do you need an internet Cyrano?
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Kidding. But seriously, don't be afraid to be a nerd. Just embrace it and move on. If you're lucky, maybe she'll ask you to put on your robe and wizard hat.
Just tell her Vin Diesel plays DnD. He's cool, right?
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I worked out that that would probably have been the best thing to do a few days after the event :P
New story time.
Yesterday was the deadline for my course's dissertation. After we handed ours in, a bunch of us went to a few pubs and then on to happy hour at a cocktail bar. The lure of moderately-priced girly drinks worked, and I proceeded to drink my way through the menu. We then continued back to one guy's room for more drinking.
I woke up this morning with a hangover, and I was expecting that. What I wasn't expecting was to see my shirt hanging up with blood all down one sleeve. I check my elbow, and it turns out it's mine. My initial thought was that I scuffed my elbow climbing over the wall of my college to shave a few hundred feet off my walk home, but when I got dressed I realised that all of my clothes were covered in dust.
A few Facebook investigations and a brief interrogation of the host of the party determined that I'd actually injured myself wrestling with one of my friends on gravel. I had absolutely no recollection of this, and I haven't seen my friend since yesterday. I hope when I see her tomorrow at lectures she doesn't hold anything against me, as I still don't know the full extent of the story
And that's why I've given up drinking for a while - I figure that I should at least be able to remember the outcome of my abysmal impulse control getting the better of me.
You only need to be concerned about a women's reaction if you are the kind of guy who has let his role playing take over and has made it to age twenty six with his virginity intact, skin that has never seen daylight and suffering personal hygeine. Women usually love geeks, there's something sweet about a man asking you to join his D&D group because he really wants to share something he enjoys.
A few weeks after my 18th birthday, I take my mother's car to pick up a lil chick I had been diggin at the time. We had done sexual stuff before, but hadn't made it to full blown sex yet, but I take my condoms just in case. Dinner, movie and I'm taking her home and she says "Lets head to Belle Isle". Fuck it, I have neothing else to do so we roll all the way downtown to cruise around the island. There's a particularly notorious stretch of road on Belle Isle known for folks driveing there strictly to fuck in their cars, and she directs me there. We go at it in the car, clean up and I take her home.
Next day, my moms comes storming up to my room demanding that I come outside. She's like "Open the passenger door... ", I open it and lo and behold and empty condom wrapper and a pair of panties are on the floor on the passenger side. Moms is like "Don't EVER use my car for a motel EVER AGAIN!!!" and storms back into the house.
About an hour later, I get a call from my father, he asks me about the incident and then reassures me "at least you wore a rubber..."
that... was fuckin awesome!!!
My dad was cool like that. He's the type to tell you that his neighbor's daughter is fuckin "... and you need to go holler at her to get you a piece. She cute too"
I have heard before, but this could just be pity advice (not to me, I think I heard it on tv) that women dig anyone who is passionate about anything (to an extent) and willing to take control and teach them how to take part. There is a difference between enthusiasm and obsession, though.
Unless of course, you threaten to punch her in the dick if she rolls two 1s.
Wait, so you also managed to embarrass yourself with another woman while drunk by presumably wrestling and tackling one of your lady friends to the ground?
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Okay smarty, tell me how to rephrase this conversation:
"So how did you get into acting/improv?"
"I used to LARP..."
"When I was a kid, my friends and I used to play this pretend game where we were wizards and stuff. It sort of just took off from there."