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I feel "pretty"
multimoog
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Here's an interesting one, maybe I can get some great words of wisdom from the womenfolk: Suppose you have a lady friend who has been complaining of not feeling "pretty" enough in a long time. Now, you personally think this girl is very attractive, but your words aren't really getting through. What would be some awesome (non-bank-breaking) ways of demonstrating your views?
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go down on her
I am 100% serious
You think that isn't one of the benefits? I am le skeelled lovair.
Dinner: I usually take her out once a week, and she always gets at least a little dolled up, and I always compliment her.
Shrug? Ladies, what can a guy do that makes you feel pretty? I wanna do something special, and I've already done regular stuff like gifts of flowers, made her dinner/artwork, etc. I'm wondering if there's something that... I dunno, conveys prettiness or attractiveness.
Yep! That's why I'm cunfuzzled, and opening the floor to suggestion. Got anything else? Another sticking point: she rarely needs an excuse for a hairdid, and dids it regularly. So beautification isn't really a big deal to her, either.
here's a stratagem: tell her you want to go somewhere nice, dress up to the nines, and then when you see her, act naturally. If she dresses up for it, god knows she's going to look good. In my experience, they listen to your compliments more sincerely when they're trying to look good.
I always do that - I'm always trying to steal a kiss or come in contact. Because - and I've told her this - she just turns me on so much, constantly. It's one of the reasons I'm so confused by her attitude towards herself, I do all those things because she looks so good that I always want to touch her as much as I can.
Yeah, I always do this too, because she always looks good to me. Example: we hung out last week, just to play board games and make brownies (not a euphemism for anything, btw). She apologized for coming straight from work, and I said she had nothing to apologize for: her t-shirt was really cute and her butt looked amazing in those jeans. She told me today she's starting a new workout regimen tomorrow (to which I said "I don't think you need to, but if it'll help you feel better about yourself it's a good step") and got some new gym clothes, when she told me what they looked like I said it sounds like she'll look really hot in them.
I'm starting to wonder if this isn't the case, which is sad. Because I really want to help her feel better!
but they're listening to every word I say
I was offended.
Now I'm not a model, but I'm an attractive guy. Intelligent, somewhat charming, educated, etc. I'm not going to be dating any ugly chicks, thanks, and being an artist I think I have somewhat of an authority on the subject of beauty.
That doesn't reinforce the behavior (so it doesn't keep coming up) and I think it's a novel enough approach to get her thinking. Which, really, is my advice here- Find something novel, some way to explain it to her that you truly own, and use that. If it's my reasoning and you believe in it for yourself, then great.
If that's the case, I think it's a habit I'll gladly support; it's free and I like doing it. She's told me before about her past boyfriends, and how she always felt used, taken for granted - she's not used to receiving compliments (or being taken to dinner, or given gifts, or...), and sometimes if I start getting really involved about what I like about her, it makes her shut down a little and get flustered. Maybe fishing for compliments is the only way she feels comfortable about getting them, because it might be the only way she's used to guys giving them. If she's fishing, it seems like a relatively small small way to keep her happy with me and feeling good. The problem would be finding out one way or the other, I guess (though it's not like I'm going to stop complimenting her either way, just whether or not I want to come up with some kind of grand gesture by Wednesday night).
I actually used the "I'm not in the habit of dating ugly girls" line tonight, when she started talking about how fat she feels. I told her she's definitely voluptuous, which is a good thing, and I love it. She looks like a 1940's pinup girl, which I think is honest and flattering at the same time.
Basically just overwhelm her with exacting detail for why she's beautiful. Make a list of so many pros that, no matter what she lists, the cons seem minor in comparison. I don't think it'll stop compliment fishing (which it seems all girls do) but it'll help slow it down. Cut her off before she can attack herself with a compliment basically.
Also don't be so concerned. Like I said all girls seem to do compliment fishing. It doesn't necessarily mean they really believe they're not beautiful.
If she asks how clothes look on her, usually you can say something like "The sweater is OK, but on you it's great!" You need to give her power over what she wears and what her body looks like, not the other way around.
Personally, I'd steer clear of making it seem like her body has sexual powers over you. Girls get no short amount of that when they're single, and it's exactly the thing a guy would want a girl to say to him.
For grand gestures, there's not a whole lot you can do, and it's very specific to each girl.
Limed for what I think. She probably likes being told that from what I've heard.
Just going out on an idea, here: If you have access to a camera you could ask her if she wanted to do a sexy personal photoshoot? Like you said she's looks like a pinup to you so maybe some 50's style hairdos and some revealing clothing is requested for the evening? Then you could look over the pictures together or something?
Also, I would say leave her notes saying this - if she's asking because she has doubts about what you're saying, telling her so in a note or a letter would maybe reinforce the fact that you're not saying it because you want sex at the moment.
I host a podcast about movies.
As a female I'm going to second this. It's small touches (hair, cheek, back, shoulders), it's small gestures (certain ways of looking at her), it's remembering little details (I love it when your nose crinkles like that when you're laughing, etc.), and it's being patient patient patient. It took my husband (yes, husband) a year before I started to believe him (as in, that it's what he really thought) when he'd say I was beautiful. As it is, I believe he thinks it, but I still don't think it about myself. Women can be weird about physical appearance, especially intelligent ones.
Face Twit Rav Gram
so what do you think people mean when they say it? That they're trying to manipulate or flatter you?
Also, when a person turns out to be in some way insincere (IE relationship didn't work out, they cheated on you, etc) to you internalize that by questioning all their compliments?
These are genuine questions, I'm not trying to "argue" with you, I'm curious about your thought process.
Men have body issues galore, but personally I tend not to argue with or believe compliments per se - I tend to take them as a sign the person is happy and not question beyond that.
I host a podcast about movies.
Part of it, especially when it comes from someone like my parents or husband, etc., is that 'Well, they love me, so they can't see clearly'. A silly attitude, I know, but that's part of it for me. Sometimes, when it's some random guy or girl, I'll think they're just being lazy about flirting (since your average compliments aren't hard to come up with) or are trying to manipulate me. I would definitely agree that some of it is from internalized relationship problems in the past. My relationship prior to getting married ended very, very badly with insults on both sides, so everything (good or bad) that happened got questioned and lots of walls got built.
This, of course, is just an example of one person's experience. It may be similar to the OP's lady friend, it may not be.
I'd suggest, in addition to what I've already said, that he ask her why she has trouble believing him. Knowing can really help, especially if it's due to past emotional problems.
Face Twit Rav Gram
"My sweetheart has always watched me undress. If he's in the room while I am changing, it doesn't matter what he's doing he'll watch me. I always roll my eyes or tell him he's being silly but really I like that he's still interested in looking. For three years he has NEVER not watched except for the passed two nights. This is not his regular behavior, though true it's only been a couple of days. We haven't been fighting, I haven't been nagging. I haven't let myself go, physically I look better now than when he married me. I was bent over in his favorite style of panties two feet away and he didn't even glance over.
I know how I feel but when I say it out loud I think I sound like an insecure brat who's upset because her husband doesn't always want to look at her body. It's a complete double standard - I can not want it and thats just fine but my sweetheart better be an effin horndog for me at all times."
This was some valuable information for me: DON'T SLACK UP!
Me staring at her when she's changing makes her feel good. Funnily enough, I feel good too...because, you know, I get to watch my wife getting naked! Now, when I'm watching her, I'm not just being pervy but I'm making her feel good too!
Lots of touching, lots of compliments, lots of come ons, lots of emails/texts/phone calls. It pays dividends!
Grab her ass. Tell her you're so horny/hot for her, you want to take her in the laundry room. Plant a big kiss on her right when you get home from work/when you first see her without saying a word. Drop your jaw when she gets out of the shower. Always peek in at her when she is in the shower.
Be cheesy dude.
Get your friends to scout out whatever bar/club/lounge/whatever where you're most likely to find extremely attractive girls. Take her to that location and then completely ignore every other girl in the whole place. Don't stay long though, and be like, "this place sucks, let's bounce!"
Problem is, peeking in on her in the shower leads to joining her in the shower, leads to :winky: in the shower, leads to oh shit we're gonna be late :P
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Some things are worth being late for, like sex with Shawnasee's wife.
Your whole statement is great except the way it starts...
I don't like any of your statement. o_O
He might come home early and catch me
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Or I might be in the closet...watching.
Guys, peaking in on other people's wives will not make yours feel better about themselves.
Certainly, having 3-4 people peaking on Shawnasee's wife will make her feel good about herself...
I think something got missed in the interpretation there. :P
Anyhow, the point initially tried to get across and agreed with is be a horndog. Yes, she might not reciprocate on the spot. Yes, it might get you all worked up and then you two just don't get around to it that night. But your interest in her makes her feel good.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Yeah, she must feel on top of the world on Wednesdays.
Every time I start to say things like that in person she gets really shy and looks away, covers her face with her hair and asks me to stop. I asked her if it's because she doesn't want to hear that from *me*, but she said it's not that she doesn't *like* that I say it, it's that any compliments make her feel really uncomfortable. It's been like that since our first date two months ago.
This is a weird problem to have.
As someone who's having a hard time taking compliments and also has extremely poor self-esteem, I'd tell you that if she's anything like me, you should just keep doing whatever you're doing now, that everything is fine. There simply are people like that.