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How about some awful jokes

tuggatugga Makin' moviesMakin' songsRegistered User regular
edited October 2009 in Social Entropy++
I just found a website

http://jokesareawesome.com/


and terrible jokes are kind of my thing

so ITT we make bad jokes, and they must be awful or you will be ridiculed for having a poor sense of humor
A guy was walking down the street when he noticed a little boy walking aroundwith a piece of steak on his head. So he asked, "Little boy, why do you have apiece of steak on your head?""I'm not a boy," the boy answered. "I'm a fork."
Down in Virginia, the prosecutors brag they could get a grand jury to bring a ham sandwich to trial. In fact, just last week, a banana was actually convicted of murder. It was overturned on appeal.
Two pretzels were walking down the street, then one got a-salted
A scientist cloned himself, but the clone turned out to be incredibly rude. Eventually, the scientist got sick of his clone and pushed him over a cliff. The next day he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that thebar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later thevoice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over."Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearingthese voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us.""It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."

tugga on
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Posts

  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Moriveth on
  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    a fish runs into a wall

    DAM

    lostwords on
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  • MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

    Moriveth on
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    what's the hardest part about roller blading?
    telling your parents you're gay

    MrMonroe on
  • PataPata Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Mullah walk into a bar.

    Pata on
    SRWWSig.pngEpisode 5: Mecha-World, Mecha-nisim, Mecha-beasts
  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    two flies are arguing on a toilet seat

    one of em gets pissed off

    Beasteh on
  • BusterKBusterK Negativity is Boring Cynicism is Cowardice Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    What do you call a masturbating cow?



    Beef Stroganoff

    BusterK on
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  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    boy starts crying, doesn't want to see his grandma

    father says "SHUT UP, KEEP DIGGING"

    Calamity Jane on
    twitter https://twitter.com/mperezwritesirl michelle patreon https://www.patreon.com/thatwronglove michelle's comic book from IMAGE COMICS you can order http://a.co/dn5YeUD
  • sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Booger CoveRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    A man walks into a bar.
    He says, "Ow".

    spono on
    640qocnq4ske.gif
  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    What kinda cheese is not yours?

    nacho cheese!

    lostwords on
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  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    what do you call a leper in a bathtub
    porridge

    Beasteh on
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    black people

    PiptheFair on
  • Cold Salmon and HatredCold Salmon and Hatred __BANNED USERS regular
    edited October 2009
    lol

    Cold Salmon and Hatred on
  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Calamity Jane on
    twitter https://twitter.com/mperezwritesirl michelle patreon https://www.patreon.com/thatwronglove michelle's comic book from IMAGE COMICS you can order http://a.co/dn5YeUD
  • VanityPantsVanityPants Gokai Red! Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
    A Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

    VanityPants on
    Gokai_zpsdvyiviz0.png
  • MonkeyfeetMonkeyfeet Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Why did the scarecrow win an award?
    He was outstanding in his field

    Monkeyfeet on
    sig1.jpg
  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository Bawstan New EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
    A quarter pounder with cheese

    The Otaku Suppository on
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2009
    Druhim on
    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • FandyienFandyien But Otto, what about us? Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    confucious say not cross road or else you might get tired

    Fandyien on
    reposig.jpg
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    neil looks coked out of his mind

    PiptheFair on
  • DeathPrawnDeathPrawn Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Confucius say baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk

    DeathPrawn on
    Signature not found.
  • AbracadanielAbracadaniel Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Two guys walk into a bar


    Third one ducks.

    Abracadaniel on
  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I like the idea of jokes such as Hester and Chester or Better Nate than Lever but to actually execute them would be a difficult task outside of print.

    Seriously on
  • Randall_FlaggRandall_Flagg Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Why don't French people eat two eggs for breakfast?

    Because one egg is enough!

    (If you haven't heard it before and you don't get it, try saying it out loud)

    Randall_Flagg on
  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Knowing a teensy bit of French also helps.

    Seriously on
  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    AMP'd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Why don't French people eat two eggs for breakfast?

    Because one egg is Un oeuf!

    (If you haven't heard it before and you don't get it, try saying it out loud)

    fixed

    Antimatter on
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Seriously wrote: »
    Knowing a teensy bit of French also helps.

    oh, ya think?

    PiptheFair on
  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    You are twisted.

    celandine on
    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
  • AntimatterAntimatter Devo Was Right Gates of SteelRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    celandine wrote: »
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    You are twisted.

    have you read Watchmen?

    Antimatter on
  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    One day when I am old and pretending to be wise I will tell this story, but in the end invalidate the entire point by having Pagliacci burst out laughing at the situation.

    Seriously on
  • AMP'dAMP'd Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Why don't French people eat two eggs for breakfast?

    Because one egg is enough!

    (If you haven't heard it before and you don't get it, try saying it out loud)

    What happened to the three cats who went out sailing in a hurricane?
    Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq!

    AMP'd on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • unintentionalunintentional smelly Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    What's the difference between a violin and an onion?

    No one cries when you slice up a violin

    unintentional on
  • SeriouslySeriously Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Seriously wrote: »
    Knowing a teensy bit of French also helps.

    oh, ya think?

    Yes.

    Imagine the plight of someone who is desperately saying "enough" over and over, stretching it out, sounding it out, trying different accents.

    I wish to prevent this situation.

    Seriously on
  • MeizMeiz Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Why did Hellen Keller's dog jump off a cliff?

    You would too if your name was MNYEIWRAWROOO

    Meiz on
  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Abe goes to the doctor, finds out he has a brain tumor, only has one more day to live.
    He goes home, tells his wife, "Sarah, I only have one day to live."
    "Oh, that's awful! Tell me, honey, is there anything you want to do tonight, seeing as, you know, it's your last night to live?"
    "Well, um, it would be really nice if we could fool around, seeing as it's my last night to live."
    So, Abe and Sarah have sex, and it's really great.
    Abe says, "Would you, um, mind if we fooled around again?"
    "Sure, honey, anything you like, after all, you're a dying man."
    So they fool around again, and it's really great.
    Abe says, "Sarah, you know, that was wonderful, but I'd just really like to do it one more time."
    "Oh, for goodness sake, Abe! You don't have to get up in the morning!"

    celandine on
    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    guy has been going to a therapist for a few months now, and he tells his doctor he's worried about his brother

    "He just keeps walking around the house all day clucking and pecking at the ground. Guy honestly thinks he's a chicken. I'm not really sure what to do about it."

    therapist says, "well, maybe you should bring him in to see me. I could be able to help"

    and the man says, "you know, I would do that, doc, but I need the eggs"

    MrMonroe on
  • MathildaMathilda Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    A baby seal walks into a club


    I AM A COMEDIC GENIUS!

    Mathilda on
  • MeizMeiz Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    What do you call a gay chinaman?

    Chew Man Chew

    Meiz on
  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Antimatter wrote: »
    celandine wrote: »
    AMP'd wrote: »
    Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.

    You are twisted.

    have you read Watchmen?

    Yes, of course. That's why you're twisted.

    celandine on
    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
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