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so ITT we make bad jokes, and they must be awful or you will be ridiculed for having a poor sense of humor
A guy was walking down the street when he noticed a little boy walking aroundwith a piece of steak on his head. So he asked, "Little boy, why do you have apiece of steak on your head?""I'm not a boy," the boy answered. "I'm a fork."
Down in Virginia, the prosecutors brag they could get a grand jury to bring a ham sandwich to trial. In fact, just last week, a banana was actually convicted of murder. It was overturned on appeal.
Two pretzels were walking down the street, then one got a-salted
A scientist cloned himself, but the clone turned out to be incredibly rude. Eventually, the scientist got sick of his clone and pushed him over a cliff. The next day he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer,he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that thebar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later thevoice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over."Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearingthese voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us.""It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."
Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
AMP'd on
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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AntimatterDevo Was RightGates of SteelRegistered Userregular
Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
One day when I am old and pretending to be wise I will tell this story, but in the end invalidate the entire point by having Pagliacci burst out laughing at the situation.
Abe goes to the doctor, finds out he has a brain tumor, only has one more day to live.
He goes home, tells his wife, "Sarah, I only have one day to live."
"Oh, that's awful! Tell me, honey, is there anything you want to do tonight, seeing as, you know, it's your last night to live?"
"Well, um, it would be really nice if we could fool around, seeing as it's my last night to live."
So, Abe and Sarah have sex, and it's really great.
Abe says, "Would you, um, mind if we fooled around again?"
"Sure, honey, anything you like, after all, you're a dying man."
So they fool around again, and it's really great.
Abe says, "Sarah, you know, that was wonderful, but I'd just really like to do it one more time."
"Oh, for goodness sake, Abe! You don't have to get up in the morning!"
MrMonroepassed outon the floor nowRegistered Userregular
edited October 2009
guy has been going to a therapist for a few months now, and he tells his doctor he's worried about his brother
"He just keeps walking around the house all day clucking and pecking at the ground. Guy honestly thinks he's a chicken. I'm not really sure what to do about it."
therapist says, "well, maybe you should bring him in to see me. I could be able to help"
and the man says, "you know, I would do that, doc, but I need the eggs"
Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
Posts
DAM
one of em gets pissed off
Beef Stroganoff
Amazon Wishlist: http://www.amazon.com/BusterK/wishlist/3JPEKJGX9G54I/ref=cm_wl_search_bin_1
father says "SHUT UP, KEEP DIGGING"
He says, "Ow".
nacho cheese!
fuck yeah anjin
Third one ducks.
Because one egg is enough!
(If you haven't heard it before and you don't get it, try saying it out loud)
fixed
oh, ya think?
You are twisted.
http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
have you read Watchmen?
One day when I am old and pretending to be wise I will tell this story, but in the end invalidate the entire point by having Pagliacci burst out laughing at the situation.
What happened to the three cats who went out sailing in a hurricane?
No one cries when you slice up a violin
Yes.
Imagine the plight of someone who is desperately saying "enough" over and over, stretching it out, sounding it out, trying different accents.
I wish to prevent this situation.
You would too if your name was MNYEIWRAWROOO
He goes home, tells his wife, "Sarah, I only have one day to live."
"Oh, that's awful! Tell me, honey, is there anything you want to do tonight, seeing as, you know, it's your last night to live?"
"Well, um, it would be really nice if we could fool around, seeing as it's my last night to live."
So, Abe and Sarah have sex, and it's really great.
Abe says, "Would you, um, mind if we fooled around again?"
"Sure, honey, anything you like, after all, you're a dying man."
So they fool around again, and it's really great.
Abe says, "Sarah, you know, that was wonderful, but I'd just really like to do it one more time."
"Oh, for goodness sake, Abe! You don't have to get up in the morning!"
http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
"He just keeps walking around the house all day clucking and pecking at the ground. Guy honestly thinks he's a chicken. I'm not really sure what to do about it."
therapist says, "well, maybe you should bring him in to see me. I could be able to help"
and the man says, "you know, I would do that, doc, but I need the eggs"
I AM A COMEDIC GENIUS!
Chew Man Chew
Yes, of course. That's why you're twisted.
http://numberblog.wordpress.com/