The Ultimate BITCHING About Bad Comics Thread

TexiKen

This is what Geebs wrote in the first thread, which was washed away in a Greg Land traced tidal wave of terrible Spider-Man follies:

Geebs wrote:

Hey, do you hate when comics are bad? Disappointed by something? Want to talk about it? Do it here. Keep it out of the other threads. This is where you can vent, and warn others about what you don't like.

This is where you can be angry and make bad jokes and whatever. If I see bad jokes and anger and stupid nonsense in other threads, I'll probably infract you. If you want to discuss problems you have with the subject of a thread in that thread, you can, but I'm going to expect you to be civil about it.

This is especially true for the moment of the week thread. Those threads are for highlights. If you want to bitch about something in there, well, I'm not going to have much tolerance for it.

Oh and side note, the phrase "moment of the weak" is stupid and you should feel stupid for using it.

So let us continue to mock things in comics that are bad.

DarkWarrior

Im quoting this because I feel its important.

DarkWarrior wrote: »

Robos A Go Go wrote: »

Uh, he's dating Gwen now. If MJ and him get back together, it won't be for a while.

Isn't Gwen a clone?
And didn't someone just post in MOTW MJ dry-humping Peter in the school hallway?

But eh, any comic where hes not being retarded AND banging someone other than MJ, even Aunt May, is an improvement.

Aunt May crawls out of bed, her arms crossed as she looks out the window. Suddenly she feels some strong arms surround her from behind.

What's wrong Aunt may?
I know.
Know what?
You're SPIDER-MAN!

TO BE CONTINUED

Cap Reborn was pretty bad as well, Ive said Im no fan of what seems, to me, to be such a rapid return after all the fuss about his death and frankly I think he works better as an icon for the moment but to do what was done? Boooooooooooring. And with Siege around the corner you know where its going.

Also why does the press never call Red Skull on wearing the Nazi symbol? People near Taylor Swift get called on it.

World of New Krpyton is ok, I like Jemms statement that they're basically in an inhabited galaxy and yet deem themselves important enough to just go rearrange planets and stars.

Hensler

I'd like to bitch that Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose doesn't have a decent schedule. I need more panels like this on a regular basis:

jkylefulton

Jim Balent has to eat, too.

Robos A Go Go

Hensler wrote: »

I'd like to bitch that Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose doesn't have a decent schedule. I need more panels like this on a regular basis:

Get out of where? How does one escape one's own vagina?

Thane

Eddie Murphy logic leads me to believe, that they are in fact, detachable

Staxeon

Did it...did it already detach in order to haunt her?

Solar

Maybe Samantha Brown's vagina is haunted in the future, and she comes back in time and our Samanthat Brown is investigating with skeleton dude who discovers that her vagina is haunted.

Maybe.

Robos A Go Go

But what crawled into her vagina and died?

Vermis

The writer's dignity?

jkylefulton

That's not even the most fucked-up panel to come out of the Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose series.

mojojoeo

jkylefulton wrote: »

That's not even the most fucked-up panel to come out of the Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose series.

So hit me. what have you got?

Robos A Go Go

I'm trying to think of anything that's been introduced in ASM since BND that might serve as a lasting contribution to the Spider-Man mythos, and despite the oodles of new characters that have been brought in I can only point to a living Harry Osborn as something that might still be around in several years.

That might be cool, actually, since Spider-Man's civilian life only consisted of MJ, Aunt May, and Jonah for so long with no one character occupying the best friend position.

Lucascraft

Marvel Editorial needs to take a look at what DC is doing with the Superman Mythos and apply it to Spider-Man. The whole Kandor / New Krypton thing is perhaps the greatest story advancement to Superman...ever.

Marvel should do something big to really shake it up a bit. And then after they do that they shouldn't puss out and retcon it with a BND.

Kyougu

Lucascraft wrote: »

Marvel Editorial needs to take a look at what DC is doing with the Superman Mythos and apply it to Spider-Man. The whole Kandor / New Krypton thing is perhaps the greatest story advancement to Superman...ever.

Marvel should do something big to really shake it up a bit. And then after they do that they shouldn't puss out and retcon it with a BND.

Problem was that they were on the verge of doing this. Killing off Aunt May, having his identity public, that would have really shaken things up.

Lucascraft

That's why I said they shouldn't puss out.

TexiKen

On a Superman related note, I don't like how Geoff Johns in Secret Origin basically has the Legion when meeting Clark as a kid foreshadow all these events that are yet to come, yet ignores the ones that were significant that already took place (Doomsday first appearing, Red/Blue Superman, Our Worlds at War, Luthor being President, etc). It just gives that bullshit factor in not being able to tell a good origin story without having it connect to the present. Byrne 4 eva, yo.

Robos A Go Go

TexiKen wrote: »

On a Superman related note, I don't like how Geoff Johns in Secret Origin basically has the Legion when meeting Clark as a kid foreshadow all these events that are yet to come, yet ignores the ones that were significant that already took place (Doomsday first appearing, Red/Blue Superman, Our Worlds at War, Luthor being President, etc). It just gives that bullshit factor in not being able to tell a good origin story without having it connect to the present. Byrne 4 eva, yo.

Those events all suck. That's why they were omitted from history.

Same reason our history books don't cover Electric Lincoln and the revelation that Nixon was actually a fear bug.

Fencingsax

Was Red Lincoln killed by Red Booth, or did the opposites do it?

TexiKen

Luthor being President did not suck, as did Doomsday first appearing. They just let Loeb completely ruin Luthor as President so he could run around in his fruity green and purple armor.

So would Woodward be Hal Jordan and Bernstein be Jon Stewart?

Robos A Go Go

Doomsday was terrible from Day One. Death by savage beating is by far the most unimaginative way to kill Superman possible. The fact that they had a mindless brute do it instead of an established foe with history or a complex new enemy was another misstep. Imagine how much more impact it would have had if Luthor had killed him.

Lucascraft

They did the same thing with Batman though. They created Bane, who is the only one to have ever broken the bat. Bane was just a brainless brute hopped up on venom in those early stories.

TexiKen

And then they made him be a pretty interesting villain, and teasing that he might be Bruce's half brother. Bane is a "new" villain done right.

Doomsday was cool until Loeb ruined it because Clark always had a bit of fear in fighting him, which makes Clark more human.

Robos A Go Go

I don't recall Bane ever being a dumb brute. He deduced Batman's secret ID, didn't he?

Munch

Lucascraft wrote: »

They did the same thing with Batman though. They created Bane, who is the only one to have ever broken the bat. Bane was just a brainless brute hopped up on venom in those early stories.

Bane was an intelligent dude from day one. Growing up in a South American prison he did two things inside his tiny cell; work out, and read books that he bribed people into bringing to him. When he finally decided to go to America and take out Batman, he used a multi-step plan, deducing Bruce's identity by looking at (no shit) the chins of rich, athletic, white men in Gotham city, and then releasing all the Arkham inmates, tiring Batman out by making him spend several weeks rounding up all the dangerous escapees. Only once Batman was already deliriously exhausted both physically and mentally did Bane finally make his move, and give Bruce a beating.

Sharp101

I've never read the story.... why did Bane want to do all this?

TexiKen

To show he could take down Batman, and also to take over the crime ring in Gotham.

And he would've gotten away with it too, if not for a brainwashed ninja frenchman in bat armor!

Munch

Sharp101 wrote: »

I've never read the story.... why did Bane want to do all this?

Bane had nightmares about bats when he was younger, probably because the cell he was imprisoned in was routinely infested with assorted vermin. Bane, devoted to strength and overcoming his fears, would later have a nightmare where he fought and killed a giant bat. Later, an American he met in prison, Bird, told him about Gotham and its infamous Batman.

Bane took his nightmare as a vision, and decided to go test himself against Batman.

Robos A Go Go

Good thing he never had that dream about going to school naked.

DarkWarrior

Robos A Go Go wrote: »

Good thing he never had that dream about going to school naked.

He had a life before Batman Robos. Geez.

thisonekidmongo

Munch wrote: »

deducing Bruce's identity by looking at (no shit) the chins of rich, athletic, white men in Gotham city

Wait, really? Bruce should cover that shit up. Isn't that how Silver St. Cloud figured it out too?

I don't like when a character's visual design is incorporated as a practical plot point like this. It seems like selective realism. Superhero costumes are designed to look cool, period, so poking at them from a practical perspective is cheating and self-destructive. If someone recognized Bruce because of his exposed chin, it makes no sense that he never covered that shit up. In fact, if Batman was recognized due to his goddamn chin, then everyone running around in a domino mask (possibly with their long, DNA-containing hair flying everywhere) begins to look like an absolute idiot, as do all their friends, lovers and coworkers who somehow never recognize them.

I just like to accept that everyone's costume conceals their identity equally and nearly perfectly, and all impracticalities should be chalked up to artistic license. Otherwise, the whole genre starts to unravel. Spider-Man'd be the only one with a sensible costume, and Ollie Queen and Superman would have to be Grade-A retards.

wirehead26

Ugh that Secrets War 2 omnibus at my LCS is beckoning me to find out how awful it really is. I might ask the owner if he can give me something better than a 20% discount for it.

DarkWarrior

thisonekidmongo wrote: »

Munch wrote: »

deducing Bruce's identity by looking at (no shit) the chins of rich, athletic, white men in Gotham city

Wait, really? Bruce should cover that shit up. Isn't that how Silver St. Cloud figured it out too?

I don't like when a character's visual design is incorporated as a practical plot point like this. It seems like selective realism. Superhero costumes are designed to look cool, period, so poking at them from a practical perspective is cheating and self-destructive. If someone recognized Bruce because of his exposed chin, it makes no sense that he never covered that shit up. In fact, if Batman was recognized due to his goddamn chin, then everyone running around in a domino mask (possibly with their long, DNA-containing hair flying everywhere) begins to look like an absolute idiot, as do all their friends, lovers and coworkers who somehow never recognize them.

I just like to accept that everyone's costume conceals their identity equally and nearly perfectly, and all impracticalities should be chalked up to artistic license. Otherwise, the whole genre starts to unravel. Spider-Man'd be the only one with a sensible costume, and Ollie Queen and Superman would have to be Grade-A retards.

MJ identified Spider-Man by his package. That suit is very flattering.

I need to go find more comics to enjoy and/or bitch about. I need more Dark Reign Hood/Avengers stuff.

Crimson King

thisonekidmongo wrote: »

Munch wrote: »

deducing Bruce's identity by looking at (no shit) the chins of rich, athletic, white men in Gotham city

Wait, really? Bruce should cover that shit up. Isn't that how Silver St. Cloud figured it out too?

I don't like when a character's visual design is incorporated as a practical plot point like this. It seems like selective realism. Superhero costumes are designed to look cool, period, so poking at them from a practical perspective is cheating and self-destructive. If someone recognized Bruce because of his exposed chin, it makes no sense that he never covered that shit up. In fact, if Batman was recognized due to his goddamn chin, then everyone running around in a domino mask (possibly with their long, DNA-containing hair flying everywhere) begins to look like an absolute idiot, as do all their friends, lovers and coworkers who somehow never recognize them.

I just like to accept that everyone's costume conceals their identity equally and nearly perfectly, and all impracticalities should be chalked up to artistic license. Otherwise, the whole genre starts to unravel. Spider-Man'd be the only one with a sensible costume, and Ollie Queen and Superman would have to be Grade-A retards.

I'm pretty sure it's actually happened once that someone figured out Oliver Queen and Green Arrow have, oh my god, the exact same beard.

Robos A Go Go

Actually, every man, woman, and child in Star City has the exact same beard. That's why Green Arrow was forced to grow one himself.

Antimatter

mojojoeo wrote: »

jkylefulton wrote: »

That's not even the most fucked-up panel to come out of the Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose series.

So hit me. what have you got?

Nothing that can be posted.

Servo

Crimson King wrote: »

thisonekidmongo wrote: »

Munch wrote: »

deducing Bruce's identity by looking at (no shit) the chins of rich, athletic, white men in Gotham city

Wait, really? Bruce should cover that shit up. Isn't that how Silver St. Cloud figured it out too?

I don't like when a character's visual design is incorporated as a practical plot point like this. It seems like selective realism. Superhero costumes are designed to look cool, period, so poking at them from a practical perspective is cheating and self-destructive. If someone recognized Bruce because of his exposed chin, it makes no sense that he never covered that shit up. In fact, if Batman was recognized due to his goddamn chin, then everyone running around in a domino mask (possibly with their long, DNA-containing hair flying everywhere) begins to look like an absolute idiot, as do all their friends, lovers and coworkers who somehow never recognize them.

I just like to accept that everyone's costume conceals their identity equally and nearly perfectly, and all impracticalities should be chalked up to artistic license. Otherwise, the whole genre starts to unravel. Spider-Man'd be the only one with a sensible costume, and Ollie Queen and Superman would have to be Grade-A retards.

I'm pretty sure it's actually happened once that someone figured out Oliver Queen and Green Arrow have, oh my god, the exact same beard.

yeah i was gonna say, mia from green arrow immediately recognized that oliver queen was the same dude who saved her life the night before because you don't soon forget a man with a beard that fucking stupid.

Servo

mojojoeo wrote: »

jkylefulton wrote: »

That's not even the most fucked-up panel to come out of the Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose series.

So hit me. what have you got?

well, that's also maybe the only panel from tarot that anyone would be allowed to post here.

if you're really curious though, chris sims does occasional reviews of tarot on his blog, complete with scans.

here's the link to the post where he reviews the issue with the haunted vagina. WARNING IT IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR SANITY

Munch

Servo wrote: »

yeah i was gonna say, mia from green arrow immediately recognized that oliver queen was the same dude who saved her life the night before because you don't soon forget a man with a beard that fucking stupid.

I really wish someone would just give Ollie a normal goatee. Of course, I'm a big fan of the old clean-shaven look, where he had red gloves and boots.

Bloods End

Munch wrote: »

Servo wrote: »

yeah i was gonna say, mia from green arrow immediately recognized that oliver queen was the same dude who saved her life the night before because you don't soon forget a man with a beard that fucking stupid.

I really wish someone would just give Ollie a normal goatee. Of course, I'm a big fan of the old clean-shaven look, where he had red gloves and boots.

Fuck you, the facial hair makes the man.

Munch

Bloods End wrote: »

Fuck you, the facial hair makes the man look like an old divorcee going through a mid-life crisis.