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Your gaming kryptonite, or "the one fucking game I'll never beat"
TheSonicRetard
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm sure everybody has at least one game like this, where, despite your best efforts for the last couple of decades, you simply cannot overcome a single obstacle in the game which prevents its completion. It could be something fiendishly designed, it could be a glitch, it could be anything, but SOMETHING about that game makes it so all your gaming might is useless.
Mine comes from a game I've been trying to beat since the 80's. Wonderboy in Monster Land. The Dragon's Castle.
I know most people won't understand this, but the few who will know exactly where I'm coming from. Wonderboy in Monster Land is an AWESOME game, it's essentially like Zelda II without an over world and no back peddling. It's also insanely hard - you have one life and one health potion (which refills your life when you die). You can only carry one potion at a time, and there are only 2 or 3 shops in the whole game which sell them, and they only sell them randomly. Additionally, EXTREMELY rarely an enemy will drop one. You begin with 4 hearts, but every 10,000 points you get an additional heart. There are 12 stages.
I can make it through the ENTIRE fucking game without losing my hearts. I even deciphered the insanely obscure side quest which lets you choose a prize to make the ending easier - either a bell which tells you if you're going in the right direction in the dragon's castle, or a spell which drains half of the dragon's life. I can get the legendary armor, legendary boots, legendary sword, even the legendary shield. I can get it all.
It makes no fucking difference because when I get to the dragon's castle, I fold like a house of cards. If you've played Wonderboy III, you might be thinking "What? The dragon's castle is easy!" well you're wrong. The Dragon's Castle in Monster Land is fucking HARD. It has the most bullshit platforming ever. I don't even need the fucking bell anymore, I know the maze by heart, but I can't do this one part where you have to jump from floating block to floating block. It's difficult as shit.
Once out of every 20 or so tries, I can succeed, and when I do, I promptly get my ass kicked by the dragon. His dragon form is easy, but his Meka-Dragon form is fucking a nightmare. Every single time I die. I have never beaten this fucking game, and I play it a lot. I can beat Bio-meka in the US version of Monster World no problem, and STILL this game gives me problems. I am convinced I will NEVER beat it. I refuse to use save states.
Behold this piece of shit castle
This play through pisses me the fuck off, because it makes it look so easy. It is NOT. Needless to say, this thread was inspired by my most recent attempt to defeat this game not but an hour ago. God damn I hate the Dragon's Castle.
Oh, and if you're wondering how a castle can kill you... you have a timer. Every 60 seconds you lose a heart. If you make ONE wrong turn, miss ONE jump, you go ALLLLLL the way back to the beginning. The whole castle takes about 4 minutes to get through if you do it perfectly.
So what is your gaming kryptonite?
EDIT:
And for reference, this is the Wonderboy III version
So much easier.
Mine comes from a game I've been trying to beat since the 80's. Wonderboy in Monster Land. The Dragon's Castle.
I know most people won't understand this, but the few who will know exactly where I'm coming from. Wonderboy in Monster Land is an AWESOME game, it's essentially like Zelda II without an over world and no back peddling. It's also insanely hard - you have one life and one health potion (which refills your life when you die). You can only carry one potion at a time, and there are only 2 or 3 shops in the whole game which sell them, and they only sell them randomly. Additionally, EXTREMELY rarely an enemy will drop one. You begin with 4 hearts, but every 10,000 points you get an additional heart. There are 12 stages.
I can make it through the ENTIRE fucking game without losing my hearts. I even deciphered the insanely obscure side quest which lets you choose a prize to make the ending easier - either a bell which tells you if you're going in the right direction in the dragon's castle, or a spell which drains half of the dragon's life. I can get the legendary armor, legendary boots, legendary sword, even the legendary shield. I can get it all.
It makes no fucking difference because when I get to the dragon's castle, I fold like a house of cards. If you've played Wonderboy III, you might be thinking "What? The dragon's castle is easy!" well you're wrong. The Dragon's Castle in Monster Land is fucking HARD. It has the most bullshit platforming ever. I don't even need the fucking bell anymore, I know the maze by heart, but I can't do this one part where you have to jump from floating block to floating block. It's difficult as shit.
Once out of every 20 or so tries, I can succeed, and when I do, I promptly get my ass kicked by the dragon. His dragon form is easy, but his Meka-Dragon form is fucking a nightmare. Every single time I die. I have never beaten this fucking game, and I play it a lot. I can beat Bio-meka in the US version of Monster World no problem, and STILL this game gives me problems. I am convinced I will NEVER beat it. I refuse to use save states.
Behold this piece of shit castle
This play through pisses me the fuck off, because it makes it look so easy. It is NOT. Needless to say, this thread was inspired by my most recent attempt to defeat this game not but an hour ago. God damn I hate the Dragon's Castle.
Oh, and if you're wondering how a castle can kill you... you have a timer. Every 60 seconds you lose a heart. If you make ONE wrong turn, miss ONE jump, you go ALLLLLL the way back to the beginning. The whole castle takes about 4 minutes to get through if you do it perfectly.
So what is your gaming kryptonite?
EDIT:
And for reference, this is the Wonderboy III version
So much easier.
TheSonicRetard on
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It was the only game in my NES library that I could not beat. In fact, I could not even clear the first level. Granted, part of this was due to the fact that I had virtually no idea what I was supposed to do and the manual was delightfully vague on the issue.
After spending an hour or so randomly stumbling around the 1700s, making the peasants burst into dance, distracting pursuers with cupcakes, and kicking ass on the horse or canoe ride, I'd eventually find some items that seem useful but inevitably have to quit the game for dinner or something.
Then the next time I boot it up, it's all different because the game randomized which historical figure (and thus, what items you needed and where they were) every single time.
I beat Battletoads for crying out loud, but I cannot overcome the Wyld Stallions?
That sounds like bad design, a staple of licensed games in the 80's. Why were such games always the worst ever?!
I'll play one for awhile, die due to my own incompetence for some reason early on, get angry at myself for dying on something I should be kicking the ass of, and just lose any and all interest in playing.
Contra 4.
I breezed through Contra 3 in a single afternoon back in high school, so why the hell have I been unable to even make it to the last boss in Contra 4? Hell, some days I can't even make it past the second level
You can't make a comment like this and expect me not to reply.
I hear so many people complain about Chemical Plant Zone's Underwater segment in act 2. Did you know you can completely avoid the megamack in that entire level?
Blow your mind
Labyrinth Zone then?
Bamf!
You just stand on the barrel and press up and down repeatedly to the tune of the barrel's bob.
You don't seem to grasp what I'm saying here.
I'm saying I'll play the first couple of levels (Like up to the Marble Zone or Spring Yard Zone,) die due to my own stupidity, and lose interest in playing.
No, Magneto is just hard as shit. Unfair boss design at its finest.
I still haven't beaten the very last F-Zero GX story mode race on very hard, but I keep telling myself that one of these days I'll get back around to it and devote a week or so to beating it. It's just a damn time trial with no other racers, how hard could it be?! (the answer: fucking hard as hell)
I don't really have a lot of patience for extremely difficult games these days though, so I don't really have anything that fits better offhand.
So.... what you want some Marble Zone or SYZ tips? Check out my playthrough thread
For as much as I love the game (which is more than I should, I realize) fuck that boss. And fuck that whole ending path, too. I did eventually beat it (by cheesing the hell out of it) and it was a nice sense of accomplishment for about three minutes before the ending really just kicks you just one more time and falls backwards laughing hysterically because it has pranked you, and pranked you hard.
The only game I can think of now would actually be Penny Arcade Adventures: Episode 1, but only because I've put myself in the awkward position of needing to get through the final battle without healing and without losing somebody. I am simply just not that good at blocking. I still try it every now and then, but if I make it to the last phase, I'm lucky that day. But not even lucky enough to make it the last bit. Still a great game, as I look forward to every attempt with a determination unmarred by past attempts and optimistic as it is foolish.
At the time, I was young and didn't understand the concept of bad games. I thought that the big rich game makers always knew what they were doing and that me being unable to beat the first level was entirely my own fault and none of theirs.
Out of curiosity, I just youtube'd the game and found a couple of terrible AVGN ripoffs who tried to play it. None got past the first level. One didn't even get to the first level due to being unable to navigate the circuits of time at the beginning.
It's weird, because Pikmin is the only other game I've experienced this with. Usually I just curse at the TV for a minute and keep playing. With Sonic I just go "Ugh" and shut it off.
First one:
SMB1. World 8-2. There's a section where you have to do a running jump and then do a second running jump, but there's enough space between the two gaps to get a running leap. I'm talking about the next set of gaps. Essentially the same, but the space between the two is only about as big as mario's feet. I know that you have to run, jump and immediately jump again, but I never could do it.
Hell, I even beat Battletoads as well (with Game Genie to get to last level, but I could consistently beat level 3!)
Most traditional sports games are my kryptonite though. Madden? I might be able to finish a season on easy. Give me Blitz anyday (even the non-NFL license version).
I finally beat this piece of shit. I felt so good about it that I just stared at the end screen for a couple minutes to soak it in.
Fuck that game.
Return of the Jedi and Star Wars weren't bad. Super Empire Strikes Back however.......fucking impossible game. Its like 10 times harder than either of the other two for no apparent good reason.
For a non-RPG example, Mega Man ][. Dammit if I could ever beat that last level - I usually end up dying to the dragon, saying, "Fuck it!" and not coming back for month. Eventually, I just stopped coming back at all, and I've still never managed to beat the game.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Also pretty much any JRPG since FF7. I've enjoyed many JRPGs since then, including virtually all of the FF games that followed, but inevitably somewhere near the latter part of them I get distracted by something newer that came out. By the time I get back to them I have literally no idea where the hell I am or what I'm doing. Most recently it was FFXII. I was plowing through the plotline and enjoying it and then I got distracted by the monster hunting stuff. Then my PC got upgraded and I had two years of backlogged PC games to catch up on. By the time I got around to FFXII again I loaded my game and spent about an hour wandering around before shrugging and hitting power.
@redraptor: I played Actraiser 2 until I realized there was no city building stuff. Then I decided to play something else the rest of the weekend, occasionally glancing at the rented copy of Actraiser 2 on the floor with a look of outraged betrayal on my face
I never finished the game. Eventually, my TurboDuo died.
I could buy it off the VC, I guess, and give it another try, I just... I just dunno.
I could only beat battletoads with copious amounts of save states, and even then it took me like a week and a half.
Someday I'll conquer it fair and square.
I was fucking in love with this game, played it all the time, and the last level was complete bullshit.
You had to run away from Doc Ock who was covered in the Carnage symbiote. The camera was fixed so you got to look at this terrifying behemoth chase you down. It also made running away from him hard as fuck as you couldn't really tell if you were looking perfectly forward, so you would end up web-swinging into walls and getting stuck then killed. Brutal, brutal endgame.
The second is Pathologic. The setting and story seems really interesting, but the gameplay is just so awful I have never seriously considering trying it again.
God so many hours as a kid lost on that game.
I could get to the flipping dam, only got past it ONCE then died almost immediately when getting in the van on the next stage. ><
Origin: Galedrid - Nintendo: Galedrid/3222-6858-1045
Blizzard: Galedrid#1367 - FFXIV: Galedrid Kingshand
Don't make me jump around with random bullshit wind that will automatically push me off the pixel-wide ledges that I barely made it to. Screw that game forever.
Heh - I eventually got the damn down to a science; I could beat it with a ridiculous amount of time left. I don't think I ever beat the van stage, however. Good call, though.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]