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Dealing with roommate's rule
gunther89
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So some background: I'm currently unemployed guy and I've been living in this 2 bedroom apartment with my roommate for about 3 months now. I contacted her through craigslist, only her name is on the lease.
All seems fine and dandy when I moved in but about a or two month into my stay, she comes up to me and tells me that I should furnish my room. Her reason is that, if I could buy some furniture, it would show that I have intent to stay on. I say I'd think about it, found it pretty insulting that she would want to dictate how I lived, and decided to ignore that remark which seemed rather trivial at the time.
Now I must admit that I am really living in a bare bones environment. Because I am unemployed, I have cut down most of my possessions to the bare minimum. All I have in terms of furniture is a desk, a computer table and a mattress that I lay on the floor. Everything else is in luggage and boxes, which I am totally content with.
Now, 3 months into my stay, she insists that I furnish my room citing the previous reasons and hinting that she might consider giving me notice to leave. She also says that it might be hard for her to rent out the room if it isn't furnished when people come look.
So far I think I've been a pretty good roommate, though not a most sociable one. I've mainly kept myself to my room (which might be another problem altogether), and I hardly use any other living space other than the closest bathroom, not even the kitchen or the common area where the TV is. To me, this request is almost like an invasion of personal space and I don't feel like spending any money on something I do not need.
The question is, how should I go about dealing with this? Is her request unreasonable? I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions
All seems fine and dandy when I moved in but about a or two month into my stay, she comes up to me and tells me that I should furnish my room. Her reason is that, if I could buy some furniture, it would show that I have intent to stay on. I say I'd think about it, found it pretty insulting that she would want to dictate how I lived, and decided to ignore that remark which seemed rather trivial at the time.
Now I must admit that I am really living in a bare bones environment. Because I am unemployed, I have cut down most of my possessions to the bare minimum. All I have in terms of furniture is a desk, a computer table and a mattress that I lay on the floor. Everything else is in luggage and boxes, which I am totally content with.
Now, 3 months into my stay, she insists that I furnish my room citing the previous reasons and hinting that she might consider giving me notice to leave. She also says that it might be hard for her to rent out the room if it isn't furnished when people come look.
So far I think I've been a pretty good roommate, though not a most sociable one. I've mainly kept myself to my room (which might be another problem altogether), and I hardly use any other living space other than the closest bathroom, not even the kitchen or the common area where the TV is. To me, this request is almost like an invasion of personal space and I don't feel like spending any money on something I do not need.
The question is, how should I go about dealing with this? Is her request unreasonable? I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions
gunther89 on
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There really is not much you can do other than explain the facts and be honest.
Or you can look on craigslist for free furniture and turn your room in to a shambling horror of mixed and match Ikea sets.
I don't have any idea what sort of person she is, so i will assume that she is fairly reasonable. (if she is a 7-layer crazy cake then all bets are off) That being said, i would discuss it with her. Letting her know that you intend to stay for (however long you intend to stay for) that paying her rent is more important then buying furniture that you don't want.
Also, i would see if there is something else underpinning her argument. Maybe she is uncomfortable with the way you live your life, but won't tell you that.
Also, consider this. what constitutes a furnished room? you could go along with this and buy a bunch of stuff only to discover that she thinks you should have done it a different way, or still need a hope chest. you can't win that game.
Its possible that she regrets renting the room. you could be the nicest guy, but she is just not as happy with the arrangement as she believed she might be. In which case, she will just continue to find things that you do that irritate her. Also, buying the furniture would set a precedent that you will do as you are told.
Good luck, i hope it works out for the best.
It sounds like something else is going on there. Sometimes if you don't socialise with flatmates, rifts can grow for no good reason.
She's probably worried that the unemployed guy will skip out on his rent, so she wants something expensive that he can't take with him without her noticing.
If you didn't give her last month's, though, then I can see why she'd be uneasy.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
That'd be insane without a source of income.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
But if you're living dollar to dollar I'd say tell her that as well and keep in mind that, in her eyes your problems are likely to become her problems as well.
No offense but I'm trying to say that she's just looking out for herself, which is perfectly justified in this sort of situation.
Secret Satan
I've already paid her a deposit of 1/2 month worth of rent in advance and I've had no trouble paying on time either. I suppose I can offer to add another 1/2 month worth of rent or figure out an alternative solution.
More talking is in order then. Thanks guys
Sit down and talk to her and try saying I have enough money for 6 months or something you aren't going to bail for the next six months and that you can re-address the situation then.
Point out that spending money on furntiture is taking away money spent of rent.
Satans..... hints.....
If you can't find a cheap one or can't afford a cheap one, Blake T makes a good point about telling her that buying furniture while unemployed would be eating into your rent and utilities money.
Good Will haves better stuff, but the Salvation Army Thrift Store have the cheapest stuff.
If she's regretting the terms of the lease, than that's her problem, not yours. Maybe she should have read up on how to write a sub-lease before posting an ad. I'm not saying be a jerk, but if you're living up to the terms of the agreement, there's n reason to blow money to satisfy her fears. I personally would rather have a clean empty room than something filled with gross 2nd-3rd-4th hand garbage picked up from an alley.
I get that you're unemployed (been there) and aren't looking to spend that kind of cash. But I can also understand her fear of you bouncing and leaving her stuck with the check, so to speak. You don't have any kind of signed agreement with her and thus could cut and run at anytime. You may be a stand up guy, but she doesn't know that, dude. I mean, you stated that you don't hang out with her too much and thus she doesn't really know you from Adam.
Either you guys get something down on paper that makes her happy, you get some furniture or you sit down and explain to her your situation, that you'll keep on paying rent, etc..etc... Likely, it'll be a combination of all three.
In other news, something in your post caught my eye. You don't use the kitchen? Man, I hope to hell you're not eating nothing but fast food while you're on unemployment. Making your own grub is so much cheaper and better for you.
There are no terms of the lease he is at will renting.
Legally she could say next months rent is fourteen thousand dollars and if he didn't like it tough titties.
Satans..... hints.....
well, she'd have to give him 30 days notice, but yeah. she can give him the boot for whatever reason.
Actually, she could be violating her lease by subletting. but that's neither here nor there.
It may be an odd request but he is renting a room in her home, as she is the lease holder. You can't even assume that she is violating her lease by subletting a room as she may have permission to do so, it is common. So, her home, her rules. If he feels her rules are unreasonable he has the right to find a new place to live. It is not an easy option when one is unemployed, but it is an option.
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It's a different situation when you're paying to rent space.
Once I turned 18 I payed rent to live in my fathers home, but it was still his home and I followed the rules he laid down. When you live in an apartment you are paying the management company to rent a space, that company still has rules you need to abide by because, when if comes down to it, they own the space. Being that he is not a lease holder, the owner or lease holder of the space has the right to change the rules, and he can choose to comply or vacate.
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Her justification for making him spend money on bullshit he doesn't need is flimsy at best, and if she wants him out it's her responsibility to tell him so.
OP, how much longer CAN you afford to stay there? Perhaps it would be best for you to give her something in writing for that duration.
I agree that he new rule is silly, I don't think that anyone can argue that. I'm just saying that I don't believe that he can say "no, I'm not going to comply" and then continue to live there indefinitely. He can say "No" and be unsurprised when she gives him 30 days to vacate though.
If you talk to her and she says that this is prompted by a fear that you will cut and run try proposing a security deposit to her. Draft an agreement that if you discontinue renting without X notice you will owe her Y dollars and then have it notarized. Then she would have a document that she could use in small claims court if needed.
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I agree with that. It's the danger of not having a lease. Signing a lease gives you protection (arguably very little depending on jurisdiction) from asshat landlords.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
Your reworded example is a kid living rent-free in his parent's home. The OP is paying rent, which entitles him to certain laws and protections. "Her rules. Follow or get out." does not apply in this situation.
borrow a pickup truck, head down to the salvo and pick up a couple of end tables and a dresser and a kitschy lamp, or start looking for new places on craigslist.
though you may want to start on that second one anyway. As people said, it's a strange request and sounds like it might be just specious, and I would be unsurprised if more trouble is coming down the pipes.
Again, I have to strongly discourage people from giving this kind of advice until we know exactly where the OP is located. I live in Berkeley, and if you are a subletter, even illegally, you are entitled to certain protections from both the sub-lessee AND the landlord. I understand that Berkeley is not the norm, but blanket advice isn't likely to be accurate here.
Edit: Too many cliches, I hope this is better.
Double Edit: The rest of Monroe's advice is really good.
3clipse: The key to any successful marriage is a good mid-game transition.
I can see your POV, OP, but also hers. If you have literally no furniture and don't see her that often, she's probably thinking, "He could be gone days or weeks before I even KNOW he's blown out."
If you go on a midnight cruise right before garbage day you can find some stuff. There's also garage sales. I got some perfectly good Ikea furniture for under ten dollars. Thrift stores have stuff too. Just make it look like you are trying.
If she is just pissy because it's her place and she wants it to look nice, she should have thought of that before renting to someone who is unemployed.
barring extraordinary renter protection from the municipality, an at-will tenant can be told to leave for no reason at all
but yes, I think the practical aspect is more likely to be of use than the legal one
edit: I should clarify this by saying that in most places you can be asked to leave as an at-will renter and it will be totally legitimate unless you can prove an ulterior motive like "they want me to leave because I was making health violation reports," and fighting an eviction is very often more trouble than it is worth. Just because you are legally allowed to keep your apartment doesn't mean you necessarily want to if it is going to lead to conflict with your roommate.
So I talked to her today and I think it basically comes down to this point, which is rather comforting to hear compared to the million other crazy scenarios that could it could have been. She did say that she understands that I won't cut and run (I have mentioned this to her before), which is good.
Basically I emphasized that I am content with what I have and told her that I would conform to her standards if and when time allows or if she could define her standard of 'furnished'. I think she was flabbergasted because obviously a desk, a chair and a mattress isn't suffice. She wants a bookcase/wardrobe full of stuff I don't use instead of the boxes containing the stuff I don't use.
She also listed a couple of my activities that she wasn't comfortable with, to which I will probably try to make some compromise. I think she just doesn't take too kindly to my level of mess, though it might only just be limited to my room :S
I also tend to eat the majority of my meals in my room, which, I guess, could freak someone out regarding the cleanliness/possible bad odors. No, there is none and I think it would be apparent by now. There was this one time though where she was so positive that there was pot odor emitting from my room... (I don't smoke)
Her last irrational point was about having trouble showing people a messy room if I ever were to move out, which would make sense if she is deciding to make me leave. Hopefully this isn't the case.
I hate to think that she thinks she can be my mom but as long as she doesn't kick me out, I can deal with occasional bitching.
Thanks for your opinions and replies. I'll probably just tidy up (how would she know anyways?), find some free furniture when I have the time (when I'm not looking for a job, which is not going to be soon) and initiate more human contact.
Also, I currently live in Vancouver, BC. My name is not on the lease.
Sounds like she should not have gotten into sub-leasing; that's not how business relationships work! If not the lease, she should have drawn up a contract for you two. But on your end, if it's messy, clean it up; food & shit brings bugs/pests, and they don't stay in one room.
So I'd recommend looking for a new place now, because it will only escalate. "You know, a TV in there would be nice so the new renters can see there's a cable jack in here," "Get a few more lamps so it's bright during night time."