I decided to give online dating a shot, as my current pool of women to choose from consists of girls that my close friends are in love with, making them off limits. Anyway, I made an account on OKC. Anyone want to give me some tips? Would YOU date me? Do I come across as an asshole?
The writing is a little boring. Try varying your sentence structure. Also, use specific examples. Saying "I'm smart and easy-going" doesn't prove anything. If you're smart and easy-going, it should come across in your writing. Basically, show, don't tell.
I'd also play up the webcomic bit, maybe even provide a link. Linking to my blog made it clear that I wasn't just another dude claiming to be a writer. The proof is in the pudding, so show them the tasty!
I decided to give online dating a shot, as my current pool of women to choose from consists of girls that my close friends are in love with, making them off limits. Anyway, I made an account on OKC. Anyone want to give me some tips? Would YOU date me? Do I come across as an asshole?
A few things that come across poorly. You have a web comic, but you spend so little time on it you felt the need to mention twice that you don't spend enough time on it. Eh? Maybe not mention that part since it sounds negative, or rephrase it something like "it's my passion and I'd like to spend more time on it." Now it's a goal and not a failing. Likewise "i have potential but not the drive to make it big," this section brought to you by the letter T for turnoff. Finally, "message me if you read all this and still want to talk to me." Well yeah that's the general idea, but why? I read your answer and think "was there something here that was supposed to make me NOT want to message?" Don't put that idea in her head.
Your profile is your chance to talk yourself up and be confident, don't shoot yourself in the foot and bring yourself down
Fixed both. Also, I've already gotten two messages so far, and had a nice conversation with a pretty fuckin cute girl! I created this thing like 5 hours ago. What the hell?
OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited March 2011
When you first sign up, you get put on the front page. You should edit your profile and answer questions every now and then to go back on there. Glad to see you're moving on.
A few things that come across poorly. You have a web comic, but you spend so little time on it you felt the need to mention twice that you don't spend enough time on it. Eh? Maybe not mention that part since it sounds negative, or rephrase it something like "it's my passion and I'd like to spend more time on it." Now it's a goal and not a failing. Likewise "i have potential but not the drive to make it big," this section brought to you by the letter T for turnoff. Finally, "message me if you read all this and still want to talk to me." Well yeah that's the general idea, but why? I read your answer and think "was there something here that was supposed to make me NOT want to message?" Don't put that idea in her head.
Your profile is your chance to talk yourself up and be confident, don't shoot yourself in the foot and bring yourself down
A good way to think about it is that people are going to assume your approach to your hobbies and interests are how you approach your relationships. It's not much of a leap of logic, either. If you just casually commit to things that you like, such as playing an instrument or going to events, it makes sense that it says more about your personality than your actual interest level.
I mean, if a friend tells me "yeah I was really into it but I don't know, I need to practice, but I'm not feeling it," and then I don't hear from him unless I make the call? Yeah, suddenly I feel like he treats his friends like his hobbies. If you describe yourself by what can be categorized as "shortcomings," you're asking someone else to assign you potential. You need to be doing that yourself.
Of course, dude's got a date, so it's not an exact science ;D
Fixed both. Also, I've already gotten two messages so far, and had a nice conversation with a pretty fuckin cute girl! I created this thing like 5 hours ago. What the hell?
Good timing. It always comes in waves, so don't get discouraged if you hit a dry spell later on. Woo on the date, just try not to get too amped up :P
When you first sign up, you get put on the front page. You should edit your profile and answer questions every now and then to go back on there. Glad to see you're moving on.
Yep. Change your profile somewhat once a week I'd say. I've noticed that I tend to get profile updates for people I've saved as favourites, or people whose profile I've viewed when they change things.
So what's the take on deleting/re-creating your profile every so often? I had a friend that would do that...not sure if it was a benefit, other than showing up in the "new user" area of whatever site. This was on PoF, and I still have no idea how their backend works.
I just saw a girl on Okcupid whose "you should message me if" field says: "if you're a nice american guy." Then, in her pics, she's wearing an American flag broach (too big to be one of those lapel pins). I thought maybe this was a funny joke (cause I was laughing). But, then I saw that she's a very devout catholic from the midwest, which makes me wonder if she really is serious. I also wonder if "American" is code for white.
I just saw a girl on Okcupid whose "you should message me if" field says: "if you're a nice american guy." Then, in her pics, she's wearing an American flag broach (too big to be one of those lapel pins). I thought maybe this was a funny joke (cause I was laughing). But, then I saw that she's a very devout catholic from the midwest, which makes me wonder if she really is serious. I also wonder if "American" is code for white.
Change your ethnicity to Native American and send a message about how you were here first.
I just saw a girl on Okcupid whose "you should message me if" field says: "if you're a nice american guy." Then, in her pics, she's wearing an American flag broach (too big to be one of those lapel pins). I thought maybe this was a funny joke (cause I was laughing). But, then I saw that she's a very devout catholic from the midwest, which makes me wonder if she really is serious. I also wonder if "American" is code for white.
I just saw a girl on Okcupid whose "you should message me if" field says: "if you're a nice american guy." Then, in her pics, she's wearing an American flag broach (too big to be one of those lapel pins). I thought maybe this was a funny joke (cause I was laughing). But, then I saw that she's a very devout catholic from the midwest, which makes me wonder if she really is serious. I also wonder if "American" is code for white.
Link.
We've got an unofficial (?) rule against linking the profiles of strangers.
Punching above your weight? You look like a good couple. You also look like you're on the edge of starting a dangerous precedent for the thread.
I also hope you got her permission to post the photo.
I thought about that; I wasn't planning on leaving it up for more than 48 hours or so, and it's publicly available on facebook. Some of my OKC shots with friends are probably worse in this respect.
Punching above your weight? You look like a good couple. You also look like you're on the edge of starting a dangerous precedent for the thread.
I also hope you got her permission to post the photo.
I thought about that; I wasn't planning on leaving it up for more than 48 hours or so, and it's publicly available on facebook. Some of my OKC shots with friends are probably worse in this respect.
Speaking of punching above your weight, I lately been thinking that I should lower my standards. I seen it repeated in the thread plenty of times that there's not such thing as it and I'm sure it's true but I'm feeling as I tend to message girls that are over my league.
It feels weird to say it as a guy, but I tend to feel unnatractive most of the time.
Kyougu on
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited March 2011
Well, you get out what you put in usually. So if you're not taking care of your appearance or making an effort, you're less likely to attract a partner who does. Actually, this applies to everything, not just how you look.
Speaking of punching above your weight, I lately been thinking that I should lower my standards. I seen it repeated in the thread plenty of times that there's not such thing as it and I'm sure it's true but I'm feeling as I tend to message girls that are over my league.
It feels weird to say it as a guy, but I tend to feel unnatractive most of the time.
Most guys don't think of themselves as particularly attractive. It doesn't really matter, though, because you don't need to date yourself, and can you exactly describe what makes someone else attractive? And why two people who look very different can still be attractive to the same person?
Standards are good to a point, but there's good standards and unrealistic standards. If your standards are "must have a certain nose, a certain hairline, a certain figure and bust size, and exactly 5'4" and born within one month of me," you might be unrealistic. Same with "must play video games."
Good standards would, arguably, be guidelines that encourage both people to be open minded. Like "Doesn't hate video games" or "shorter than me or not concerned about being taller" or "is plucky and fun." The problem with those kind of standards is that you generally can't find out about them until after you're talking with someone, I would imagine.
If you're striking out, though, you might want to try messaging people that you at least find attractive, so you are still interested in meeting them potentially. Even if things don't work out, it's still good practice. Like, I just got a new job, but I'm still doing a phone interview with Amazon because why not? Good practice!
So I need some opinions. This girl I've been messaging with for the last weekish (and wrote some Suess-esque stuff for because we got on the topic of how awesome he is) are getting together on Thursday.
The kicker is it's her birthday, and she's basically said it's just another day, ignore it blah blah blah. However I kind of want to go get a copy of Dr. Seuss' "Happy Birthday To You." I'm thinking I leave it in my car and feel things out before potentially giving it to her at the end of the date, but I'm looking for opinions as if it's a good idea or not.
I've been talking to this girl for over a month and yesterday we were talking about jobs. I felt she was, basically, saying that because she is getting called by employers and I am not, that she is somehow better than me. She asked if she could work on my resume, because her resume is obviously better than mine.
This made me re-evaluate our relationship and it's apparent that my feelings for her have lessened. I shared this with her last night and despite her insistence that she did not mean to sound like she was better than me, I cannot seem to shake this negative feeling.
I'm not sure if my feelings for her will return. I'm hoping they do.
If you're talking about a technical position like Engineering or whatever, it's pretty simple why this is happening.
First, the employer will look at all the students with 4.0's GPA and resumes so exceptional that it's justifiable for the resume to be more then 1 page long.
Then they'll look at all the women who applied.
Then they'll start looking at average Joe's with experience.
Lastly they'll look at average Joe without any experience.
So basically, average guys who done average in class are basically looked at and called last.
Speaking of punching above your weight, I lately been thinking that I should lower my standards. I seen it repeated in the thread plenty of times that there's not such thing as it and I'm sure it's true but I'm feeling as I tend to message girls that are over my league.
It feels weird to say it as a guy, but I tend to feel unnatractive most of the time.
Most guys don't think of themselves as particularly attractive. It doesn't really matter, though, because you don't need to date yourself, and can you exactly describe what makes someone else attractive? And why two people who look very different can still be attractive to the same person?
Standards are good to a point, but there's good standards and unrealistic standards. If your standards are "must have a certain nose, a certain hairline, a certain figure and bust size, and exactly 5'4" and born within one month of me," you might be unrealistic. Same with "must play video games."
Good standards would, arguably, be guidelines that encourage both people to be open minded. Like "Doesn't hate video games" or "shorter than me or not concerned about being taller" or "is plucky and fun." The problem with those kind of standards is that you generally can't find out about them until after you're talking with someone, I would imagine.
If you're striking out, though, you might want to try messaging people that you at least find attractive, so you are still interested in meeting them potentially. Even if things don't work out, it's still good practice. Like, I just got a new job, but I'm still doing a phone interview with Amazon because why not? Good practice!
Also, if you feel unattractive, change things up. Get some friends to take you shopping for new clothes and listen to their advice. Try a new haircut. Exercise more. Little things add up to big changes. Hell, even a new cologne can work wonders.
My gf has no concept of how beautiful she is. During our first date, she thought I was smooth while I felt awkward in her presence (it's rare that I meet someone smarter than I am). How others perceive us rarely matches up to our self-perception.
It's ok to be picky but if you have standards, make sure you live up to them yourself. If you don't, then work hard to change. You'll look better, feel better, and be better. It's win all around. I'm completely against lowering your standards. Why do that when you can improve yourself?
I guess I should cast my profile into the acid bath of anonymous critique so that its tarnished coating can be dissolved away. I was hoping my friend could finish a once-over of it beforehand, but it's getting hard to get in touch with her and I want to start messaging beautiful ladies with my amazingly flawless profile already.
Also I know it doesn't mean much considering how much random clicking on profiles I've done, but it's still a nice ego boost to see the people who have looked at my profile (and not sent a message but whatever).
Man, a week seems pretty soon. Maybe I'll ask tomorrow.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained :P Also, why bother with all the rhetorical foreplay when five minutes of conversation will tell you so much more about your compatibility?
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OnTheLastCastlelet's keep it haimish for the peripateticRegistered Userregular
edited March 2011
Why is that soon? You know them way better than you know someone you meet and ask out in real life. You need to meet ASAP to see if you actually have chemistry. If you're new at this, guess what, there's a good chance you won't.
I tell you that not to be pessimistic, but so you don't get super sad if it doesn't work out.
Exactly. What's the point of writing essay length messages when you don't even know if you like each other yet? The whole point is to meet people, 1 week is not too soon at all.
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The writing is a little boring. Try varying your sentence structure. Also, use specific examples. Saying "I'm smart and easy-going" doesn't prove anything. If you're smart and easy-going, it should come across in your writing. Basically, show, don't tell.
I'd also play up the webcomic bit, maybe even provide a link. Linking to my blog made it clear that I wasn't just another dude claiming to be a writer. The proof is in the pudding, so show them the tasty!
A few things that come across poorly. You have a web comic, but you spend so little time on it you felt the need to mention twice that you don't spend enough time on it. Eh? Maybe not mention that part since it sounds negative, or rephrase it something like "it's my passion and I'd like to spend more time on it." Now it's a goal and not a failing. Likewise "i have potential but not the drive to make it big," this section brought to you by the letter T for turnoff. Finally, "message me if you read all this and still want to talk to me." Well yeah that's the general idea, but why? I read your answer and think "was there something here that was supposed to make me NOT want to message?" Don't put that idea in her head.
Your profile is your chance to talk yourself up and be confident, don't shoot yourself in the foot and bring yourself down
A good way to think about it is that people are going to assume your approach to your hobbies and interests are how you approach your relationships. It's not much of a leap of logic, either. If you just casually commit to things that you like, such as playing an instrument or going to events, it makes sense that it says more about your personality than your actual interest level.
I mean, if a friend tells me "yeah I was really into it but I don't know, I need to practice, but I'm not feeling it," and then I don't hear from him unless I make the call? Yeah, suddenly I feel like he treats his friends like his hobbies. If you describe yourself by what can be categorized as "shortcomings," you're asking someone else to assign you potential. You need to be doing that yourself.
Of course, dude's got a date, so it's not an exact science ;D
Good timing. It always comes in waves, so don't get discouraged if you hit a dry spell later on. Woo on the date, just try not to get too amped up :P
Yep. Change your profile somewhat once a week I'd say. I've noticed that I tend to get profile updates for people I've saved as favourites, or people whose profile I've viewed when they change things.
Change your ethnicity to Native American and send a message about how you were here first.
it'll either work out great, or be a really funny story (later)!
or nothing will happen
Link.
We've got an unofficial (?) rule against linking the profiles of strangers.
I also hope you got her permission to post the photo.
I thought about that; I wasn't planning on leaving it up for more than 48 hours or so, and it's publicly available on facebook. Some of my OKC shots with friends are probably worse in this respect.
If it's on facebook, then whatever
You look great together. Good job 8-)
Which is what?
It feels weird to say it as a guy, but I tend to feel unnatractive most of the time.
When you get a relationship from online dating you post a picture. Probably not going to happen generally, though ;D
Most guys don't think of themselves as particularly attractive. It doesn't really matter, though, because you don't need to date yourself, and can you exactly describe what makes someone else attractive? And why two people who look very different can still be attractive to the same person?
Standards are good to a point, but there's good standards and unrealistic standards. If your standards are "must have a certain nose, a certain hairline, a certain figure and bust size, and exactly 5'4" and born within one month of me," you might be unrealistic. Same with "must play video games."
Good standards would, arguably, be guidelines that encourage both people to be open minded. Like "Doesn't hate video games" or "shorter than me or not concerned about being taller" or "is plucky and fun." The problem with those kind of standards is that you generally can't find out about them until after you're talking with someone, I would imagine.
If you're striking out, though, you might want to try messaging people that you at least find attractive, so you are still interested in meeting them potentially. Even if things don't work out, it's still good practice. Like, I just got a new job, but I'm still doing a phone interview with Amazon because why not? Good practice!
It hasn't even been a week.
but instead of exchanging dissertations, you should be meeting in the real world
Word. If you've been messaging for a week, meet up!
The kicker is it's her birthday, and she's basically said it's just another day, ignore it blah blah blah. However I kind of want to go get a copy of Dr. Seuss' "Happy Birthday To You." I'm thinking I leave it in my car and feel things out before potentially giving it to her at the end of the date, but I'm looking for opinions as if it's a good idea or not.
this is beyond true.
and i have a 3.6 and a 3.77 in grad school!
Also, if you feel unattractive, change things up. Get some friends to take you shopping for new clothes and listen to their advice. Try a new haircut. Exercise more. Little things add up to big changes. Hell, even a new cologne can work wonders.
My gf has no concept of how beautiful she is. During our first date, she thought I was smooth while I felt awkward in her presence (it's rare that I meet someone smarter than I am). How others perceive us rarely matches up to our self-perception.
It's ok to be picky but if you have standards, make sure you live up to them yourself. If you don't, then work hard to change. You'll look better, feel better, and be better. It's win all around. I'm completely against lowering your standards. Why do that when you can improve yourself?
The long-messages part is still good! But I suppose they could do both.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Quico_P
Also I know it doesn't mean much considering how much random clicking on profiles I've done, but it's still a nice ego boost to see the people who have looked at my profile (and not sent a message but whatever).
Nothing ventured, nothing gained :P Also, why bother with all the rhetorical foreplay when five minutes of conversation will tell you so much more about your compatibility?
I tell you that not to be pessimistic, but so you don't get super sad if it doesn't work out.