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Average Joe vs. Beautiful girl (girl crap)

crisis54crisis54 Registered User regular
edited February 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
Alright guys, I registered here because I think I need help. You guys seem to give some great advice, so I thought “what the hell?”

Alright, I’m in college and about a month ago I met a girl. I really don’t have much luck with girls. Back in high school, I was pretty much the social outcast. No one really gave me a chance, and this stuck with me. It also made me a bit socially awkward. I don’t go to a lot of parties, get drunk, pick up chicks, etc. I’m also not the most attractive of males. I do try to keep myself tidy however.

Anyways, I started fresh in college and so far, I think I have been doing great. I can easily talk to people and can make a good impression. I also think I’m pretty funny because I usually make the people around me laugh. I talk to a lot of the girls but it has never really progressed past a friend state. Usually they have boyfriends, so I’m out of luck. Anyways, a new semester starts and there is this new girl in class. We kind of hit it off and my intentions were to date her. She was showing the signs that other girls never really displayed. She was touching me, asking me to sit beside her, when she talked to me, she would have her whole body face me, she would write in my book, sometimes stare at me.

We also found out that we live pretty close to each other. So one day, out of the blue, she says that we should carpool together. We haven’t done so yet due to some things coming up, but I didn’t act eager or anything. Sometimes she asks me to hang with her after class to go eat something, etc.

I have a few problems though.

Firstly, she is VERY attractive. The guys stare at her. I, on the other hand, am not attractive. Maybe a 6 out of 10. Possibly lower. So when I think she likes me, the voice in the back of my head pretty much shoots it down, telling me that she is way out of my league. Do I really have a chance with the girl? I know, personality matters, blah blah blah. But lets be realistic here.

Secondly, she mentioned that she was going out on a date with some guy. She is 21 and he’s 31. She said that he wasn’t really her type because of the age difference and that usually the guys she dates are her friends first. But she is going because he is going to take her somewhere fancy and she likes getting dressed up. Someone asked her about the date today and she says she really liked it and that she was going out again. Skating apparently. If she liked me, would she be talking about this?

Thirdly, she is a party girl. Goes to clubs, gets drunk sometimes, has lots of friends, parties. I’m the opposite of that. I have a core group of friends, don’t party at all, don’t drink that much and certainly don’t go to the clubs. Don’t get the wrong impression. She is quite mature and actually quite intelligent. But would this work out? Does she expect a guy to take her to clubs, and so on?

I’m just asking because I don’t want to fall into this friend-zone bullshit like I usually do. Same thing happened in high school and I’m afraid the same thing might happen here. I don’t want to fuck anything up with her though. I will be spending the next 4 months with her in a classroom and potentially driving together, but the last thing I want to happen is to become her friend. I’d rather severe ties with her then have that happen. I don't think I can take it, knowing that I would never be able to get her.

Thanks a lot guys. I know this shit is long-winded, but I could use some advice. Do I ask her out even though I know she has a date with this other guy?
How do I make it known to her that I'm interested in her? Obviously aks her out to a movie, but friends also go to the movies, don't they?

crisis54 on
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Posts

  • DocDoc Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    How do I make it known to her that I'm interested in her? Obviously aks her out to a movie, but friends also go to the movies, don't they?

    Dude, not a movie. Find something good for a date. Where do you live?

    When you ask her out, she'll get that you're asking her out. Trust me.

    Doc on
  • GrimmyTOAGrimmyTOA Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I once read that there were two things that surprised people most about college: The first was that the cute people would talk to them. The second was that they were one of the cute people. Just something to chew on.

    Ask the girl out. The worst that can happen is that she says no. Maybe she's not interested in you, but maybe she is, and if you let this other guy get his claws into her -- well, you may never get the chance to find out.

    It's fine to ask her out, and if you like her you should. If she says no, then you just try to remain friends and you move on.

    GrimmyTOA on
  • LRGLRG Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Fuck that other guy, chances are they'll be done before the month is over.

    Ask her out and don't be afraid. Do that shit with so much confidence, like you know she won't say no. You gotta have confidence. Don't think for a second that looking average is going to hold you back, only that attitude is. Don't act at all insecure. Be calm, be funny, and be yourself.

    You can do it.

    LRG on
  • FireflashFireflash Montreal, QCRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I'll ignore the date with that older guy for now.


    Forget about "leagues". Don't put the girl on a pedestal and don't put yourself in the slums livingbelow all the "good looking" people. It's not because everybody thinks this girl is hot that she is necessarily looking for Mr. Tan and Chisled Chest.

    Losing that attitude will already help you a great deal.

    Fireflash on
    PSN: PatParadize
    Battle.net: Fireflash#1425
    Steam Friend code: 45386507
  • crisis54crisis54 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Doc wrote:
    crisis54 wrote:
    How do I make it known to her that I'm interested in her? Obviously aks her out to a movie, but friends also go to the movies, don't they?

    Dude, not a movie. Find something good for a date. Where do you live?

    When you ask her out, she'll get that you're asking her out. Trust me.

    I live in a major city, so I'm pretty open to suggestions.

    I think I cleaned myself up pretty well from high school, and I guess those four years pretty much shot my confidence down. So even imagining me with a pretty girl is usually hard for me.

    Fireflash wrote:
    I'll ignore the date with that older guy for now.


    Forget about "leagues". Don't put the girl on a pedestal and don't put yourself in the slums livingbelow all the "good looking" people. It's not because everybody thinks this girl is hot that she is necessarily looking for Mr. Tan and Chisled Chest.

    Losing that attitude will already help you a great deal.

    I honestly want to believe it. I really do. But she can have ANY guy she wants. I'm not even joking.

    It's just that from going from practically no one noticing me to having this gorgeous, intelligent girl actually show "interest" is just a big system shock.

    Yes, those 4 years really fucked me mentally, haha.

    crisis54 on
  • DocDoc Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    One of the small theaters (stage, that is) has a usually hilarious talent/variety show every two weeks. Stuff like that is fun, because it gives you more to talk about than "that movie was good." "yep."

    Doc on
  • DocDoc Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    I honestly want to believe it. I really do. But she can have ANY guy she wants.

    And she wants you. All you have to do is ask her out.

    Doc on
  • FireflashFireflash Montreal, QCRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Oh and that thing about you thinking that you're bad looking or whatever:

    -I can't even tell why girls find this guy cute but not this other one. Ok I can tell the extremes easily "man this guy is good looking, I wouldn't mind looking like that!" or "wtf happened to this guy's face, ewww!" but inbetween that, no idea!

    -I don't consider myself very good looking. Some girls are simply obsessed about my eyes, but i have bad teeth (getting fixed tho!), Yet I spent 2 years of my life with a very hot girl! I'll even add that I've rarely seen this girl with super hot guys, even one that I found downright ugly.

    Fireflash on
    PSN: PatParadize
    Battle.net: Fireflash#1425
    Steam Friend code: 45386507
  • crisis54crisis54 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Ok, so even though she is going out with this other guy and she knows that I know, I should still ask her out?

    crisis54 on
  • CalebrosCalebros a k a TimesNewPwnin Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    Ok, so even though she is going out with this other guy and she knows that I know, I should still ask her out?

    going out on a date with someone does not mean exclusivity, nor does it put her into the persona non-nookie category

    so, yes

    in fact, it means do it sooner rather then later

    Calebros on
  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    Anyways, I started fresh in college and so far, I think I have been doing great. I can easily talk to people and can make a good impression. I also think I’m pretty funny because I usually make the people around me laugh. I talk to a lot of the girls but it has never really progressed past a friend state. Usually they have boyfriends, so I’m out of luck. Anyways, a new semester starts and there is this new girl in class. We kind of hit it off and my intentions were to date her. She was showing the signs that other girls never really displayed. She was touching me, asking me to sit beside her, when she talked to me, she would have her whole body face me, she would write in my book, sometimes stare at me.

    We also found out that we live pretty close to each other. So one day, out of the blue, she says that we should carpool together. We haven’t done so yet due to some things coming up, but I didn’t act eager or anything. Sometimes she asks me to hang with her after class to go eat something, etc.
    Come on, man, have you read this yourself? Is there any other way to interpret it? At the very least, she's given you enough signs that, logically speaking, you have every reason to believe that she's interested. In the worst case scenario that she isn't, you still wouldn't have done anything wrong in asking her out and it would be her fault for giving false signals. You don't have anything to beat yourself up over.

    Forget the self-depreciating stuff right now. You need to understand that confidence is attractive, within reason. That's pretty much a global constant. The small details of someone's facial structure are easily the least significant factor in attraction. You need to drop the "am I hot or not" scoring system because in real life that just isn't how it works. Think about it - how many times, just going on your own personal experience, can you think of that you've been much more attracted to someone that's relatively average than someone who's smoking hot? Think for a second about why that is. You need to realize that it's the same for everybody, girls included.

    Zek on
  • XylianaXyliana Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    I mean this in the nicest way...

    I don't know if this has to do with age.. or what. The best attraction is when two people connect and develop a closeness with one another. The problem is.. this will happen for two people at the sametime or it will not and in turn was not meant to be.

    I am a believer that meaningful and honest relationships come from two people who just connect emotionally and if that happens to one person and not the other than there is no chance that it will work.

    Example. There have been cases where I had a crush on someone, I was worried they did not back, by approaching it there was one of two outcomes.

    They liked me back and we dated a while but it wasn't meant to be cause one persons feeling were stronger then the other..

    or

    They just told me they didn't feel the same way.

    Either case (and I know this sounds harsh) but if you have to second guess someone's intensions then it wasnt meant to be. And the vis versa. I mean I have felt bad to tell someone that I don't like them the same way or .. when I did date someone thats feelings were stronger than mine the relationship just came to an end.

    The fact that you doubt yourself, doubt what she may think about you, and doubt her feelings should be a warning sign. Now I am not saying that people are vocal and say "hey we are in love with eachother" but I do think that there is just a subtle feeling that connects you with that person.

    Xyliana on
  • CalebrosCalebros a k a TimesNewPwnin Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Xyliana wrote:
    I mean this in the nicest way...

    I don't know if this has to do with age.. or what. The best attraction is when two people connect and develop a closeness with one another. The problem is.. this will happen for two people at the sametime or it will not and in turn was not meant to be.

    I am a believer that meaningful and honest relationships come from two people who just connect emotionally and if that happens to one person and not the other than there is no chance that it will work.

    Example. There have been cases where I had a crush on someone, I was worried they did not back, by approaching it there was one of two outcomes.

    They liked me back and we dated a while but it wasn't meant to be cause one persons feeling were stronger then the other..

    or

    They just told me they didn't feel the same way.

    Either case (and I know this sounds harsh) but if you have to second guess someone's intensions then it wasnt meant to be. And the vis versa. I mean I have felt bad to tell someone that I don't like them the same way or .. when I did date someone thats feelings were stronger than mine the relationship just came to an end.

    The fact that you doubt yourself, doubt what she may think about you, and doubt her feelings should be a warning sign. Now I am not saying that people are vocal and say "hey we are in love with eachother" but I do think that there is just a subtle feeling that connects you with that person.

    Wow.

    That is some bad advice.

    You basically said 'Your confidence is low and you're over-thinking it so it'll never work.'

    You're supposed to pick him up when he's down, not kick him.

    Calebros on
  • AximAxim Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    i'm going to play devils advocate and say in university there's alot of girls who are super outgoing touchy etc, and that really.. if you're insecure and she is as smoking hot as you describe than it's going to be a bad setup for any lasting relationship. you will be jealous when she hangs out with football player style dudes or whatever since being hot she will have these kinds of friends. i would look at it as a chance to have some fun but don't get your hopes up about something lasting.

    personally i think her going out with a 31 year old dude is a bad sign for you reminds me of a girl i ended up dating who was all 'oh ya i went on a date with this investment broker guy / firefighter / etc etc" all older guys, basically trying to make it seem as though i had to live up to these huge standards. i ended up staying with her family for a week and it was all a joke, got along with her family and friends famously despite her best attempts to make me think they were stone cold. in the end she was pretty unreliable and if i wasn't giving her attention 24/7 she would have doubts about us etc so eventually i just ended it.

    i think a good rule of thumb is to not date more than two points above yourself on the looks scale unless the girl is a mormon or something

    Axim on
  • ffordefforde Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Xyliana wrote:
    I mean this in the nicest way...

    I don't know if this has to do with age.. or what. The best attraction is when two people connect and develop a closeness with one another. The problem is.. this will happen for two people at the sametime or it will not and in turn was not meant to be.

    I am a believer that meaningful and honest relationships come from two people who just connect emotionally and if that happens to one person and not the other than there is no chance that it will work.

    Example. There have been cases where I had a crush on someone, I was worried they did not back, by approaching it there was one of two outcomes.

    They liked me back and we dated a while but it wasn't meant to be cause one persons feeling were stronger then the other..

    or

    They just told me they didn't feel the same way.

    Either case (and I know this sounds harsh) but if you have to second guess someone's intensions then it wasnt meant to be. And the vis versa. I mean I have felt bad to tell someone that I don't like them the same way or .. when I did date someone thats feelings were stronger than mine the relationship just came to an end.

    The fact that you doubt yourself, doubt what she may think about you, and doubt her feelings should be a warning sign. Now I am not saying that people are vocal and say "hey we are in love with eachother" but I do think that there is just a subtle feeling that connects you with that person.

    I understand where you're coming from but I think his doubt has more to do with his own self worth (or lack thereof) than anything that should be considered a warning sign. They obviously have already clicked and are becoming friends, and she has given him signs she is interested in more. Maybe that deeper connection wont form, but it is definitely worth finding out.

    fforde on
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Although I haven't read the majority of the posts here, I will say this:

    Your inner critic. Silence it.


    Seriously, if there's anything that most women hate most regarding dating is that the guy just doesn't take the initiative. You are not rolling around the same crew that ran your high school; almost everyone on campus will not remember your face in the morning when they wake up. Long story short, you pretty much have a fresh start each day regarding people's opinions of you.

    So she's intimidating in your eyes, extremely attractive, AND interested in you? Awesome; don't puss out just because you don't think you're good enough. Your view on what's attractive dramatically changes once you enter college. You might have been some no-name schmuck at your old school, but here you could be king (vastly exaggerated mind you), so don't count yourself out.

    Godfather on
  • LRGLRG Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    axiumxp wrote:

    i think a good rule of thumb is to not date more than two points above yourself on the looks scale unless the girl is a mormon or something

    Man. NO. Fuck the point system. You ever see dimes going out with the guys that look like hell? Then you talk to the guy and he's so damn comfortable and funny being himself that it doesn't matter than he's butt ugly? Girls are more attracted to personailty than looks, sure there are shallow girls, but if you can make a girl feel attracted to you, you can look like Jabba the Hutt.

    Do not be intimidated by her good looks. I'm sure almost every guy she meets is like this and she's prolly tierd of it. If you step to her like a motherfucker man, she'll respond positivly to that.

    Crisis, what you need to do is be a man and not let some chick intimidate you especially when you guys already get along. The worst she can say is no and if she says it in a mean way, then she isn't good enough to be your friend let alone someone you want a romantic relationship with.

    LRG on
  • DamienThornDamienThorn Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Attraction is largely born from confidence. If you appear confident, are willing to look like an ass when you do something and make a joke about it, and lack boils, welts, or recent facial burns you're usually ok. Just ask and, if she isn't interested, roll with it and keep on going. Avoid the awkward silence and just move on to the next part of the conversation.

    As for her going on a date: screw the other guy. You're better than he is, because he's not you. <-- that attitude is born of confidence. Develop it!

    DamienThorn on
  • AximAxim Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    ya thats it though.. the reason people are all like 'oh man no way he scored someone like that' is because 90% of people could never handle a relationship like that which is why it is considered unusual. the small percentage of people so laid back they could get anyone regardless already have that in them. for the rest of the normal population that are stuck in relationships where they are second class citizens because of their appearence it is not too hot.

    again some girls are an exception and are more chill but most smoking hot girls know what they have and if you don't have cash or aren't close to their level physically you will know it pretty quick

    Axim on
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    As for her going on a date: screw the other guy. You're better than he is, because he's not you. <-- that attitude is born of confidence. Develop it!


    I think this sums up the date situation quite nicely.

    Godfather on
  • crisis54crisis54 Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Yeah, good advice guys.

    The voice inside my head is fucking me up. Trying to protect me from getting hurt I suppose or having unrealistic desires.

    But there is still one more lingering question.

    If she is showing interest in me like I think she is, then why did she mention the date? This is the most perplexing one to me. Why didn't she hide the fact she was going on a date or even after the date she says she didn't have a good time or something. I mean, I would have never have found out the truth.

    crisis54 on
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Never go on about how people are in different leagues.

    She eats shits and sleeps just like you.

    Unless when she sleeps birds fly out of her ears, then she is in a different league to you, but I highly doubt this scenario.

    Do not talk down on yourself.

    Blake T on
  • QuelrethQuelreth Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    Yeah, good advice guys.

    The voice inside my head is fucking me up. Trying to protect me from getting hurt I suppose or having unrealistic desires.

    But there is still one more lingering question.

    If she is showing interest in me like I think she is, then why did she mention the date? This is the most perplexing one to me. Why didn't she hide the fact she was going on a date or even after the date she says she didn't have a good time or something. I mean, I would have never have found out the truth.

    Well, it's possible she just considers you good friend, but based on what you've said that doesn't seem like the case. Maybe to make you slightly jealous so you'll come out of your shell and ask her out? I've seen trickier moves.

    Quelreth on
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    If she is showing interest in me like I think she is, then why did she mention the date? This is the most perplexing one to me. Why didn't she hide the fact she was going on a date or even after the date she says she didn't have a good time or something. I mean, I would have never have found out the truth.

    Because men and women are evil in this regard where we like to get people jealous and force them into showing their emotions.

    People at times aren't very nice in their quest to find out information.

    Blake T on
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Quelreth wrote:
    crisis54 wrote:
    Yeah, good advice guys.

    The voice inside my head is fucking me up. Trying to protect me from getting hurt I suppose or having unrealistic desires.

    But there is still one more lingering question.

    If she is showing interest in me like I think she is, then why did she mention the date? This is the most perplexing one to me. Why didn't she hide the fact she was going on a date or even after the date she says she didn't have a good time or something. I mean, I would have never have found out the truth.

    Well, it's possible she just considers you good friend, but based on what you've said that doesn't seem like the case. Maybe to make you slightly jealous so you'll come out of your shell and ask her out? I've seen trickier moves.

    Exactly.

    You could very well be messing around with a shinobi regarding these tactics, all the more reason to man up and just ask.

    Godfather on
  • DocDoc Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    Yeah, good advice guys.

    The voice inside my head is fucking me up. Trying to protect me from getting hurt I suppose or having unrealistic desires.

    But there is still one more lingering question.

    If she is showing interest in me like I think she is, then why did she mention the date? This is the most perplexing one to me. Why didn't she hide the fact she was going on a date or even after the date she says she didn't have a good time or something. I mean, I would have never have found out the truth.

    It's a big hint drop.

    Cass, get in here. Tell this guy to ask her out, and then call him a dork for missing the hint, even though most guys would have done the same.

    Doc on
  • Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Ask her out. The worst-case scenario is that you get a friend instead of a girlfriend

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    I’m also not the most attractive of males.
    I, on the other hand, am not attractive. Maybe a 6 out of 10. Possibly lower.

    That matters very, very little. Maybe not at all, even. Girls don't judge guys based on looks half as much as guys judge girls based on looks. From my experience, things like humor and confidence are far more important qualities that girls look for in guys.
    Firstly, she is VERY attractive. The guys stare at her. So when I think she likes me, the voice in the back of my head pretty much shoots it down, telling me that she is way out of my league. Do I really have a chance with the girl? I know, personality matters, blah blah blah. But lets be realistic here.

    Realistic?

    Dude, the only thing that is limiting your ability to date this girl is yourself. You realize that, right? That voice in the back of your head is pretty much sabotaging you. It's the voice of low self-esteem.

    Don't listen to it.
    Secondly, she mentioned that she was going out on a date with some guy. She is 21 and he’s 31. She said that he wasn’t really her type because of the age difference and that usually the guys she dates are her friends first. But she is going because he is going to take her somewhere fancy and she likes getting dressed up. Someone asked her about the date today and she says she really liked it and that she was going out again. Skating apparently. If she liked me, would she be talking about this?

    Some girls openly talk about their romantic flings in front of other guys to see their reactions, especially if they wanna find out if the guy likes them.

    Then there are other situations where the girl wants to demonstrate to the guy that she is high value and guys run after her.

    Don't let it get to you. She's just dating him, much like she will be dating you pretty soon.
    Thirdly, she is a party girl. Goes to clubs, gets drunk sometimes, has lots of friends, parties. I’m the opposite of that. I have a core group of friends, don’t party at all, don’t drink that much and certainly don’t go to the clubs. Don’t get the wrong impression. She is quite mature and actually quite intelligent. But would this work out? Does she expect a guy to take her to clubs, and so on?

    Not at all.
    I’m just asking because I don’t want to fall into this friend-zone bullshit like I usually do. Same thing happened in high school and I’m afraid the same thing might happen here. I don’t want to fuck anything up with her though. I will be spending the next 4 months with her in a classroom and potentially driving together, but the last thing I want to happen is to become her friend. I’d rather severe ties with her then have that happen. I don't think I can take it, knowing that I would never be able to get her.

    There is only one way to prevent falling into the friend-zone: state your romantic intentions clearly.
    How do I make it known to her that I'm interested in her? Obviously aks her out to a movie, but friends also go to the movies, don't they?

    Not a movie.

    "Let's get coffee sometime" works.

    Or you can be more open and say "I'd like to take you on a date. What are you doing this Friday?"

    ege02 on
  • CaswynbenCaswynben Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Dogg, college is not high school. Everyone is on the same level here, dating-wise. I have seem some ugly ass dudes hook up with some fiiiinnee young ladies.

    Caswynben on
  • arod_77arod_77 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited February 2007
    All that matters is that the girl finds you attractive in some capacity of yours, leave your baggage at the door.

    I have a girlfriend who is much better looking than me

    arod_77 on
    glitteratsigcopy.jpg
  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited February 2007
    crisis54 wrote:
    I honestly want to believe it. I really do. But she can have ANY guy she wants. I'm not even joking.

    Most girls can have any [single] guy they want. Blame culture, genes, whatever, but it's still the guys who do most of the pursuing in western cultures. However, there are 2 things you should keep in mind, as you're mostly "fresh" to this it seems.

    First, don't "rate" people, including yourself. If someone you deem very attractive physically is talking to you, don't get into those stupid mind traps where you think that person is simply keeping you around to bounce ideas off of. For instance, if a guy who you think is a jock and could date any woman he wants is talking to you and being friendly, don't assume he's talking to you in order to make himself look better. Assume you have some common interests and he's also friendless due to college. If a hot chick is talking to you, assume she finds you easy to talk to or finds something about you cute. perhaps your hairstyle, or some part of your face, or whatever. Who knows, but it doesn't matter what that thing is, and you shouldn't question it so much -- at least, definitely not at this point!

    In other words, don't think of yourself as a gross dork until you act gross and dorky and it actually makes people stop talking to you. Remember -- NONE of these people know you from HS, they don't know you were apparently a "loser" and frankly, they don't really care.

    Secondly, just because she's hot doesn't mean she's mentally stable. NONE of the friends I had in college dated people that were 10 years their senior, and the ones who had friends of friends who did had some weird mental issues. For instance, this girl says that she usually dates guys from a pool of friends. That sounds like quite the rotation, and while that doesn't mean she's having sex with all of them, it does sound like she gets bored quickly and doesn't really care. Like she really has no clue what actually having a relationship is about. She likes "dressing up?" I understand why that would be fun, but either she's ditzy and doesn't understand what's going on, or she's willfully using these boyfriends to get them to take her out.

    That's my impression, based on the little you've said, and she may just be really chatty and friendly and occasionally dates her friends. Still, how does a 21 year old meet a 31 year old?

    Anyway, skepticism aside, caswyben and arod have good points -- lots of people are at "unequal hottitude" in their relationships. I know plenty of guys who seem pretty dapper but are dating girls I think are really ugly. Heck, I see guys on forums and on weblists post pictures of women that I simply can't see how they're hot. Forget about your baggage and just see how it goes. If you're really itching to take her out, ask her. If you're enjoying her company and feel happy just having her around, then keep her as a chatty friend.

    The only rule that I've noticed regarding hot chicks is that they rarely ask guys out themselves.

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  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Next time she mentions mr. other guy and their dates, just say "Yeah, well I bet can show you a better time!"


    And then, you know, ask her on a date.

    AlyceInWonderland on
  • Evil MultifariousEvil Multifarious Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Next time she mentions mr. other guy and their dates, just say "Yeah, well I bet can show you a better time!"


    And then, you know, ask her on a date.

    This is a good one. You should do this. It is innocently charming.

    Evil Multifarious on
  • GodfatherGodfather Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Next time she mentions mr. other guy and their dates, just say "Yeah, well I bet can show you a better time!"


    And then, you know, ask her on a date.

    This is a good one. You should do this. It is innocently charming.

    I'm gonna have to vote against this one due to the double-edge success rate. Although it wasn't presented exactly like posted, there have been situations i've seen where the woman either goes for it or it kills the conversation instantly, not to mention the rest of the friendship.

    Makes things awkward.

    Godfather on
  • mrcheesypantsmrcheesypants Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Next time she mentions mr. other guy and their dates, just say "Yeah, well I bet can show you a better time!"


    And then, you know, ask her on a date.

    This is a good one. You should do this. It is innocently charming.

    Yeah I agree this is a good idea I'll have to remember that if I ever get into a situation similar to this.

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  • MORPHEUSMORPHEUS Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Some girls openly talk about their romantic flings in front of other guys to see their reactions, especially if they wanna find out if the guy likes them.

    Just out of curiosity, what if she wasn't pretending? That is always a possibility, right?

    MORPHEUS on
  • AximAxim Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    i mean guys he asking an internet forum whether or not to ask a girl on a date am i the only one here seeing the glass half empty

    as for confidence i would say work your way up the ladder, again seriously i have a few close friends that like to date younger girls way out of their league and it always ends up with them dealing with endless drama and the girls eventually breaking it off for some other dude. not trying to be a downer but i'm just saying if you're new to the whole dating scene i wouldn't got for the top pick right off the bat as it's pretty hard to be smooth with some smoking hot girl and if she is keeping her options that open re: the dating scene then you will probably get the 'i have several dudes on the go which one will i pick' game which is just endless fun.

    she is already using older dudes to secure fancy dinners so i do not see this going well.

    something like this is good for a weekend fling but long term, i'm not saying go for someone ugly but within your standards with a great personality. those are the types of people that raise your confidence not girls out of your league. do whatever you're comfortable with but you will meet other more legit girls who won't make you worry about whether you're spending enough money on them or if you're not attractive enough man.

    Axim on
  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    oh axium, you say that like this forum is an awful place for advice. i dont think of it that way. I mean, you know that adage about the 1000 monkeys in a room with 1000 typewriters?

    only here, it's many forumers, most of whom have had similar events happen to them.

    I'd say go for it, OP. What do you have to lose? You wont sulk back to "your old self" since you feel that you've matured enough as a human being. go ahead and do it. do what most guys would never be able to. they'd put themselves down and do nothing. dont be that guy.

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  • LRGLRG Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Seriously, if nothing else, you don't want to constantly think "what if she said yes" and you'll also decrease your chance of being the guy she always complains about her boyfriends to.

    Go for it, man.

    LRG on
  • Caboose.Caboose. Registered User regular
    edited February 2007
    Okay, let's take a step back and look at the big picture here. You're approaching a single social situation and investing all of your resources in one single event. One solitary answer that means the world to you.

    Stop it.

    You need a balanced social life. Are you hanging out with a group of friends? If not, you need to be. You need a group of people that you are out with all the time. It's healthy and it'll help establish who you are. Other people see who you are, and they'll let you know. You'll feel good about yourself, and that positive feeling will start the ball rolling. You want this ball rolling already, and you want it rolling fast.

    It helps if within your group of friends you are meeting girls and hanging out with them as well. Even if they're already taken. You need to be flirting, joking, expressing yourself confidently in all aspects of your life. This shit needs to come naturally.

    See, cause once you've got all this other stuff going on in your life, this one single event is not so important. Suddenly it's just one stop and regardless of how it goes, the ball just keeps rolling. You get in that river with all the positive feelings, and it all just flows. That's what it's all about. You gotta flow. You're confident in who you are, what you've got going, and she's down on your level now.

    This is the battle you need to win.

    Caboose. on
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