Of Shitty Neighbors (And their demonspawn)

Cogliostro

So my roommates and I are having a problem right now.

Neighborhood Kids.

They have been playing in our front yard which I really don't mind. My roommate asked them not to because he was actually sued by a parent once when their kid got hurt on his lawn, even though the kid was there without permission. Once burned, and all that.

So a few months ago we put up lights on the path to the driveway. The solar ones that aren't very bright but they look nice. We came home one day to find a broken one laying down. We asked about it, but of course no one knew anything.

We look outside today and find all the lights on the ground. This time they're not broken, but just pulled up. One of the little shitfuckers has a sledgehammer and is breaking rocks on the road. The other has a hammer and is pounding against the concrete trying to break off pieces for the sledgehammer kid.

So my roommate's wife nicely asks them what happened to the lights. They, naturally, play innocent. So she goes back inside and comes out - ready to leave to pick her husband up. One of the little shitsacks was RIGHT in our front flower garden set against the house, removing rocks to break with the sledgehammer.

I've been watching out the window and saw one of them pull the lights out not twenty minutes after my buddy's wife put them back in.

WHAT THE FUCK?? The thing that pisses me off is that our immediate next-door neighbor happens to be a nurse at one of the ER's where I regularly bring patients. She had the gall to tell me a few days ago "Well, if you didn't want to move into a neighborhood with kids you sure picked the wrong one." like it is our fucking fault her little bastard sons of bitches don't respect other people's property. We have NO problem with kids being kids... playing and what not. There are twenty other yards in this neighborhood to play in (theirs, for isntance?)... and watch your goddamned kids! Don't just let them run amok.


The phrase "One understands why some animals eat their young" is most prevalent in my mind right now.

So SE++... make me feel better by sharing some of your shitty neighbor stories! Let me know I'm not alone in this fight.

Sweeney Tom

My neighbor is a cop, so I think if I criticize him, I'll go to jail.

That said, my neighbor is awesome.

[tiny]please don't send me to jail [/tiny]

Daric

Cogliostro, you live in Texas now.

Shoot them.

#pipe

There are neighborhood kids around me too

always playing on the fucking road

I mean they don't damage anyone's property, they're just annoying

What shits me is all the damn signs around the neighborhood telling motorists to slow down and look out for kids.

How about "Don't play in the street because there are cars driving on it"

Cogliostro

Our subdivision is a single road, MAYBE 100 yards long ending in a cul de sac and gate at the other end.

Daric: If I thought I could get away with it...

nuka

My neighbor has geese and they are loud. He also likes to shoot raccoons at like 1 in the morning.

I would honestly call the police at that point Cog, they're tearing up people's property. That's money, time and labor being put into installing all that stone and the kids are just tearing it all up.

Vann Diras

just go yell at them

for real just "hey get off my damn lawn. leave"

Jordyn

Put traps in your yard and big ass no trespassing sign.

Daric

Let me put my shoes on and give me 20 minutes and I'll roll by and "accidentally" hit one of them with my car then speed off so no one gets my plates.

Jordyn

Hide in the bushes and when they come over to fuck up the lights, jump out at them with a knife.

Vann Diras

Jordyn wrote: »

Put traps in your yard and big ass no trespassing sign.

i feel like booby-trapping houses is coming up a lot these days

Jordyn

you kids stay off my lawn; it's full of bear traps and grenade bouquets

Goose!

If there's anyway to wire it so that, if they touch the lights, they get shocked, just enough to spook them off, I would say do that.

Vann Diras

i think the lesson we learned last time was "booby trapping your house is extremely illegal"

Daric

Jordyn wrote: »

Hide in the bushes and when they come over to fuck up the lights, jump out at them with a knife.

Edit: Vann Diras, not in Texas.

nuka

Goose! wrote: »

If there's anyway to wire it so that, if they touch the lights, they get shocked, just enough to spook them off, I would say do that.

Yeah but what if they run home to mommy and cry real loud? And what if mommy has a lawyer.

Besides you're kind of half assing it there. If you're gonna scare the kids you might as well go all out.

Goose!

Put up a fence.

Daric

Really it's not the kids you need to be scaring here, it's the parents.

Just shoot one of the kids in the leg and the parents will keep them from playing in your yard in the future.

Goose!

nuka wrote: »

Goose! wrote: »

If there's anyway to wire it so that, if they touch the lights, they get shocked, just enough to spook them off, I would say do that.

Yeah but what if they run home to mommy and cry real loud? And what if mommy has a lawyer.

Besides you're kind of half assing it there. If you're gonna scare the kids you might as well go all out.

By spook them I mean enough pain that they never do it again.

I feel like there was a comic who had a bit about sticking a fork in the outlet and the kid not doing it again.

Jordyn

Is the nurse one of their parents? have you talked to one of their parents?

Mr. Buttons

Don't call the cops, that would be a little extreme (unless they promise to taze them)

Tell the mom, just say to her "listen, do you mind talking to your little fuckshit kids? We had a couple broken lights and other various things happen and we know it was them... they're kids and blah blah blah, I don't want to make a big deal out of it so if you could talk to them it would sure help" and if she drops another "kids will be kids, heck if I'm going to do anything to discipline them" then put bear traps on your lawn

Artreus

That is awful Cog.

I had an experience last week with feeling like an old codger who hates fun and kids. I'm okay with kids being kids.

just

there was a birthday party or just some group of kids (pre-teens I think) at the climbing gym I go to. They weren't even fucking climbing. They were running all over the place, not paying attention to where they were going. Some of them would go into the bouldering room where I was and climb as high as they could just so they could jump off onto the crash pad. The thing that is there to protect people who are actually climbing. There is a walkway behind one of the bouldering walls you get to to climb down when you go over the top of a route. And they were just running back and forth on it. Then some of them decided to climb back there and then jump from the top of that to the pads. Which is kind of dangerous and just a bad idea.

Some of them decided to jump while a guy was climbing right beneath them. They could have seriously injured him.

I actually ended up falling on one of the little fuckers because they could not understand the concept of "don't play underneath the climbers"

Cogliostro

Goose! wrote: »

Put up a fence.

I can't because the subdivision HOA forbids front lawn fences. I abhor HOA's, and the only reason I live in a place with one is because I can't really make modifications to this house since we are renting... and I don't have to pay the HOA fees.

But when I buy it will definitely not be in a place with an HOA.

Hunter

Video tape the little monsters destroying your property, show a copy to their parents, tell them you expect compensation for the loss. If they refuse, go to the cops.

Bitching on the internet has never actually solved a problem like this.

DivideByZero

Cogliostro wrote: »

She had the gall to tell me a few days ago "Well, if you didn't want to move into a neighborhood with kids you sure picked the wrong one."

Do you still have the receipt from the lights?

Make it known that if any more of them end up broken she'll be paying for their replacement.

Usagi

No mini monsters in our building thankfully, but a new dude moved in next door with two annoying as fuck yippy dogs that he lets poop in the front flowerbed. Super classy.

Also the guy seems like a bit of a knob, he's got The Club for his dinged up Scion in one of the safest neighborhoods in Seattle. I just don't get it but I do wish his dogs would take a flying leap off a building.

Macro9

Invest into some cheap security cameras and record the little bastards doing the business. Give their parents a chance to put an end to it. If not report that shit to the police with evidence.

Put up no trespassing signs as well.

Matev

Having just moved, I'm a little surprised with how reasonable most of my neighbors appear to be. Then again I don't any of them for the most part. I do sometimes feel like I'm that guy though because I'm playing my music louder than most people would in a normal at home scenario...

Zoel

Usagi wrote: »

No mini monsters in our building thankfully, but a new dude moved in next door with two annoying as fuck yippy dogs that he lets poop in the front flowerbed. Super classy.

Also the guy seems like a bit of a knob, he's got The Club for his dinged up Scion in one of the safest neighborhoods in Seattle. I just don't get it but I do wish his dogs would take a flying leap off a building.

maybe that's why he has the dogs

Rikushix

Zoel wrote: »

Usagi wrote: »

No mini monsters in our building thankfully, but a new dude moved in next door with two annoying as fuck yippy dogs that he lets poop in the front flowerbed. Super classy.

Also the guy seems like a bit of a knob, he's got The Club for his dinged up Scion in one of the safest neighborhoods in Seattle. I just don't get it but I do wish his dogs would take a flying leap off a building.

maybe that's why he has the dogs

zing!

MrMonroe

Jordyn wrote: »

Hide in the bushes and when they come over to fuck up the lights, jump out at them with a knife.

no no

take the chain off a chainsaw and fire it up

Seriously

BB gun

:V

skettios

It's tough when the parents don't care

My dad always yelled at kids he caught in our yard using our swingset if me and my siblings weren't out there as well.

Weaver

When I was still married living in Bothell, most of the neighborhood kids and my step-son got along really well and always played at our place because we had big yards and friendly dogs. Then a new kid moved into the neighborhood and started joining in and was being an ass and the conversation went something like this-

"We can't just tell one kid he can't play and let all of the others come over."

"Sure I can. Hey kid, get out."

Tonkka

Flamethrowers solve so many problems.

Sirialis

The worst thing I ever tried is a young dude playing his stereo so my goddamn floor vibrates, but I got in touch with him, and he is somewhat of a spoiled moron (his place is paid by the parents, and the area I live in cant be rented, only bought... so a spoiled, lazy dude) but he is apparently afraid of people saying to his face that we dont want crappy techno music at 5 in the morning so he stopped. (I did however state it in a polite manner, and it was enough)

Other than that just tried living next to an old lady who would knock on my door and ask me to turn the music down... Only thing was, there was no music :? I guess she was lonely ?
She was really odd though, also asked me not to park my Motorcycle near her entrance, because people might think she had male company... ? Sure.

Hope you solve your problem, being annoyed by people in your own home is frustrating and you just keep expecting the next time they piss you off.

L Ron Howard

This sounds kinda like when I lived in the ghetto. Kids running around all day, not listening to no one, and talking to their parents made you just want to bomb the city to get rid of all the shit.
I mean, kids are running around, midnight, during school nights, doing the disco yowl, over and over and over again. Like how birds talk (sing?) to each other, except more annoying.

DarkPrimus

As folks have said, tape it.

In fact, after taping them surreptitiously, go out in the fucking yard and tape them openly. Don't say anything, just go out there and video tape them being shits. I bet they'll stop and ask what you're doing. Best thing to do is still not say anything (not illegal to videotape, after all, and it'll spook the piss out of them), or just tell them you're recording them for evidence.

The Otaku Suppository

Become a registered sex-offender.

Knock on their door.

"Your move"

MrMonroe

The Otaku Suppository wrote: »

Become a registered sex-offender.

Knock on their door.

"Your move"

unless you're within five thousand feet of a school, in which case it will be yours

Darmak

What the hell kind of kid plays in someone else's yard? I wasn't even allowed outside of my own yard when I was younger, much less allowed into other people's.

Yes, I realize my grandparents were slightly overprotective of me.