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Get ready for seven days of hilarious blood-soaked carnage! It's SHARK WEEK!
Rankenphile
Passersby were amazedby the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
Passersby were amazedby the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT? IT'S NEARLY SHARK WEEK AGAIN!
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gYoSZkclzA
12341234SHARKFACTSSHARKFACTS!
SHARK FACT GO!
Sharks, despite being nature's most awesome killing and shredding and murdering machine, are hella fucking ticklish! FACT!
See that shark? He's all "HAHAHA QUIT IT QUIT IT AHAHAHAHA I SAID STOP HAHAHA CHOMP" and that chomp sound is when he ate seven dudes.
SHARK FACT GO!
Sharks will eat seven dudes even when they aren't even hungry, just because dudes are stupid. FACT!
SHARK FACT FILM FACT GO!
Not every good movie has a shark in it, but every movie with a shark in it is good! FACT!
Every film here won at least twenty Oscars. FACT!
SHARK FACT GO!
Some sharks are seriously fucking weird. Like the Basking Shark - it swims around all BLAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH eating absolutely everything that is stupid enough to go in its big dumb mouth, like plankton and goats and children and torpedoes and shrimp. BLAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH.
SHARK FACT GO!
Not all dinosaurs are sharks, but all sharks are dinosaurs, which makes them TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME, DUMBSHIT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWJ70m4GaUM
So what's our lineup for this year's awesome fucking SHARK WEEK WEEK-LONG SHARK FEST?
First up? GREAT WHITE INVASION, in which a shitload of neo-nazi Skinhead sharks show up in your town and start dating your sister and she shaves her head and starts wearing boots and shit, because it turns out otherwise they're going to eat her. And that's fucked up.
Next? JAWS COMES HOME, because apparently he was at work before when he was out there killing absolutely everything all the fucking time. Now you're in his house, and is he gunna play nice? Shit no. He's gunna eat a bunch of stupid people, stupid!
Also, ROGUE SHARKS, in which we look at the evolution of the shark and how they developed such keen skills as backstab, pickpocket, move silently and climb walls.
Also also, SUMMER OF THE SHARK, which is sort of a stupid title, because every summer is the summer of the shark, because sharks come from the Sun and that is when the Sun is the biggest, because it is pregnant with a bunch of hungry sharks that hatch out of the sun and then land in the ocean and then the Sun shrinks and gets cold because it is sad that it isn't full of sharks any more. It's just basic science.
After that is a show called KILLER SHARKS, which, again, is sort of a stupid title. It's like saying HOT FIRE or AWESOME TITTIES or DELICIOUS PEOPLE. It's redundant and unnecessary.
Following that, we've got HOW SHARKS HUNT, a show about how sharks hunt. Spoiler: the answer is with their mouths that are full of swords.
Finally, we have one of the greatest traditions of this holiest of weeks: the annual feeding a sacrificial celebrity to a shark. Few years back it was the Mythbusters, last year it was Craig Ferguson . This year?
Hot Rod gets his shit chomped.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5vw-0iu4RI
Seriously, this year is shaping up to be the best Shark Week ever. Know why?
Because fuck you, that's why.
SHAAAAAARK WEEEEEEEEEEK
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gYoSZkclzA12341234SHARKFACTSSHARKFACTS!
SHARK FACT GO!
Sharks, despite being nature's most awesome killing and shredding and murdering machine, are hella fucking ticklish! FACT!
See that shark? He's all "HAHAHA QUIT IT QUIT IT AHAHAHAHA I SAID STOP HAHAHA CHOMP" and that chomp sound is when he ate seven dudes.
SHARK FACT GO!
Sharks will eat seven dudes even when they aren't even hungry, just because dudes are stupid. FACT!
SHARK FACT FILM FACT GO!
Not every good movie has a shark in it, but every movie with a shark in it is good! FACT!
Every film here won at least twenty Oscars. FACT!
SHARK FACT GO!
Some sharks are seriously fucking weird. Like the Basking Shark - it swims around all BLAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH eating absolutely everything that is stupid enough to go in its big dumb mouth, like plankton and goats and children and torpedoes and shrimp. BLAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH.
SHARK FACT GO!
Not all dinosaurs are sharks, but all sharks are dinosaurs, which makes them TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME, DUMBSHIT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWJ70m4GaUMSo what's our lineup for this year's awesome fucking SHARK WEEK WEEK-LONG SHARK FEST?
First up? GREAT WHITE INVASION, in which a shitload of neo-nazi Skinhead sharks show up in your town and start dating your sister and she shaves her head and starts wearing boots and shit, because it turns out otherwise they're going to eat her. And that's fucked up.
Next? JAWS COMES HOME, because apparently he was at work before when he was out there killing absolutely everything all the fucking time. Now you're in his house, and is he gunna play nice? Shit no. He's gunna eat a bunch of stupid people, stupid!
Also, ROGUE SHARKS, in which we look at the evolution of the shark and how they developed such keen skills as backstab, pickpocket, move silently and climb walls.
Also also, SUMMER OF THE SHARK, which is sort of a stupid title, because every summer is the summer of the shark, because sharks come from the Sun and that is when the Sun is the biggest, because it is pregnant with a bunch of hungry sharks that hatch out of the sun and then land in the ocean and then the Sun shrinks and gets cold because it is sad that it isn't full of sharks any more. It's just basic science.
After that is a show called KILLER SHARKS, which, again, is sort of a stupid title. It's like saying HOT FIRE or AWESOME TITTIES or DELICIOUS PEOPLE. It's redundant and unnecessary.
Following that, we've got HOW SHARKS HUNT, a show about how sharks hunt. Spoiler: the answer is with their mouths that are full of swords.
Finally, we have one of the greatest traditions of this holiest of weeks: the annual feeding a sacrificial celebrity to a shark. Few years back it was the Mythbusters, last year it was Craig Ferguson . This year?
Hot Rod gets his shit chomped.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5vw-0iu4RISeriously, this year is shaping up to be the best Shark Week ever. Know why?
Because fuck you, that's why.
SHAAAAAARK WEEEEEEEEEEK
Rankenphile on
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Posts
I'M A SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK
SUCK MY DIIIIIIIIIIICK
I'M A SHAAAAAAAAAARK
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
XBox LIVE: Bogestrom | Destiny
PSN: Bogestrom
Did you know that this year SHARK WEEEEEEEEK starts on my wife's birthday, and we are having a New Years style party where we count down the seconds until it is her birthday?
Did you also know I am totally not going to be counting the seconds until her birthday, but will instead be counting the seconds until it is SHARK WEEK!
IT'S BECAUSE IT'S MOTHERFUCKING SHARK WEEK, AND SHARKS SNEAK UP ON EVERYTHING
RANK, PLAY JUST CAUSE 2 AND WATCH THIS AT THE SAME TIME, EXPLODE FROM SHEER AMAZING.
honestly you are the best husband will you marry me (the wedding will be on the day of shark week and the guests will be sharks and the minister will be a tv with shark week playing)
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
True Fact: When I got married, our officiant was our friend Jeff and instead of a bible, he had a big leather-bound Hitchhiker's Guide tome in his hands, because we didn't invite Jesus to our wedding.
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
TIGER SHARKS WILL EAT MOTHERFUCKING ANYTHING, AND THERE HAVE BEEN WHOLE HUMAN BODY PARTS AND PIECES OF MEDIEVAL ARMOR FOUND IN TIGER SHARK STOMACHS.
aaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THERE ARE SHARKS WITH MULTIPLE DICKS
bottom right shark is my favorite shark
where has the past year gone?
Already been quoted
also how did you forget Shark Attack 3: Megalodon from the OP?
sharks can totally fly
some sharks burrow through soil and are made of wood
look how excited this shark is about getting shitfaced
look at this that's the doublemouth shark he will eat you so much you'll go to hell and satan'll be like "dang man that's harsh"
Its name is Mister Handsome
They're alright.
I guess.
right, but what about the one made of fabric
Get out of here with that talk before these shark mittens make you leave