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PA comic: Monday December 26, 2011 - Good Data

Robert KhooRobert Khoo Registered User, Administrator, ClubPA, Penny Arcade Staff, PAX Staff staff
edited December 2011 in The Penny Arcade Hub
i-mWrJmrC-XL.jpg
When we were codifying today’s strip, Gabriel was worried that people (you, presumably) wouldn’t understand that the story was in fact true. I said that we could begin the comic with “True Story,” which is the customary procedure for tales of an ambiguous authenticity. But he countered, and rightly, with the assertion that the strip is itself a realm of thoroughly questionable provenance, and insertion into that space subjects any claim to the devolving effects of its “Whopper Field.”

So, let me be clear, in my zone of marginally increased veracity: TRUE.

For Christmas this year, I gave the gift of Crokinole. It’s a board game in the “action” or “dexterity” vein, which means that unlike most games that have risen to prominence in the global Eurogame revolution, at no point does one amass wheat.

It’s “like” a lot of games: it’s a round version of shuffleboard, for example, provided that there is also a basket, like basketball. Maybe it’s more like Darts On A Flat Plane, with concentric values of five, ten, fifteen, and twenty for the center hole. People shoot for the center until an opponent’s piece is on the board, at which point every shot needs to contact an enemy piece or get thrown into the literal garbage. Not really, but you might feel that way. Because pieces must come in contact with one another, and because their position on the field determines their value, the board becomes a fractious nation state in which escalating recriminations are the norm. You can play it 1v1, but in the 2v2 Team Mode I so crave, each player only has six shots total, which invests each “input” with tremendous import. The rules don’t really contain the game. The game is about trying to manage the dynamic outcomes generated by simple rules.

There is a lot to like about Crokinole, which is (at its core) a game about trick shots with brutal penalties for failure. But it’s also a game that isn’t impossible to build completely from scratch if you know somebody who is into wood. Plus, because the game is like a hundred and thirty-six years old, everyone owns it. I’m not a free culture champion, or anything of the kind; still, the idea that this joy engine belongs to every person warms a body deep down.

(CW)TB out.

Some guy.
Munkus Beaver on
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Posts

  • HenroidHenroid Radio Demon Internet HellRegistered User regular
    Oh god, all that wasted chi.

    Centrism is just the cowardly way to be a bigot w/o being explicit about it.
    American politics isn't 4D chess, it's just if you give a shit about other people or not.
  • Dark Raven XDark Raven X Laugh hard, run fast, be kindRegistered User regular
    That's why my Spirit Bomb is so weak?
    (Spirit Bomb is what I call my finishing move)
    (Like sex, not single combat)

    Oh brilliant
  • KageraKagera Imitating the worst people. Since 2004Registered User regular
    Then how did he inseminate his pants?

    My neck, my back, my FUPA and my crack.
  • ThreeCubedThreeCubed Registered User
    edited December 2011
    Whelp, they weren't kidding about:
    i-8Xn7QBv.png

    ThreeCubed on
    EyQGd.jpg
  • HenroidHenroid Radio Demon Internet HellRegistered User regular
    Raising semen awareness.

    Centrism is just the cowardly way to be a bigot w/o being explicit about it.
    American politics isn't 4D chess, it's just if you give a shit about other people or not.
  • KageraKagera Imitating the worst people. Since 2004Registered User regular
    I'm glad man jizz is finally getting some real recognition

    My neck, my back, my FUPA and my crack.
  • Helpless RockHelpless Rock Registered User regular
    This whole story arc is making the "winter" themed Penny Arcade logo extremely disturbing.

    WT83sWz.jpg
    Steam: Car1gt // Tumblr // Facebook // Twitter
  • EddyEddy Gengar the Bittersweet Registered User regular
    True story.

    “Even as a gengar she was lovely.” ― Ovid, Metamorphoses
  • LuxLux Registered User regular
    So, are you guys this crazy shit e-mail exchange about the Avenger Controller?

  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    We should have a thread just to talk about that whole mess because seriously, that is some amazing stuff.

  • AkulaAkula Registered User
    Perhaps the funniest thing about that whole exchange is how the guy acts like hot shit the whole way through it. The "Ocean Marketing" in question specializes in generating brand awareness on the internet and in social media. And yet this guy's company is like the third result on Google. He can't even succeed with his own damn brand. And he thinks he's going to run a smear campaign on anyone? Let alone one of the more popular communities on the internet?

    I get the feeling this guy enjoys smelling his own BO...

  • OrcaOrca Registered User regular
    Reading that was like watching a train wreck. What is he, 12?

    evilthecat wrote: »
    "Bioware I want to suck on your teets of gamingness".

    The 2012 issue of Fornax. | Steam and Origin: Espressosaurus
  • Gremlin17Gremlin17 Registered User
    The amazingly ironic thing is that on the guys website it has a quote: "Your brand is no stronger than your reputation-and will increasingly depend on what comes up when you are Googled." This is fantastic because when I Googled to find his website I had to do some digging. Know what the the first result was? Penny Arcade.

  • Titanium DragonTitanium Dragon Registered User regular
    Its not particularly surprising. The reason you need to always be professional with your customers is exactly this; they are the people who are paying you, ultimately. It is okay to tell a customer no; it is not okay to try and show off to them.

    This guy clearly has a problem; it isn't so much with his ego (though he clearly has ego issues) as it is with self control. One of the keys to customer interaction is to be as positive as possible, even when things are bad; you apologize that the product is coming late and you give them the best information you can. If that information is "We might miss Christmas, but we're doing our best to get at least some controllers out before then," that's okay - its bad that you missed your ship date, but at least your customer knows and can make an informed decision based on that information. Likewise, when your customers complain that people who are putting in orders now are getting a discount, you have two choices - if you do allow people to cancel their orders and get their money back, then you SHOULD discount it, as otherwise people are going to cancel their orders then reorder it and cost you extra money, as well as goodwill - and some of them might not reorder. Yes, you might make more money by not doing so, but then you lose goodwill and, let's face it, when you're a company who does well by word of mouth and instead people start talking about how horrible you are when you interact with your customers, you can very much lose customers.

    And if you send out an email to everyone being all "Hey, we dropped the price by $10 because you're so loyal and have stuck with us for so long", or even phrase the discount as an apology for being late, then instead of people being annoyed that your stuff came out late they're like "Hey, we got a discount and they are showing their contrition and are being honest with us!" Yes, some people will still be annoyed, but that does a lot to make people happier with you, which ultimately means its more likely they'll tell other people good things about you.

  • AnteCantelopeAnteCantelope Registered User regular
    "watch the way you talk to people you never know who they know it’s a small industry and everyone knows everyone"
    "its all about who you know not what you do"
    Is this supreme irony, or is it Mike editing the emails to make them extra funny?

    And I love the way he keeps dropping names, like it means anything or Mike doesn't know a couple of names either. Hell, Mike's is the sort of name he should be dropping.

    Incredibly funny, and I can't wait to see where it goes.

  • ArcoArco Registered User regular
    It's very easy to find information on this dude with a few minutes of Googling, so please. Everyone. Don't violate Wheaton's Law when dealing with this guy.

    Like this, not like the gas station.
    Organizer of the Post-PAX Party. You should come!
    Satellite Theater for life!
  • DamokleseDamoklese Registered User
    How appropriate that a ginormous dickhead should pop up in the middle of semen week.

    Hilarious stuff. I sent him an email detailing where he went wrong, and what his future goals should be. I recommended he switch careers to debt collections, where an asshole will be truly appreciated.

  • Chases Street DemonsChases Street Demons Registered User regular
    Truly a case where it went off the rails and didn't have to. If the original reply email had been something like
    "We're sorry for the unexpected delays - the units are caught up in customs (or whatever) and we're anticipating an early January ship date. Thanks for staying loyal, but any customers who want a refund will be processed quickly"

    Then this would have been a nonissue. Thirty seconds of PR. Damn, someone pay me to do this.

    "Sometimes things aren't complicated," I said. "You just have to be willing to accept the absolute corruption of everybody involved."

  • EzraColdEzraCold Registered User
    edited December 2011
    It has been many a year since I was convinced to take up a cause to blacklist a fellow human being. However as a salesman myself and a man of general integrity, I have managed to dust off the arrogance I have cast aside in favor of a more humble existence and decided to make my displeasure known to this horrendous example of Customer Service. Over the course of many days he made no attempt to humble himself and make himself look even remotely human until a force in the game community made their presence known and even then he opted for ignorance and made a poor judgement. If this man is not blacklisted in the industry than we have failed to protect our self respect. I hope that in the very near future he makes a public apology and leaves the industry in shame. I for one will remember his name and NEVER purchase any product that has his name, his company's name, or the name of any who may share his genetic line on it. I am a consumer, I have my pride, and I make my choice to shun this company, and to instead provide my hard earned money to a company that respects me.

    EzraCold on
  • LuxLux Registered User regular
    In case you guys don't read Gabe's Twitter:
    "expect a letter from our attorney." when this is the last thing I read before bed I know it's been a good day.

  • TrentusTrentus Registered User regular
    Oh god... semen week... smear campaign... my brain just broke.

  • muckymucksmuckymucks Registered User
    Tomorrow should be fun. Ocean Marketing brought out the lawyer card, used only by dishonest men and insecure Internet trolls. I hope Gabe holds nothing back. He knows the mayor of America, he knows the right people.

  • EzraColdEzraCold Registered User
    I find it hard to understand what a lawyer would do. A person provided copies of an e-mail from his own account willingly. The Fallout of this, will lead to exposing the PUBLIC relations area of a company. Nothing lawsuit worthy happened. This guy dug his grave and now must lay in it as piles of fecal material is heaved upon him and his name for just cause. It's not like a lawyer is going to make him a better human being. Honestly, it's hit the internet, he may fight but he's going down... and hard.

  • <:__)~<:__)~ Registered User regular
    @OceanMarketting Please refrain from referring to me or IGN as support for you, your company or your clients. You do not have it.” -@ScottLowe (Executive Editor of @IGNTech)

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Chases Street DemonsChases Street Demons Registered User regular
    Now it's really going to go off the rails as all these names this guy dropped come out and say similar things.

    It's kind of interesting, watching the flap of the butterfly's wings.

    "Sometimes things aren't complicated," I said. "You just have to be willing to accept the absolute corruption of everybody involved."

  • buahbohanbuahbohan Registered User
    edited December 2011
    Guys, be careful if you're tweeting about this. This guy's twitter account is @OceanMarketting (two T's). Don't bring the wrath down on an innocent bystander.

    Edit:
    Paul Christoforo's response to IGN's Scott Lowe's tweet
    @ScottLowe your a douchebag anyway Scott we sent you how many units for review , How many conversations You were the unprofessional one

    buahbohan on
  • LibrarianLibrarian The face of liberal fascism Registered User regular
    Got to love the fact that someone in this position is not able to write proper sentences and manages to sound like a 14 year old jerk on xbox live. Bro this and bro that, you just got told bitch, I know peoplez in da game, word!

    Bonus points for at first writing "Love penny Arcade!!" and later going "your sites amateur at best my son could put together a better site than yours".

    And he totally had sex with lots of girls when he was at his cousin's place in Canada for a couple of weeks I bet...

    Brad R. Torgersen says:

    Librarian,

    Go read what I said about not arguing with third graders.
  • chuckleberryfinnchuckleberryfinn Ireland Registered User regular
    Internet Trainwreck in real time; awesome to see that idiot get what's coming to him.

    No Protoss players were underpowered during this post.
  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    The sad thing is that the starter of this whole thing will still buy the company's products. That seems kind of ridiculous to me.

    What is this I don't even.
  • chuckleberryfinnchuckleberryfinn Ireland Registered User regular
    Seems they have form, I can't verify this is true, would like to tweet it to Mike all the same. :)
    http://www.natesnetwork.com/Poor-customer-service

    No Protoss players were underpowered during this post.
  • LibrarianLibrarian The face of liberal fascism Registered User regular
    Darkewolfe wrote:
    The sad thing is that the starter of this whole thing will still buy the company's products. That seems kind of ridiculous to me.

    He talked about advantages of these controllers for gamers with disabilities. If using a controller like that to improve his gaming abilities he probably won't have much choice in the matter.

    Brad R. Torgersen says:

    Librarian,

    Go read what I said about not arguing with third graders.
  • chuckleberryfinnchuckleberryfinn Ireland Registered User regular
    I wonder what'll happen when the US wakes up...

    No Protoss players were underpowered during this post.
  • AshokaAshoka A Hub subforum that works? Registered User
    edited December 2011
    Darkewolfe wrote:
    The sad thing is that the starter of this whole thing will still buy the company's products. That seems kind of ridiculous to me.

    True, but take comfort that hundreds (dozens?) of others won't because of his tale?

    Ashoka on
    WNskB.jpg
  • LibrarianLibrarian The face of liberal fascism Registered User regular
    I hope the company does the smart thing, publishes an apology to Dave and fires Paul, I don't see another way how this can end well for them. And it should be in their best interest to get rid of someone who clearly knows nothing about dealing with customers or behaving like a decent human being in written communication.

    Brad R. Torgersen says:

    Librarian,

    Go read what I said about not arguing with third graders.
  • AurichAurich Registered User regular
    This has GOT to be some kind of troll publicity thing on his part. The idea that someone could run a successful business, producing a quality product, and be that fucking socially inept blows my mind. I haven't seen communication like that since junior high. I'm not fucking exaggerating.

  • jackaljackal Registered User regular
    edited December 2011
    It is the gift that keeps on giving.

    If this is troll publicity it has gone too far. When I started reading I looked up the Avenger and thought it looked pretty good. By the time I finished reading any desire to buy it had long since evaporated.

    jackal on
  • AshokaAshoka A Hub subforum that works? Registered User
    Seems they have form, I can't verify this is true, would like to tweet it to Mike all the same. :)
    http://www.natesnetwork.com/Poor-customer-service

    That makes for gobsmacking reading.

    WNskB.jpg
  • rabidmuskratrabidmuskrat Registered User regular
    I foresee an amazon bomb in their near future.

  • TurambarTurambar Avocado at law Registered User regular
    Librarian wrote:
    And he totally had sex with lots of girls when he was at his cousin's place in Canada for a couple of weeks I bet...

    Hey, man, it's true
    You guys weren't there!

    Steam: turamb | Origin: Turamb | 3DS: 3411-1109-4537 | NNID: Turambar
  • jackaljackal Registered User regular
    I guess this has to be marketing. They don't list customer service as a service they offer. So firstly they don't hide the fact that they are a marketing company and secondly they treat their customers and the media like trash?

    When Paul meets a woman he likes he probably busts into her kitchen, yells "I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE YOU SHOULD DATE ME BECAUSE I'M AWESOME AND YOU ARE AN UGLY LADY AND SHOULD BE GLAD THAT I'M SHOWING YOU ANY ATTENTION," and then pisses all over her counters and poops in her crisper drawer.

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