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Feelings for friend

ForeverForever Registered User
edited January 2012 in Help / Advice Forum
I'll keep this as short as I can, since I know you guys get these threads frequently.

The only thing different about my situation is that we're both in college and we're taking all of our courses together, so we see each other at least twenty hours a week, mandatory. (We're good friends and it was intentional).

Of course, it is now that I realize I have feelings and I honestly can't read how she feels about me (she's very shy).

Should I tell her or wait until the end of the semester? The common advice is to tell her, and then if she says no, put a little space between you and her until you get over how you were feeling and are able to accept friendship, but the longest I can go without seeing her is two days so there's no way for me to do that.

Forever on
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Posts

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Forever wrote:
    I'll keep this as short as I can, since I know you guys get these threads frequently.

    The only thing different about my situation is that we're both in college and we're taking all of our courses together, so we see each other at least twenty hours a week, mandatory. (We're good friends and it was intentional).

    Of course, it is now that I realize I have feelings and I honestly can't read how she feels about me (she's very shy).

    Should I tell her or wait until the end of the semester? The common advice is to tell her, and then if she says no, put a little space between you and her until you get over how you were feeling and are able to accept friendship, but the longest I can go without seeing her is two days so there's no way for me to do that.

    I think you answered your own question. If you feel you have to say something, keep yourself in check and wait until the end of the semester.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • HewnHewn Registered User regular
    The rule for college: Ask her out after you don't have a class together.

    Even if it works out, and you date, what happens if it goes sour in a month? That's even worse than a simple rejection.

    Steam: hewn
    Warframe: TheBaconDwarf
  • Penguin_OtakuPenguin_Otaku Registered User regular
    Taking classes with girlfriends has never worked out for me... something has always happened that has made it an awkward situation going into finals or even midterms.

    Your situation is pretty unique since you guys are taking EVERY class together. If it were just one class it'd be one thing, but with all of them you together you should probably wait like everyone's said unless you feel like your friendship is solid enough to handle something like this. That's something only you would know, and even if you guys are tight like that you should expect some feelings from yourself, some awkwardness and confusedness.

    I agree you should probably wait, but that doesn't mean you can't advance things and get a general feel. See what movie she wants to go see, take her out, pick up the ticket for her and shrug it off. See how she responds. You can do a lot of pre-producing before even hitting the set so to speak.

    sig-1.jpg
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    I agree you should probably wait, but that doesn't mean you can't advance things and get a general feel. See what movie she wants to go see, take her out, pick up the ticket for her and shrug it off. See how she responds. You can do a lot of pre-producing before even hitting the set so to speak.

    This. This. This. I always advocate this instead of the bull-in-the-chinashop approach that so often gets tossed around in here. Have lunch and grab the bill, do the movie ticket thing, etc.. Check her reactions. It's not foolproof, but it helps.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • NeadenNeaden Registered User regular
    Esh wrote:
    I agree you should probably wait, but that doesn't mean you can't advance things and get a general feel. See what movie she wants to go see, take her out, pick up the ticket for her and shrug it off. See how she responds. You can do a lot of pre-producing before even hitting the set so to speak.

    This. This. This. I always advocate this instead of the bull-in-the-chinashop approach that so often gets tossed around in here. Have lunch and grab the bill, do the movie ticket thing, etc.. Check her reactions. It's not foolproof, but it helps.
    Disagree. Just ask her dude, be explicit that you are interested in her romantically, and if she says no take it classy. It's not like if she says no you can never see her again or be friends.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Neaden wrote:
    Esh wrote:
    I agree you should probably wait, but that doesn't mean you can't advance things and get a general feel. See what movie she wants to go see, take her out, pick up the ticket for her and shrug it off. See how she responds. You can do a lot of pre-producing before even hitting the set so to speak.

    This. This. This. I always advocate this instead of the bull-in-the-chinashop approach that so often gets tossed around in here. Have lunch and grab the bill, do the movie ticket thing, etc.. Check her reactions. It's not foolproof, but it helps.
    Disagree. Just ask her dude, be explicit that you are interested in her romantically, and if she says no take it classy. It's not like if she says no you can never see her again or be friends.

    Why do you disagree? He's got the rest of the term to wait. Why not try and subtly gauge her response?

    And again, some people get weirded out when things like this happen. He's going to forever alter the dynamic of their friendship by doing this. And don't try and feed me some "Oh, if she's a real friend it won't matter.". People can't help how they feel.

    I'm not saying he shouldn't, but he's got plenty of time to prepare for this.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • ForeverForever Registered User
    We're actually fairly good friends already (in fact, I'm her closest guy friend and she's my closest female friend), but it's like Esh said. Me stating how I feel will alter our dynamic, and while I think my friend is awesome, one of her few faults is that she is extraordinarily shy and awkward when things get weird.

    We only met in September, but we've already hung out a bunch of times as friends (movies, dinner, etc) and I have picked up the bill a few times, but only because I'm employed and she's not and I didn't want her dipping into her savings. I'm not sure what I should be looking for in her reaction when I do that? To be honest, I didn't know paying for a friend was romantic; she's covered me a few times (mostly to get me back for paying for her the time before).

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Forever wrote:
    We're actually fairly good friends already (in fact, I'm her closest guy friend and she's my closest female friend), but it's like Esh said. Me stating how I feel will alter our dynamic, and while I think my friend is awesome, one of her few faults is that she is extraordinarily shy and awkward when things get weird.

    We only met in September, but we've already hung out a bunch of times as friends (movies, dinner, etc) and I have picked up the bill a few times, but only because I'm employed and she's not and I didn't want her dipping into her savings. I'm not sure what I should be looking for in her reaction when I do that? To be honest, I didn't know paying for a friend was romantic; she's covered me a few times (mostly to get me back for paying for her the time before).

    It's not necessarily romantic, but like, you can check to see how she looks at you after you offer to pay, little things like that.

    I've been at this for a lonnnnnnng time, so maybe it's just years of practice that enables me to see these things, but I can tell generally in the first hour whether it's a date or just friendly. If you want, I can shadow you guys the next time you go out and let you know. Kidding. Sort of. That might actually be fun.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • JuliusJulius Registered User regular
    Neaden wrote:
    Esh wrote:
    I agree you should probably wait, but that doesn't mean you can't advance things and get a general feel. See what movie she wants to go see, take her out, pick up the ticket for her and shrug it off. See how she responds. You can do a lot of pre-producing before even hitting the set so to speak.

    This. This. This. I always advocate this instead of the bull-in-the-chinashop approach that so often gets tossed around in here. Have lunch and grab the bill, do the movie ticket thing, etc.. Check her reactions. It's not foolproof, but it helps.
    Disagree. Just ask her dude, be explicit that you are interested in her romantically, and if she says no take it classy. It's not like if she says no you can never see her again or be friends.

    If you see a lot of each other already and can't change that (as mentioned) it could be a bad thing. The just-ask approach works best if you're not too close and can take some distance for a while.

  • carl_rogerscarl_rogers Registered User regular
    Dude, Just let her know. Im talking from experience (im also guilty of the PA girl thread http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/152706/potential-relationship-or-just-friends/p1).
    Its a massive weight off my mind. No point letting it float around in your mind all semester. It'll drive you insane -especially if there may be another nice dude in the same situation as you who comes along and tells her first.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2012
    Dude, Just let her know. Im talking from experience (im also guilty of the PA girl thread http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/152706/potential-relationship-or-just-friends/p1).
    Its a massive weight off my mind. No point letting it float around in your mind all semester. It'll drive you insane -especially if there may be another nice dude in the same situation as you who comes along and tells her first.

    Did you miss the "We take every class together bit"? Seriously, I don't understand the people who act like if they don't get it off their chest they're just going to explode and the world is going to end. Don't be so dramatic. It's not going to drive anyone insane. Have some patience.

    I'd rather be a little antsy than have to deal with that awkwardness almost every day for the rest of the term. If you don't have that sort of patience, you probably shouldn't be trying to date anyone.

    Esh on
    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • TheOrangeTheOrange Registered User regular
    Esh wrote:
    Forever wrote:
    We're actually fairly good friends already (in fact, I'm her closest guy friend and she's my closest female friend), but it's like Esh said. Me stating how I feel will alter our dynamic, and while I think my friend is awesome, one of her few faults is that she is extraordinarily shy and awkward when things get weird.

    We only met in September, but we've already hung out a bunch of times as friends (movies, dinner, etc) and I have picked up the bill a few times, but only because I'm employed and she's not and I didn't want her dipping into her savings. I'm not sure what I should be looking for in her reaction when I do that? To be honest, I didn't know paying for a friend was romantic; she's covered me a few times (mostly to get me back for paying for her the time before).

    It's not necessarily romantic, but like, you can check to see how she looks at you after you offer to pay, little things like that.

    I've been at this for a lonnnnnnng time, so maybe it's just years of practice that enables me to see these things, but I can tell generally in the first hour whether it's a date or just friendly. If you want, I can shadow you guys the next time you go out and let you know. Kidding. Sort of. That might actually be fun.

    That would be a great Woody Alen movie :P

  • The Black HunterThe Black Hunter Registered User regular
    That thing you know you really want to do

    do that thing

    fuck the consequences

    hell, a good hearted rejection in this case could likely make you better friends

    Just be all "Hey do you want to do something this week" and go for a snog instead of a hug

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    We don't need to have this argument every time, guys. At some point you can just give your opinion and let it go.

    In fact, do that.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • FreiFrei A French Prometheus Unbound Registered User regular
    DO IT

    /leaves

    Are you the magic man?
  • LeptonLepton Registered User regular
    Ask her on a date. Make sure she knows it's a date. You're either going to get one of two responses: yes, or some variation of let's just be friends. The latter can make things awkward for a while, but the longer you wait, the harder rejection will be on you.

  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    I'm aligning myself with Esh on this one. You can afford to wait. You are enjoying each other's company, and it's fun. Wait for it, at least until near the end of the semester. If you weren't taking so many classes together, the big picture would be different, but in that context, it sounds better to wait. If things are going to happen, it's going to come to head when the semester closes anyway, when you are faced with the possibility of not spending so much time together.

    Di87pOF.jpg
    PSN: Hahnsoo | MHGU: Hahnsoo, Switch FC: SW-0085-2679-5212
  • ConstrictorConstrictor The Dork Knight SuburbialandRegistered User regular
    Make your feelings known, but only if you can do it in a mature way and handle the possibility of rejection.

    If you can't handle rejection well, don't do it.

  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    I'm torn here. On the one hand, if it's going to make things awkward (and it really might) it would be far less dangerous to wait until the semester is over rather then having to go to every class together for the remainder. On the other hand, letting this stuff fester is also a bad idea, and being friends with someone under somewhat false pretenses is also never good. For instance, how are you going to react if she starts dating someone? She will likely look to you for support, want to talk about it, etc. If you can't be 100% friend at that point, then that isn't good either.

    I guess I'd still suggest waiting out the semester, but whichever path you choose I hope it works out awesomely for you both.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Sentry wrote:
    I'm torn here. On the one hand, if it's going to make things awkward (and it really might) it would be far less dangerous to wait until the semester is over rather then having to go to every class together for the remainder. On the other hand, letting this stuff fester is also a bad idea, and being friends with someone under somewhat false pretenses is also never good. For instance, how are you going to react if she starts dating someone? She will likely look to you for support, want to talk about it, etc. If you can't be 100% friend at that point, then that isn't good either.

    I guess I'd still suggest waiting out the semester, but whichever path you choose I hope it works out awesomely for you both.

    Well, it depends on how smitten he is with her. I think it's perfectly possible to have romantic attractions to a friend, not act on them, and still be friends. I don't think once you become attracted to someone that it's not possible to just be their friend and to only be hanging out with them under pretenses. I have several female friends who I'm attracted to and would definitely date given the chance, but it's secondary completely to their friendship and it's not why I spend time with them.

    Honestly, the weekly "ZOMG, Do I tell her how I feel threads" are not as world ending as most people here seem to think. Just because you fancy someone, doesn't mean you can't put it on the back burner or forget about it. These things aren't as life and death as a lot of posters and responders seem to think.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • witch_iewitch_ie Registered User regular
    I think you should ask her out on a date. You don't need to explain about your feelings and all that stuff either when you ask her out - just keep it straight forward and light. If she says no, yeah taking classes with her might be awkward for a little while. You can sit on opposite sides of the classroom if you really need some space, but if you really are good friends, you'll get over it.

    Waiting until the end of the semester seems somewhat cowardly to me, doesn't show the kind of self-confidence that is attractive to many girls, and also doesn't show a lot of faith in your friendship.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited January 2012
    witch_ie wrote:
    Waiting until the end of the semester seems somewhat cowardly to me, doesn't show the kind of self-confidence that is attractive to many girls, and also doesn't show a lot of faith in your friendship.

    No, what it shows is intelligence and the foresight to not make things awkward and trap her in a potentially weird position.

    I don't think that calling someone or their actions cowardly is exactly helping here.

    Esh on
    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    Esh wrote:
    witch_ie wrote:
    Waiting until the end of the semester seems somewhat cowardly to me, doesn't show the kind of self-confidence that is attractive to many girls, and also doesn't show a lot of faith in your friendship.

    No, what it shows is intelligence and the foresight to not make things awkward and trap her in a potentially weird position.

    I don't often find myself agreeing with Esh, but this is a pretty unique situation. While self-confidence is obviously important (and not just from the perspective of appealing to a woman), there is a lot more going on here.

    This woman isn't living in a vacuum. It is possible -- in fact, likely -- that if the OP comes onto her now, no matter how low-key, straightforward, and light he keeps it, her immediate internal response will be to wonder why he wanted to sign up for all the same classes together.

    Fair or not, she may be immediately and lastingly creeped out by him. In my opinion, if he respects her and actually does value her friendship, he will wait until she is no longer forced to constantly be in the same room with him. Additionally, I feel this will only help his cause.

  • ForeverForever Registered User
    Thanks for the advice, guys. Sorry for not responding sooner.

    So it seems the general consensus is to wait. Which I'm obviously comfortable with, but it will be a little strange since I'm used to just telling girls how I feel. But I can do it.

    There does seem to be an option C, though: I've become relatively good friends with her best friend, let's call her Sarah. I imagine Sarah would know if she likes me or not. Would talking to Sarah and getting her opinion on things work? I don't know, I've never done that, either, and it seems a little immature, but I'm considering any option right now.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Her best friend will more than likely go right to her if you say anything.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    You will be outed so fast you'll think there was a time paradox involved.

    If you have to say something to somebody, just say it to her.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • HeisenbergHeisenberg Registered User regular
    edited February 2012
    Do it as long as you're aware enough of how you'll feel if she friendzones you or worse. If I felt for a girl as long as you have for this one, I wouldn't even be able to step foot in the same class as her much less speak with her again if I got turned down.

    You can trust your guy friends to keep whatever you confide in them a secret, if you want to talk about this to them. Unless the Sarah girl has a really good head on her shoulders, talking to her about it would be a mistake.

    Heisenberg on
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    The one thing that is pretty common amongst women is that confidence is way more attractive then cowardice. now, when it comes to asking her friend if she likes you, which one of those do you think it's more like?

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Sentry wrote:
    The one thing that is pretty common amongst women is that confidence is way more attractive then cowardice. now, when it comes to asking her friend if she likes you, which one of those do you think it's more like?

    Again, as we've been over this already, he's not being cowardly, he's being respectful at this point.

    Also, doing a little investigation to suss out if something is worth going for is generally not a bad idea. Though with a best friend, unless they come to you to say something, that's probably the exception.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • EsseeEssee The pinkest of hair. Victoria, BCRegistered User regular
    edited February 2012
    Esh wrote:
    Sentry wrote:
    The one thing that is pretty common amongst women is that confidence is way more attractive then cowardice. now, when it comes to asking her friend if she likes you, which one of those do you think it's more like?

    Again, as we've been over this already, he's not being cowardly, he's being respectful at this point.

    Also, doing a little investigation to suss out if something is worth going for is generally not a bad idea. Though with a best friend, unless they come to you to say something, that's probably the exception.

    I'm pretty sure @Sentry was just talking about asking her friend vs. asking her directly. Basically, he's saying asking her friend is an even worse idea than asking the girl directly because it's kind of a cowardly way to find something out from the girl's perspective. I think we can probably all agree that it's at least similarly bad because she's likely to go straight back to her friend about it sometime soon if he asks.

    Essee on
  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited February 2012
    Essee wrote:
    Esh wrote:
    Sentry wrote:
    The one thing that is pretty common amongst women is that confidence is way more attractive then cowardice. now, when it comes to asking her friend if she likes you, which one of those do you think it's more like?

    Again, as we've been over this already, he's not being cowardly, he's being respectful at this point.

    Also, doing a little investigation to suss out if something is worth going for is generally not a bad idea. Though with a best friend, unless they come to you to say something, that's probably the exception.

    I'm pretty sure @Sentry was just talking about asking her friend vs. asking her directly. Basically, he's saying asking her friend is an even worse idea than asking the girl directly because it's kind of a cowardly way to find something out from the girl's perspective. I think we can probably all agree that it's at least similarly bad because she's likely to go straight back to her friend about it sometime soon if he asks.

    I know, I addressed that with my second point. There's nothing wrong with some independent investigation to save oneself the face.

    It's not like a "Hurp durp, does she like me?", there are ways of being subtle. Also, I've never heard of a girl going "I just heard that so -and-so likes me! What a coward for not just asking me! No way is it going to happen now.". Generally, they're flattered and intrigued at that point if the interest is returned.

    EDIT: I just really hate how the word "coward" gets tossed around in these threads when the person asking does anything but blunder in like a bull in a china shop.

    Esh on
    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    Yeah, I definitely wouldn't recommend talking to her friend, unless you're in 7th grade and have never talked to a girl before.

    Because that is what she's going to think of you when her friend tells her. And she will.

    Just wait until the semester is over, and talk to her directly. Be frank and respectful, and don't make a huge, meaningful, emotional production out of it.

  • Penguin_OtakuPenguin_Otaku Registered User regular
    Two anecdotes, my first real girlfriend in high school was just giving me no kind of sign (turned out later I'm awful at reading signs) so I went to her friend. Her friend danced around the question and then let it slip zomg she lykes u. Worked out for me there.

    My inclination is still to say wait. The last time I was thinking about asking a girl out I took everyone's advice and hit the breaks and a few weeks passed and it seems just like a fleeting thought. She's an awesome girl, but when I looked at the situation objectively it was just best to move forward. We're still great friends and there's no awkwardness between us.

    Of course your situation is unique, you know it better than we probably do.

    sig-1.jpg
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    Asking her friend is one step removed from slipping her a note saying "Do you like me?" with two check boxes on it. And it's not a very big step.
    I never said he is a coward for not asking her, but not asking her is significantly better then doing it in some roundabout way that absolutely is cowardly. Either ask or don't ask.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • KurneaKurnea Registered User
    Esh wrote:
    It's not like a "Hurp durp, does she like me?", there are ways of being subtle. Also, I've never heard of a girl going "I just heard that so -and-so likes me! What a coward for not just asking me! No way is it going to happen now.". Generally, they're flattered and intrigued at that point if the interest is returned.

    EDIT: I just really hate how the word "coward" gets tossed around in these threads when the person asking does anything but blunder in like a bull in a china shop.

    And, it's not like talking directly to the girl he's interested in would be 'Hurp durp, do you like me?", you can be just as subtle talking to the girl straight-forward as you can being round-about and trying to see what's up from her friend. And I think it can come off weird if by chance she picks up that he's interested from her friend rather than getting any hints directly.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    edited February 2012
    Kurnea wrote:
    Esh wrote:
    It's not like a "Hurp durp, does she like me?", there are ways of being subtle. Also, I've never heard of a girl going "I just heard that so -and-so likes me! What a coward for not just asking me! No way is it going to happen now.". Generally, they're flattered and intrigued at that point if the interest is returned.

    EDIT: I just really hate how the word "coward" gets tossed around in these threads when the person asking does anything but blunder in like a bull in a china shop.

    And, it's not like talking directly to the girl he's interested in would be 'Hurp durp, do you like me?", you can be just as subtle talking to the girl straight-forward as you can being round-about and trying to see what's up from her friend. And I think it can come off weird if by chance she picks up that he's interested from her friend rather than getting any hints directly.

    I know and that's always what I stress in these threads (gauging for signals, etc...), but the majority of the people in these threads feel like just walking up to her and asking her straight out "Do you like me???" is the only option.

    Esh on
    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • BerserkisBerserkis Registered User regular
    have you ever flirted with her? does she flirt back? You say shes shy but does she give off <i>any</i> signals?

    are you two touchy feely at all?
    eg: what if you had held her hand - to say lead her somewhere - would that put her off or she would be ok?

    does she look at you during class? i dunno...theres always some kind of interest shown if someone is attracted to someone else


  • KurneaKurnea Registered User
    Esh wrote:
    Kurnea wrote:
    Esh wrote:
    It's not like a "Hurp durp, does she like me?", there are ways of being subtle. Also, I've never heard of a girl going "I just heard that so -and-so likes me! What a coward for not just asking me! No way is it going to happen now.". Generally, they're flattered and intrigued at that point if the interest is returned.

    EDIT: I just really hate how the word "coward" gets tossed around in these threads when the person asking does anything but blunder in like a bull in a china shop.

    And, it's not like talking directly to the girl he's interested in would be 'Hurp durp, do you like me?", you can be just as subtle talking to the girl straight-forward as you can being round-about and trying to see what's up from her friend. And I think it can come off weird if by chance she picks up that he's interested from her friend rather than getting any hints directly.

    I know and that's always what I stress in these threads (gauging for signals, etc...), but the majority of the people in these threads feel like just walking up to her and asking her straight out "Do you like me???" is the only option.

    Right now we're focusing on the advice 'talk to her friend'. The majority feels that talking to her directly, whether that be subtle or straight to the point or whatever, is better than going around her back and talking to her friend using the same amount of discretion. In my personal opinion, it's probably best not to involve a third party.

  • EshEsh Tending bar. FFXIV. Motorcycles. Portland, ORRegistered User regular
    Kurnea wrote:
    Esh wrote:
    Kurnea wrote:
    Esh wrote:
    It's not like a "Hurp durp, does she like me?", there are ways of being subtle. Also, I've never heard of a girl going "I just heard that so -and-so likes me! What a coward for not just asking me! No way is it going to happen now.". Generally, they're flattered and intrigued at that point if the interest is returned.

    EDIT: I just really hate how the word "coward" gets tossed around in these threads when the person asking does anything but blunder in like a bull in a china shop.

    And, it's not like talking directly to the girl he's interested in would be 'Hurp durp, do you like me?", you can be just as subtle talking to the girl straight-forward as you can being round-about and trying to see what's up from her friend. And I think it can come off weird if by chance she picks up that he's interested from her friend rather than getting any hints directly.

    I know and that's always what I stress in these threads (gauging for signals, etc...), but the majority of the people in these threads feel like just walking up to her and asking her straight out "Do you like me???" is the only option.

    Right now we're focusing on the advice 'talk to her friend'. The majority feels that talking to her directly, whether that be subtle or straight to the point or whatever, is better than going around her back and talking to her friend using the same amount of discretion. In my personal opinion, it's probably best not to involve a third party.

    Yes, I know. Thank you. We were just on a slight tangent.

    "At first he thought it might be a natural occurrence - maybe a rabbit. But upon closer inspection, it was clear a knife had been used. And rabbits don't carry knives."

    Final Fantasy XIV:Lilja Sunblade
  • ForeverForever Registered User
    Thanks for the advice guys. I'll definitely not talk to her friend.

    And I really don't know if she likes me. She'll do something that might make me think she could be interested, but then do something that makes me think she's not ten minutes later. To be honest, I've stopped trying to analyze things because I'm terrible at it. A few years ago, I used to be way more "go and get 'em" with female friends that I'd fallen for, and of the three girls I confessed feelings for, only one reciprocated (which I don't even think she really did; we just went on one date. I think she was too scared to say no). The only really concrete reason I think that she might like me is because she's turned down at least half a dozen guys since we've started hanging out. Which in itself is fine, but I know that she used to have tons of boyfriends in high school so it's just a little strange that she hasn't even gone on one date in her two years of college. But see? Even that is probably nothing and me just looking for evidence to support my hopes.

    I really like this one so it's probably best not to trust my gut; just looks at its track record. I'm trying to look at things from a more distant point of view, because I obviously can't judge things well when I'm in the middle of it all.

    I think I'm going to wait until the end of the semester, and just focus on making myself the best me I can be between now and then.

    The only sucky thing is that Valentine's Day is fast approaching and the hopeless romantic part of me is getting antsy. xD Which I know is silly, because it's really just a Hallmark holiday, but I can't help it.

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