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[Jobs Thread], Special Edition: Improving each others' work day.
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Sadly, some people really do need to be TOLD this.
Unfortunately, I think Drew sums this up nicely:
GOD I know!!! You still pay for groceries with checks, yet you thought your 104-year-old brain could take on this computerized touch-screen combobulation? Grandma, I told you to stay away from anything with the beeps and the boops.
We care about your loved one too, sir or madam, and we are not trying to make their lives miserable. But there are state and federal regulations preventing your daughter or son with Down's Syndrome from just eating Fruity Pebbles all day, that's why we're working WITH your child to change their diet.
wait, you AREN'T supposed to eat Fruity Pebbles all day?
Self checkout lines should have a bouncer, except you have to show ID and prove you're under 40 to get in.
A) there are a lot of nice big flashy signs on the road to let you know where to go,
C) other drivers will compensate for your idiocy if you are not a good driver,
D) you have to actually pass a test, as simple as it is, to get on the road.
None of those are requirements for using a computer, especially on the internet. We should all have to past a test to use a computer.
Of course the truth is that computers suck. Why we made them our lives we'll never know.
"I can't log into my account."
"Okay, well, what does it say when you try?"
"Uh, it says it doesn't work."
Yeah, okay.
I'm not a clerk, I have no bones with clerks...it's what they do and that's fine. So, by installing them you're fucking with people's jobs which saves you money. Yet you're charging me the same price for doing some of the work for you?
No.
Either I get a discount for using them or I'm just walking over to the register jockey who you're likely underpaying and using that guy...because I'm being charged for his salary anyway.
Also stop cooking your fish in the office microwave. It's stinky.
Also quit peeing on the toilet seats.
Dear IT people: saying "I dunno" and closing the ticket is not the answer to the question of why none of the licenses to our CAD software work. Especially when there are 15 people unable to do their jobs.
Which financial system?
Maybe I'll do that, I wonder if it gets around the 5 cent bag tax my county started this year, bet it doesn't
I still save all my plastic grocery bags from each week and bring them back to the store once a month because they have recycling bins for plastic bags out front
Except for the bags I use for dog poo, those go in the trash
How can you be decent at "databasing", but have no abilities in SQL? You can definitely learn basic transact SQL on your own time, but if you are administering a financial database, they probably want someone with pretty strong SQL skills. Financial systems are pretty unforgiving to mistakes.
As for the system, @Smart Hero, it is Elite Enterprise
Coran Attack!
and this time i'm going to actually prep for the questions they ask on the interview, which have nothing to do with the job, because I remember a lot of them from last year :P
This can also means that someone didn't put IT in the loop when the software was purchased, and they don't have any of the licensing or support information for the product. This usually happens when the IT department has given a person or people too much free range on their workstations.
also putting on skits on weekend nights about fire safety and local history and junk
This is true. However in this situation IT was responsible for both installing the original software on our machines and maintaining the license server, so "I dunno" is bullshit (and verily turned out to be, as it were)
Thanks guys! It has been a stressful week so I haven't had too much time to prepare, but I've got another three and a half hours to work on stuff (and try not to freak out overly)
Holy shit! I worked for Elite about 7 years ago, before they were bought out by Thompson Reuters. I mainly worked on their conflict management systems, but I also did some work on their legal billing systems. So, their database architecture does not allow for deletes, everything recorded is basically an audit. This means that if month-end doesn't balance, you have to comb through the audit trail and find the record to reverse.
Not super heavy SQL, but really tedious.
Fuck you.
Is that still the case with no deletes, given that you worked with the system 7 years ago. I'll PM you the job detail I received.
Coran Attack!
I'd pretty much guarantee that deletes are not allowed still. That's kind of a baseline for any financial application that is SOX compliant.
From looking at the job requirement, it sounds like they want someone to manage the entire suite of Elite applications (Conflicts, Billing, AP, Doc Management), which means they probably want someone with a decent amount of experience specific to Elite Enterprise. Strangely, the job request doesn't specify that.
The SQL isn't really all that crazy. In fact, I would say if they are allowing you DB access, you should never update or delete or insert anything through the DB, and instead just use it for finding problems, and then fix the problems in the application itself to ensure referential integrity.
Good luck man!
Please, understand that we cannot make usually flowers last more than a week or so, once they are cut from the ground they are dying. I'm sorry.
Please, also understand that if you are ordering for a funeral for tomorrow that I cannot make a coffin spray that needs open lilies/iris because they need time to open, and we do not keep open flowers in stock because they don't last long and the customer doesn't get their moneys worth. Yes, I know that Intetflora's website says "flowers next day!!" and yes it is deceptive. And while we are on the subject, we are not owned by Interflora, they are a relay company.
Please be aware that yes we know supermarket flowers are cheaper, but they order in bulk a way we cannot and they can afford massive wastage. But they are also kept in cold storage and not cared for and often low grade.
And finally, if you are ordering for a wedding, please note that I cannot stop mid funeral piece to sit down for two hours with you, you need to give me some warning that you're coming. Not picked a date? Not picked a dress? Do those first.
Can I tell you how to do flowers for your own wedding? No, jog on.
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
But you have expertise! Why not share it for free?!
I am so very, very sorry if you work on commission. But we are a cowardly superstitious lot, who despite knowing that your buffer should be the same as the other companies, will persist using the other until we die because we KNOW it works. Also, no, we do not have time for you, and will let you know if and when we want new equipment. I honestly do feel bad, but your job serves me in no way. I hope that you are decently compensated.
I'll call you if I need someone to balance my fucking budget, or lead a motivational team meeting, but DO NOT interrupt me when I'm in the middle of an architecture meeting because you don't like how a button looks when rendered in Firefox 3.5.
Had my second 2nd interview today on the phone. Unless the director I spoke with was just joking around (I doubt it, his sense of humor was not there) I will be taking a little trip down to California soon...
BREATHE, ME.
Please also do not take one pen out of the package and then put the ripped-open packet of pens back on the shelf. No one wants to buy that. You obviously didn't. Same thing with paper, legal forms, envelopes, etc.
The furniture displays are nailed together. We're very sorry if we don't have one in a box, but due to liability reasons we cannot sell them to you.
Managers from other stores, please do not sit outside in the parking lot listening in on the radio to see if we're doing our jobs. We are doing our jobs, you're not because you're sitting outside in the parking lot like the fucking Gestapo. Nothing is more annoying than getting yelled at because some asshole from another store decided that I "didn't talk on the radio enough". Fuck you, management.
I know you have a vision of what you want the design to look like, but just because you painted your walls a beautiful mauve color doesn't mean you magically know more about design than I do.
Seriously, you don't tell someone else how to fix your car, or how to build a house. Why would you suddenly be an expert on design?
Still not announcing it here or social medias, but ya.
Ooh ooh, can I get a deets text? I'm being impatient
yeah me too
Sure