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Convincing my Husband to Brush his Teeth
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This is kind of a silly thread but my husband hasn't brushed his teeth in two weeks and it's becoming really unpleasant to kiss him. Personally, I brush my teeth about three times per day and floss once a week-ish because I hate the feeling/taste of a dirty mouth. He's never been a regular brusher but he recently took up smoking cigars and it's just gross. I've tried asking him "Hey when was the last time you brushed your teeth?" (to which he replies "October") or "Are you going to brush your teeth before work?" in a casual manner. I've just been doing this the last couple days. I also bought a new multi-pack of toothbrushes and asked which color he wanted hoping he would try out a new toothbrush. I don't want to be a nag or super negative; I don't want to withhold affection, but it's gotten to the point where I'm pretty disgusted by how his breath smells.
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I mean, that could potentially be a breakup/divorce level thing if someone stopped showering/brushing their teeth.
http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/news/20100527/brushing-teeth-may-keep-heart-disease-away
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9325966/Poor-teeth-brushing-linked-to-cancer.html
If he cares about you in any capacity he will try to make it a habit to brush his teeth at least once a day.
If he refuses, it's a different issue altogether.
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this reminds me of the thread where the dude was peeing/crapping on his wife in the shower, and even he managed to change
don't dance around it anymore
Taking up cigars and ceasing oral hygiene sounds like depression. Either that or he's trying to hasten tooth decay in the hopes that a dentist will pull them instead of insisting on trying to save them.
Well, it wasn't quite exactly that. Dude didn't wipe his ass, used the shower water to clean it. Plus, you'd be surprised how many people pee in the shower by the way.
But yeah, nag him to death about it. Or leave, leaving is good too, that's disgusting.
I agree with you. I am not his mother and he in no way wants me to nag him (about anything), however I do like to kiss him and it's grossing me out. I don't believe in withholding affection as a means of manipulation and I don't want to nag, that's why I made the post. The cigar smoking started as a part of poker nights with friends, so I don't think it's a depression thing. I think I just need to be blunt and say "kissing you is grossing me out because your breath is quite abhorrent". He believes that teeth don't require much maintenance. I don't think I'm going to convince him otherwise; I just like kissing someone with decent breath/hygiene.
Please link me to this thread. I want to read this.
OP: You can approach it in a serious but still casual manner. If my wife told me "Seriously, you need to brush your teeth", after not brushing for weeks/days, then I'd do it. It's not a big request and frankly is something you shouldn't have to request.
Also withhold kisses.
This is nothing like "no sex until you fix the garage". This is "your mouth is gross and I'm not touching it with mine until you do something about it". It's not really manipulation. It'd be the same if you didn't want to go into his roach infested apartment until he cleaned the place up, or get in his car with used tissue all over the passenger seat.
that thread is oooooold I don't think I could find it if i tried
Ugh god, i'm going to make a dentist appointment right now.
Be blunt or you're just going to end up with another conversation down the road because he's not acknowledging your gentle hints so it'll probably take a sledgehammer
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This.
That being said, another poster brought up a good point. This could be a symptom of something else; like depression. So keep that in mind when you talk to him.
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You're not withholding affection; you're grossed out and seriously bothered by something that is stupidly easy to remedy. I brush my teeth once a day, at night before bed, and my dentists regularly say I have good hygiene. It's not even about him not brushing as often as you do, but the fact that he's completely stopped brushing.
You don't need to make this about him -- if you cared about his health, you would also encourage him to stop smoking cigars. This is entirely about you -- you are grossed out and no longer want to kiss him. That's perfectly acceptable, normal, and justifiable. So, tell him that. Tell him that you find his breath disgusting and his teeth are gross to feel, and that while you're not going to make him brush his teeth you have no desire to kiss him.
Alternatively, you are his wife and he should be willing to discuss this kind of shit. I mean, it's his mouth and he's kissing you with it. You should feel comfortable putting your foot down and saying he needs to brush his teeth in this relationship. If he's not willing to spend 2 minutes a day giving his teeth a brush just so you're not repulsed by the idea of kissing him, what does that say about how he feels about you overall?
In the last two weeks, so... something happen two weeks ago? This is a weird thing to just come up out of the blue.
I mean, yea, you can refuse to kiss him until he starts brushing again, and you'd be right to do so. I'm just curious what caused this change.
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Personally, as a first step, I would indeed tell him that his gross breath from not brushing and cigars is making it impossible to kiss him. After that... Well, in my case, what really got me fully into the groove of brushing my teeth on a regular basis was my fiance telling me that he really cared about taking care of my teeth, and starting to remind me to go brush my teeth as we were going to bed. It's really easy to just lie down, realize you forgot to brush your teeth, but not want to get up, so him reminding me about it and telling me to "go do it, now, seriously, it only takes a minute" really helped me establish a pattern. Other than that... well, assuming he doesn't care about the literature that says you need to brush your teeth or it will kick your ass (and cost buttloads of money; preventative care is soooo much cheaper than care after something's gone wrong)... it might be that the only thing that will finally give him a wake-up call is horrific, searing, constant tooth pain from an abcess. Because of how long I was an idiot, I've had to have four root canals and will need one more, spread between three episodes of seriously horrific, constant pain while waiting for my appointment (thankfully this next one I need done isn't causing me pain yet, the dentist just said it was necessary). It gets SO BAD, seriously. It makes it impossible to focus on everything, it radiates throughout your entire jaw, and there's almost nothing you can do to calm it down. Your husband really REALLY needs to not let things get to the point where one of those happens, but he will definitely get there if he keeps up the lack of regular brushing.
Works fine between me and my girlfriend at least. When one of us smells funny for any reason the other won't hesitate to speak up.
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Same between my husband and I. Not that either of us go weeks without brushing, but "dude, I don't know what you just ate but go fix it" is perfectly acceptable.
But this is different, because it's a behavioral thing. He may get defensive if you sound accusatory, and since we don't know what's causing it.. well.. maybe there really is a problem. He could really be depressed.
Either way, I think if you're honest without being accusing, it will probably be okay. You have to try to let him know it bothers you and that you're worried.
He has never been in the habit of brushing his teeth regularly, but typically does so after a subtle reminder. I guess I just need to be more direct. I talked to him about it today: "Why don't you brush your teeth?" Him: "I hate it; I don't like how it feels; I don't like the taste of mint." Me: "What if we got another flavor of toothpaste?" Him: "That would be worse."
However, he did brush his teeth. Hooray! Also, this thread received way more responses than I anticipated. Thanks!
Essee has good suggestions, you may also want to look into a sensodyne, because "not liking how it feels" could mean "it hurts" depending on the level of verbal your husband is about pain. Sensitive teeth is a huge reason why i used to avoid brushing, which of course just made it worse. Sensodyne does not taste good, but it wont hurt and it reverses the problem enough to switch to normal tooth paste after a few tubes of use.
I would also recommend a water pick. Now that Im in the habit of brushing and flossing, I bought one of these guys: http://www.amazon.com/Waterpik-WP-100W-Ultra-Water-Flosser/dp/B000GLRREU its a power washer for your teeth, and it feels great. His gums probably cant take the power, so start it off low, and then work up to a higher pressure floss after a while. If you both dont floss, its probably worth the investment. You will feel obligated to use it after 40 bucks, and after using it you will probably think its mad gross not to floss at least every other day when you see/smell the stuff that this thing gets out.
His breath will smell a little bit better if you can at least get him to knock the crap out from between his teeth.
Ah, yes, I've been using Sensodyne since my last root canal 'situation'. It really does seem to help with sensitivity (and when I was actively in pain I DESPERATELY needed something, anything, to help, which it did). I personally think it tastes fine, it's a milder mint basically. Not very flavorful. But it's still slightly minty which is why I didn't talk about it. It's good stuff though!