Worst of Fiction

Brolo

While it's important to celebrate our finest creations and achievements in art and media, I sometimes have a perverse need to expose myself to really bad

writins:



moovees



comixx



teevee



videyagems

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxX_wWX8orI


What is your favorite bit of bad fiction?

YaYa

I have seen The Room eight times

thorgot

i have read faith of the fallen

twice

Hobnail

Clive Cussler, or whatever the Lich calls himself now, has a truly astounding ability to transform barely sensical pulp into legitimate currency. It boggles the mind.

Brolo

thorgot wrote: »

i have read faith of the fallen

twice

As Victor and Ishaq reached the top of the plaza, Nicci untied the line, grabbed the linen in her fists, and ripped the shroud off the statue.

Both men stopped in their tracks.

In a half circle around the plaza, the walls were covered with the story of man's inadequacy. All around them, man was shown small, depraved, deformed, impotent, terrified, cruel, mindless, wicked, greedy, corrupt, and sinful. He was depicted forever torn between otherworldly forces controlling every aspect of his miserable existence, an existence incomprehensible in its caldron of churning evil, with death his only escape into salvation.

Those who had found virtue in this world, under the protection of the Creator's Light, looked lifeless, their faces without emotion, without awareness, their bodies as unbending as cadavers. They stared out at the world through a vacant, mindless stupor, while all around them danced rats, through their legs wriggled snakes, and over their heads flew vultures.

In the vortex of this torrent of tortured life, this cataclysm of corruption, this depravity and debauchery, rose up Richard's statue in bold, glowing opposition.

It was a devastating indictment of all around it.

The mass and weight of the ugliness surrounding Richard's statue seemed to shrink back into insignificance. The evil of the wall carvings seemed now to be crying out at their own dishonesty in the face of incorruptible beauty and truth.

The two figures in the center posed in a state of harmonious balance. The man's body displayed a proud masculinity. Though the woman was clothed, there was no doubt as to her femininity. They both reflected a love of the human form as sensuous, noble, and pure. The evil all around seemed as if it was recoiling in terror of that noble purity.

More than that, though, Richard's statue existed without conflict; the figures showed awareness, rationality, and purpose. This was a manifestation of human power, ability, intent. This was life lived for its own sake. This was mankind standing proudly of his own free will.

This was exactly what the single word at the bottom named it:

LIFE

That it existed was proof of the validity of the concept.

This was life as it should be lived - proud, reasoned, and a slave to no other man. This was the rightful exaltation of the individual, the nobility of the human spirit.

Everything on the walls all around offered death as its answer.

This offered life.

Victor and Ishaq were on their knees, weeping.

The blacksmith lifted his arms up toward the statue before him, laughing as tears ran down his face.

"He did it. He has done as he said he would. Flesh in stone. Nobility. Beauty."

People who had come to see the other carvings, now began gathering to see what stood in the center of the plaza. They stared with wide eyes, many seeing for the first time the concept of man as virtuous in his own right. The statement was so powerful that it alone invalidated everything up on the walls. That it had been carved by man underscored its veracity.

Many of them saw it with the same understanding Nicci had.

The carvers wandered away from their work to come see what stood in the plaza. The masons came down from the scaffolding. The tenders set down their mortar buckets. The carpenters climbed down from their work at setting beams. The tilers laid aside their chisels. The drivers picketed their horses. Men digging and planting the surrounding grounds set down their shovels. They came from all directions toward the statue in the plaza.

People flowed up the steps in ever expanding ranks. They flooded around the statue, gazing in awe. Many fell to their knees weeping, not in misery as they had before, but with joy. Many, like the blacksmith, laughed, as tears of delight ran down their happy faces. A few covered their eyes in fear.

As people took it in, they began to run off to get others. Soon, men were coming down from the shops on the hill to see what stood in the plaza. Men and women who had come to watch the construction now ran off home to get loved ones, to bring them to see what stood at the emperor's palace.

It was something the like of which most of these people had never in their lives seen.

It was vision to the blind.

It was water to the thirsty.

It was life to the dying.

Quetzi

I've watched the special features on The Room DVD

Completely worthwhile

Also read all of All Star Batman and Robin

Hobnail

Just post the bit where the protagonist murders the fuck out of some stupid deluded LIEberal war protestors and let us never speak of him again

Weaver

My favorite bit of horrible fiction is when Deaconblues pretended to be black.

Lost Salient

What on earth

Beasteh

more like randall WHO AM I WHERE AM I WHATS A FORUM

POKÉMON MASTER WT SHERMAN

isle of dogs by patricia cornwell is the worst piece of published fiction i have ever read

my mom had a copy of it she'd grabbed for a buck from waldenbooks so i sat down and read it one day, an action i began to regret fairly soon after opening it

ready player one by ernest cline is the worst i've read since isle of dogs and represents the latest example of the internet lying to me about a thing being good

Lost Salient

Okay here we go! This is pretty bad - I've got a book on my shelf called The Ms. Squad: Lucky Pierre. "These three angels rush in where male fools have tried - and failed! The most daring, dangerous and sexy trio ever to pull off a major jewel heist."

It is pretty dang awful but I'm not sure if it's not supposed to be that bad. It is a pulpy, pulpy book.

gtrmp

but this was no chicken

Brolo

Hobnail wrote: »

Just post the bit where the protagonist murders the fuck out of some stupid deluded LIEberal war protestors and let us never speak of him again

Terry Goodkind wrote:

They raced out from the long shadows of the buildings and poured around the corner. The people off at the end of the street all turned when they spotted Richard's force coming. More people--men and women from the city--surged into the street in front of the compound of buildings the soldiers had taken oup as barracks and a command post. The people looked like a scraggly lot.

"No war! No war! No war!" the people shouted as Richard led the men up the street at a dead run.
"Out of the way!" Richard yelled as he closed the distance. This was no time for subtlety or discussions: the success of their attack depended in large part on speed. "Get out of the way! This is your only warning! Get out of the way or die!"
"Stop the hate! Stop the hate!" the people chanted as they locked arms.
They had no idea how much hate was raging through Richard. He drew the Sword of Truth. The wrath of its magic didn't come out with it, but he had enough of his own. He slowed to a trot.
"Move!" Richard called as he bore down on the people.
A plump, curly-haired woman took a step out from the others. Her round face was red with anger as she screamed. "Stop the hate! No war! Stop the hate! No war!"
"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed.
The red-faced woman shook her fleshy fist at Richard and his men, leading an angry chant. "Murderers! Murderers! Murderers!"
On his way past her, gritting his teeth as he screamed with the fury of the attack begun, Richard took a powerful swing, lopping off the woman's head and upraised arm. Strings of blood and gore splashed across the faces behind her even as some still chanted their empty words. The head and loose arm tumbled through the crowd. A man mad the mistake of reaching for Richard's weapon, and took the full weight of a charging thrust.
Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men. They were met with swift and deadly steel.
At the realization that their defense of the Imperial Order's brutality would actually result in consequences to themselves, the crowd began scattering in fright, screaming curses back at Richard and his men.

Solar

Rise of Arsenal by JT Krul

Roy Harper goes crazy and has weird rapey sex with Cheshire

and he's a heroin addict who beats up some dealers with a dead cat in order to get his fix

it's so

so bad

hilariously bad, in fact

Lost Salient

I also own this fascinating and as yet unread book, which I bought purely because the cover is soooo incredibly shit.

Quetzi

Guys

Lest we forget

http://www.amazon.com/Cum-Bigfoot-Monster-Series-ebook/dp/B006KZ7TWQ

Quetzi

Oh my god there is a new one out

Yesssssss

Lost Salient

Was I the person who found those or did someone else? I cannot recall.

Quetzi

Okay, four new ones

I know this is easy stuff to write

But goddamn, this writer is a machine

Raijin Quickfoot

It's all about The Happening. It's unbeatable because it tries so hard to be so serious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1PK4qYzNkI

Lost Salient

I ask because if it was me then I have those and Stuck Up under my metaphorical book-finding belt

Secret Satan bells are ringing

Hobnail

Armed only with their hatred of moral clarity godDAMNIT what the FUCK, I even asked you to do it, Jesus Christ

Quetzi

Lost Salient wrote: »

Was I the person who found those or did someone else? I cannot recall.

I think it was you

Buttles read the entire first one, and I read samples for all five

I don't know if I can read the samples for these new ones, even if they look, you know, magical

Quetzi

It’s two years later, and Porsche and Leslie have furry toddlers to contend with, while their Sasquatch lovers enjoy their lush breasts, which squirt profusely with milk.

Quetzi

I just wish there were print versions of Cum for Bigfoot

I'd have a prank gift for the rest of my life

Hobnail

This is already far darker than even the sloppiest of cosplay threads

POKÉMON MASTER WT SHERMAN

Lost Salient wrote: »

I also own this fascinating and as yet unread book, which I bought purely because the cover is soooo incredibly shit.

i didn't know the ultimate warrior had a sister

Beasteh

Straightzi wrote: »

It’s two years later, and Porsche and Leslie have furry toddlers to contend with, while their Sasquatch lovers enjoy their lush breasts, which squirt profusely with milk.

i have never been so aroused

Quetzi

http://www.amazon.com/Horny-Night-Gaunt-Tales-ebook/dp/B008GE7988/ref=pd_rhf_ee_s_cp_3_nr

Alan Moore is summoning his massive snake god right now

If you know what I mean

Seriously

thorgot wrote: »

i have read faith of the fallen

twice

I read the entire series


I was bedridden sick and my dad

bless his heart

thought I might like some fantasy novels to read


it was only the first three, but once I start something like that I have to finish it

even if it kills me

Hobnail

Straightzi wrote: »

http://www.amazon.com/Horny-Night-Gaunt-Tales-ebook/dp/B008GE7988/ref=pd_rhf_ee_s_cp_3_nr

Alan Moore is summoning his massive snake god right now

If you know what I mean

I assume you mean he is very literally summoning a very literal snake god

Quetzi

Here we go

This is the website of my favorite writer: http://virginia-wade-erotica.com/

And her twitter: http://twitter.com/VirginiaErotica

Also oh my gosh Cum for Bigfoot is being put into print

Dreams

Cum

True

Solar

Straightzi you are an odd duck, for sure

Foolproof

Lee Harvey Oswald was acting alone in the assassination of John F. Kennedy is my favorite fiction. I wish earl warren and gerald ford had teamed up to write more fantasy/science fiction.

Quetzi

FUCKING YES

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1478209828/

darleysam

Straightzi wrote: »

Guys

Lest we forget

http://www.amazon.com/Cum-Bigfoot-Monster-Series-ebook/dp/B006KZ7TWQ

Last time I clicked that, I started getting a whole lot of interesting suggestions popping up on Amazon. Which will now happen again, because I forgot that happened last time.

Raijin Quickfoot

Straightzi wrote: »

FUCKING YES

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1478209828/

This is...intriguing.

Mr Fuzzbutt

Straightzi wrote: »

FUCKING YES

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1478209828/

Literally everyone who says NSFW YES for Secret Satans is going to get this.

Quetzi

If I do Secret Satans

There's like a 90% chance I'll send you Cum for Bigfoot

Like, in addition to other stuff you might actually like, but

Enc

The Eragon series should be mentioned. A triumph of ripping off better works terribly.