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Impaler for president!
DarkPrimus
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
The 2008 presidential bid just got a little more challenging for the race’s only satanic vampire candidate.
Jonathon “The Impaler†Sharkey, a 42-year-old New Jersey man who is running under the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party, is currently being investigated by the Secret Service for potential threats toward President George W. Bush.
According to Sharkey, Secret Service agents visited him and his 19-year-old wife, Spree, in Ohio on Feb. 15. The visit concerned Sharkey’s repeated remarks about impaling Bush, an act Sharkey said he would only do if he were elected president.
“They never even asked to see my impaling stick,†Sharkey said.
Under U.S. law, threatening the president is a felony that carries a five-year prison sentence. On average, the Secret Service develops investigations about nine out of 10 times they receive threatening information, said Secret Service spokesman Darrin Blackford. Such investigations usually involve an interview with the person in question, and sometimes with parents and local officials to determine the severity of the person’s threat.
“They were telling me, when they were interrogating me, that their job was to protect Bush even after he’s out of office,†Sharkey said. “I’m looking at them like, ‘Oh, you’re going to defy me when I become president?’â€
While Sharkey’s declarations of his desire to impale Bush may not seem totally feasible, the Secret Service is required to investigate potential threats, Blackford said.
“Oftentimes … we receive criticism as to ‘Why are Secret Service agents investigating this when clearly it was a joke or clearly it was a comment taken out of context?’†he said. “Unfortunately, in our line of work, we can’t take that chance.â€
But Sharkey maintains his statements are legal, emphasizing he will only impale Bush once he’s elected president. Sharkey consulted Sheldon Kay, a lawyer and host of a Michigan radio show known as “The Rock and Roll Lawyer Show.†Sharkey spoke on the radio program in November 2006, when Kay allegedly told Sharkey the wording of his threat to Bush was legal. But not everyone agrees with Kay’s advice.
“You can’t threaten the president’s life even if you say it cleverly,†said W. Tray White, executive producer and director of the documentary on Sharkey’s 2006 run for governor of Minnesota, Impaler.
White said Secret Service agents contacted him and is unsure as to whether or not they view Sharkey as a real threat. White believes he has also been threatened by Sharkey, who is upset he hasn’t seen the final version of Impaler. The 30-year-old director said a gathering of vampires and Likens—people who believe they are werewolves—met on the Internet and put a curse on him. He believes the Internet meeting was organized by Sharkey.
“I actually consider him a friend even though he sort of wants to kill me,†White said.
While it is not clear whether Sharkey is a real threat, a 1965 Supreme Court case established a precedent for cases involving potentially bogus claims. In Watts v. U.S., the Supreme Court found that there was no real threat when a young man mentioned wanting to shoot Lyndon B. Johnson if he was drafted into the service.
“In order to punish someone for threatening the life of the president under the First Amendment, the government has to be able to prove a true threat, and there must be intent,†said Neil Richards, a law professor at Washington University in St. Louis. “If you crudely say, ‘Oh I could just kill the president,’ that is not a true threat, and therefore, it is protected political speech.â€
Blackford could not comment on what usually happens after the interview portion of a Secret Service investigation but said prosecutable cases are presented to the Assistant U.S. Attorney’s office to determine whether or not they will go to court.
“[It’s possible that] after maybe just one interview or one telephone call we can determine that ‘no this person is not a threat to our protectees,’†Blackford said, “but until we do a little bit of digging we don’t know that.â€
While the Secret Service has the right to investigate any information that might allude to harming protected officials, they cannot search a person’s home or seize any items without a warrant—which would require probable cause that a crime has been or is about to be committed, Richards said.
“Under the First Amendment, what it boils down to here is whether or not he’s a vampire who wants to impale the president,†Richards said. “I guess the question is, if he’s a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldn’t he want to bite the president and feed on him? [This], I suppose, is perhaps further evidence that this is not a true threat.â€
http://www.columbiachronicle.com/paper/arts.php?id=3525
This dude sounds like an upstanding citizen with a clear agenda. Let's vote Impaler '08.
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right then
he can't just order Bush to an execution
the Secret Serivice protects former presidents for forty years after their term ends, I believe.
I'm voting for this motherfucker
this country needs a lot more brutal dictators willing to impale those who would harm its heritage
right on a big fucking pike
just all
fuck you now you are on a stick now what
Not according to Bush!
OH HO HO! TOPICAL!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh god
funny fuse has blown
good chance we'd get a slayer song as our new national anthem
which is a plus
I think maybe he meant Lycans. Y'know, as in lycanthropy.
have you guys seen the Zapruder film
all like
HUMAN SHIELD HUMAN SHIELD
anybody say fark?
fark
Maybe he meant Lichens, and they're actually moss-people.
Scared of Sarah Michelle Gellar.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
I would think the "Jonathon" and "Sharkey" parts would be tripping him up there.
Gotta go for something like Sniffles or Skippy.
But really, I don't think he's allowed to call himself that unless he's actually impaled at least one dude.
It's gotta be a dude, cats and rodents don't count.
Ol' Vlad must be spinning in his grave. Except I guess he wouldn't be in it, would he.
Check your facts before you print, people.
that's like 17 jokes in one post
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I refuse to be mad at a guy for not looking up the correct spelling of the word for "moron who pretends he thinks he's a werewolf".
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/registry/wishlist/1A4GKH199FBMU/ - My wishlist
"Bleaah" once during that interview.
Further proof he isn't a vampire.
Neither did he suck the reporter's blood or attempt to hypnotise him into becoming a slavish servant of his undead schemes.
As a Vampire, he's got a lot to do...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/registry/wishlist/1A4GKH199FBMU/ - My wishlist
If I had it scanned, this is where I'd insert the page from Preacher where Cassidy calls the goth vampire a wanker.
Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
Women in the 19th century, if Tim Burton films are to be believed, were hotter than they are now.
Like wearing clothes 2 sizes two small and born with breasts 2 sizes too big.
Yeah I was gonna say that. Rookie blunder.
If they were badasses, how come JFK's brains ended up all over the backseat?