The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Turn the lights on and off 3 times, then come post in the [Brain Problems] thread
smof
[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered User regular
[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered User regular
Feeling down? Stressed? Angry for no reason? Scared of everything? Hallucinating? Obsessing and compulsing? Managing to function and put on a façade of normality while secretly falling apart inside - or currently living your third straight month locked in a dark room with just a hundred tins of beans and a piss bucket for company?
You are not alone.
This thread is for if you want to discuss whatever treatments and medications you’re on, document your progress with whatever therapy you might be trying, ask advice, or just rant and share stories and hopefully feel a bit less weird when you find other people dealing with the same messed up shit.
Personally, I am currently going through a bad patch with anxiety/depression, and at the stage where I want to seek out some proper help with it. I feel the need to ramble. One option is to speak to my family or friends, but ha ha ha that’s never going to happen, so here we are.
Come on in, and spill out your crazy.
You are not alone.
This thread is for if you want to discuss whatever treatments and medications you’re on, document your progress with whatever therapy you might be trying, ask advice, or just rant and share stories and hopefully feel a bit less weird when you find other people dealing with the same messed up shit.
Personally, I am currently going through a bad patch with anxiety/depression, and at the stage where I want to seek out some proper help with it. I feel the need to ramble. One option is to speak to my family or friends, but ha ha ha that’s never going to happen, so here we are.
Come on in, and spill out your crazy.
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
I tried to go to one today. But because I am a dumbass who still isn't used to living in a city and I usually cycle places, it didn't occur to me that there wouldn't be free parking by the place, so I didn't take any money. And then I tried to pay using my mobile phone but the stupid thing wouldn't accept my card number. So I got really worked up until I was like 10 minutes late for the meeting, and I can't handle walking into new things like that late, so I gave up and came home. And now I have to wait a week to try again, only I will cycle next time.
And then earlier today I got a voicemail from a woman at the city zoo, responding to an application I sent in to volunteer there. This is something I really want to do! But I am basically on anxiety overdrive today and spent too long trying to work myself up to calling her back and now it's too late for today, I will have to wait until tomorrow and hope I wake up feeling less retarded.
And those are my two ridiculous stories from today.
every single one in michigan is either halfway up the state or on the exact other side of the state.
what do I do?
She thinks I'm suffering from depression and anxiety, and recommended me to a few psychiatrists
I had an appointment all set up for late December, but they canceled on me because my last name was very similar to someone else who called and canceled, and then on my reschedule date, apparently the psychiatrist had the flu, so
I guess I'm "high priority" now and they'll slot me in at the earliest availability. Still, kind of a bummer
Though I'm walking a thin line between my prescription not working enough (meaning I'm still freaking out when I shouldn't), or working too well (causing me not to give a shit about anything). Yay for trial and error.
That's a pain. I'm sorry you're having to deal with their screw-ups. That extra hassle and disappointment is probably the last thing you need when you're trying to get those kinds of issues sorted.
Bag and board those babies.
They're gonna be worth something some day.
It makes me feel vulnerable in ways I don't like
I don't like the feeling that there's an inevitable weight lurking on the other side of my thoughts waiting for me to let down my defenses so it can crush all the joy I draw out of my experiences
Moving is a huge stress and it's already making me feel scatterbrained and overwhelmed
Augh change
I haven't been diagnosed with anything but I'm pretty sure I have some sort of anxiety and I'm socially awkward. I'm not sure which came first though.
For example: I had to call the dentist for an appointment today and I got this nervous feeling right in the pit of my stomach and I really try to avoid or "forget" the issue. I get it basically whenever I have to contact another person I don't know we'll.
Also I get nervous posting content anywhere and usually end up deleting my posts or I agonize over them for way too long.
For example: this post here.
I would probably make about the same post except, well, yeah.
And this is what happens when I throw caution to the wind and post without proof-reading. It's similar to when I'm talking to someone and I don't think about what I'm going to say, I mean really think, and it just comes out as word salad.
When I was in high school I was really depressed. I tried medications, psychologists, all of that. Didn't like any of it, felt like confronting my feelings was making it worse. I cut myself, experimented with a lot of drugs (including a lot of stupid drugs that most people don't use, stuff like robotripping and Vicodin -- though who knows, I guess a few people do that). Basically I was just girl-crazy anyway, and I realized that once I got to college and could get some of that out of my system I was fine. I had a girlfriend for almost seven years and was pretty stable the whole time.
It's been almost ten years since I was in high school, and since we broke up a year ago I've realized that in some ways my life is the same, except that I've replaced the attention-seeking teenager with a more adjusted, inward-feeling adult. I still do a lot of self-destructive things but on a much smaller scale. I've gotten a lot better at hiding that I may have any problems. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want people to worry about me, but are there still times that I feel like absolute shit? Of course there are.
It scares me that I've figured out how to mask all of this too well. I'm never completely sure if I actually feel better or if this is all something festering, waiting to get out.
It's hard to get all this stuff into a coherent format. Certainly typing is easier than speaking, though.
Generally in any sort of social situation (social situation used extremely loosely here, it could be something as simple as making an appointment at the eye doctor) my brain just shuts down and I can't think of anything to vocalize. Even with people I know well I barely ever talk because by the time i've thought of something to say the conversation moved on five minutes ago. Taking notes beforehand or coming up with a script can help, but even then once it inevitably deviates i'm fucked and left staring blankly. Even beyond that, the few instances I do attempt social interaction and inevitably mess up somehow, I end up dwelling on that moment for the rest of eternity. This seems to be the one exception to my next problem:
My memory is absolute shit. I'm terrible with names, faces, directions, times, dates. Anything really. Past about 7 or 8 years ago I can't remember much of anything beyond a few specific instances, and even anything more recent than that is fuzzy or not there at all. My entire college and "professional" experience is within that time-frame, and there's barely anything there. I can't remember classes I took or teachers I had, or what I was taught. All that makes getting a job pretty difficult, though recently I just haven't been hearing back from anywhere i've applied at all, so I can't be completely positive about that.
Therapy hasn't helped, i've tried a few different ones. I go and see them for a while, but never have anything in particular to say during the sessions, though they manage to keep some semblance of a discussion going. By the time the next appointment the next week comes, however, i've mostly forgotten what we've talked about. It ends up just being a place I go to every week for an hour, a place I really can't afford because I can't get a job and don't have any insurance. Medication hasn't done anything either, beyond fucking up my metabolism in certain cases.
So, yeah. Hooray for being almost 30 years old with no social or professional experience or proficiency.
Not sure why I wrote this, really, I know i'll just end up pretending this thread doesn't exist so as to not read any responses.
and don't say the one in the straight jacket just because this is the brain problems thread
here's a fan reimagining while you ruminate
I kinda feel like this is why I haven't bothered much with school, I never really feel like I'll get to succeed in it or anything
same things with jobs, I want a new job with better hours but I don't think I'll be able to get one
today the fellowship that i saw as my best bet for employment got canceled due to lack of funding
hooray for law school! hooray for everything!
God I hate moving.
I have the same things, @Moriveth
I also constantly feel like I'm not worth what I'm paid, where I work, etc.... regardless of position.
I know rationally I am, but sometimes it's ok and other times its pretty crappy.
We have one of those numbers you can call, I guess I could/should but just haven't... I don't know why
High... five?
But yeah, it sucks. I know I should apply to places but I always end up going "Eh, they'll never consider me" and then I don't.
Does going to a doc and making it official do anything?
I've at least gotten to the point where I apply.
At least then I can say *I* did everything I could; you should do the same.
If they don't call you, meh... but they almost certainly won't without applying.
I'm being told recently that I present strong signs of sociopathic personality disorder. Which explains a lot.
Yaay?
I've started listening to the back catalog of The Mental Illness Happy Hour and it's been pretty great to listen to all of those people talk about their experiences. There have been a number of instances where they'll be talking about something and it'll make me think, "Oh shit, that's not just me!" Also, I totally get nervous about posting stuff as well--for example, I was noodling up a pretty in-depth post for the "what song defines you" thread a couple of months ago, but scrapped it because I thought it was too personal and nobody would've wanted to hear it.
Anyway, I've been going through a pretty tough depressive episode recently, probably brought on by the ton of stuff going on right now--I've got a hellacious course load this semester, I'm trying to take the CPA exam (taking a review course to help out), and trying to find a job before summer semester hits. It's a lot of pressure. I still feel that I haven't really dealt with my mom's death, either, even though it was around Thanksgiving last year.
So that's put me in kind of a rough place. But the good news is that I've been trying to find some help. I wasn't really making much headway in finding affordable therapy in my area, but last week one of my supervisors at work offered to put out a few lines of communication to some professionals she knows that might could help. I'm still waiting to hear back, but that's as promising a lead as I could hope for, I guess.
In any case, right now I'm kind of taking things as they come, but pretty soon papers are going to be due, exams are going to happen, and I just hope that I can keep it together for that stuff.
Edit: Oh god so many words
may
have
a
post
for
this
thread
we'll see how tonight goes
Oh wait I found comfort in someone.
And then I broke up with her.
Brain problems.
Yeah this sounds really similar to me
I just get really anxious about communicating with people I don't know all that well and I know its irrational because it always works out fine but its just really hard getting over this big worry whenever I need to talk to new people
same with the posting too, I worry about tiny little things in my posts so I take ages to go over and over to the point that I delete most of them because the conversation has moved on or I just decide that its not important enough to post even though I realise that's a silly thing to worry about
I enjoy hanging out with people and I'm fine around people I know just I have a lot of trouble actually talking to and getting to know new people. Its been bugging me at moment because I'm going into my first year of university and I really want to make an effort to meet and make some new friends but I have this real problem with assuming everyone is better than me which makes it hard to properly connect with people I've just met.
It occurred to me last weekend when I had a random really good day admist what's been a pretty bad depressive funk for the last couple months - at first I just thought maybe I'd finally come out of the depression, but the next day I was back to being down. And it occurred to me that I only tend to think about the possibility of me being bipolar when I'm in a bad mood, even though my 'highs' are probably as good an indication. Naturally part of this is just that it's easier to be in denial when I'm feeling happy and not think about the fact that it will probably change very quickly.
I'm not really sure how to go about it though. It doesn't help that I don't have health insurance anymore, although I guess I could get it without needing for it to be through work.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
If you want to have your faith in humanity erased, run a salad bar for a couple weeks.
After four years you start to wish that some of the things people do surprised you anymore.
(okay this is hyperbole but that's kind of the point, I think.)
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
I'm taking effexor and it's helping a bit. I'm also going to therapy and group which is not going as well. Oh well.
Edit: Oh, and I have tons of social anxiety and have the social skills of a shy llama when dealing with people I don't know well, so that's good.
I can't fucking do this
I want to die
I won't kill myself because I'm scared of pain and I couldn't hurt people with my passing, I'm not selfish e ough that I can't recognize people love me/care about me
I just wish I could pass in my sleep I can't fucking do this anymore
Cants leep, I'm twitchy, in sacared I can't escape beCause I have no license and the nearest bus stop is six miles away and the temps are below zero F with wind chill and the snow is thick
I want to stop existing
text me
tumblr | instagram | twitter | steam
For the record I don't want a hug box or "abloo bloo she's a suicidal mess give her support because she's begging for it"
I just can't deal
if you're ever in a rough patch and wanna talk i'll give you my number, no sweat
i think i'm a good listener if nothing else
tumblr | instagram | twitter | steam
i'm just worried, we're just worried
tumblr | instagram | twitter | steam
Well
You're not suicidal, and you've stated as much, which is a good thing, that's like the biggest thing
And too bad, +1 to your hug box
And for the record, I've never thought of you as "begging" for or even asking for attention/support when you're posting about any issues you might be dealing with, or thought processes you might be going through
I wish I had the guts to post about most of the shit that's actually on my mind, I admire the shit out of you and others in this thread that do that
it's not forever, it's not inevitable, it's not insurmountable.
You can and will overcome it, you can and will become happy and independent.
I hope I don't sound like a motivational poster with a stock picture of the ocean
But you can do it.
Attempted auto-suffocation with a pillow and/or blanket isn't successful
i appreciate you a whole bunch adrian, but i think you assume a lot about me that you'd be surprised you're mistaken about
well honestly that goes for pretty much all of you
only Big Red Tie and Tommy 2 Hands really really know
but you're all extremely kind to me and so i do what i can to pay it back