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The end of courtship & the start of Dating Thread
animal companion
xenomortisRegistered User regular
xenomortisRegistered User regular
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html
The New York Times wrote:“The new date is ‘hanging out,’ ” said Denise Hewett, 24, an associate television producer in Manhattan, who is currently developing a show about this frustrating new romantic landscape. As one male friend recently told her: “I don’t like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I’m doing — going to an event, a concert.”
The New York Times wrote:“It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five,” she added. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called “hookup culture,” millennials — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship.
I've seen more than one response to this article writing it off as pretty stupid.
http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2013/1/21/end-of-courtship-harvard/
The Harvard Crimson wrote:According to the ever-amusing college dating site DateMySchool, however, even in 2013, 54% of Ivy Leaguers say their ideal first date is still a dinner date...And 74% of those Ivy League guys would want to cover the bill, even though 68% of Ivy broads are down to split it.
But numbers like that still make me cock my head. (I realize a college paper, even if it's Harvard, is hardly total in scope.) One in three Harvard women expect to be paid for? Do I pay, or don't I? Why?
I'm sure it "depends on the person" and other similar humanizing, totally valid points. This lady from The Guardian (I know, I know) loves "a more equal basis":
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/18/end-of-courtship-us-catching-up
Some Guardian lady wrote:Romance hasn't so much died as changed its trousers, and just because young women are doing things on a more equal basis rather than relying on men to take us to fancy French restaurants, doesn't mean we're not falling in love as much as ever. My boyfriend..."courted" me at my kitchen table, over a succession of weeks, using a dashing combo of charm and two-for-a-fiver Italian Soave. I knew he was the one when he drunkenly stood on a chair and declared himself more of a feminist than me.
Other ladies still see themselves as prizes, like this chick from the end of the NYT article:
The New York Times wrote:Cheryl Yeoh, a tech entrepreneur in San Francisco, said that she has been on many formal dates of late — plays, fancy restaurants. One suitor even presented her with red roses. For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less. She generally refuses to go on any date that is not set up a week in advance, involving a degree of forethought.
“If he really wants you,” Ms. Yeoh, 29, said, “he has to put in some effort.”
I think "a degree of forethought" can be achieved without breaking my wallet at a fancy restaurant. It sounds like Cheryl over here is sitting on some kind of gilded throne, staring down at the lacking gifts of her suitors. Shouldn't she put in effort for people she likes, too? Or is this too millennial of me to suggest?
A friend of mine insists that "women want to be courted," as a general rule. "It's been that way for all time." He told me I have to "like being the salesman," that I have to do the approach because women won't, excepting "the kind of woman you don't want to be with anyway."
But women have it much better than they ever did during the rest of "all time." So is it still necessary for he to court she? Why or why not?
I will leave this OP with a story from Tasteticle in what is my favorite post of all time
Tasteticle wrote:My friend told me about the worst date she had ever been on recently.
She met the dude online, he seemed alright.
They set up a date, and he told her to "Dress Nice".
She gets dressed up and he arrives in a tux.
He then drives her to the Subway about 5 minutes from her house. Once they go inside he walks up to the counter, looks at her and says:
"I hope you like tuna"
He then orders a foot long tuna sandwich.
They eat, date over.
I can't figure out if he is a hero or a loser.
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I don't know what to do with it, primarily because the profile they made is hilarious (and.. surprisingly accurate) and I don't want to get rid of it.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/VictorianAndrew
oh I just noticed I have messages. Huh.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
???
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better
bit.ly/2XQM1ke
I just don't even know how to approach it.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
Why a lady, huh?
You got something against kissin' dudes???
ps. Bryar I just randomly wanted to mention that every time I happen to notice your title/location it makes me smile.
pps. we should fight if I can find time when I'm a) awake b) not at work and c) it's not too late for my stick to wake up my family. Which is a surprisingly difficult combination of things to achieve!
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
I am hoping if you can only speak one language and are posting on a dating site you can speak your one language fluently.
Satans..... hints.....
Satans..... hints.....
English
Love [fluently]
tommy2hands and I were drunk and almost made out once but I chickened out
also asap life
also I will fight you whenever you wanna fight me, you can still learn footsies on a keyboard.
American
and yeah that's true, footsies are cool. I just worry that I'll get complacent with easy dashes at my disposal. I really need to either drill myself hardcore or figure out a better grip.
Also I still want to learn marvel but fuck I can barely find the time to play AE.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
Yeah dude hold off on marvel
and I think a good couple of hours of you and I just running drills (I have an idea for an online training mode of sorts, where you window your game and so watch my stream of me playing cammy in training mode and that way we can really work on stuff together)
I don't think a lot of women want to be courted it just happens! by some bizzare magic that dating works.
All dating sites have fake profiles and abandoned accounts for the most part are you really going to date someone you meet from online? Everyone I have ever been on a date with I have talked to in real life. I just run into a lot of waryness and flakes online. Yet I still have an account
Why is this even a question
This man is clearly a goddamned hero
I just think it's rad when ladies ask me out
it is the worst dating site
dress nice
I wish more of them did because it is awesome
cuz I sure ain't hot
but I know girls have been excited to be asked out by me
but not rad
Maybe someday.
What you do is then ask them why they are single if they're such a prize.
Satans..... hints.....
http://blog.okcupid.com/
but either way
you best have the gumption to be sending a lot of messages on that shit
Talking to them Aka sup bitch what are you hopes and dreams
yes I have used that to start a conversation even though it was not my entent
They look and sound interesting to begin with then something happens and I jsut want to walk away
Got over it pretty quickly though. I paid for a Match.com subscription and so far...its like every other dating site I've tried except I had to pay for it. Whoops.
I'll occasionally have a conversation with a woman and then eventually it dies out and that's that
asking to meet someone in person seems so presumptuous
basically I have resigned myself to a life of quiet contemplation and occasional bouts of insane scream-laughing