The end of courtship & the start of Dating Thread

animal companionanimal companion xenomortisRegistered User regular
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http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html
“The new date is ‘hanging out,’ ” said Denise Hewett, 24, an associate television producer in Manhattan, who is currently developing a show about this frustrating new romantic landscape. As one male friend recently told her: “I don’t like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I’m doing — going to an event, a concert.”
“It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five,” she added. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called “hookup culture,” millennials — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship.

I've seen more than one response to this article writing it off as pretty stupid.

http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2013/1/21/end-of-courtship-harvard/
According to the ever-amusing college dating site DateMySchool, however, even in 2013, 54% of Ivy Leaguers say their ideal first date is still a dinner date...And 74% of those Ivy League guys would want to cover the bill, even though 68% of Ivy broads are down to split it.

But numbers like that still make me cock my head. (I realize a college paper, even if it's Harvard, is hardly total in scope.) One in three Harvard women expect to be paid for? Do I pay, or don't I? Why?

I'm sure it "depends on the person" and other similar humanizing, totally valid points. This lady from The Guardian (I know, I know) loves "a more equal basis":

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/18/end-of-courtship-us-catching-up
Romance hasn't so much died as changed its trousers, and just because young women are doing things on a more equal basis rather than relying on men to take us to fancy French restaurants, doesn't mean we're not falling in love as much as ever. My boyfriend..."courted" me at my kitchen table, over a succession of weeks, using a dashing combo of charm and two-for-a-fiver Italian Soave. I knew he was the one when he drunkenly stood on a chair and declared himself more of a feminist than me.

Other ladies still see themselves as prizes, like this chick from the end of the NYT article:
Cheryl Yeoh, a tech entrepreneur in San Francisco, said that she has been on many formal dates of late — plays, fancy restaurants. One suitor even presented her with red roses. For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less. She generally refuses to go on any date that is not set up a week in advance, involving a degree of forethought.

“If he really wants you,” Ms. Yeoh, 29, said, “he has to put in some effort.”

I think "a degree of forethought" can be achieved without breaking my wallet at a fancy restaurant. It sounds like Cheryl over here is sitting on some kind of gilded throne, staring down at the lacking gifts of her suitors. Shouldn't she put in effort for people she likes, too? Or is this too millennial of me to suggest?

A friend of mine insists that "women want to be courted," as a general rule. "It's been that way for all time." He told me I have to "like being the salesman," that I have to do the approach because women won't, excepting "the kind of woman you don't want to be with anyway."

But women have it much better than they ever did during the rest of "all time." So is it still necessary for he to court she? Why or why not?

I will leave this OP with a story from Tasteticle in what is my favorite post of all time
Tasteticle wrote:
My friend told me about the worst date she had ever been on recently.

She met the dude online, he seemed alright.

They set up a date, and he told her to "Dress Nice".

She gets dressed up and he arrives in a tux.

He then drives her to the Subway about 5 minutes from her house. Once they go inside he walks up to the counter, looks at her and says:

"I hope you like tuna"

He then orders a foot long tuna sandwich.

They eat, date over.

I can't figure out if he is a hero or a loser.

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Posts

  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    edited January 2013
    A couple of my coworkers from my summer job got drunk on New Year's and made me an okcupid profile.

    I don't know what to do with it, primarily because the profile they made is hilarious (and.. surprisingly accurate) and I don't want to get rid of it.

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/VictorianAndrew



    oh I just noticed I have messages. Huh.

    facetious on
    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    I decided I'm gonna kiss a lady soon

    lfYVHTd.png
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    Like, might as well

    lfYVHTd.png
  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    Gross

  • animal companionanimal companion xenomortis Registered User regular
    okcupid's low barrier to entry makes it a hodgepodge of fake profiles and abandoned accts

    VdxNI.jpg
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    On one hand, Tuna sub guy made me grin. On the other hand, it was a dickhead move

    ???

    help a fellow forumer meet their mental health care needs because USA healthcare sucks!

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    They honestly did it out of love to encourage me to date because they know I can get kinda lonely sometimes.

    I just don't even know how to approach it.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Like, might as well

    Why a lady, huh?

    You got something against kissin' dudes???

    ps. Bryar I just randomly wanted to mention that every time I happen to notice your title/location it makes me smile.

    pps. we should fight if I can find time when I'm a) awake b) not at work and c) it's not too late for my stick to wake up my family. Which is a surprisingly difficult combination of things to achieve!

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    I like the bit in okcupid where you fill in what languages you can speak and if you only fill in one, it can say in brackets, fluently.

    I am hoping if you can only speak one language and are posting on a dating site you can speak your one language fluently.

  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    I adore you Andrew.

    lfYVHTd.png
  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    (I don't post on dating sites)

  • animal companionanimal companion xenomortis Registered User regular
    edited January 2013
    Languages:
    English
    Love [fluently]

    animal companion on
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  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    facetious wrote: »
    Like, might as well

    Why a lady, huh?

    You got something against kissin' dudes???

    ps. Bryar I just randomly wanted to mention that every time I happen to notice your title/location it makes me smile.

    pps. we should fight if I can find time when I'm a) awake b) not at work and c) it's not too late for my stick to wake up my family. Which is a surprisingly difficult combination of things to achieve!
    I made my post before I saw this one

    tommy2hands and I were drunk and almost made out once but I chickened out

    also asap life

    also I will fight you whenever you wanna fight me, you can still learn footsies on a keyboard.

    lfYVHTd.png
  • STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    Languages:
    English
    Love [fluently]
    It's better than putting down Languages:
    American

  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Haha aww.

    and yeah that's true, footsies are cool. I just worry that I'll get complacent with easy dashes at my disposal. I really need to either drill myself hardcore or figure out a better grip.

    Also I still want to learn marvel but fuck I can barely find the time to play AE.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    As a man who is slowly wading into the marvel pool:

    Yeah dude hold off on marvel

    and I think a good couple of hours of you and I just running drills (I have an idea for an online training mode of sorts, where you window your game and so watch my stream of me playing cammy in training mode and that way we can really work on stuff together)

    lfYVHTd.png
  • BrainleechBrainleech 機知に富んだコメントはここにあります Registered User regular
    I have ran into a lot of woman over the years who consider themself a prize in the dating world. Most of them are rather boring. I understand the effort but still thinking about what do to for a first date is rather nerve racking.


    I don't think a lot of women want to be courted it just happens! by some bizzare magic that dating works.

    All dating sites have fake profiles and abandoned accounts for the most part are you really going to date someone you meet from online? Everyone I have ever been on a date with I have talked to in real life. I just run into a lot of waryness and flakes online. Yet I still have an account



  • UnbreakableVowUnbreakableVow Registered User regular
    Tasteticle wrote:
    My friend told me about the worst date she had ever been on recently.

    She met the dude online, he seemed alright.

    They set up a date, and he told her to "Dress Nice".

    She gets dressed up and he arrives in a tux.

    He then drives her to the Subway about 5 minutes from her house. Once they go inside he walks up to the counter, looks at her and says:

    "I hope you like tuna"

    He then orders a foot long tuna sandwich.

    They eat, date over.

    I can't figure out if he is a hero or a loser.

    Why is this even a question

    This man is clearly a goddamned hero

  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    Courtship exists all throughout the animal kingdom

    I just think it's rad when ladies ask me out

    lfYVHTd.png
  • FrankoFranko Sometimes I really wish I had four feet so I could dance with myself to the drumbeat Registered User regular
    I have a lavalife profile
    it is the worst dating site

  • animal companionanimal companion xenomortis Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    On one hand, Tuna sub guy made me grin. On the other hand, it was a dickhead move

    ???

    dress nice

    VdxNI.jpg
  • BrainleechBrainleech 機知に富んだコメントはここにあります Registered User regular
    Courtship exists all throughout the animal kingdom

    I just think it's rad when ladies ask me out

    I wish more of them did because it is awesome

  • animal companionanimal companion xenomortis Registered User regular
    do ladies think it's awesome when dudes ask them out?

    VdxNI.jpg
  • FrankoFranko Sometimes I really wish I had four feet so I could dance with myself to the drumbeat Registered User regular
    depends on how hot the dood is

  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    How rad the dude is*

    cuz I sure ain't hot

    but I know girls have been excited to be asked out by me

    lfYVHTd.png
  • FrankoFranko Sometimes I really wish I had four feet so I could dance with myself to the drumbeat Registered User regular
    I'm awesome
    but not rad

  • I Win SwordfightsI Win Swordfights all the traits of greatness starlight at my feetRegistered User regular
    My advice in life is this: be the best

    lfYVHTd.png
  • animal companionanimal companion xenomortis Registered User regular
    are you a rad enough dude to save the etc etc

    VdxNI.jpg
  • TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    dating is hard

    sig.png
  • BrainleechBrainleech 機知に富んだコメントはここにあります Registered User regular
    Dating is an adventure and sadistic

  • ASimPersonASimPerson Cold... and hard.Registered User regular
    I have an OKC account but I'm too chicken to even fill out the profile. Also a girl (!) told me one time that I should sign up for eharmony instead.

    Maybe someday.

  • Blake TBlake T Do you have enemies then? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered User regular
    Brainleech wrote: »
    I have ran into a lot of woman over the years who consider themself a prize in the dating world. Most of them are rather boring. I understand the effort but still thinking about what do to for a first date is rather nerve racking.


    I don't think a lot of women want to be courted it just happens! by some bizzare magic that dating works.

    All dating sites have fake profiles and abandoned accounts for the most part are you really going to date someone you meet from online? Everyone I have ever been on a date with I have talked to in real life. I just run into a lot of waryness and flakes online. Yet I still have an account



    What you do is then ask them why they are single if they're such a prize.

  • ASimPersonASimPerson Cold... and hard.Registered User regular
    Also I wish OKC hadn't gotten bought out because when they got bought pretty much corresponds with when they stopped doing okTrends, which I thought was actually interesting:

    http://blog.okcupid.com/

  • animal companionanimal companion xenomortis Registered User regular
    the sites that cost money are invariably of higher quality than the free sites

    but either way

    you best have the gumption to be sending a lot of messages on that shit

    VdxNI.jpg
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    where I live there's a fairly small dating pool, so I pretty much just have short term relationships with people who are travelling through. Also because i'm a sucker for an accent. but sheesh it can't go on

  • BrainleechBrainleech 機知に富んだコメントはここにあります Registered User regular
    Blake T wrote: »
    Brainleech wrote: »
    I have ran into a lot of woman over the years who consider themself a prize in the dating world. Most of them are rather boring. I understand the effort but still thinking about what do to for a first date is rather nerve racking.


    I don't think a lot of women want to be courted it just happens! by some bizzare magic that dating works.

    All dating sites have fake profiles and abandoned accounts for the most part are you really going to date someone you meet from online? Everyone I have ever been on a date with I have talked to in real life. I just run into a lot of waryness and flakes online. Yet I still have an account



    What you do is then ask them why they are single if they're such a prize.

    Talking to them Aka sup bitch what are you hopes and dreams
    yes I have used that to start a conversation even though it was not my entent
    They look and sound interesting to begin with then something happens and I jsut want to walk away

  • Peter EbelPeter Ebel CopenhagenRegistered User regular
    Man, I'm glad I got into a steady relationship before this date shit started. Haha, I'd be so bitter if I was trying to find a woman now.

    Fuck off and die.
  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    As many of you may recall from my constant whining like a little baby and getting drunk and being dumb on Facebook, I had a bad breakup a few months back.
    Got over it pretty quickly though. I paid for a Match.com subscription and so far...its like every other dating site I've tried except I had to pay for it. Whoops.

  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    Also those articles are dumb. I love dates. I am a fan of the "grand gesture" as its been called. Things like pulling a chair out, opening a car door, bringing flowers, little things like that. Appearently thats not a thing guys do these days? Every girls I've ever dated or been in a relationship with has been really blown away by that.

  • TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    I've met exactly one woman off of okcupid over the course of like 6 years of having an account, and I'm pretty sure she just wanted a free dinner (it was arranged over the mobile-app 'find nearby people' feature and she proposed we get dinner in the first two messages, and did not make any effort to split the bill, at a rather fancy restaurant, which she had suggested)

    I'll occasionally have a conversation with a woman and then eventually it dies out and that's that

    asking to meet someone in person seems so presumptuous

    basically I have resigned myself to a life of quiet contemplation and occasional bouts of insane scream-laughing

    sig.png
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