Life is stranger than fiction. Or so they say. A lot.
I've read some pretty strange fiction though. Let's see if we can top it.
Give us your best out-there, unbelievable, or downright bizarre tale that is
absolutely true. Personal experiences preferable, but the occasional scientific article about sea life or whatever is also acceptable.
Wear your astonishing tale of the extraordinary as a badge of pride and allow us to share in it's ludicrousness. If you can actually
prove it is true, go for it.
I'll try and start us off with a more mild and innocent one.
A long, long time ago when I was 3-4 years old, I won myself a
giant teddy bear out of a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
It was some sort of mail-in contest, and long after I had forgotten I had entered, we received a notice in the mail that we had won and had to provide shipping information. Since my parents may not have been home during the delivery hours, they had it shipped to the store that my grandmother worked at, figuring it would be a small box she could put under the counter until it was time for her to come home.
Instead a truck arrived with a crate large enough to house a piece of furniture. Naturally this wasn't going to fit in my grandmother's car, so she called my mom and had her get my dad's pick-up truck and bring my sister and I too the store. That's when I learned that I had not won a regular-sized bear, but one that was even bigger than I was.
He looked like this (except he was three and a half feet tall):
Despite having his name stitched across his hat (a fact I'm not sure we ever actually noticed, or if we did, we didn't realize it was his
name), my sister and I took to calling him "Big Bear" because...well, he was a big damn bear.
For some reason I can't remember, it ended up staying at my grandparents' house instead of at my parents' house. Probably space concerns. That was fine though, as we visited my grandparents often. My grandfather enjoyed watching wrestling, and I would drag the bear (I still remember being proud when I was big enough to finally lift the thing instead of drag it) into the living room and then wrestle it by tackling it and so on. It was also big enough to serve as my bed during nap times back then.
Sometimes at Christmas my grandmother would take it to the store she worked at and display it in the front window. It also was on a variety of floats in the town's Christmas parades over the years.
Anyways, years and years later I remembered Big Bear and was curious about the contest and how many of these giant bears existed.
The problem? Google couldn't find any proof that this giant bear ever existed.
Finally I found this, which also finally taught me his official name (Dayton Hudson's Santa Bear...later Macy's Santa Bear until it was retired a few years ago):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGlS0aEAimo
Ok, so there was a Cinnamon Toast Cruch contest...but it's for a regular size bear and he's in the wrong outfit. However, some quick googling shows that the pilot version was the 1987 version, and revealed that the 1986 version is the one that looked like mine. So Cinnamon Toast Crunch must have had another contest the year before.
However, even now that I knew the official name, I couldn't find a single bit of proof that a giant version ever existed. Apparently there are a lot of people out there who collected Santa Bears, and even looking at some of the collections (such as
THIS family who has 250 of them), I couldn't find anybody with a giant one.
I even found out Santa Bear had his own cartoon special with probably one of the most miscast Santa voices ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zo1_9lEldIE
I even resorted to looking through old completed eBay auctions to see if anyone had ever sold one, but no giant bears.
Finally, I found the proof.
On eBay, one of the regular-sized 1986 Santa Bears was advertised as including his original packaging...among which was a "sweepstakes card."
The giant version did exist! And I was one of only
100 kids to win one! I can only assume the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch must have also had this card (or a similar one) and that's how I entered the contest. I also must have drawn a picture since I didn't own a real one to take a photo with. Which means three-year-old me was a kickass artist to win first prize against a panel of "experts in both art and photography."
As far as I know, Big Bear should currently reside in my parents' attic, though he lost a lot of stuffing over the years so he's a bit smaller (I also may have tried to give him a haircut at some point).
So there's my silly yet true story. Definitely mild and not too out there, but I didn't want to be the first to tell a truly outlandish one. I also wanted to encourage some simpler stories from people who may not feel they have a really wild and crazy one.
So, what've you got? I want to read with utter disbelief your completely true stories.
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He was a giant 5 foot version of the Gund teddy bear I got when I was 1 year old.
When I was 4, my at the time 6 year old brother got sick and puked and pooped all over him...
... hehe, 'one time'. Heh.
169 fucking dollars.
!!!
... My sister wants a baby at some point, i guess I'll give it to my hypothetical niece or nephew one day.
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Why did my brother poop all over it?!
I wish they all could be jelqing threads.
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maybe you shouldn't have had your window so low?
you knew exactly what you were doing
at band camp
Steam ID - VeldrinD
Then along came Top Gun.
I was asking for it, what with my demure bug lust eyes.
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butt lust???
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That is a mildly deceptive image at first glance.
For personal stories, I can't prove it, but as a child I beat the original Battletoads on NES without the use of a cheating device. Of course, this was back in the day of when you got a video game, you played the hell out of it until you memorized every pixel because who knew when you'd get another new game.
I tried replaying Battletoads as an adult and couldn't get past the Speeder Bike stage (level 3).
I remember the hardest stage for kid-me was the one with the rocket-powered unicycle where you're racing the rat. Yes, I had more trouble with that than the infamous snake level (and it's evil jump).
She looks like Jennifer Connelly's sister, except with a more heart-shaped face and less icy-demeanor.
She's also a personal friend of Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
a kindly Gurkha retrieved me before I could be squashed by His Royal Highness
such is life in England
don't tire tread on me!
It isn't really strange silly or outrageous though
Mostly just kinda eeeeeek with a dash of aw man
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
Or just tell it anyways, your choice.
My dad filmed it and submitted it to America's Funniest Home Videos.
It never aired.
Thanks, Obama Bob Saget
Much more recently my dad won a car in a lottery, only to find out that it was the most barebone Fiat with no ability to pay for any extras before delivery (meaning he'd have to pay quite a bit for it to become a nicer car than what he already owned), and that he owed about 30% tax on the showroom value. So he instead took 50% of the cars value as cash, still had to pay tax over that, but did have enough left to buy a nice couch, since the previous one had been absolutely demolished when their cat went mental with old age.
My mum won a bicycle, in a lottery that gives out prices by street / area code. In her case something like 1200 new bicycles were distributed in a town with 14000 inhabitants, which really pissed off the local bicycle salesmen, to the point that the lottery stopped doing that shortly after. It also revealed that the elderly neighbour in fact had 5 of these tickets, since this 80year old lady now owned 5 of these bicycles.
The insignia of the Soviet nuclear program. Bears so tough they can smash atoms.
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist