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barfin'
Clint Eastwood
My baby's in there someplaceShe crawled right inRegistered User regular
My baby's in there someplaceShe crawled right inRegistered User regular
so i managed to get the flu or something from my brother, and then i threw up eight times last night. the first time was the worst because it was a deep-fried burrito and apple cider and then the whole room smelled like it. and then there was cider dripping out my nose and i had to take a shit and things just went downhill from there.
itt describe your worst or most memorable barfs of all time
itt describe your worst or most memorable barfs of all time
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at some point later I woke to discover the hotel bathroom destroyed and the room covered in vomit, and that my new team nickname was now "Old Faithful"
I'm trying some gatorade guess we'll see how that goes
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You sir, have never been to a party at 21 Rio.
deciding to drink whenever someone fired a weapon, died, or said a frequently-quoted line was in retrospect a bad idea
anyway the upshot was I spent the rest of the night engaging in the very slow emesis of a whole order of sweet & sour pork into a trashcan from over the foot of my bed
Apparently, putting your hands in the mouth of someone who puts their mouth on every surface is a bad idea
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we were already really drunk and joking that if we had even another sip of his bottom of the barrel whiskey, we were going to hurl. it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Crown Royal is fucking insane drinkable innit
Four hours later, extreme nausea set in. For a while, I felt like I was going to vomit, but then it subsided a bit and I went to bed. I was almost asleep when suddenly the nausea came back, worse than before, and I knew barf was imminent. I leapt out of bed - right into my chair. I tripped over the chair and fell head-first into my bookshelf, which I found has surprisingly sharp corners. I began barfing as I fell to the ground. Then I lay for a while in a pool of vomit, with a trickle of blood running into my eye from the gash on my forehead, and I contemplated the choices that I had made that brought me to that moment.
best puke experience of my life 10/10
the next morning i woke up and fell off her couch, then had to scrub the congealed barf off her car. it was 90 degrees out.
when we were still pretty early in the relationship we had some rum and coke, after about two and a half drinks she completely lost it, and i guess her thing is once she starts throwing up from alcohol, she ain't gettin back up, she was in really bad shape, didn't want to stand up, even though she was done throwing up
this went on for like 3 hours
so i got some pillows and a blanket and laid them out on the bathroom floor and dragged her onto them and we slept there
the tile floor, it was uncomfortable
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
between a conveniently placed bush, my own deviousness and a convenient tin of breathmints I managed to get away scot free
the ghost puke
It was the best tasting vomit ever.
So now every time I get sick, those are my go to foods, just hoping to recreate that amazing experience again.
my stomach disagreed
So we go pick up another friend of ours who is a pretty big stoner. I'm not really into weed, but I've indulged occasionally. It was all snowy outside and crap, and we're just driving around in my friend's SUV, so I was like "well, what the fuck else am I gonna do tonight?"
Like I said, my stoner friend is pretty into it, so he buys weed that would turn me inside-out if I let it. I've smoked maybe 5 times in my entire life. Anyhow, he hands me the pipe, reminds me how to use it, and I go to town. I take a big drag, and I start coughing. He gives me the eyebrow raise/stoner nod - you know when someone is like "good shit man, right" but they're too stoned to say anything. Anyhow, I keep coughing. I'm coughing so hard, I feel like my blood vessels in my eyes are about to burst. I start to feel a bad sort of tickle in my throat. Then, it happens.
I role down the window and blast out some fucking delicious chocolate ice cream flavored puke. I'm not being ironic at all when I say that I really, really enjoyed this puke. It was fucking great. Best puke of my life.
...and that's how I lost my virginity.
with a few rum-related exceptions
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
Aw fuck, man. That's ridiculous. Aliens is like all well-known lines. The whole fucking movie. Rookie mistake!
Oh man, bile pukes. those are just the worst. Im a really loud obnoxious barfer and i almost feel worse puking up threr bile molecules then, say, an entire cheesecake, because at least i have something to show for it after all that sturm and whatever
Get on the bus, friend shows me his new Pokemon card, I think it was Charizard or something. I read the card, pretty neat. I guess I forgot I always got carsick when I read in the car.
So I vomit everything up into a plastic bag (which at some point sprang a leak), which I then dry heave into continously until we get to Niagara Falls. Now, nobody is allowed to stay on the bus so I have to choose: the boat that putts around near the falls, or up the tower that overlooks the falls. I choose the tower, and sort of curl up into a ball on the floor when we get up there. I distinctly remember a lady poking me and asking if I was OK, with my response being something like "No, but thanks for asking."
Eventually I get to take the bus back, dry heaving or feebly attempting to sleep the whole while. My teacher called that one "my personal day of hell."
That was a fun trip to the ER.
Been there done that.
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mindful of the Honor of America, I held firm against the Russkies and waited until everyone had retired to bed before staggering to the bathroom and spraying a firehose of half-digested alcohol-soaked bread into the sink
Had to mush it around with my fingers to get it down the drain but I left that sink spotless. Let it never be said I shamed our Blessed Republic afield in the lands of her enemies
What the fuck is wrong with people who throw up in the sink when a perfectly good toilet is
RIGHT THERE.
...........
I was in the woods in Siberia, staying in a former Soviet Army Cadet barracks
the toilet was not "perfectly good"
(throwing up is the worst)