i got mcnuggets today (i promise i'm still on a diet. but i have my needs!)
i did that thing where the cashier puts a bag of food out and it was for another customer, but i made like i was going to get it because i thought it was mine
but i still wasn't sure, because she didn't motion towards the guy or anything, so i ended up in this weird limbo of advancing and retreating, wondering if it was my bag of nuggz
worst day of my life
“I’ll tell you a story,” said Arthur.
“Good.”
They found a patch of grass which was relatively free of couples actually lying on top of each other and sat and watched the stunning ducks and the low sunlight rippling on the water which ran beneath the stunning ducks.
“A story,” said Fenchurch, cuddling his arm to her.
“Which will tell you something of the sort of things that happen to me. It’s absolutely true.”
“You know sometimes people tell you stories that are supposed to be something that happened to their wife’s cousin’s best friend, but actually probably got made up somewhere along the line.”
“Well, it’s like one of those stories, except that it actually happened, and I know it actually happened, because the person it actually happened to was me.”
“Like the raffle ticket.”, said Fenchurch.
Arthur laughed. “Yes. I had a train to catch,” he went on. “I arrived at the station…”
“Did I ever tell you,” interrupted Fenchurch, “what happened to my parents in a station?”
“Yes,” said Arthur, “you did.”
“Just checking.”
Arthur glanced at his watch. “I suppose we could think of getting back,” he said.
“Tell me the story,” said Fenchurch firmly. “You arrived at the station.”
“I was about twenty minutes early. I’d got the time of the train wrong. I suppose it is at least equally possible,” he added after a moment’s reflection, “that British Rail had got the time of the train wrong. Hadn’t occurred to me before.”
“Get on with it.” Fenchurch laughed.
“So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went to the buffet to get a cup of coffee.”
“You do the crossword?”
“Yes.”
“Which one?”
“The Guardian usually.”
“I think it tries to be too cute. I prefer the Times. Did you solve it?”
“What?”
“The crossword in the Guardian.”
“I haven’t had a chance to look at it yet,” said Arthur, “I’m still trying to buy the coffee.”
“All right then. Buy the coffee.”
“I’m buying it. I am also,” said Arthur, “buying some McNuggets.”
“What sauce?”
“BBQ.”
“Good choice.”
“I like them. Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. And don’t ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can’t remember. It was probably round.”
“All right.”
“So, let me give you the layout. Me sitting at the table. On my left, the newspaper. On my right, the cup of coffee. In the middle of the table, the packet of McNuggets.”
“I see it perfectly.”
“What you don’t see,” said Arthur, “because I haven’t mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. He is sitting there opposite me.”
“What’s he like?”
“Oh, perfectly ordinary. Briefcase. Business suit. He didn’t look,” said Arthur, “as if he was about to do anything weird.”
“Ah, I know the type. What did he do?”
“He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of McNuggets, tore it open, took one out, and…”
“What?”
“Ate it.”
“What?”
“He ate it.”
Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. “What on Earth did you do?”
“Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled,” said Arthur, “to ignore it.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, it’s not the sort of thing you’re trained for is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my McNuggets.”
“Well, you could…” Fenchurch thought about it. “I must say I’m not sure what I would have done either. So what happened?”
“I stared furiously at the crossword,” said Arthur. “Couldn’t do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. I braced myself. I took a McNugget, trying very hard not to notice,” he added, “that the packet was already mysteriously open…”
“But you’re fighting back, taking a tough line.”
“After my fashion, yes. I ate the McNugget. I ate it very deliberately and visibly, so that he would have no doubt as to what it was I was doing. When I eat a McNugget,” Arthur said, “it stays eaten.”
“So what did he do?”
“Took another one. Honestly,” insisted Arthur, “this is exactly what happened. He took another McNugget, he ate it. Clear as daylight. Certain as we are sitting on the ground.”
Fenchurch stirred uncomfortably.
“And the problem was,” said Arthur, “that having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject the second time around. What do you say? ‘Excuse me… I couldn’t help noticing, er…’ Doesn’t work. No, I ignored it with, if anything, even more vigour than previously.”
“My man…”
“Stared at the crossword, again, still couldn’t budge a bit of it, so showing some of the spirit that Henry V did on St Crispin’s Day…”
“What?”
“I went into the breach again. I took,” said Arthur, “another McNugget. And for an instant our eyes met.”
“Like this?”
“Yes, well, no, not quite like that. But they met. Just for an instant. And we both looked away. But I am here to tell you,” said Arthur, “that there was a little electricity in the air. There was a little tension building up over the table. At about this time.”
“I can imagine.”
“We went through the whole packet like this. Him, me, him, me…”
“The whole packet?”
“Well it was only eight McNuggets but it seemed like a lifetime of McNuggets we were getting through at this point. Gladiators could hardly have had a tougher time.”
“Gladiators,” said Fenchurch, “would have had to do it in the sun. More physically grueling.”
“There is that. So. When the empty packet was lying dead between us the man at last got up, having done his worst, and left. I heaved a sigh of relief, of course. As it happened, my train was announced a moment or two later, so I finished my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper…”
“Yes?”
“Were my McNuggets.”
“What?” said Fenchurch. “What?”
“True.”
“No!” She gasped and tossed herself back on the grass laughing.
She sat up again.
“You completely nitwit,” she hooted, “you almost completely and utterly foolish person.”
i got mcnuggets today (i promise i'm still on a diet. but i have my needs!)
i did that thing where the cashier puts a bag of food out and it was for another customer, but i made like i was going to get it because i thought it was mine
but i still wasn't sure, because she didn't motion towards the guy or anything, so i ended up in this weird limbo of advancing and retreating, wondering if it was my bag of nuggz
worst day of my life
“I’ll tell you a story,” said Arthur.
“Good.”
They found a patch of grass which was relatively free of couples actually lying on top of each other and sat and watched the stunning ducks and the low sunlight rippling on the water which ran beneath the stunning ducks.
“A story,” said Fenchurch, cuddling his arm to her.
“Which will tell you something of the sort of things that happen to me. It’s absolutely true.”
“You know sometimes people tell you stories that are supposed to be something that happened to their wife’s cousin’s best friend, but actually probably got made up somewhere along the line.”
“Well, it’s like one of those stories, except that it actually happened, and I know it actually happened, because the person it actually happened to was me.”
“Like the raffle ticket.”, said Fenchurch.
Arthur laughed. “Yes. I had a train to catch,” he went on. “I arrived at the station…”
“Did I ever tell you,” interrupted Fenchurch, “what happened to my parents in a station?”
“Yes,” said Arthur, “you did.”
“Just checking.”
Arthur glanced at his watch. “I suppose we could think of getting back,” he said.
“Tell me the story,” said Fenchurch firmly. “You arrived at the station.”
“I was about twenty minutes early. I’d got the time of the train wrong. I suppose it is at least equally possible,” he added after a moment’s reflection, “that British Rail had got the time of the train wrong. Hadn’t occurred to me before.”
“Get on with it.” Fenchurch laughed.
“So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went to the buffet to get a cup of coffee.”
“You do the crossword?”
“Yes.”
“Which one?”
“The Guardian usually.”
“I think it tries to be too cute. I prefer the Times. Did you solve it?”
“What?”
“The crossword in the Guardian.”
“I haven’t had a chance to look at it yet,” said Arthur, “I’m still trying to buy the coffee.”
“All right then. Buy the coffee.”
“I’m buying it. I am also,” said Arthur, “buying some McNuggets.”
“What sauce?”
“BBQ.”
“Good choice.”
“I like them. Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. And don’t ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can’t remember. It was probably round.”
“All right.”
“So, let me give you the layout. Me sitting at the table. On my left, the newspaper. On my right, the cup of coffee. In the middle of the table, the packet of McNuggets.”
“I see it perfectly.”
“What you don’t see,” said Arthur, “because I haven’t mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. He is sitting there opposite me.”
“What’s he like?”
“Oh, perfectly ordinary. Briefcase. Business suit. He didn’t look,” said Arthur, “as if he was about to do anything weird.”
“Ah, I know the type. What did he do?”
“He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of McNuggets, tore it open, took one out, and…”
“What?”
“Ate it.”
“What?”
“He ate it.”
Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. “What on Earth did you do?”
“Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled,” said Arthur, “to ignore it.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, it’s not the sort of thing you’re trained for is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my McNuggets.”
“Well, you could…” Fenchurch thought about it. “I must say I’m not sure what I would have done either. So what happened?”
“I stared furiously at the crossword,” said Arthur. “Couldn’t do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. I braced myself. I took a McNugget, trying very hard not to notice,” he added, “that the packet was already mysteriously open…”
“But you’re fighting back, taking a tough line.”
“After my fashion, yes. I ate the McNugget. I ate it very deliberately and visibly, so that he would have no doubt as to what it was I was doing. When I eat a McNugget,” Arthur said, “it stays eaten.”
“So what did he do?”
“Took another one. Honestly,” insisted Arthur, “this is exactly what happened. He took another McNugget, he ate it. Clear as daylight. Certain as we are sitting on the ground.”
Fenchurch stirred uncomfortably.
“And the problem was,” said Arthur, “that having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject the second time around. What do you say? ‘Excuse me… I couldn’t help noticing, er…’ Doesn’t work. No, I ignored it with, if anything, even more vigour than previously.”
“My man…”
“Stared at the crossword, again, still couldn’t budge a bit of it, so showing some of the spirit that Henry V did on St Crispin’s Day…”
“What?”
“I went into the breach again. I took,” said Arthur, “another McNugget. And for an instant our eyes met.”
“Like this?”
“Yes, well, no, not quite like that. But they met. Just for an instant. And we both looked away. But I am here to tell you,” said Arthur, “that there was a little electricity in the air. There was a little tension building up over the table. At about this time.”
“I can imagine.”
“We went through the whole packet like this. Him, me, him, me…”
“The whole packet?”
“Well it was only eight McNuggets but it seemed like a lifetime of McNuggets we were getting through at this point. Gladiators could hardly have had a tougher time.”
“Gladiators,” said Fenchurch, “would have had to do it in the sun. More physically grueling.”
“There is that. So. When the empty packet was lying dead between us the man at last got up, having done his worst, and left. I heaved a sigh of relief, of course. As it happened, my train was announced a moment or two later, so I finished my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper…”
“Yes?”
“Were my McNuggets.”
“What?” said Fenchurch. “What?”
“True.”
“No!” She gasped and tossed herself back on the grass laughing.
She sat up again.
“You completely nitwit,” she hooted, “you almost completely and utterly foolish person.”
this is some ronnie nightmare fuel
Ah yes, the cookie McNugget story!
But no seriously, I think I would have to commit ritual suicide after that
Posts
“I’ll tell you a story,” said Arthur.
“Good.”
They found a patch of grass which was relatively free of couples actually lying on top of each other and sat and watched the stunning ducks and the low sunlight rippling on the water which ran beneath the stunning ducks.
“A story,” said Fenchurch, cuddling his arm to her.
“Which will tell you something of the sort of things that happen to me. It’s absolutely true.”
“You know sometimes people tell you stories that are supposed to be something that happened to their wife’s cousin’s best friend, but actually probably got made up somewhere along the line.”
“Well, it’s like one of those stories, except that it actually happened, and I know it actually happened, because the person it actually happened to was me.”
“Like the raffle ticket.”, said Fenchurch.
Arthur laughed. “Yes. I had a train to catch,” he went on. “I arrived at the station…”
“Did I ever tell you,” interrupted Fenchurch, “what happened to my parents in a station?”
“Yes,” said Arthur, “you did.”
“Just checking.”
Arthur glanced at his watch. “I suppose we could think of getting back,” he said.
“Tell me the story,” said Fenchurch firmly. “You arrived at the station.”
“I was about twenty minutes early. I’d got the time of the train wrong. I suppose it is at least equally possible,” he added after a moment’s reflection, “that British Rail had got the time of the train wrong. Hadn’t occurred to me before.”
“Get on with it.” Fenchurch laughed.
“So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went to the buffet to get a cup of coffee.”
“You do the crossword?”
“Yes.”
“Which one?”
“The Guardian usually.”
“I think it tries to be too cute. I prefer the Times. Did you solve it?”
“What?”
“The crossword in the Guardian.”
“I haven’t had a chance to look at it yet,” said Arthur, “I’m still trying to buy the coffee.”
“All right then. Buy the coffee.”
“I’m buying it. I am also,” said Arthur, “buying some McNuggets.”
“What sauce?”
“BBQ.”
“Good choice.”
“I like them. Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. And don’t ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can’t remember. It was probably round.”
“All right.”
“So, let me give you the layout. Me sitting at the table. On my left, the newspaper. On my right, the cup of coffee. In the middle of the table, the packet of McNuggets.”
“I see it perfectly.”
“What you don’t see,” said Arthur, “because I haven’t mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. He is sitting there opposite me.”
“What’s he like?”
“Oh, perfectly ordinary. Briefcase. Business suit. He didn’t look,” said Arthur, “as if he was about to do anything weird.”
“Ah, I know the type. What did he do?”
“He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of McNuggets, tore it open, took one out, and…”
“What?”
“Ate it.”
“What?”
“He ate it.”
Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. “What on Earth did you do?”
“Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled,” said Arthur, “to ignore it.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, it’s not the sort of thing you’re trained for is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my McNuggets.”
“Well, you could…” Fenchurch thought about it. “I must say I’m not sure what I would have done either. So what happened?”
“I stared furiously at the crossword,” said Arthur. “Couldn’t do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. I braced myself. I took a McNugget, trying very hard not to notice,” he added, “that the packet was already mysteriously open…”
“But you’re fighting back, taking a tough line.”
“After my fashion, yes. I ate the McNugget. I ate it very deliberately and visibly, so that he would have no doubt as to what it was I was doing. When I eat a McNugget,” Arthur said, “it stays eaten.”
“So what did he do?”
“Took another one. Honestly,” insisted Arthur, “this is exactly what happened. He took another McNugget, he ate it. Clear as daylight. Certain as we are sitting on the ground.”
Fenchurch stirred uncomfortably.
“And the problem was,” said Arthur, “that having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject the second time around. What do you say? ‘Excuse me… I couldn’t help noticing, er…’ Doesn’t work. No, I ignored it with, if anything, even more vigour than previously.”
“My man…”
“Stared at the crossword, again, still couldn’t budge a bit of it, so showing some of the spirit that Henry V did on St Crispin’s Day…”
“What?”
“I went into the breach again. I took,” said Arthur, “another McNugget. And for an instant our eyes met.”
“Like this?”
“Yes, well, no, not quite like that. But they met. Just for an instant. And we both looked away. But I am here to tell you,” said Arthur, “that there was a little electricity in the air. There was a little tension building up over the table. At about this time.”
“I can imagine.”
“We went through the whole packet like this. Him, me, him, me…”
“The whole packet?”
“Well it was only eight McNuggets but it seemed like a lifetime of McNuggets we were getting through at this point. Gladiators could hardly have had a tougher time.”
“Gladiators,” said Fenchurch, “would have had to do it in the sun. More physically grueling.”
“There is that. So. When the empty packet was lying dead between us the man at last got up, having done his worst, and left. I heaved a sigh of relief, of course. As it happened, my train was announced a moment or two later, so I finished my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper…”
“Yes?”
“Were my McNuggets.”
“What?” said Fenchurch. “What?”
“True.”
“No!” She gasped and tossed herself back on the grass laughing.
She sat up again.
“You completely nitwit,” she hooted, “you almost completely and utterly foolish person.”
this is some ronnie nightmare fuel
Ah yes, the cookie McNugget story!
But no seriously, I think I would have to commit ritual suicide after that
Steam | Twitter
you're too good for esther
have them a clutch of giant-haired babies
Gunshow
Steam // Secret Satan
Unsounded
Steam // Secret Satan
Steam // Secret Satan
we've hardly seen susan and daisy at all but I already love them so
Steam // Secret Satan
I don't think that was magic. I think Duane just punched the dude in the face.
Yeah, I think I misinterpreted his touching the table as trying to make his fist even stronger.
Even if it wasn't magic, I still love the magic in unsounded.
Steam // Secret Satan
I have enough non-fictional sources of crippling sadness and impotent rage
and this is crazy
but i just farted
that's why it's hazy
(I'm sorry Mike, I'm not trying to dis your comic. I just love farts.)
WEBCOMIQUER WAR
ronnie...
he's also got a gift for memorable names
Susan Ptolemy and Ed Gemmel especially just roll off the tongue
what's on his tombstone
He must have had some interesting dates in the past to take that as a good sign.
Let's Play Final Fantasy 'II' (Ch10 - 5/17/10)
Here I lie all broken hearted
Came to die but only farted