The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Depressed, loneliness, no motivation and living in Japan
abasalom24
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Hello,
I'm a long-time lurker and needed people to talk to. I'll try to keep this short as I can. Also, please forgive my grammar and wording. It's 10 am and I haven't been to sleep.
I'm 24 and I recently graduated college and I live in Japan. I went to school here and accumulated around 70k in debt because I'm stupid and told everyone coming to Japan was what I wanted to do. I'm not exactly big on Japanese stuff like anime, I just wanted to get out of America. Specifically my state. While the first two years were great, I struggled with people. I hated most people back home and I found myself hating the the other foreigners and in some cases the Japanese students as well. Everyone would drink and would make fun of me for not drinking. Even when they were younger than me. I sometimes felt that they would invite me to things just to walk over me in front of others or even invite me just because they felt sorry for me. I always felt victimised. As if everyone is always talking down to me and I was always scared of looking and acting stupid and immature, but that is how everyone saw me.
The few friends I had back in America completely abandoned me. I had to fight just to get them to talk to me on Facebook. We would talk about how we would stay in touch and share stories and play games online, but they just wouldn't do it. They would ignore my messages for days at a time and it really hurt and angered me. I would go through phases of deleting my facebook just to see if they noticed. It took the great earthquake of Japan in March for anyone to send me a message.
I hoped everything would change after I graduated, but nothing did. After I graduated, I had to go back to America because I couldn't find a job. I felt sick everyday. For the 3 months I was gone, my girlfriend back in Japan talked to me all of 3 times on Skype. No matter how many times I tried to reach her. My friends started talking to me again like nothing had changed and I told myself I would tell them that I was angry, but I didn't want to scare them away. I would just vaguely hint it to them and they would say things like they were busy, when none of them work full-time or go to school.
I finally found an offer back in Japan to teach English and I hastily accepted it. My girlfriend moved in with me and together we moved out to the country. The job ended up being a disaster. They straight up lied to me. The conditions were more than I could manage and in a moment of despair I broke down to my coworker in tears about the situation. About how the boss belittled me and how I couldn't take working there anymore. She told me she understood and 5 minutes later called my boss and they tried to make me quit so that they wouldn't have to pay me. I ended up calling my girlfriend and having her take care of it so I would get paid. Now they are kicking up out of our apartment and I am jobless. We are about to move back to Tokyo, but I have nothing lined up. I still cannot speak Japanese and I have no experience in writing and media, which is what I had hoped to do in life.
I feel absolutely alone and sad every day. My friends completely stopped talking to me the moment I came back to Japan. I don't sleep at night. I stay up reading wikipedia and browsing the same 5 sites until 11am and then I pass out and woke up at 6pm. My body feels disgusting. I'm not fat, but I'm not healthy. I tell myself I'm going to start exercising and running, but I'm not motivated. I can't motivate myself to do anything. Learn Japanese, get in shape, practice writing, photograph, anything. I have no friends besides my girlfriend and we barely communicate. We haven't had sex in a long time and I am worried she isn't attracted to me anymore.
I jump to the sound of Skype because I think it is someone logging on that might want to talk to me. I stare at and browse on Facebook for hours waiting for someone to message me.
Whenever I send someone a message and they don't reply, but I get the "seen at..." status, I want to fucking kill myself. I just now sent a guy a message that I absolutely hated because he always picked on me, and asked if he wanted to hang out when I was back in Tokyo and he didn't reply. It devastated me. heh
If I go back to America, I'm fucked. I won't be able to find a job outside of food service and Sallie Mae won't relent. They want $800 a month and call my mom relentlessly. No matter how many times I call them and tell them my situation or ask for lower payments. They just don't give a fuck. I'm applying to hundreds of jobs as an English Teacher and I just don't want to do it. I feel like in 8 years, I'm going to still be teaching English without any skill or experience in what I want to do with my life.
I don't know what to do anymore. I honestly just want to die, but I know people have it worse than me and I feel like shit for even thinking it. I feel weak, alone, and pathetic. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror and I find myself crying at night. I keep telling myself to just forget everyone and focus on myself, but I can't shake the loneliness. I don't know why I'm not motivated and I don't know why I care about what people think so much. I don't know if anyone can help me, but me, but I would appreciate advice or at least someone to talk to.
I'm a long-time lurker and needed people to talk to. I'll try to keep this short as I can. Also, please forgive my grammar and wording. It's 10 am and I haven't been to sleep.
I'm 24 and I recently graduated college and I live in Japan. I went to school here and accumulated around 70k in debt because I'm stupid and told everyone coming to Japan was what I wanted to do. I'm not exactly big on Japanese stuff like anime, I just wanted to get out of America. Specifically my state. While the first two years were great, I struggled with people. I hated most people back home and I found myself hating the the other foreigners and in some cases the Japanese students as well. Everyone would drink and would make fun of me for not drinking. Even when they were younger than me. I sometimes felt that they would invite me to things just to walk over me in front of others or even invite me just because they felt sorry for me. I always felt victimised. As if everyone is always talking down to me and I was always scared of looking and acting stupid and immature, but that is how everyone saw me.
The few friends I had back in America completely abandoned me. I had to fight just to get them to talk to me on Facebook. We would talk about how we would stay in touch and share stories and play games online, but they just wouldn't do it. They would ignore my messages for days at a time and it really hurt and angered me. I would go through phases of deleting my facebook just to see if they noticed. It took the great earthquake of Japan in March for anyone to send me a message.
I hoped everything would change after I graduated, but nothing did. After I graduated, I had to go back to America because I couldn't find a job. I felt sick everyday. For the 3 months I was gone, my girlfriend back in Japan talked to me all of 3 times on Skype. No matter how many times I tried to reach her. My friends started talking to me again like nothing had changed and I told myself I would tell them that I was angry, but I didn't want to scare them away. I would just vaguely hint it to them and they would say things like they were busy, when none of them work full-time or go to school.
I finally found an offer back in Japan to teach English and I hastily accepted it. My girlfriend moved in with me and together we moved out to the country. The job ended up being a disaster. They straight up lied to me. The conditions were more than I could manage and in a moment of despair I broke down to my coworker in tears about the situation. About how the boss belittled me and how I couldn't take working there anymore. She told me she understood and 5 minutes later called my boss and they tried to make me quit so that they wouldn't have to pay me. I ended up calling my girlfriend and having her take care of it so I would get paid. Now they are kicking up out of our apartment and I am jobless. We are about to move back to Tokyo, but I have nothing lined up. I still cannot speak Japanese and I have no experience in writing and media, which is what I had hoped to do in life.
I feel absolutely alone and sad every day. My friends completely stopped talking to me the moment I came back to Japan. I don't sleep at night. I stay up reading wikipedia and browsing the same 5 sites until 11am and then I pass out and woke up at 6pm. My body feels disgusting. I'm not fat, but I'm not healthy. I tell myself I'm going to start exercising and running, but I'm not motivated. I can't motivate myself to do anything. Learn Japanese, get in shape, practice writing, photograph, anything. I have no friends besides my girlfriend and we barely communicate. We haven't had sex in a long time and I am worried she isn't attracted to me anymore.
I jump to the sound of Skype because I think it is someone logging on that might want to talk to me. I stare at and browse on Facebook for hours waiting for someone to message me.
Whenever I send someone a message and they don't reply, but I get the "seen at..." status, I want to fucking kill myself. I just now sent a guy a message that I absolutely hated because he always picked on me, and asked if he wanted to hang out when I was back in Tokyo and he didn't reply. It devastated me. heh
If I go back to America, I'm fucked. I won't be able to find a job outside of food service and Sallie Mae won't relent. They want $800 a month and call my mom relentlessly. No matter how many times I call them and tell them my situation or ask for lower payments. They just don't give a fuck. I'm applying to hundreds of jobs as an English Teacher and I just don't want to do it. I feel like in 8 years, I'm going to still be teaching English without any skill or experience in what I want to do with my life.
I don't know what to do anymore. I honestly just want to die, but I know people have it worse than me and I feel like shit for even thinking it. I feel weak, alone, and pathetic. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror and I find myself crying at night. I keep telling myself to just forget everyone and focus on myself, but I can't shake the loneliness. I don't know why I'm not motivated and I don't know why I care about what people think so much. I don't know if anyone can help me, but me, but I would appreciate advice or at least someone to talk to.
abasalom24 on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
Also, going to a place where you don't speak the language is incredibly isolating. I'd move somewhere where English is spoken widely.
I've also lived here almost 3 years. I rather not leave. I couldn't afford to move, nor could I find a job anyway.
It sounds like nothing you have done in the past 5 years has amounted to anything, so a good policy would be to stop doing those things. If money is a problem, it's pretty dumb to live in a country where you can't speak the language and the work environment is so much for you that you need to get your girlfriend to deal with your employer on your behalf.
Your life isn't over, but I think you need professional help and serious life changes.
Also start sleeping. You can't make these kinds of decisions while suffering from nervous exhaustion.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
You feel isolated and want more friends.
You are unemployed and have no job prospects
You are being evicted
You are depressed
For the first issue reaching out to pa is a start we will accept you. Please observe wheatons law. But you need actual human contact. Look for a club in your area that has similar interests and is English focused.
The second, look for any job. It's easier to find a good job when you have a job. Ones that deal with foreigners will be your best bet.
Your eviction is likely unstoppable, but getting a job will help you in terms of housing.
See a therapist. It will do you some good.
It is not the case that your friends in the U.S. aren't contacting you because they don't really like you. Some people just don't seek out contact from friends on a regular basis. When friendships are no longer facilitated by proximity or habit, this kind of thing happens. You left, while their habits remained unchanged. The fact that they don't reach out and try to Skype you every week is not because they don't care about you, but because they aren't the type of people that go out of their way to keep in touch with remote people they care about. This is more common in introverts, particularly those that might be found posting in gaming forums. This is me, your friends, and probably you if you were in a healthier social situation. For the 5 years before my wedding, the person I asked to be my best man was someone I saw maybe once or twice a year, and maybe once spoke on the phone, and that was probably to coordinate before a reunion/wedding. He lived in another city and neither he nor I are the type of people that just call each other randomly. This doesn't mean we didn't care for each other. We just had new lives, new exigent situations to deal with, new distractions. When we did see each other. it was as if nothing had changed. He was, is, and will probably always be, my best friend, even though we rarely communicate.
Your friends have no idea what you're going through because you aren't telling them. You aren't going to scare them away, and if they're friends worth keeping, they will be there for you now. Either way, you need to look for a more proximate solution in Japan if you don't have the money/desire to go back to the States. I guarantee there are people there that you are compatible with (how to find them is another matter on which I'm not sure I can be of much help, though it's probably not all that different from the states - find groups that meet based on interests).
You also need to talk to your girlfriend about what you're going through. Worrying about whether or not she still wants to be with you is just as bad if not worse than actually being alone, and it's pretty unlikely that sharing your feelings is going to scare away the person that's stood by you through all the things you describe in your post.
Physically you need to get into an exercise routine. Not just because you feel bad about your body but because exercise actually releases chemicals that reduce mental anxiety and can help combat various forms of mental health conditions. At first, it can and should be very simple. Just get walking around for the sake of it. Set small, easily achievable goals. Do it 3 times a week and ratchet them slowly every week. If two days after you jog or whatever you're doing you feel so sore that you can't do it again, dial it back. Get the routine and the motivation to continue will follow.
Definitely set strict "no internet after X PM" rules. If you can't enforce it, get Self Control which will do it for you. If you get the exercise routine going, though, I don't think this will be as big of an issue.
If you can in any way afford it (if you have insurance that covers it, or Japan has really awesome mental health coverage programs, free clinics, whatever), you should see a therapist that can see you repeatedly.
But as you said, the first step is wanting to get better, and that means recognizing that you're worth saving, which sounds cliched because it's a universal truth worth spreading.
Okay. I am not a doctor or medical expert in any capacity, but this sounds like an anxiety disorder. You should try to see a doctor and / or therapist and / or psychiatrist if possible for a proper diagnosis.
Oooookay.
You need therapy, and perhaps medication, right now. I almost wish you had posted this before quitting your job so we could tell you not to quit your job, and go get some therapy.
Go find a new job. It doesn't matter if you don't feel like it's the best job in the world - you can get a new job later. Sallie Mae can't get blood from a turnip, so don't worry about situations you can't solve right now. You need to sort your own head out first, and get your feet on the ground. Your girlfriend has stuck with you thus far, so don't drive her away by making assumptions or putting all of the burden of communication on her. Go get therapy, and tell your girlfriend that you're going to get therapy, and you'll know she's a keeper when she supports you.
Therapy. Get it.
Call a doctor as soon as you can.
Why can't you leave?
Second, you need to learn the language where you are. Not doing so is setting yourself up to fail.
Third, your OP is a huge list of ways in which you have set out to isolate yourself.
Posting about this stuff is a good first step... but you need a lot more help than we can give you. You need to see a therapist, and from there decide if medication is right for you. Right now you're just declaring you and everyone you know to be terrible, and it's not useful.
You ran to Japan to get away from the US, to the US to get away from Japan, then back to Japan where you stay so you can keep running from your debt. I don't even know if that will work in the long term. One way or another you need to get yourself into a mental position to stop running away from things and sort out the problems in front of you. You are not going to have any kind of life, or be able to make one for yourself, until you do that.
until then, and though this might in some cases be bad advice, in your instance i think it might be a good idea to spend more of your online time in a single defined community. join an MMO or a MUD, something that you can generate some relationships and a feeling of trust. post here more, even. it's a bad idea to wait on people distant to you realizing that they owe you a deep and meaningful friendship. it doesn't work like that; people move on, have their own lives and problems. you need to generate authentic, current friendships if you want the social feedback you really need.
Mmmm, that's a tough call. I've used online communities before as a sort of "bootstrap" mechanism to regain some confidence in my social skills. I agree further escapism is not what OP needs right now, but it can be good if used in moderation. It certainly beats the alternative of constantly fixating on your problems. Even people in dire situations deserve a break from their own problems once in a while. I'm just saying, let's not categorically cull solutions that might be used as stopgap measures, especially on a videogame-positive forum where we don't stigmatize these things.
No one's saying anything categorically. It's counterproductive here bc isolating oneself from society further is just wasting his time. And encouraging him to cope with Japan less.
There is nothing to bootstrap into until he goes back to the states from Japan the internet is not usually a cure for depression and social isolation. Going out into the real world is, especially for the latter
As a video game forum, we have seen enough tales of people failing out of college due to MMO addiction or ending up not knowing anybody at school bc all they were doing was mudding/guimorpging.
EDIT: smartphone anyone?
Once that is sorted out, you need to find something you like to do that can get you out of the house for a few hours a week and in a social situation face to face. Just playing board games or doing volunteer work or something can improve your social confidence.
Please do not push your girlfriend away, listen to her problems, tell her you love her, maintain the relationship if it has been healthy for you so far.
You need to learn the language, you can not keep relying on interpreters and I am sure being put in that role is causing some of the strain in your relationship. Personally I would try and memorize the spoken version of at least 10 words a day in addition to writing down any you hear that seem really important in day to day life and memorizing them.
Oh also, tell Sallie Mae or have your mother tell them the next time they call to send you future communication by mail and stop calling. Not sure how it works for international and student loans and such but...
And get a job, look anywhere you can, yeah it is gonna be difficult with the language thing... sorry not sure what to do there.
You have free time, your job right now is to spend it on mental health, job, language, relationships. Glad to have you active in the community but you need to spend as much time as you can getting these things done and step away from the computer when it is not being productive. 8-12 hours a day 5-6 days a week on those things, no joke.
Depends. In Tokyo you can quite easily get by on English alone. And while everyone studies Japanese through Junior and Senior High School, for most it doesn't stick. Unless the person was particularly interested in English odds are good that they did the bare minimum to pass their tests and then forgot it all. So while there will be a higher population of people who speak English, it's far from everyone. Pretty much all infrastructure signage (street signs, train stations, etc) will have English/Romaji as well, but anything more detailed or smaller scale will be hit or miss.
My eyes are on fire right now and I need to try and sleep or at least take a moment to reflect. I will come back tomorrow and explain my situation in greater detail.
Again, thank you all so much.
What do you want out of life? You said you want to work in media? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start putting together a portfolio and an array of skills that can get you a job in that field. As a an alien living in Japan and working in the creative industry, I can tell you that it's a lot of hard work to get your foot in the door, but the key is to be ready for when you find the right chance. It might only come once.
If your Japanese is not great, you might have better luck finding a job on a military base, such as the Air Force or the Marines. This only applies if you're a US citizen. Try the US Consulate too, I've seen media jobs posted there.
I honestly sympathize with you. Living overseas is not easy... but I believe that the big issue is not the fact that you are overseas, but rather that your attitude is terrible. A job in media (whatever that may be) won't suddenly make you happier...
This sounds a lot like it has more to do with your own anxieties than how people actually see you, very similar to my own social anxiety experience.
Give yourself a break. Remember that everybody has their own stuff going on and might not even notice what seems to be a huge issue in your mind. If you are invited to something, the person wants you to be there, don't overanalyze. Just because you feel a particular way doesn't mean its true. You may be overemphasizing the significance of some things while discarding others to fit the idea you've formed of your social interactions.
Nobody is perfect, and socializing is as much if not more about quirky flaws than smooth operating. You are judging yourself and the intentions of other people way too harshly. Just relax.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking this way about yourself, just remind yourself that this is just an idea that you've gotten into your head (see Schema), which colours your perceptions and may have little relation to how people actually see you.
Pressure to drink can be in a real thing, but generally I find making fun of light or non-drinkers is not intended as anything other than a friendly jibe. You are better off being the person who is always sober than the person who is always drunk.
A professional could work through all this with you.
People drift apart, you shouldn't read into it too much. Even with modern communications friendship is largely context based. Its good to keep in touch but you shouldn't be relying on people half a world away as a social outlet.
0) What's your skin color? I ask because any advice I give you will vary depending on your heritage. If you stand out in Japan (or any place), this will simultaneously act as a barrier and a lever to social interaction. Being the token gaijin probably isn't the greatest role ever, but it's a way to earn social connections. If you blend in well due to your race, then things get a bit more complicated.
1) There's more to Japan than anime. Take a look around! It's one of the largest countries in the world.
2) You have a girlfriend there, yes? Is she Japanese? Does she speak Japanese? She's still hanging around you, so clearly she hasn't written you off entirely. An overture of wanting to learn more about a skill she possesses or her society/background would certainly represent a positive overture, given your strained relationship. Say "yeah I know I sound stupid, but let's try communicating a bit in Japanese." If she is a Japanese person, then she'll appreciate the shoe being on the other foot for a change.
3) Start blogging. Preferably not about sad sack topics unless you can add one hell of an edge of humor to them. It's a way to get discovered or demonstrate a portfolio of work at a moment's notice to a potential employer in the media and communications fields.
4) A beer a day won't kill you. Go out to a bar and order an Asahi/Kirin/Sapporo/Whatever. An expat bar if you have to. Bring your girlfriend (or don't if this kind of thing isn't her bag)! Strike up conversation with another expat. Expats, especially older ones, are creepily talkative. There's something pleasant in talking with someone else who has been severed from one's home. Pretty sure there are expat meetup groups.
5) If you want to practice your Japanese, interact with shopkeepers. You'll gain a facility with quick phrases and simple grammar. Also, they want your money, so it's not like they'll refuse your company outright. If you get embarrassed asking what's good at their cake shop or how the weather is, never return. Tokyo is an enormous city. You can live your whole life there never seeing the same person twice. Read the paper every day. Circle words you don't know and look them up. Or read the Japanese and then the English version of whatever the news service is over there. I prefer physically reading, so I'm biased toward the paper. You're probably better at it than you think, but increasing your command of the Japanese language should be a top priority for you.
6) The internet is poison for a depressed person. Stop doing using it as a crutch for a few weeks. Facebook will never make you feel particularly great, nor will skype or steam or whatever. Instead of doing all that, do something Japanese language related. Even if that means watching Japanese TV. Though I would hope you'd do something more productive like studying grammar or vocabulary.
7) Write off your friends state-side for now. A better means of communication would likely be long correspondence instead of real-time communication as you're in the most alien (IMO) of the OECD countries so the context of your life is entirely different from that of your friends.
8) Wake up every day at 8 AM. Even if that means you get extremely little sleep for a day, no more of this sleeping past 10 AM nonsense. Eat lots of vegetables and lean protein. Keep your environment tidy. In addition to the constellation of maladies in your life, your micro and macro-nutrition needs are likely unmet. I'll be the first person to vouch for the effects of acute mineral deficiencies for key elements like zinc and magnesium. Going outside every day and getting sun will probably be very beneficial to your health due to the synthesis of vitamin D3.
9) Get Japanese language lessons, an audiobook or some music and go for a walk around Tokyo. I hear it's a neat place. Strike out in a random direction for an hour and then return home. Then look for jerbs. I'm fairly certain speaking English can be a useful skill. For resistance training, try a beginner bodyweight circuit you can do anywhere. Take some time to stretch too, all this sitting has to be bad for you.
10) Paste a smile on your face. Talk about how great everything is with everyone. Fake it 'till you make it. Fewer people want to be friends with someone who is visibly sad. This is pretty huge. The world doesn't particularly care about you, but it also can be a wonderful place full of light, love and magic. But don't expect the "broken wing" routine to get you far with strangers, doubly so in a country where people are famously guarded about their emotions. At this point, every neutral or better face-to-face interaction with another person is a victory you should let yourself feel excited about.
11) Get a job you can hold for a couple of years. Consistency is nice in a resume. I like the idea of working for the consulate etc.
This is probably a good set of heuristics to live your life by in general.
First things first, get a job. It’s going to be embarrassing but ask for help. Seriously, ask EVERYONE you know if they might have a hookup on a job for you. Any job is better than no job and once you have a job you can get a better job. I was stuck in a dead end go nowhere retail career path until I asked my friends if they knew anywhere hiring... 3 months later a friend of a friend practically gave me a job making 3x what I was before and it's a hell of a lot less work/stress then my old job. Plus the new job is a major self-esteem boost, not just because of the extra money but because I’m actually really good at my job for once.
Second, work out... it'll make you feel better and eventually you'll start to look better which might help a little on the sex front
Third, learn yourself some Japanese. Seriously, how are you going to make friends if you can’t talk to people? Spend a good hour each day studying; once you get even basic conversation skills try speaking to your girlfriend in as much Japanese as you can muster… make it a surprise just bust it out one day.
Caveat: None of this crap is going to happen overnight. Do NOT get discouraged. Savor every minor victory and use that feeling as fuel to move forward to the next small victory. Hey you managed to ask what time in is in Japanese and they told you and you understood the answer!? That’s more than I can do, you’re officially better at Japanese then I am, YATA!
Good luck dude, it's hard but once you get your crap together you'll be amazed at how far you've come.
-I dont speak Japanese. I am going to learn Japanese. Now.
Then you'll figure out if you're going to just use rosetta stone, or if you're going to start taking classes, or what. But you need to start. You should at least have some language skills by now.
Take apart every problem you have in your life, find out which ones you can start solving, and do it.
Or just keep drowning if that feels better. God I know how good it feels to wallow around in self pity and depression. I sincerely love that shit. Feeling sorry for yourself is like a drug.
No matter how bad things look right now, there is hope. Your situation can improve. The big shift for you is that you're reaching out. Things might hurt worse at first as you reach out and let yourself feel your pain, but things will improve as long as you take one step at a time towards connecting with others.
You're lucky - you mentioned not drinking, which means you probably qualify for Al-Anon, a 12-step group for people with friends or family members who are alcoholics. The people in these groups are amazingly supportive and can give you real emotional and practical help. Here's a list of English-speaking Al-Anon groups in Tokyo ... they can probably direct you to a nearby group: http://www.al-anontokyo.org/ These groups are free and you can show up without making any prior appointment/contact.
Also just for fun you could check out some job advice blogs to see if anything peaks your interest. If you decide to work with foreigners, here's a site specifically with url=http://www.jobs.net/articles/hospitality/]hospitality jobs advice[/url]. Career Builder has a good directory of jobs, many in Japan. Just having a job will do wonders for your self esteem (as long as your boss isn't abusive) - and good for you for getting out of the prior abusive situation. It doesn't have to be a job you particularly like. The point is to have a job. You can and will move up from there.
You might find that people annoying you is a constant. You said you felt that in the US and also in Japan. I think it might be something inside of you, rather than inside of other people, causing these feelings. Thankfully you have the power to change whatever it is. This does not have to be a constant state.
(Btw, I like your username.)
Please check in with us and share how you're doing.
I'm new, and came across your post on a search engine while searching for depression in Japan. Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time of it. I know what you mean about getting depressed in Japan because it happens to a lot of foreigners spending a long time in the country. It happened to me too, so I know where you are coming from.
You obviously need a job. Have you thought about ALT work? You might find that working in state schools suits you and if you get nice schools, you'll likely get on with some of the teachers. Look up Altia in Sakae, Nagoya online. There are other companies but Altia will treat you the best and pay you a little better than some of the others, probably even find accommodation for you.
As for the depression, people in Japan tend not to understand it as well as people in the west. It only seems to get noticed when people crack up big time and have a breakdown. Otherwise there is a culture of just putting up with things and getting on with it but that just makes things worse. But you do need some kind of intervention. Easy to say, I know.
Why aren't you learning Japanese, just as a matter of interest? I know you probably don't feel like it feeling depressed. I'm guessing your girlfriend is Japanese and maybe doesn't want you to speak Japanese because you know how obsessive the Japanese can get about practicing their English. I had a girlfriend like this for a while.
I know your initial post was 6 months ago, so I hope you have it all sorted out now. Good luck.
Again, sorry for the crazy bump, did it expect this feel trip at 2-bloody-AM.