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Affairs of the Heart
Indie Winter
die KräheRudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered User regular
die KräheRudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered User regular
This thread is for airing out what troubles you, emptionally. It may also be about receiving advice from other people, and acting on it. But mainly it's about getting things off your chest. If you're sad for any reason. Angry. Depressed. Lonely. Confused. Jealous. Whatever. It's a lonely world out there and not everyone has a person they know that they trust and can share their burdons with. I'll hope this'd be a place for that, if only for a few pages.
well
I'll start, I guess
I have a crush on this girl. I know, fucking shocking, right? a person on an internet forum liking another, stop the world. Only, the thing is
a) she's my best friend's little sister, and
b) she's 7 years younger than me
now, I'm never going to act on this crush in any way. I fully realize how inapparopriate and creepy this is. I am also concious of the fact that, this being a crush, I may not be in love with her as I am with the idea of her. Never the less, the infatuation presists. It's been like that for a little less than a year now, and it's getting in the way of doing anything, really. I have trouble hanging out with my friends, because she's part of our social group. I'm having problems pursuing other romantic relationships. I get jealous when I have absolutely no right to, and I know right at that moment I have no right to so I push it down and act the same but it's killing me inside to see her posting online about the people she's dating. I want her to notice me but I also realize that she probably never will and that she shouldn't and maybe there's nothing I can do to make it happen anyway.
And I don't know what to do to move on.
Anyway, that's my beef. Post yours. Comment. Share the load. Let's try and make it better.
well
I'll start, I guess
I have a crush on this girl. I know, fucking shocking, right? a person on an internet forum liking another, stop the world. Only, the thing is
a) she's my best friend's little sister, and
b) she's 7 years younger than me
now, I'm never going to act on this crush in any way. I fully realize how inapparopriate and creepy this is. I am also concious of the fact that, this being a crush, I may not be in love with her as I am with the idea of her. Never the less, the infatuation presists. It's been like that for a little less than a year now, and it's getting in the way of doing anything, really. I have trouble hanging out with my friends, because she's part of our social group. I'm having problems pursuing other romantic relationships. I get jealous when I have absolutely no right to, and I know right at that moment I have no right to so I push it down and act the same but it's killing me inside to see her posting online about the people she's dating. I want her to notice me but I also realize that she probably never will and that she shouldn't and maybe there's nothing I can do to make it happen anyway.
And I don't know what to do to move on.
Anyway, that's my beef. Post yours. Comment. Share the load. Let's try and make it better.
+18
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
I came out as being autistic to several friends so they wouldn't have to feel bad telling me that I need to stop pestering them
Being an old-fashioned kind of dude, and wanting to provide for your better half, and being unemployed and broke, and having to say to her "Can you get the groceries this week babe, I'm skint?"
I've got one job, one fucking job, and I failed at it.
Just gotta keep begging for work and hope something comes up soon.
Don't take this as a personal failure. It's tough for guys to get out of the chivalry mindset but a good lady will not mind picking up the slack for you as long as you do the same for her.
This is particularly funny to me because there were people at my wedding taking bets on how long we would last and nobody bet on longer than 3 years
I kind of wish I had gotten a friend to game the bets in our favor now
I am a fellow old-fashioned dude, and I say bullshit to this. It is not the role of the man to be the sole (or necessarily primary) provider for your family. You want to provide for her, and that's fine, but it isn't a failing on your part that you can't. You'll find gainful employment, and then the both of you can resume trading paying for stuff.
I'm painfully introverted and anxious and have been for years but worry sometimes that I'm progressively getting worse. I go into full panic mode when I have to be in any real social situation where I feel at all out of place. I have started playing MTG again for the sole purpose of avoiding seeing myself get worse and worse and the first day I went I had to absolutely force myself through the door (and I haven't been back yet, but that's been more because of the past few weeks of family life than my issues). Even with that new outlet, I'm still an eternal nervous wreck, usually my fingernails are nubs, and there are almost no moments in any day where I can say I'm truly comfortable. The flip side is that only maybe two people in the world (wife and coworker) know the extent to how much I have to push myself each day to do things like run training sessions, go play cards, etc which means at least I'm good at feigning confidence/competence
Not to empowers your creepyness, but I'm 7 years younger than my husband. 7 years is only creepy if you are under 26. And as the years pass, it gets less and less creepy. So in 10 years or less she'll totally be dateable. After you defeat her brother in single combat, that is.
Speaking as someone with anxiety disorder and social phobia, please let me give you some advice
Go see a psychiatrist. Things aren't going to get better if you just try to power through. There are medicines that can help you
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mine are 7 apart
people are responsible for themselves and if you like somebody and they like you back then who gives a shit as long as you're both adults
That's why it tends to be more acceptable the older you get.
Steam ID - VeldrinD
so if you're 18, 9+7 = 16. if you're 28, 14+7 = 21.
but besides that, if she's your friend's sister then there are other considerations that need to be made.
Twitch Channel
Both of you are >18 years old and consenting? Cool stuff. Have fun!
It's awkward.
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Yeah, I know, I know. I still can't help like feeling that I'm a failure. We should own a house and be married with kids by now. It's like I've been stuck in neutral for that last decade, and I SHOULD have been bashing the rev limiter in top gear.
Things'll get better, I just hate having to rely on someone else, no matter how short that period may be.
Agreed. My parents married when my Mum was 19.
My Dad was 27.
Nearly 40 years later they're still together, with three adult offspring.
Hey, I've been there.
Part of having a relationship is being able to rely on your partner if you're in a jam.
Wait, how old are you?
We've talked about it a few times over the last few months but decided to keep trying. Things weren't that great but a lot of that was due to her having a shit year with work and family issues.
It feels like the right decision right now, but I can't help feeling like I locked myself into this decision months ago and didn't really try to make it work after that.
So it's possible I'm just a giant selfish dumbass. But at least if so she's probably better off without me.
Upbeat friday-posting, yay.
17
therapy
also drugs
(the doctor kind)
you know this already, but there's no timetable on life. And not meeting those milestones doesn't mean you don't have your shit together. Never mind that the world has changed - owning a house is not something most people will be able to achieve when young any more.
Slight tangent, but one of my friends had a baby partly because, she said, "i felt it was time we 'grew up'". Well, they're still dysfunctional and now the baby has to live with that as well. I think a lot of people think that buying a house and settling down to a family will somehow magically confer seriousness and adulthood upon them. And conversely (and this seems to be more your thing), NOT doing those things means you're not serious or grown up. They're totally arbitrary activities that don't actually relate to anything more important than your monetary assets and your fertility. I mean, my cousin had a kid at 17 and that sure didn't give her a head start on getting her life together.
50% of my knowledge on social relations comes from webcomics
the other 50% comes from anime
given the choice
definitely err on the side of your webcomics knowledge
Maurice Chevalier, author of Homestuck
What she said, but also I just wanted to say how happy I am that Chris included three different petrolhead references.
Steam ID - VeldrinD
I'm the totalitarian dictator
Steam ID - VeldrinD
And I can't stand to be around anyone I know anymore. Every god damn person I talk to is all 'How's college going' and I just want to jam a brick in their skull screaming "NOT FUCKING WELL". I'm not going to make my dream, I've been a drain on my family for too long, just wanna disappear.
the human race would die out.
How far are you into your semester? Talk to the people in charge of your program and your college counsellors, they're hired to help people that have exactly this problem. Chances are they can help streamline or move around your workload so you won't get crushed, they have a vested interest in you not flunking out.
I'm half-way in to the semester and there's really not much they can do for me. I'm at the tail-end of my career too. Just 2 more semesters left, and I've exhausted all electives. I'm really painted into a corner.
I'm totally fine with that outcome.
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