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[Internet Dating] and the ever-present danger of a swarm of fire ants in disguise

24567101

Posts

  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    The phone/sex partners relation chart is surprising and confusing.

  • NullzoneNullzone Kasben Rinker Gnome FighterRegistered User regular
    @mysticjuicer - Thanks for the input. I'll work on some changes (offline first, so anyone else reading, feel free to add additional feedback), and I found a handful of pictures that look pretty serviceable to add some variety. Had more than I thought, but some are still pretty grainy since they came from cell phones so I'm not sure I'll use those.

    A question on pictures - family pictures Y/N? Not formal portraits, just a photo with me/parents/siblings+spouses. Very casual, and not like, weird-haha-look-at-my-goofy-family; just smiles.

  • mysticjuicermysticjuicer I got a unicorn horn for a STOPRegistered User regular
    No prob. Best of luck! :)

    My first instinct on family pics - as main profile pics anyway - is no, just because it's going to be near impossible to tell who you are.

    narwhal wrote:
    Why am I Terran?
    My YouTube Channel! Featuring Yomi tournament commentary and tutorials!
  • NullzoneNullzone Kasben Rinker Gnome FighterRegistered User regular
    It wouldn't be the core profile pic, just another to add to the menagerie. Already have options for the profile thumbnails :)

  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    I don't see anything wrong with one or two family pictures farther down the list. As long as they don't dominate your photo section and it's still clear who you are (note it in the caption if it isn't immediately obvious to a stranger!) and you show up decently (if you're just a small head in a pile of people or something, it doesn't give the viewer much).

    mysticjuicer
  • TommattTommatt Registered User regular
    Thinking about trying out either OKC, or PoF, or maybe even both. The OP did a nice job with some pointers on what to do with the sections, thanks for that I'm always lost on what to put there. If I did one right now think I'd be at a lost on what to put what I do on a friday night (out of a long relationship so it's really trying to find people doing something and doing that just to get out and around people again, or sitting on my ass playing video games right now lol) Think I'll give it a shot after the new year, maybe start working on a profile now/getting some pictures to choose from for you guys to help me out.

    How would this be for a main profile picture?

    1466282_10202223928982599_1942284443_n.jpg

    I should just find some puppies to pose with.

    My Bands FB Page
    111813113553.png
    Xbox GT Tommatt
  • ZenitramZenitram Registered User regular
    Too grainy and obviously a selfie. Get a high-res shot of you playing that sweet guitar and I don't see any problems in your future.

    steam_sig.png
    NijamsmyamysticjuicerTommattN1tSt4lkerNocrenQuidh3nduUsagiCindershistronicRainfall
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    You're much better looking than I am, so don't use that as your profile picture. Just put up a picture of your butt and edit your profile to talk about nothing except how "girls are smelly." Also, all other men should do the same.

    mysticjuicerTommattHargaad of OmnarNitsua
  • msmyamsmya Being Fabulous Registered User regular
    Boys with puppies <3

    38993_100.png
    Twitch stream!
    mysticjuicerUsagi
  • JoolanderJoolander The Most Handsome / Best Pilot of the Bunch Registered User regular
    Question:

    What is a Tinder? Is it an app?

    BMlwiaw.png
  • LeeksLeeks Registered User regular
    I've been lurking this thread forever, love all the advice in it. If anyone feels like, it I wouldn't mind a profile critique. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CK214

    h3ndu
  • TommattTommatt Registered User regular
    Dating thread I also come here seeking advice on how to pursue matters with a particular girl.

    So on the 6th of December I met this girl at a party that I know through mutual friends. We were introduced once when I was Dating my ex years ago (whoever out in June). I felt we really hit it off, were talking all night, and she was really excited to go to my party.

    I was really digging her and didn't want to wait so I asked her out to dinner short notice. Now she didn't say no, said she didn't see it till late (lol read receipts that say read :p ) and made some small talk. I threw out if she was free for lunch or dinner during the week to get with me, if not see her at the party. She said she doesn't really have time to grab lunch at work ( she does commute 3 hours as she is taking care of her grandma) and that shed see me at the party and was looking forward to it. Again, she never said no.

    Flash forward to my party and she no shows :(. Could be Amy number of reasons, I know she missed a Halloween party cause she was at the ER with her grandma. Party was dec 14 btw.

    I haven't gotten back to her since not her me. To me she seems hesitant, and I wonder if its because she's friends with a good friend of my exes, even though they are not friends themselves. Or maybe she wonders its too soon for me, or just isn't into me.

    I've thought about getting back in contact with her either this weekend or after the new year, saying something along the lines of now that the holidays are over if you end up free drinks/dinner whatever. Or I could just wait until we're at the same
    Party again and see what happens. What to do, what to do.

    My Bands FB Page
    111813113553.png
    Xbox GT Tommatt
  • naporeonnaporeon Registered User regular
    Leeks wrote: »
    I've been lurking this thread forever, love all the advice in it. If anyone feels like, it I wouldn't mind a profile critique. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CK214

    I love the tone and the good selection of pics involving you engaged in activities/socializing/smiling.

    My only real niggle is the grammarian bit at the very end. It doesn't really match the tone of the profile, and I find it annoying. I'd recommend scrapping it entirely.

    P.S. I loved the "6 things" section, but I'm sure you'll have some folks dissenting on that. I'll defer to female opinion on that one, but I found it funny and irreverent.

    Usagi
  • LeeksLeeks Registered User regular
    Appreciated. I'll ditch the grammar thing. You're right it doesn't really add anything.

  • NijaNija Registered User regular
    msmya wrote: »
    Boys with puppies <3
    Fixed.

    Priest lvl 110 Warlock lvl 9x DK lvl 110 Paladin lvl 9x Rogue lvl 8x

    Steam Me
    msmyaUsagiBobble
  • SampsenSampsen Registered User regular
    Tommatt wrote: »
    Dating thread I also come here seeking advice on how to pursue matters with a particular girl.

    So on the 6th of December I met this girl at a party that I know through mutual friends. We were introduced once when I was Dating my ex years ago (whoever out in June). I felt we really hit it off, were talking all night, and she was really excited to go to my party.

    I was really digging her and didn't want to wait so I asked her out to dinner short notice. Now she didn't say no, said she didn't see it till late (lol read receipts that say read :p ) and made some small talk. I threw out if she was free for lunch or dinner during the week to get with me, if not see her at the party. She said she doesn't really have time to grab lunch at work ( she does commute 3 hours as she is taking care of her grandma) and that shed see me at the party and was looking forward to it. Again, she never said no.

    Flash forward to my party and she no shows :(. Could be Amy number of reasons, I know she missed a Halloween party cause she was at the ER with her grandma. Party was dec 14 btw.

    I haven't gotten back to her since not her me. To me she seems hesitant, and I wonder if its because she's friends with a good friend of my exes, even though they are not friends themselves. Or maybe she wonders its too soon for me, or just isn't into me.

    I've thought about getting back in contact with her either this weekend or after the new year, saying something along the lines of now that the holidays are over if you end up free drinks/dinner whatever. Or I could just wait until we're at the same
    Party again and see what happens. What to do, what to do.

    Either she is trying really hard to not have to say no, or she is just too busy to be seeing someone right now. Personally I've never had success in your situation and would recommend you cast your eyes elsewhere.

    Sampsen_na_104_5_logo.png
    histronic
  • TommattTommatt Registered User regular
    Sampsen wrote: »
    Tommatt wrote: »
    Dating thread I also come here seeking advice on how to pursue matters with a particular girl.

    So on the 6th of December I met this girl at a party that I know through mutual friends. We were introduced once when I was Dating my ex years ago (whoever out in June). I felt we really hit it off, were talking all night, and she was really excited to go to my party.

    I was really digging her and didn't want to wait so I asked her out to dinner short notice. Now she didn't say no, said she didn't see it till late (lol read receipts that say read :p ) and made some small talk. I threw out if she was free for lunch or dinner during the week to get with me, if not see her at the party. She said she doesn't really have time to grab lunch at work ( she does commute 3 hours as she is taking care of her grandma) and that shed see me at the party and was looking forward to it. Again, she never said no.

    Flash forward to my party and she no shows :(. Could be Amy number of reasons, I know she missed a Halloween party cause she was at the ER with her grandma. Party was dec 14 btw.

    I haven't gotten back to her since not her me. To me she seems hesitant, and I wonder if its because she's friends with a good friend of my exes, even though they are not friends themselves. Or maybe she wonders its too soon for me, or just isn't into me.

    I've thought about getting back in contact with her either this weekend or after the new year, saying something along the lines of now that the holidays are over if you end up free drinks/dinner whatever. Or I could just wait until we're at the same
    Party again and see what happens. What to do, what to do.

    Either she is trying really hard to not have to say no, or she is just too busy to be seeing someone right now. Personally I've never had success in your situation and would recommend you cast your eyes elsewhere.

    Hmm I had never thought about the trying hard to not say no to be nice or what not. I figured she might be really busy, like I mentioned she commutes 2 hours each way to work so she can live with/ take care of her grandmother who has Parkinson's really bad. I just melted when talking with her. Was hoping maybe it's go somewhere just because honestly she's the first girl I've been into since the ex, nice having all these different feelings awakened again. But it feels like I have no clue what I'm doing this time around.

    My Bands FB Page
    111813113553.png
    Xbox GT Tommatt
  • AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    I'd say wait until after new years and hit her up again. People are legitimately busy during Christmas and will totally forget all the people they said they'd hang out with.

    If you can't nail a date down after new years then yeah, no dice.

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
    forty
  • JediabiwanJediabiwan Registered User regular
    I have limited experience in this area, but I don't think girls will typically give a direct "no" when asked out. Usually if a girl says she's "busy" I just take that as a no unless she suggests some other time.

  • AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    Jediabiwan wrote: »
    I have limited experience in this area, but I don't think girls will typically give a direct "no" when asked out. Usually if a girl says she's "busy" I just take that as a no unless she suggests some other time.

    Well, depending on maturity levels.

    At any rate, she did say yes, though it was redirected to the party. It could have been she just wasn't interested, it could have been all her weekends were booked for december. I know mine were. Like I said, I'd give it one more try.

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
    Jediabiwanmysticjuicer
  • JediabiwanJediabiwan Registered User regular
    Aioua wrote: »
    Jediabiwan wrote: »
    I have limited experience in this area, but I don't think girls will typically give a direct "no" when asked out. Usually if a girl says she's "busy" I just take that as a no unless she suggests some other time.

    Well, depending on maturity levels.

    At any rate, she did say yes, though it was redirected to the party. It could have been she just wasn't interested, it could have been all her weekends were booked for december. I know mine were. Like I said, I'd give it one more try.

    Yeah sounds like she did basically "reschedule" to meeting him at the party. Which is fine except she didn't show up to the party or even text to say why she missed it which doesn't look good to me. Still, there's not harm in trying and there's always the chance for miscommunication so I'd give it one more shot.

  • KupotheAvengerKupotheAvenger Destroyer of Cake and other deserts.Registered User regular
    Leeks wrote: »
    I've been lurking this thread forever, love all the advice in it. If anyone feels like, it I wouldn't mind a profile critique. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CK214

    Holy shit we're neighbors.

    fc: 1821-9801-1163
    Battlenet: Judgement#1243
    psn: KupoZero
    Misfits_Signature.jpg

  • NullzoneNullzone Kasben Rinker Gnome FighterRegistered User regular
    edited December 2013
    I made some changes based on recommendations, if anyone cares to have a revised look (profile)

    Still need candid/action shots, will have to talk to friends who are prone to taking pictures about that.

    Nullzone on
  • schattenjaegerschattenjaeger Registered User regular
    Ooo, a new thread!

    I made an OKC account mid-October, asked y'all for advice, went on a few dates, met a girl I liked and who liked me. Things are such that I had to make this topic over on H/A: http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/185586/christmas-gift-idea-or-appropriateness-for-less-than-2-month-girlfriend

    So. Things are going good, and I owe you all drinks! Stick with it fellas! And don't worry, I'll blow this before too long, but until then...

    KupotheAvengerSampsenGorkInfidelAngelinaHacksaw
  • YogoYogo Registered User regular
    16hk95h.jpg

    Seems like this girl knows what she wants.

    UsagiTommattQuid
  • HendersonHenderson Registered User regular
    Is there a point to Quickmatch on Okcupid that I'm not seeing? You have to be a paid member to see who gave you five stars. Do the women with really low self-esteem giving me five stars realise this? I think if somebody gives you five stars they're put near the top of your Quickmatch choices and then if you give them five stars you get a message but...why bother with all of this? Sending a message is clearly the way forward.

  • ShivahnShivahn Unaware of her barrel shifter privilege Eastern coastal temptressRegistered User regular
    Yogo wrote: »
    Seems like this girl knows what she wants.

    This is like a human and a spambot filled out a form with team effort.

    mysticjuicerCorehealerHargaad of OmnarBobbleRichyfortyAchire
  • LeeksLeeks Registered User regular
    Nullzone wrote: »
    I made some changes based on recommendations, if anyone cares to have a revised look (profile)

    Still need candid/action shots, will have to talk to friends who are prone to taking pictures about that.

    Looks solid to me, although I'm not necessarily the best judge. You might want to take out the never been in a relationship thing. It's not something you need to hide, but it doesn't need to be mentioned up front.

    forty
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Henderson wrote: »
    Is there a point to Quickmatch on Okcupid that I'm not seeing? You have to be a paid member to see who gave you five stars. Do the women with really low self-esteem giving me five stars realise this? I think if somebody gives you five stars they're put near the top of your Quickmatch choices and then if you give them five stars you get a message but...why bother with all of this? Sending a message is clearly the way forward.
    If you both give each other five stars you get a message saying so. And when you reply to that the woman in question either ignores or you or outright blocks you without even saying hi.

    Its mostly just how meet me on hot or not used to work.

  • Mr RayMr Ray Sarcasm sphereRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    Henderson wrote: »
    Is there a point to Quickmatch on Okcupid that I'm not seeing? You have to be a paid member to see who gave you five stars. Do the women with really low self-esteem giving me five stars realise this? I think if somebody gives you five stars they're put near the top of your Quickmatch choices and then if you give them five stars you get a message but...why bother with all of this? Sending a message is clearly the way forward.
    If you both give each other five stars you get a message saying so. And when you reply to that the woman in question either ignores or you or outright blocks you without even saying hi.

    Its mostly just how meet me on hot or not used to work.

    Eh, I've found it quite useful, actually. I'm now talking to a girl I wouldn't have known was interested otherwise, at least. Plus the "someone likes you" notification is always a nice ego boost :)

    Space.
    AresProphetforty
  • T-boltT-bolt Registered User regular
    Could be just an errant finger while browsing the app on their phone though.

    PSN: P-bass [USF4, SF3:3s, MVC3]
    forty
  • Hargaad of OmnarHargaad of Omnar Registered User regular
    Hey, PA peeps. When 'forced' (and enjoyingly so) to mingle with other forumers and other sub-forum corners during the Christmas Hangout, I dipped my toes in here by lurking for a day, and then posting. I hope to give some good advice, and get some in return (as, being single, the older you get, sometimes you become less social as friends are further away than 'accessible' to you).

    @Tommatt, positive feature of your photo is that you look good, you're the central focus, you have a few personal items in the background that help accentuate your personality, and the background isn't cluttered. But that's just my take on it, from one guy to another.
    As for your predicament, the first time she couldn't do it because of short notice, that's understandable. Not everybody is intimately connected to their phones, which is also me, and I have missed a text in the morning and not thought to check my phone until late at night.
    The fact that she was still interested in the party is positive reinforcement that she is interested. The fact that she was a no-show is a downer, but I've missed events because I failed to properly schedule it in any way.
    "I haven't gotten back to her since not her me." Not sure what the end of that is supposed to read.
    If you don't see her on a consistent basis (like once a week or once a month or whatever), the next time you message her, be direct (imo). "Hey, I was looking forward to having a drink/lunch with you or seeing you at the party, but didn't hear back from you." Do you know her schedule? Maybe drop in something like, "I'm free between X times on Y days (naming a specific week). Let me know which day works for you, and we'll get those drinks/lunch."
    I, personally, have had success with being passive to start, and then putting out a defined period of availability. That way, you're giving her options to make her schedule work. If she's interested, she should be able to make at least one day work. If you give her a week (Jan 2-9 or whatever), she now has a window of opportunity to allocate an hour or whatever for drinks or a meal. Getting a bite at Subway doesn't take long. In this, you were assertive of deciding when, but trying to give her an opportunity to make her schedule work.
    If she gets back to you, all lights are go. If she says she can't do it, I'd start to question how much she's really trying to make such a short time of meet-up work, and my heart goes out to you, man.
    Leeks wrote: »
    I've been lurking this thread forever, love all the advice in it. If anyone feels like, it I wouldn't mind a profile critique. http://www.okcupid.com/profile/CK214

    @Leeks, I think it looks mostly solid. To note, I don't have a profile (yet, though I may make one after the new year to try getting back into the dating scene, especially since I have no local friends), but I am not sure that the "I'm really good at" section is good or not. I understand you're being cheeky honest, but I don't know that women perusing profiles will have the presence of mind to understand the facetiousness of what you wrote. Then again, if people can't gather that, maybe they're the ones you aren't interested in. :P Same with the 6 things. XD
    And you're in SoCal! I'm lurking around the other sub-forums trying to figure out where to appropriately post it, but I'm going to try posting an impromptu SoCal PA get-together for New Year's Eve/Day.

    Star Wars (2 separate links)
    Yelling at butts will never NOT be funny. Thanks, Psy!
    Also, Abby is awesome. Keep up with TLH because it's the tits!

    I love League of Legends, but seriously...screw you, Teemo.
  • Hargaad of OmnarHargaad of Omnar Registered User regular
    Nullzone wrote: »
    I made some changes based on recommendations, if anyone cares to have a revised look (profile)

    Still need candid/action shots, will have to talk to friends who are prone to taking pictures about that.

    I think it looks great. Same advice that Leeks said. I don't think past relationships (or lack of) are necessary information unless they inquire. Factually, it's nothing to be ashamed, embarrassed, or bothered by. Because of that, if they ask, make it a simple matter-of-fact thing, and come back with another question to move the conversation on to something more interactive, like what sports they like playing, what stores they like visiting in the mall, etc. (but this is all assuming it progresses past just profile stalking).

    Star Wars (2 separate links)
    Yelling at butts will never NOT be funny. Thanks, Psy!
    Also, Abby is awesome. Keep up with TLH because it's the tits!

    I love League of Legends, but seriously...screw you, Teemo.
  • LeeksLeeks Registered User regular
    Thanks Hargaad, I might eventually change the "what I'm really good at" section. When I decide on something I like better anyway. I figure the girls that would appreciate it, are girls I would like to meet. So it's fine for now. I'm a big fan of my 6 things. Only part of my profile I truly put effort into.

    Whenever you get around to making a profile post it here. I've been lurking a long time, there is tons of great advice.
    I'm way too much of a lurker to know where to post about a socal meetup. New Years may be a bit short notice for lots of people if you do figure out where to post though.

  • TommattTommatt Registered User regular
    edited December 2013
    Might be too short notice for the so cal thing, but could be fun.

    Tommatt on
    My Bands FB Page
    111813113553.png
    Xbox GT Tommatt
  • YogoYogo Registered User regular
    Fever dreams are the best.

    I dreamed that everone from the dating thread came to visit me in Copenhagen and that we made a big deal of out @Usagi was coming as well.

    I have no idea what the rest of you look like in irl, so I find it quite interesting how my mind managed to conjure up faces for each and everyone of you.

    In other news, someone replied to my messages sent during december. Time to see if she can answer the riddle :-)

    mysticjuicermsmyaAchire
  • JeedanJeedan Registered User regular
    Henderson wrote: »
    Is there a point to Quickmatch on Okcupid that I'm not seeing? You have to be a paid member to see who gave you five stars. Do the women with really low self-esteem giving me five stars realise this? I think if somebody gives you five stars they're put near the top of your Quickmatch choices and then if you give them five stars you get a message but...why bother with all of this? Sending a message is clearly the way forward.

    Its like checking someone out in real life. Yes you could send a message, but its easier just to go "sup" via quickmatch.

    forty
  • TomantaTomanta Registered User regular
    For a long time I had given up on having any relationship (if it happens, it happens). But then someone came along that brought up a bunch of repressed emotions. That never / will never move past friends (and I'm ok with that!) but it made me seriously consider online dating.

    Sadly, my area is mostly devoid of anyone interesting to me, but not completely. So I've been working on my profile for a couple of days and is ready for a critique. I know I need more pictures, and I could probably use a more interesting username that I don't use everywhere (really can't come up with any ideas there).

    OKC profile

    (p.s. - the 'cut a deck of cards with one hand' was on there way before I saw it in the OP! I need to find my book of card magic and learn some more stuff...)

  • KupotheAvengerKupotheAvenger Destroyer of Cake and other deserts.Registered User regular
    I'm going to put this out there, but I'm a professional photographer, so any of you awesome PA folks that need photos (and end up in the Southern California Area), I will gladly snap them for the cost of a ginger ale.

    @Tomanta

    In regards to your profile, it looks pretty solid if your target audience is similar kindred spirits to what you've listed. If you're going for more of a broad stroke (I've recently learned that a girl that doesn't have my interests but respects them and finds them cute seems to be a better fit), I would suggest tailoring it down to be more generalized. The only thing I can think of would be to flesh out your self-summary. It seems a bit sedate save for the specific quips about the enterprise vs. death star and twinkie force. Maybe add a few more of those?

    Otherwise, yep, pictures. You're on the right track looking away from the camera, a smiling one would be nice though. I would suggest activity pictures, even if its you playing board games with other people or cutting cards. Just to give you some social clout and say "look I'm social!"

    fc: 1821-9801-1163
    Battlenet: Judgement#1243
    psn: KupoZero
    Misfits_Signature.jpg

    mysticjuicer
  • CarthageCarthage Registered User regular
    Tomanta: The vast majority of relationships don't 'just happen', you have to actively make them happen; being passive about the process makes it nearly impossible for many people. Okcupid is a great first step past all that.

    That said, your current main pic (green hoody, grey shirt) is not a winner. It *might* be an ok filler picture, but you need something with a less sad expression for the main one! Guitar one is a little better, but it'd be better as a straight-on picture rather than from the side.

    The rest of the profile is pretty good (ok, not the fingernail clipper thing. Really suggest taking that out), if slightly generic. Think about what makes you stand out, even a little, from the many other men on Okcupid with tech/nerd interests (neither of which is a bad thing). Is reading your profile going to make a girl think you'd be a fun date? Right now I see tabletop games, netflix, and one night of bowling in the past 16 years. Maybe work in some of those puns you love? Some ideas on other activities you've been wanting to try?

    I'd also recommend you think more on a new name. Smart girls use google; if you really do use tomanta for everything, finding everything you do on the web is a click away.

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