[Let's Play] Dark Souls - Now with moving pictures

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After having recently gone through Rogue Legacy, a game that I have seen being compared to Dark Souls more than once, and finding it quite lacking in the difficulty department, I figured the next step would be to tackle the real deal. I know I’m late to the party, what with Dark Souls 2 around the corner, but it looks like I’ll have plenty of offline time in the near future, and I may as well play a singleplayer game.

There’s not much more to it than that, although I do have a couple of conditions:

A: I’m am going to play the game completely blind for as long as possible. I know nothing about Dark Souls except that it’s a 3rd person action RPG of legendary difficulty. I have never played the game, I have never watched someone else play it, I haven’t even read a real review of it. It simply didn’t interest me before. That means I won’t be checking any guides or online forums, or even looking at a manual. If it happens that I start to miss important end-game or optional content then I may look that up, but for strategies or help I am on my own.

B: I will playing exclusively offline. I know there are some sort of multiplayer actions in Dark Souls, but I was looking for a game that I could play when my connection is too spotty for DotA or anything else, or not available at all.

Without further preamble, here is the first entry:

Day 01

After looking over the meagre option menu and deciding there's nothing there worth changing, I move on to "NEW GAME," which is in helpful all-caps. Maybe they're worried I'd miss it? If that's the level of player the developers expect to be dealing with, then maybe all the fuss about Dark Souls being a difficult game are more exaggerated than I expect.

First things first, I have to create a character. The options are not very robust, but I can never be bothered with visually customizing my characters in most games. As far as I'm concerned, the more dials they give me to fiddle with the more likely I am to end up with a hideous troglodyte as my avatar for the rest of the game.



Sex

Coin flip. I get tails, which is obviously female.

Class

Alright, this is something. I have spent hours rerolling character stats in games as far back as Baldur's Gate or Fallout, always looking for that little bit of edge. Of course, those games were incredibly easy to break once the player knows how the stats work. Maybe Dark Souls is the same way. That hardly matters, though, since I have no clue what any of the stats do.

Every class I look at has different base stats, and curiously, different character levels, with the obvious magic-based classes being the lowest level. The classes are:

• Warrior: Seems to be your standard hit things with a sword affair. The description says high strength and dexterity, which are usually an RPG's main damage stats.
• Knight: A more defensive alternative to the Warrior. The game says it has high HP, and it definitely has more vitality than the Warrior, which is where I assume HP comes from. Or maybe every class has difference dice rolls for HP when they level up?
• Wanderer: Has a scimitar and high dexterity. The game doesn't want to sell me on this class, and I'm not big on scimitars to begin with. Pass.
• Thief: High critical hits and has a Master Key. Does every class have innate properties, or does the Thief have better crits to start because of its stats?
• Bandit: High strength. Seems to be the standard barbarian substitute.
• Hunter: Good with bows. Better with bows? Starts with a bow? The Wanderer mentions a scimitar and the Bandit mentions an axe. I guess every class has its own starting equipment. Well, as much as I like the concept of pew-pew, I do not trust many games to make ranged combat interesting or enjoyable.
• Sorcerer: Casts Dragon spells or something.
• Pyromancer: Has an axe, casts fire spells. Fire magic is always the most boring of the magics. Pass!
• Cleric: Has a mace and can heal. This is a tempting choice, as personal healing magic is usually a good way to break a game open.
• Deprived: Has a wooden club and a piece of driftwood for a shield. However, it also has the most balanced stats and is the highest level.

In the end my decision is based on trying to measure unknowns. One starting weapon is as good as any other starting weapon in the grand scheme of things, so whether I end up with a sword or a bow or a 2x4 with a rusty nail hardly matters. However, I have no clue what some of these stats are for. Faith? Probably for healing magic? Endurance? Seems like a defensive stat, but there's also resistance and vitality. Attunement? That's not even a word. Without any way of knowing what the stats do, how important they are, or how I'll be able to alter them later on, I figure my best bet is to take the Deprived. A nice blank slate that I can mould depending on what turns out to actually be useful.

I'm only left to wonder how long I'll have to run around without any trousers. And do the starting trousers the other classes have give them any sort of defence?

Gift

This is even less clear than the classes and stats. It looks like some sort of starting item, but, just like my supposed starting class equipment, I expect anything I acquire that early on to be made redundant quickly enough.

• None: Further evidence that the gift items don't matter?
• Goddess's Blessing: A full heal of some sort. A single use consumable? What's the point of that.
• Black Firebomb: "More deadly than std bomb." Yeah, okay.
• Twin Humanities: "Tiny sprites called humanity. Sometimes found on carcasses." Utterly meaningless, except to say that I can probably find my own.
• Binoculars: Would I ever need these? I thought I was going to be spelunking through dank caves and decrepit dungeons, not bird watching.
• Pendant: No effect. Maybe it's cosmetic? Don't really care.
• Master Key: The item that a Thief starts with. "Opens basic locks."
• Tiny Being's Ring: Passive HP regen of some sort. The description says "slowly," which usually means useless. I don't imagine I'll be spending a large amount of time standing in dark corners waiting for my HP to regen. At least, I hope I won't be.
• Old Witch's Ring: "No obvious effect." So . . . could be anything, really.

I'm just taking the Master Key. It's the only item I can make any sense of.

The other options are all cosmetic. They're all basic and none of them are visually appealing, so I just pick whatever. And purple hair. Because purple is the best colour.

Finally, the name. Nothing particularly witty comes to mind, though "Dork" seems like a good, descriptive word.



I accept and the intro movie starts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lmEqpgg3B4

There is some nonsense about fire and light and heat and cold and dark and blah blah blah. The only thing worse than the rehashed Tolkien-style high fantasy that dominates Western literature, movies, and games, is the really weird Japanese take on it. It's just as derivative, but since it's Japanese it also makes no godamn sense.

There is an interesting twist, though, when the obviously evil looking characters it starts showing me, who I assumed would be the game's bosses, turn out to be ancient heroes? They are showing me distinct character designs in a game where I don't get a party, so these guys are probably still going to be bosses if they show up at all. I mean, I haven't seen a more obvious villain lineup in a while. Nito, the Sack of Skulls; a witch who has a posse called the "Daughters of Chaos;" a Lord of Sunlight who has only ever read the Old Testament; and Pygmy, who is so easily forgotten that the narrator forgets about him for the rest of the cinematic. I wonder if he ends up being the most important of all?

The Asylum

Slow pan down a prison corridor. Then a cell with a hole in the ceiling. My cell? What I assume to be a man seems to drop something into the cell. I am given control of my character and what the hell?

This is not what I signed up for in the character creation screen!



I look like a zombie that died while trying to apply makeup in the dark. I guess that whole thing about being Undead wasn't just a buzzword. Now I'm even more worried about finding some trousers, if only to keep my flesh out of the elements before it starts being blown away by strong winds.

I take a minute to figure out the controls. I seem to have 2 different attacks, 2 block buttons, a face button that causes me to yawn or scream, another that activates a dodge or roll (invulnerability frames?), and one that changes my weapon grip from 1-handed to 2-handed.

The shiny thing that was dropped into my cell turns out to be a corpse, even though I don't see a corpse. When I "pillage" it, I find a key. Couldn't that guy have just thrown me the key instead of chucking an entire body in?

After leaving my cell, I walk along the corridor and run into some really useful messages. "Right stick: Camera Controls," I'm told. "RB: Attack," and, "RT: Strong Attack." Glad the game isn't trying to coddle me. There are a couple of poor fools lounging about, so I take the time to shiv them on the way out. When in Rome.

I can hear pounding footsteps nearby, and when I look to my right I see that there is a large, ugly looking fellow with a axe the size of a telephone pole. He must be the reason why there aren't any other guards. Even though he's clearly doing rounds, he's not bothering to look over at the escaping cadaver, so I guess I'm in the clear. Maybe the guy who tossed me the keys also payed off my guard? It seems like the type to look the other way for a king-sized Mars bar and the latest issue of FDM.



Walking a little further, I find a ladder which leads to a courtyard and the message, "Rest at bonfire: Recover HP." There is a sword sticking out of an anthill. I guess that's what passes as a bonfire around here. I light it. This must be the game's checkpoints.

I poke around the courtyard. There is a door on the right wall, but the game says it opens from the other side. No joy even with my Master Key. There is also a large set of double doors, and from beyond them I hear more heavy, ponderous footsteps. Looks like I'm going in.

I push the doors open--no easy feat with my twig arms and dead muscles. Inside is a large room with nothing but some old vases. I can still hear the footsteps nearby. I scoot to the side and smash some of the vases. No result. Is this going to be one of those games where they put breakable objects all over the place, but there's never anything in them?

Near the middle of the room I can see another message to be read. I walk over to it. "Get away!" Suddenly, one of the guard demons jumps down into the room. The same one as before? Probably a different one. I guess there are only so many Mars bars to go around.



He takes a swing at me. I try to dodge. Doesn't work. I take a huge chunk of damage. When I get up, I figure I'll take his fatass for a ride and run around behind him. I take a swing at his rump. It does 1 damage. The demon's life bar does not budge. He takes another swing at me, but this time I dodge out of the way. Then he takes off, flying upward with his undersized wings. I think this is an opportunity, but it's not; as soon as I turn around he drops on me, Yokozuna style, and I'm dead.

I respawn at the bonfire. It's a checkpoint. I figure this is one of those fights that you just can't win. No big deal; I'm sure I'll get the chance to come back one day and tell this guy what I thought of his hospitality.

When I open those doors again the demon is gone. I guess the checkpoint resets his spawn, so I won't be able to mindlessly Zerg him. Running is the only option.

I make a break directly for the large doors on the other side of the room. The demon drops down again, blocking my path. I run around him. The doors are locked! Now what? I turn around and see a glowing green spot on the ground where I came in. I run back across the room and pick it up. "Retrieval," says the game. The number in the bottom right corner of my screen changes from 00 to 80. Was that the XP I got from killing those other inmates? Seems there is some Diablo-style corpse looting in this game. I'll keep that in mind.

I turn back around to see what the demon is up to. Happens to be that he's up to putting his club through my skull. I take a hit and lose 2/3rds of my HP. I get to my feet and make another mad dash across the room, anywhere that's away from the demon. I see a doorway in the side wall, tucked away behind a pillar. Salvation! I run through, down some stairs, and find another bonfire. There is also a message: "Get your shield!"

Sure enough, when I leave the bonfire room I'm in another corridor, and nearby there's a glowing corpse. I "pillage" it and find a plank shield. I also find that there's some jerk at the far end shooting arrows at me. I grab my loot and retreat back to the bonfire, where, after a bit of fiddling, I figure out how to equip my shield. Now I can charge down the corridor with my shield up (nice that I can block and move at the same time). An arrow thunks against my defences, but it doesn't even slow me. When I get closer, the jerk with the bow turns tail and flees a nearby door. I'm ready to give chase, but I see another glowing corpse. This one yields my wooden club. Now I'm ready to save the world.

I raise my shield again and resume my pursuit of the archer. I follow him up some stairs and then get to work on him like he was a baby seal. It only takes 2 hits before he drops.

Behind his corpse is a shimmering white light. I approach. "Traverse the wight light," says the game, so I do. Nothing in particular happens. I'm now at a spot that overlooks the courtyard with the first bonfire. When I go left I find some broken stairs with another glowing corpse just out of reach. This is some bullshit. I don't know how I'm expected to take down dragons and demons if I can't navigate a 45° incline and a bit of broken stone. But that's how video games work.

I try going right. I can see there's a room with some dude inside, and he appears to be alive, but I can't find a way in. There are stairs that go up, and stairs that go down. I go down and open the door to the courtyard. I try for a rematch with the demon, but that door is locked.

Next I take the stairs going up. I get about half way and then a large ball bearing takes me out at the knees. That's cool. I get back on my feet and take the rest of the stairs, only to be greeted at the top by a sword-wielding maniac, who was presumably also the guy who pushed that ball onto me. What's his deal? Does he just stand around at the top of these stairs waiting and hoping that someone will come close enough so that he can squish them? Must be a lonely life, but I guess people will do almost anything to pass the time in prison. This guy is hissing at me and swinging his blade around in stupefied fury. I momentarily panic and try an evasive roll. The problem is that I roll away to my right, and there is nothing on my right except a long drop to the bottom of the other stairs. I'm still alive when I hit the ground, but before I can get my wits about me the maniac with the sword is all over me, and I'm dead.

I respawn, and on my way back I notice that the metal ball that did such a good job ruining my prospective football career also smashed a hole in the wall at the bottom of the stairs, giving me an opening to get into the room with the guy I saw earlier. I talk up to him and he doesn't seem hostile. I talk to him.



He tells me that I'm not a Hollow, whatever that means, and then complains that he will die soon, and then lose his sanity. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who has their priorities that backwards has probably already lost the sanity they started with. He then asks if I'll hear his request. Since he's the only character I've run into so far that hasn't tried to kill me, I agree to hear him out.

He lays out some vague story about Undead and a mission to some ancient land and being chosen, and it's all so purple and pointlessly mysterious that I can't be bothered with it. He does give me an Estus Flask, which is a healing item that I can refill at bonfires, and a set of keys, so it's not a total waste of time. He ends his speech by saying that I should leave before he hurts me. So is he going to turn into a double-zombie? An undead Undead? He said he would lose his sanity after he died, and he's about to die. I figure there's no point in taking chances, and he'd probably want me to anyway, so I use my club on his head. "But . . . why?" he gasps, before dying. Why do you think? I can see the Undead aren't big on gratitude; no wonder nobody wants them around. Also, I get 100 XP (the menu says they're Souls) for doing it.

I go back up the stairs, kill the crazy dude with the sword, retrieve my corpse, and use the keys to open another door. There are some more messages in there, one confirms that using a bonfire will respawn all enemies. There are a couple more flimsy guys with swords, and another one with a bow. They all die in one hit from my mighty 2-handed club attacks.

Around a corner is another doorway of shimmering white light, and a trail of messages leading in another direction. That's also the direction of those stairs I couldn't get up earlier, so I go that way. Inside a small room is another enemy, but this isn't another skinny pink loser with a rusty butter knife, it's a skinny brown loser with a full set of armour and a shield. After a furious exchange of blows I come out on top, mostly because I have access to my Estus Flask, and he does not. I give his corpse a good kick. "Unlife is tough, bro."

Wiping the blood from my club, and then sucking the splinters out of my hand, I pull open the door that he was guarding. Except I don't, because it's locked. No option to use my Master Key. Why did I bring them again? Oh well, nothing to do now but head into the light.

On the other side I am back in the large room with the demon. But our positions are reversed. Now I am standing high up above, and he is craning his neck to fix his beady little eyes on me. I take a moment to savour this change in fortune. But the demon isn't having any of that! He takes off, beating his little wings with passion, and uses his club to smash my perch into pieces. I fall and hit the ground, stumbling. The demon lands on top of me. They say that when all you have is a hammer, every problem becomes a nail. Well, all this demon has is a giant club, and I thinks that's how he solves all of his problems: nothing on TV? Smash it to pieces. Too much pepper in the soup? Smash it to pieces. Some gangly Undead is getting ideas above her station? Smash it to pieces.

I died.

I retrace my steps, and this time there is no hesitation. I grip my club in both hands and leap onto the demon, smashing him in the face so hard it takes almost half of his HP bar away. I hit the ground and roll to his ample backside and get to work giving him an oak enema. He doesn't last long. He drops a key. I retrieve my corpse and go all the way back through the courtyard, up and around to the locked door. Even with the demon's key I can't get through. I drop back down and go through the door the demon was guarding. "Good job," says a message on the ground.

I'm finally outside and in the open. Ahead of me are what remains of some stone steps, leading up into the hollow ghost of a once great building. An old church perched on a cliff at the top of a mountain? The sky is grey, which seems fitting.



I continue up the stairs. To either side are gaping chasms of raw, empty space. Even for an isolated prison, this is lonely and bleak.

I make it to the edge of the cliff, and as I approach a cut-scene starts up.

"Only, in ancient legends it is stated," said the voice, "that one day an Undead shall be chosen to leave the Undead Asylum, in pilgrimage, to the land of ancient Lords, Lordran."

A giant black bird swoops down and grabs me. After who knows how long, I am dumped at another bonfire, in another place. Lordran, I guess. But that is a tale for next time.

Page-

Day 02

It would seem that the plot is thickening. Here I am, standing next to a bonfire in a place I have never seen before—in a place I have never even thought about seeing before. This business about a chosen Undead and prophecy and whatever else has undertones of something far more malicious than the standard fantasy plot. First I was sprung from jail (Though "sprung "may be too strong a word; I had to do most of the work myself.), then I was handed a dying man's burden of a sacred mission to some Undead promised land. I chose to talk to that dying man, but past that this has been a hands-off affair from my end. I was just looking for a way to get to some shiny loot, and next thing I know I've been kidnapped by a giant crow. Or raven? It was a big, black bird.

The question is, how much does my character know about what's going on? I, as the player, can hear the voice-overs giving vague justifications, but as far as I know my hapless little Undead is still reeling from breathing in too many demon farts during her prison stay and has no clue where she is.

But there's nothing to be done about that now. I'm here in Lordran, so I may as well make the most of it. Maybe there's someone around who will sell me some jeans.

Firelink Shrine



The game tells me to rest at the bonfire and level up. Sure enough, there are new options at the bonfire menu: "Level Up," "Kindle," and, "Reverse Hollowing." Those two later options are a mystery to me. The game tells me I can't Kindle while Hollowed, and that I can't reverse my Hollowing without Humanity.

In the level up menu I get my first clues about the game's mechanics. I can hit the back button and read short descriptions of what each stat is for, which is a relief. Mostly they're as I expected them to be: vitality will give me some HP, endurance will give me some stamina, strength some damage, and so on. Attunement has to do with attunement slots, of which I only have 1, and some further investigating tells me that they're basically spell slots. Well, I don't have any spells, so there's not much point in investing in more spell slots. Ditto for intelligence and faith, which are both tied to spell types that seem to roughly equal attack magic and defence magic. I have no idea when I'll gain access to that stuff, so there is no pressing need invest in those ststs. I settle on 1 point into vitality, 1 point into endurance, and 1 point into strength. Oddly enough, no matter which stat I invest in all my defences rise, which seems to make a dedicated defence stat like resistance a little redundant. The only advantage it seems to have is that it also raises my poison resistance, but a game will usually give a player some alternative means of cancelling poison if that becomes a pressing issue.



I also notice that every time I distribute a stat point my character's level rises. So I guess player level is an indication of power rather than a direct influence over it? The other important lesson I learn is that, unlike most games where XP is turned directly into stat points, there is no progressive cost increase for investing in a single stat, but instead a general cost increase for investing in any stat. Usually there is a tax involved to discourage dumping everything into a single stat, but here it looks like it becomes harder and harder to level any stat at all as the game progresses. There will never be a point down the line where it's cost effective for me to invest heavily in a stat I've been ignoring to gain a new advantage: every point I take down a particular path will make it harder to switch later on. Something to consider.

Well, I've done all I can in the stat screen. Time to move on. Panning the camera around, I find a shiny trinket nearby. It's another corpse, this time a poor sap who seems to have spent his last worldly efforts on gaining the lip of a well, only to find that it had long ago gone dry. I rummage through his pockets and find 3 Humanity. Their description says that upon use they will restore HP and give me +1 Humanity. I have no idea what Humanity is, but it seems to be important. I decide to save them until I know what they do.

Back at the bonfire is a sallow, dumpy looking fellow wearing some sort of scale-mail bodysuit. He isn't hostile, and is actually willing to talk. He tells me about some sort of Bells that I can ring, and that if I do something will happen. The way he talks makes it seem as if I came to this place by choice, and that I'm just another plucky Undead hero determined to save the world, or die in the attempt. It's not like he wasn't looking when I was dropped here by a giant bird. Does he think I flagged down the local Giant Crow Taxi Service and asked for a flat fair to Lordran, Sacred Land of the Undead? According to him I can go up, or I can go down, deep into an Undead town he refers to as a cesspool.

Further conversation leads me to the conclusion that maybe he isn't just another droning, clueless NPC. Perhaps he's just a crazy dude who sits next to this bonfire hoping someone will come along so that he can troll them for a bit. He definitely laughs like a crazy person. He also tells me that I am "practically Hollow," though the game tells me that I am full-blown Hollow. He then tells me that being Hollow might be helpful, whatever that means. He tells me I can restore my Humanity by collecting it from corpses (does that means Souls?), or I can get myself summoned by a Cleric, or just beat a healthy Undead into the ground and take theirs. Well, if he's Undead like everyone else I've met, and I'm sorely tempted to try that on him. Eventually he stops giving out information and won't repeat himself, and I even take a swing at him with my club, just to see what will happen. He stands up like he wants to fight, but doesn't do anything hostile. I decide to leave him alone. The way he talks is annoying anyway.

When I leave the bonfire I find 3 different paths, all leading gently upward. Looks like I'm taking the high road. To the left is an old, flooded shrine, which must be what gives this area its name. There is a statue of a woman sitting on a gnarled piece of wood and clutching a baby, an already-looted chest, and a few more old pieces of pottery that have nothing inside them. I think I'm done with breaking things in this game. I can see the giant bird that brought me here, it's perched over the left wall of the shrine, but it doesn't show any any more interest in me, and it's too high up for me to reach with my club. I leave the shrine.

The rightmost path leads to a dead end and another loot corpse. I pick up 6 firebombs.

The middle path reveals a stout man in full armour, with a mace and a kite shield. He tells me his name is Petrus, and that he'd rather I stay away from him. The way I look (and probably smell), I don't blame him. I talk to him again and he says that it's not that he doesn't like me or anything, but . . ., and then he gives me a copper coin, which the game tells me is a useless trinket. He then offers to teach me some miracles, which seems like a sweet deal. Turns out that miracles are just Clerical spells, and they're also all well out of my price range. Time to move on.

I take a set of stairs up to what seems like another dead end, but I find a convenient hole to drop through, which lands me in a small yard nestled between the walls of this old stone building and the jutting spires of a mountain. There are 3 chests. I open each in turn and find some homeward bones (a recall item that will warp me to the nearest bonfire), a morningstar, a talisman, and some cracked red eye orbs, which must be related to online play as they are greyed out and unusable. Searching further, I find a short path that leads to another chest, which contains a set of 4 Lloyd's talismans, which "block Estus recovery in a limited area." Well, the only Estus I know is the Estus flask I have. I figure they're another PvP item, used to stop players from healing.

Graveyard



With no other way out, I stumble down a short slope and land in an old graveyard, right next to a pair of skeletons. This is as good opportunity as any to test out my new morningstar. Or not; a swing a couple of slow, ponderous attacks in their direction, but the skeletons are jumping around like fools, and while I'm trying to recover they stab me deep. I am bleeding, and then I am dead.

Doesn't seem like I have any other options, so I run the same path back to the graveyard, down the slope (which still does damage to me even though it was a shorter fall than the one from the top of the stairs to the yard with the chests), and I recover my corpse. This time I do a better job of fighting, keeping my distance from each skeleton, and then circling around behind them when they attack, so that I can land the triggered critical blow at their backs, which seems to also have invulnerability during its animation, which is nice. I eventually kill one of the skeletons, but I still die.

As long as I'm throwing my life away I may as well use it to learn more about the game. One thing I noticed while going through the attack animations of the morningstar is that, although it shares most of the animations with my club, the basic heavy attack is different. For the morningstar it is a slow overhead swing, one that left me open enough that a skeleton hit me with its own specially animated critical attack. For my club, however, the heavy attack is a short hop into an overhead smash. When I was first comparing the 2 weapons I assumed the morningstar would give me more control, since I can't alter the distance or speed of the club's jumping smash, but now that I'm fighting, I realize that finer control would only matter if I was fighting 1v1 against an opponent I wouldn't be trying to keep my distance from. I have played 3D fighting games long enough to know how zoning works, and a jumping overhead smash is a zoning tool if I ever saw one. The next time I fight the skeletons I put my theorycrafting to the test: I keep my distance, far enough away that they can't reach me before I can react with my shield, and wait for them to give me an opening. Sure enough, each of them does, slashing their swords pointlessly at the air in front of them. In the business, this is what we call a whiff, and my jumping smash attack is what we call a whiff punisher. Every time the opportunity presents itself I take action, and before long I have literally clubbed both skeletons to pieces.



I look around. The graveyard rolls out ahead of me, further evidence of death in Undead life. Behind me is a set of stairs climbing up to what I assume is an overview of the flooded shrine. I can see the giant bird's black, twitching tail feathers jutting out abruptly, like a dark signpost.

I explore the immediate area and find nice new shield, a couple more skeletons, and a few corpses which hold the Souls of lost Undead. Were these the fragments of humanity the crazy guy next to the bonfire was talking about? Their description says that if I use them I'll acquire Souls, and Souls are the equivalent of both XP and currency around these parts, and also the what I lose if I die and can't recover my body. I use one of the small Undead Souls and add 200 to my Soul count. It would probably be a good idea to hold onto these until I can use them for a level up.

Before forging ahead in the graveyard, I decide to take the stairs leading back up to the flooded shrine. More souls are acquired, and I run into the giant bird.



It's just perched there, doing nothing. I wonder if I can reach it. After trying out a few angles, I find that I can hit the giant bird with my jumping attack. It takes damage, but doesn't react. What does that mean, I wonder? I know I should (and I do) resent this bird for dragging me here, but how much free will does it have? Was it the bird's idea to grab me, or was it directed? More importantly, what would happen if I killed it. Would I need it late on? It did me a disservice by bringing me to this place without asking first, but it didn't attack me. In the end, I decide to let it live. Anything I around here I can count on to not attempt to murder me on sight is a positive.

Also, there is a door leading directly from the flooded shrine to the graveyard, so I don't have to take the long way and fall down that slope anymore.

In a little nook inside the graveyard I make my first major find when a loot corpse offers up a winged spear. I like spears! This one even does more damage than my club. It is also being guarded by a rather large skeleton with an even larger sword, but as it's alone I don't have any trouble taking it down. Further, I have discovered that, like in most games, proactive offence is more rewarding than reactionary defence. I switch to a 2-handed grip on my club and make the first move in fights. The skeletons always crumble away when I hit them and need a second to reassemble, so as long as I keep bashing them in turn there is little danger, and with a 2-handed grip they die in as few as 3 hits from my jumping smash.



The bad news is that I'm unable to use the spear I found. It requires 13 strength and 15 dexterity, which I am far away from. But now I have a use for the Undead Souls I've been collecting. I head back to the bonfire.

Unfortunately, even with all the extra Souls from my items, I can only get to 13 strength and 12 dexterity. I need more Souls.



I continue to explore the graveyard, taking down skeletons in groups of 1s and 2s, until I am finally confronted with a real challenge. I am standing in a small area clear of tombstones. Ahead of me and to the left is a set of stone steps that curve gently down the cliff face. Have I mentioned that this graveyard seems to have been built with an open-air mountain-top motif set against a backdrop of endless falls into a craggy abyss? And not a guard rail in sight. Ahead of me and to the right is a slight rise, on the crest of that rise is the largest tombstone yet, and when I approach I hear the rattling of bones like the nervous chatter of a madman on a cold night.

First there is one skeleton forming, sword and shield in hand, but he is quickly joined by another skeleton, and then another, and then finally one of the huge skeletons rises from the ground, adjusts his skull so it's resting properly on his neck, and stares me down with all the rage he can muster in his empty sockets. This is at least 2 more skeletons than I am prepared to deal with, and even as I wade in, club swinging to batter their bones, I find myself surrounded, and death soon follows.



I am stymied. whack-a-mole with a couple of skeletons has been easy enough so far, but even if I had the stamina to get off 4 attacks in a row, the big skeletons don't always crumble after a single blow. An alternative plan is required, and the first part of it will be not getting surrounded again.

This time I get close enough to the pack of skeletons to make them rise, then closer still so that I know they see me, then I make a break for the stairs. They are narrow enough that the skeletons should only be able to come at me one at a time, and though I'll be fighting an uphill battle--pun intended--it seems like my best chance.

A funny thing happens, though. As the skeletons all pile onto the stairs in pursuit, their erratic movements undermine them. Almost immediately one of the skeletons takes a tumble over the edge of the cliff and disappears out of sight. I am pleasantly surprised that the game still gives me credit for the kill, as my Soul count increases by 100. This is good to know, as some games would treat that as an accidental death and I would be losing out for letting it happen. I back slowly down the stairs, shield raised, until I find myself in darkness. I must have found the entrance to an underground tomb.

Curiously, the skeletons are unwilling or unable to follow me into the dark. The big skeleton is can't even fit through the narrow opening, but the smaller ones have hit upon an invisible wall, like they've reached the ends of their leashes.



It takes some careful positioning on my part, but I am soon able to destroy each of the skeletons in turn, and with considerably less personal danger involved than if I had tried to fight them in the open.

Now I am sitting on nearly 2000 souls, and I'm not liking the prospect of taking that loot into the dark unknown. I decide to return to the Firelink bonfire, but before I go I check out what that last pack of skeletons was guarding.

There is a corpse holding onto a Zweihander, an "ultra greatsword," which is an appealing category of killing tools if I've ever seen one, but it also requires at least 24 strength to use, so there's even less hope for it than my spear. I also find a pair of binoculars. Good thing I didn't pick those as my starting gift.

Back at the Firelink bonfire I make another discovery: it seems that guy wasn't completely out of his head when he told me there were two paths to take. I had found the way up and into the graveyard easily enough, but I had completely missed the way down. There are a set of stone steps hidden behind an old, dead tree.

Underneath my landing spot is a small cell, built directly into the rock. Inside is a blonde woman, head bowed. I try to talk to her, but I'm told that she can't speak. How I can tell the difference between a mute and someone who is ignoring me is beyond me, but that's what the game tells me. There is another option, "Reinforce Estus Flask," but a Firekeeper Soul is required to do that, and I don't have any.



There are more stairs, leading further down, and eventually I find myself in a hollowed-out room, with what appears to be an elevator.





But all of that adventuring has also made me hungry, so that tomb underneath the graveyard will have to wait.

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New Londo Ruins

I step onto the lift, my body weight depressing the activation switch. It plunges downward, further into the earth than feels safe. Eventually it slows and stops, and I step out into darkness. I am in a massive, open cave. In the murky distance are the ruins of walls and large structures. The only light comes from a large hole in the cave's ceiling, like the malformed image of a moon reflected in dark water. It gives the place the effect of a land locked in permanent midnight.



From below where I stand I hear the constant moans and growls of the Undead. I can see a couple of dark, stick-figure shapes making jerky movements, but I have no sense of how many there could be. After my ordeal with the skeleton gang I decide to take it slow.

Turns out I had little to be worried about. I find my first Undead, pink with dry, exposed muscle, huddled in a corner with his head in his hands. There is no hostility; I'm not sure he even knows I'm near. I give him a good shot to the skull with my club, and it's revealed that he was actually clutching a sword. Maybe he was waiting for me to turn my back to him? I feel more justified in the slaughter now, even though I'd have done it anyway. Souls is Souls, and mommy wants that new spear.

This place is called the New Londo Ruins. Was it the terrible Undead town I was told about? I stroll through the dank street, and find many more wretched Undead, and most of them are holding a weapon of some sort, but none of them have any fight in them.

A few of them are so far gone that they have started worshipping old pottery. I am taken in by their faith, and renew my efforts to smash more vases. No result. I don't know what it is about those clay pots that makes them akin to gods for these folk, but it's definitely not anything useful to me.



I eventually reach the edge of a large underground lake. From the damage in evidence the lake is the result of a catastrophic flood, but there are still creaky wooden walkways connecting the tops of ruined buildings, and leading further into the city, .



A clay pot near the water's edge has a corpse in it, standing up like the guy got himself wedged in there and eventually died of starvation. I smash it up and loot the body, which gives me a pair of Transient Curses. "Temporary curse allows engagement with ghosts."

I'm wondering how far I should be going into this place. I had just found a new path in the graveyard, and it might be best to concentrate my efforts until I have a better idea of what my goals are. I decide I'll at least see what the opposition is like down here.

Down one wooden walkway, then another. I am nearing a large, flooded plain. As I get close, phantom forms appear out of the air and make straight for me, with obvious hostile intent. I swing my club at the nearest one, but it passes through without registering impact. I follow through with a roll, avoiding the ghostly limbs reaching for me, and retreat back to the water's edge. The phantoms do not follow.



As the conveniently placed item said, I can't fight ghosts without becoming cursed. But I only have 2 curses, and I have no idea where to get more. Even if I use the curse and fight off these ghosts, eventually I will die. How would I recover my body when I run out of curses? This looks like a losing proposition, so I'm headed back to the graveyard.

Before leaving I make two more discoveries. One is another prisoner, but this one is a man, and he's willing and able to talk. He tells me that he's actually content to stay inside his cell, as it's better than having to wander around with the other Undead, the ones who are going Hollow. I guess becoming Hollow is bad now? Maybe that's when they lose their minds. Having seen the state of New Londo, I find little reason to fault him. He's just adopting a well-known Monopoly strategy, where canny players get themselves thrown in jail rather than risk moving around a board so built up with expensive properties that they could go bust with every dice roll. Why risk that when they can be safe and cozy on the public dime? Undead must not need food, either, because I don't see anyone around feeding the prisoners.

This guy does say that he's bored, being alone in his cell with nothing to do, so he offers to repair and upgrade my equipment. Looks like he charges Souls to repair weapon durability, and other items for more advanced procedures. There isn't much I can do with him at the moment, so I leave.

Valley of Drakes

I also find a door that opens to my Master Key. It leads to the Valley of Drakes, a pair of narrow cliff faces running parallel to each other and overlooking yet another death drop. There is a tiny wooden bridge where I can cross to the other side. The Master Key says that "most doors are better left unopened." I wonder. Have I stumbled into a high level area before I should have? There are no enemies in sight, but I'm not sure how far I should extend myself.

I cross the bridge and enter a cave. The deeper I go, the darker it gets, and after a short dip I am standing behind a pair of large, surly looking brutes with clubs. They don't see me yet.



What's the play here? Do I risk attacking them? Will I do any damage? Will they kill me as easily as they swat a fly?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The results are not unpredictable. I manage to draw the attention of one of the monsters, and I lead it back to a more open part of the cave, where I'm better able to keep out of its reach. I am doing a good job of avoiding its attacks, slow and obvious as they are, but my damage output is not great. Even with a 2-handed grip on my club I am barely scratching it, and eventually it does snag me with a sudden vertical attack. Now I'm poisoned, and eventually I die.

I retrieve my body, but can't resist trying again. The attack patterns are basic enough, and slow. I work out that I can lead them into an open space and just circle them until they present their backs to me, giving me a free critical hit. It takes a while, but I eventually do kill both of them. Unfortunately, I still take a hit, and the poison takes a long time to wear off. Even though I am only hit once, I have to take 5 shots from my Estus flask to keep from dying to the poison. The monsters drop Dung Pies, which are some sort of poison bomb.

I am flush, with over 3000 Souls. I figure, what's the worst that could happen? I keep going. There is another Dung Hulk, standing alone. I sneak up on him, close enough, I think, to land a club smash before he can turn around. I misjudge the distance and fall short, then desperately roll to the side as he swings for me. Somehow I get trapped as the Dung Hulk closes on me and pushes me up against the wall. I can't move in any direction, and though I roll and roll to avoid his attacks, I eventually run out of stamina.

This is a crisis. There are 3000 Souls down there, enough for me to level up so I can use my spear. I need to get them back. I return to the cave with a fierce purpose, but my body is behind the pair of Dung Hulks that guard the entrance. Should I risk drawing them out and killing them, or should I just run past them to grab the Souls?

I decide that I've spent enough time in the Valley of Drakes. The poison is too much of a risk for me to go any further with only 10 charges in my Estus Flask. I also don't like the feeling that I'm over-levelling here, taking advantage of enemies that I shouldn't have access to in order to gain some easy Souls. I run for it.

It's easy enough to split through the first two Hulks. Only one of them reacts fast enough to swing at me, and I roll past without taking damage. I see the 3rd Hulk, standing with his back turned to my body. I retrieve my Essence and turn around. The Hulk takes a swing at my back, and I roll away, but now the others are closing in. I start pumping my legs, trying to build up speed so I can dodge around them. I'm not fast enough; one of them snags me with its club. But I don't fall. I roll, and I keep on running. I make it to the mouth of the cave, then across the bridge. The Dung Hulks don't follow.

Back at the bonfire I heal and cleanse myself of the poison. I also use all the Souls I have, plus some of the Undead Soul items I've picked up along the way. It's enough to get my to 15 dexterity, and I put another point into vitality as well.



It's been a harrowing day, and I feel like I've learned a lot. It was good to explore the other paths available, if only to give myself some focus. I'm headed back to the graveyard. That seems to be the most appropriate content at the moment. I'm headed to the graveyard with some new weapons in my arsenal, and the knowledge that skeletons are far from the scariest enemies around. Perspective is important.

ruzkin

This is glorious. Please, keep playing, and don't be tempted to look up any guides.

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Someone on reddit said that the dlc content is basically impossible to find without a guide, but I doubt I'm anywhere near it. As long as there's nothing really permanent that I'm going to miss going it alone, I have no problem feeling my way through the dark. When the time comes maybe I can find some relatively spoiler-free guides for stuff I don't want to miss.

I'm also aiming at a couple of updates a week, time permitting.

SCREECH OF THE FARG

Don't even worry about the dlc until you are near the end of the game. It's definitely well worth doing, it contains some of the best stuff in the game

There isn't much to permanently miss, though some 'side quests' so to speak can end prematurely depending on things

The level of analysis you are applying to this game your first time through is great. You will get a lot out of this game I feel.

milski

I feel like it's stated somewhere in game, but strength requirements really aren't too bad for weapons once you get the hang of it.

SCREECH OF THE FARG

Also yes, two handing cuts a weapons STR. Requirements by a third. So you could two hand a zweihander at 16 STR and one hand at 24

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I noticed that with one of the weapons I found, where it let me equip it and use it, but with a penalty, and still swing it properly. The other weapons I could equip but not swing properly.

SCREECH OF THE FARG

If you don't meet STR requirements you get clumsy swings and no damage really. if you don't meet DEX requirements the swing is usually the same but you'll glance blows and do shit for damage

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Day 03

I begin the day with high hopes. I have purpose now. The first couple of days were full of experimentation and exploration, but both activities were rather aimless. It's all well and good to be propped up by mysterious powers and shoved in the direction of a grand quest, but the first step still has to be made. Well, I have surveyed the land, and I think I have found the road I am meant to take.

On top of that, I have some new toys. There is my spear, but while exploring what is left of New Londo I also found an estoc, which is a long, stabby sword. Both of these weapons feel completely different from my club and the morningstar. They emphasize range and poking enemies in their eyeballs, which suits me just fine.



The bad news is that skeletons don't have any eyeballs for me to poke. Turns out stabbing them doesn't do much at all; even though my spear has damage numbers comparable to my club, its attack type (and the attack type of the estoc) is listed as thrust, while my club is strike damage. With a 2-handed grip on my spear I attack the first skeleton I find and do a measly 20 damage. My club does 50 damage for a regular attack, and twice that for a good skull smash. The skeletons even recover from the damage faster, reforming their shapes the instant their bones clatter to the ground. The estoc is even worse off, as it does less damage than the spear. To make matters worse, the estoc seems to have some serious hitbox issues, where the tip looks like it is making contact when I thrust, but no damage is registered. I'll have to save my thrusting weapons till I find some enemies worth thrusting.

Using the stabbing weapons for a while instead of swinging my club around makes something more obvious to me when I switch back: there is a definite difference between the recover of a landed attack versus the recovery of a whiffed attack. I translate these easily in my mind, as fighting games, especially 3D fighting games, are structured the same way. I only wonder if there's a big difference between block recovery (the skeletons do occasionally block my attacks) and hit recovery. I assume the extra whiff recovery is there to give opponents an opening for critical strikes. I still remember that one skeleton who hit me with a fully animated counter attack when I air-balled a club swing and it was standing close enough to reach me.

What is more, it's generally agreed upon by experts in the field (at least from what I've read) that, especially for novices, thrusting attacks are always preferable to taking swings when using a weapon like a sword or baseball bat (which is basically a club), and for pretty much the same reasons as are illustrated in Dark Souls and 3D fighting games: a whiffed swinging attack throws the aggressor off balance and takes a long time to recover from, which gives their opponent an opening, while thrusting or stabbing attacks don't telegraph as much (no front swing), are less likely to throw the attacker off balance, and are easier to recover from. I haven't used the spear or estoc enough to notice a difference in recovery frames, but that's something to consider for the future.

Anyway, when I'm swinging my wood around I make short work of the graveyard skeletons, and soon I make my first foray into the darkness of the tomb, or as the game calls them, the Catacombs

The Catacombs



The first thing I find is another skeleton. I lead it back a bit, further into the light, and have no trouble taking it down, though it does have twice as much HP as the graveyard skeletons. He shatters with my last blow, and I hear the game's distinct killing sound. But I don't gain any Souls. That is a strange, but there's nothing to be done about it, so I move on.

I am not more than 5 paces further when I hear the sound of a skeleton rising. Only, it's not coming from ahead of me, further in the dark, where I'd expect to encounter more skeletons. The sound is coming from behind me. I spin around. The skeleton I just killed, or at least thought I had killed, is back on its feet, and once again trying to murder me. That would explain not getting any Souls from him. Well, alright; these things happen. I kill it again. And again it comes back.

Well, this is a little much, so I retreat back to the Catacomb's entrance. The skeleton reaches the end of its leash, and though it obviously wants to keep after me, to see me dead at its bony feet, it cannot go any further. I watch it, considering.

What am I up against here? Is this a Castlevania Red Skeleton situation? Except that this skeleton doesn't look any different from the ones I've fought before. Maybe it just has multiple lives. I kill it 3 more times, just to be sure, and every time it comes back, with a full bar of health.

This is a real problem for me. I know I can fight skeletons one at a time, or two at a time, but if every one I kill is going to get up behind me, eventually I'll have a dozen of them on my ass, and there's no way I can make progress like that.

Maybe I can kill it and run past, and it will lose my scent?

It doesn't work. I knock it down and take off, but when it gets back up it's still after me. But now I'm committed, so I keep moving.

Once I've entered the Catacombs proper I find myself on another narrow set of stone steps, with another dead drop into the dark on my left. I hear something new, as well, a haunted swooshing sound. I see a trio of purplish skulls floating around near the stairs. As I try to pass I hear the swooshing sound rise in pitch and volume, until it's a shriek in my ears. Suddenly, there is an explosion of orange fire. I instinctively roll away from it. I have found some exploding ghost balls.

Which gives me an idea. Maybe I can't kill that skeleton, but that doesn't mean something else couldn't do the job for me. I imagine a skeleton's life is tough, and they probably get clubbed a lot. Who knows how long they have been in these Catacombs. I've already seen that there's no way for them to leave. Maybe every couple of weeks a new adventurer passes through and smashes them all up again. Maybe over the years they've built up a Dread Pirate Roberts-style immunity to being clubbed to death.

I don't get a chance to test that theory out, as a new skeleton rushes me from the darkness at the bottom of the stairs. I am a skeleton sandwich now, with fireball gravy. I don't make it. But the fireball that kills me does hurt one of the skeletons, which is promising.

I return to the Catacombs, and I carefully position myself so that I can attract the attention of the skeleton, and then push it, gently, with my club until it is within range of the Skull Ghosts. One of them does its thing and blows up all over, I dodge out of the way, and the skeleton takes the hit full on.

The skeleton dies.

But I get no Souls.

The skeleton gets back to its feet.

Well, shit.

Now what? I see only one other option. One option besides just running for it. I lure the skeleton to the top of the stairs and bash at it till it falls into the darkness. The death sound plays, and I get no Souls, but it has nowhere to recover from. I am rid of it.

The game seems to approve of this tactic. As I continue down the stairs, the skeleton that rushed me last time is coming at me again, but instead of rounding the bend and taking the stairs to attack me, it decides to take a leap over the edge, trusting in whatever faith it might have had before death. Its prayers are not answered, and it falls into the endless void.

I reach the bottom of the stairs. Through a small door I see the ground give way in a jagged edge, with only more darkness behind it. I also hear the scrabbling of skeleton feet. I step through the door.

I am assaulted instantly. One of the skeletons had gotten stuck, I suppose, trying to run straight through the wall at me. When I am finally in reach it strikes, slashing me twice, cutting me deep. I scramble for distance, making it back through the door, and pull out my Estus flask, hoping to get my health up a bit while the skeleton recovers. I don't get the chance: the skeleton comes cartwheeling after me with surprising speed, rolling and hopping in a tight ball until it is close enough to land the killing blow. The sight is so absurd that I don't even mind the death.

I go through the same routine again, kicking the first skeleton over the edge, watching the second skeleton plummet to its death, and then approaching the third skeleton, who is waiting in its corner again. I can hear it moving. This time I don't take any chances, and as soon as I see a shield peaking out through the doorway I pounce, clubbing the skeleton with such force that it tumbles over the jagged edge and into the darkness. But the skeleton does not die. I step through the doorway and see a ladder on my left, leading down. It's not a dead end, and the skeleton only fell a couple of meters. With my targeting circle I can see that it's trying to climb up the ladder to continue the fight. I stand at the top, waiting. I can see it's bony little head poking up, but when the skeleton gets to the top rung it stops and looks straight at me. Am I blocking it's passage? I never thought a skeleton would feel unsafe dismounting a ladder. It stays there, just glaring at me, like I'm being rude for standing in the way.

Amused, I allow it to get up, and then I turn and run back to the stairs, and around the first curve. There is now a large gap of empty space directly between me and the skeleton, and rather than navigate the curve of the stairs, it decides it would rather follow it's buddies into the darkness below. Works for me.



At the bottom of the ladder I find what cushioned the skeleton's fall. There is a large pile of old bones and dried out corpses. It's as if, after the graveyard had filled up, people starting chucking their dead down here, not even bothering to file them away in chambers and coffins. Maybe the Catacombs had filled up as well. Maybe there were just too many bodies and the undertakers couldn't handle the strain. Or maybe when the dead starting rising up on them, nobody was willing to carry their dearly departed any further than a distance they could outrun the restless Undead back to the light of day.



What to do next, though. I know there will be more skeletons; I can see the vague outlines of bone piles in the dark even from here. It's impractical to lead them all back here, up the ladder, and into the pit. Not only is it impractical, but it feels a lot like cheating.

When I first encountered the term metagame it had nothing to do with competitive video games, which is how it is most often used these days. It was something I read about in a Dungeons and Dragons manual. It was the idea that the players know there will be a solution to any given problem simply because they're aware that they are playing a game, a game that has rules, and that was designed by a human mind. There is always logic involved, cause and effect. They know that if they encounter a switch that is out of reach to them that eventually there will be a method of reaching that switch, probably when they most need to do so. Everyone uses the same thought process while playing video games, and it's what I'm using now.

It makes no sense for a game to be designed the way I'm playing it right now. Nobody makes a game expecting their players to have to trick the AI and force them to suicide in order to make progress. Perhaps I can't kill these skeletons now, but there will be a reasonable limit to them. There has to be a point where I am given a method of dealing with them.

So I do what makes the most sense: I run. I'm going to make it as far as I can, at least as far as it takes for me to find the mechanism needed to end this skeletal menace.

I sprint into the darkness. Ahead of me a skeleton begins to form, then another. I can see the shape of this chamber now, long and slightly rectangular. On my left are a pair of stone statues, worn down to uncertain humanoid blobs, and I can see that the spot they watch over leads deeper into the Catacombs. I don't even stop to watch the skeletons take shape. I keep running. I'm in a dark corridor now. There are skeletons on the ground, in my path, slouching against the walls. These ones are fully formed, though, and not animated. They break apart as I stomp past. I'm in another small room, pillars in rows along the walls to either side. There is only one way to go, a hole smashed into the left wall. There are more skeletons popping up from the ground. I keep running.

I am moving down a gentle slope. I see light up ahead, and another room. I gain the doorway.

A fireball hits me in the face. I lose half my HP.

I quickly focus my sights on the source of the attack. There is an ugly dude in a brown robe, left hand raised and holding what looks to be a sack full of flame. Is this the Fire Keeper?

I lay into him, clubbing away with my fastest attacks. I can see him forming another fireball every time I let up, and I'm worried that taking a bigger swing will give him the time he needs to blast me again. So focused on the task am I, that I don't even notice the skeleton coming up behind me until it's too late. I am dead.

But I have made progress, of a sort. I have seen something new.

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This time I when I enter the Catacombs I am not a kamekazi tourist set on seeing the sights or dying in the attempt. Instead, I am a warrior with a mission: I'm going to shove my spear so far down that Fire Keeper's throat that he won't be able to bend over for a month.

I run the gauntlet again, and this time, when I reach the room with the fireball thrower I roll as soon as he's in sight. Doesn't matter, though, as he ends up hitting me with a fireball anyway, and while I'm chugging from my Estus Flask he makes ready to do it again. This time I dodge properly, and when I get up I start jabbing him mercilessly in the face with the tip of my spear. I'm using short, sharp attacks, because he's still trying to throw a fireball at me. I only hope that he runs out of HP before I run out of stamina.



That doesn't seem to be much a problem. I've noticed that the way stamina works in this game isn't quite what I expected: although every action has a maximum stamina cost, there doesn't seem to be any minimum. This is important because it means that no matter how little stamina I have left, I can still throw out my strongest attack, or dodge, or block. This is still balanced out by a short cooldown period before stamina starts charging again after it has been exhausted. So I can't attack forever, but I don't have to wait for a full bar of stamina again to throw out some damage. That's what lets me take down skeletons with ease, because I can keep hitting them with my club's smash attack, even though I don't really have enough stamina to use it more than once. And it's what allows me to keep poking this asshole every time he raises his hand at me in the hopes of melting my face off.



Only after I'm standing, striking as vibrant a victory pose as I can manage without any proper clothes, do I notice that this entire room is blanketed by a never ending stream of giant bugs. I also see that there's another bonfire nearby, so I light it and spend the Souls I've collected on another point in strength. I figure I'm going to need more of that if I want to keep using the weapons I find.



There is also a large chunk of stone with a lever, which I push. Nothing else to do but leave and see if I've accomplished anything.

And I have; there are two skeletons in the next room, and I club down each of them. They stay dead. I get Souls. I have done whatever needed to be done.

The problem is that I don't know exactly what caused this. I see three possibilities: it was the switch I pulled, it was lighting the bonfire, or it was killing the dude with the bag of fire.

I eliminate one of those right away. The room I'm in now, where I've just killed these 2 skeletons, has a new exit, leading back out into the open air. A giant stone door blocked that way out when I first came through here, and it looks like it was placed pretty close to where the switch was. Close enough for them to be connected. So it wasn't that.

That leaves the bonfire and the fire guy. What's curious about that is that the fire guy didn't respawn when I sat at the bonfire. I was explicitly told that enemies (or was it Undead?) would respawn whenever I use a bonfire. Maybe it's a special enemy type. Maybe the bonfire turns an area into a safe zone.

But it looks like I'm headed back out.



There is a path sloping upward, back into the sunlight. On either side are rows of those lumpy statues. As I get further outside I see that I'm not quite out in the open yet. All around me are isolating walls of dense rock, jutting this way and that, curving out and in and away, but all tapering to a point high up above, coming so close to forming a complete dome that only a crack of cloudy light makes it through. I can see a waterfall cascading down to a point just out of sight.



I'm standing in this enclosed valley now. On my right is a sizable gap, on the other side of which is another artificial chamber, another tomb. Standing on the edge directly opposite me is another of the fire throwers. For the moment he hasn't noticed me. The path ahead slopes downward, then makes an abrupt right turn into a narrow land bridge that leads into the new tomb, and the room with the fire thrower. But before I can get there I have to deal with the skeleton that's just seen me.

He comes at me, rolling endlessly like I've seen before. This time I'm prepared, and I block the attack, and retaliate. The skeleton dies. I get no Souls. It gets up again.

Flummoxed, I retreat to into the last tomb, headed for the safety of the bonfire so that I can think about what to do next. But this skeleton is rightly pissed that I whacked the proverbial snot out of it, and it follows me all the way, looking for a rematch. When I get to the bonfire it flares up and then becomes unusable. Can't use it when enemies are near. So I get back out, and the skeleton gets stuck somewhere along the way, leaving me in peace for the moment.

I'm standing across from this fire thrower again. I can see him there, and now he sees me. If I try to go down the land bridge to get at him I can see there are at least 2 more skeletons in my way, and I'm going to assume that they aren't going to die, either. This is a pickle. I pull out my binoculars to survey the scene, but while I'm scrolling through my items I notice those firebombs I found way back at the Firelink Shrine.

I know I'm the type to sit on items forever, never using them not only because I'm sure there will be a better time for it, but also because I feel like I should be able to overcome a game's challenges without a crutch. But I'm really not looking forward to running another invulnerable skeleton gauntlet. May as well use what I've got.

Unfortunately, throwing the firebombs is incredibly awkward. I have no options for aiming my throw, the best I can manage is to lock my target onto the fire thrower. I approach and throw. The bomb falls short, exploding harmlessly against the cliff below where he stands. This does not please the fire thrower, so he chucks a fireball at me. That's a problem as well: every time I try to move closer to the edge he starts chucking fire at me. He eventually runs out of kindling or something and lets up. I move closer to the edge and throw again. Still short. I'm down to 4 bombs. I dodge a few more flames, then move even closer to the edge, and throw again. This time my firebomb lands at the top edge of the cliff, close enough to my target's feet that he takes some damage. I set up for another throw, but I'm hit by a fireball and back up to heal. My next throw falls short again. Only 2 left. I get close enough, and I hit him twice more. But he's not dead, and I'm out of bombs. Looks like I'll have to do it the hard way.

I sprint toward the land bridge, shield raised, but the two skeletons there block my path with their bodies, and I get hit in the back by a fireball. I can't make it through, and I die.

I try again, and again the same thing happens. I lose my body, and 1000 Souls.

To make matters worse, this bonfire seems to be second rate. When I respawn I only have 5 charges in my Estus Flask, instead of 10.

Well, I know one method of dealing with skeletons that don't want to die.

It's an arduous task. I have to lead the skeletons out one by one, and there are nearly a dozen in there. Every time I get close to the fire thrower he scarpers, and I have to get rid of more skeletons to catch up. Siren-like, I lead them to the land bridge, and they either jump willingly to their deaths, or I give them as many kicks as it takes to send them over the edge. At last, I am down to the final skeleton, and the fire thrower. The problem is that this skeleton is an archer, and it stands in its vantage point, looking over the land bridge and the entrance to the tomb, and will not budge. I'm also out of flask charges. So I charge down the hall at them and do what I can, which ends up being not very much. The archer and the fire thrower are split up, so I can't attack one without the other shooting me in the back. Which they do, and I die.

I go through the process again, and this time I get a better result. The archer and the fire thrower are standing next to each other, so I can hit them both with every club swing. The skeleton archer dies, and before it can reform, I kill the fire thrower. The archer comes back to life and I kill it again. This time it stays dead, and I gain Souls. That answers that; these guys are what keeps the skeletons alive.

I go back to the bonfire to lick my wounds and spend some of my Souls before moving on. Another point into vitality.



I am now able to explore the tomb fully, killing every skeleton I find, and gathering all the loot. I get a new weapon, a large polearm called a lucerne. It's another thrusting damage weapon, like my spear, and also requires 15 strength where I only have 14. I can use it 2-handed, but its damage doesn't compare to my club's, so there's not much point.

I clear the tomb and find another exit, but now I'm presented with a new problem. I have over 2000 Souls, and I want to take them back to the bonfire. But if I go back to the bonfire then I lose my progress and have to go through all of these skeletons again. Which will net me another large sum of Souls. I can't keep taking them back, at some point I have to push on ahead. I'm also worried about how few charges I have left in my flask. With only 5 total I am down to 2 by the time I clear out the tomb, which doesn't seem like enough to head into the unknown.



There is another land bridge, and on the other side are a pair of skeletons standing guard over a fire thrower. But this land bridge is impassable, full of spikes. Off in the distance, near the waterfall, I see another switch like the one I pulled in the bonfire room. I connect the dots: the land bridge I used to get into the tomb also had spikes, but they were running along its sides. This new bridge doesn't look like it's carved naturally from the rock. It looks like it's been installed by someone, attached for a purpose: being able to rotate it so that it becomes unusable.

On my right is a path leading toward the waterfall. Hovering about are more of those exploding Skull Ghosts. The fire thrower sees me and starts throwing fire. Two flask charges left, and 2000 Souls in my pocket.

I'm going for it.

I get about a half a dozen long strides before skeletons start popping up. A Skull Ghost closes in. I try to cut around the skeletons, but when I move right, getting close to one of those lumpy statues that are everywhere in these tombs, spikes shoot out and impale me. I am locked in hit stun, 3 skeletons closing in, and then the Skull Ghost explodes and I die.

After a couple of runs I've collected nearly 5000 Souls, and somewhere along the line I picked up a Humanity as well. Stepping out onto that ledge is making me more and more anxious. I decide that it's time to retrace my steps and see if my accomplishments have changed anything.

Back at the Firelink Shrine there is little news. The guy by the fire tells me that at some point the bird (it's a crow) grabbed someone and flew away with him. The bird is still perched in the same spot as before, so it must have happened when I wasn't around. The mute woman in the cell still isn't talking, and won't upgrade my Estus Flask.

I'm still looking for an edge, though, and I remember the cleric. I get him to teach me a basic healing spell, but I need 12 faith to cast it. I then figure as long as I'm sampling magic, I'll get something from both sides, so I buy a Soul Arrow spell from the blacksmith in the New Londo Ruins.

Only problem is, I can't use either of these spells. I have the required intelligence for Soul Arrows, but apparently I need a magic wand equipped to use it, and I don't have one of those, and I can't afford one, either. I need a talisman to cast my healing spell, and I picked one of those up somewhere in my travels. By the time I get back to the Catacombs bonfire I've got enough Souls to level up my faith.



I test it out. To cast my spell, I have to equip the talisman and use a heavy attack. I then do a little hand gesture and kneel down to pray. The entire process takes a good 5 seconds. It's not type of thing I can do during combat.

But it's still more healing, which is more HP overall, and hopefully it's enough to get me to the waterfall. I also have 10 flask charges from camping at the Firelink Shrine. I'm in good shape.

I go through the tomb again, using my healing spell instead of flask charges. On a whim, I test whether or not clutching my little cloth talisman in both hands makes any sort of difference to how effective my healing spell is. It doesn't seem to, but maybe I'd need higher magic stats to notice. As it is, the healing is a little more than half my total HP, which is nice.

I get to the tomb's exit again, and I'm determined to take it slow, now that I have some idea of what I'm up against. I also have the feeling that I'm dealing with another pack of invincible skeletons, now that there's another fire thrower in the mix.

After getting rid of the few Skull Ghosts, I walk cautiously down the path, staying far away from the lumpy statues. I get the first skeleton I find to chase me back to the safety of the tomb. As expected, when I kill it, it doesn't die. I resign myself to my job as the Siren of the Catacombs, and lead him back to the land bridge. While crossing, something strange happens. I hear a death sound, and I am credited for 1000 Souls. Then, when the skeleton chasing me plummets to its doom, I gain another 100 Souls. I cross the land bridge again and look back to where the fire thrower had been standing. He's not there.

For some reason, I'm going to say through pure frustration over how moronic his skeleton posse is, he decided that he'd had enough and tossed himself off the cliff. Finally, some luck. Getting the rest of the way to the waterfall is a cinch, and when I'm there I find there are actually 2 switches. I pull the first, and in the background I see the bridge rotating so that it's possible for me to cross. I'm standing directly under the waterfall now, and the sound is deafening. I can see the other switch, but it's blocked off by a wall of rock. Standing next to it is a man in light armour, who I figure is another non-hostile NPC. I can't reach him from here, and if I'm trying to yell for his attention my voice is being overpowered by the noise of water falling on rock.



I cross the new bridge and take out the pair of guards without any trouble. Inside is another tomb. There is a small, empty burial chamber to my right, and stone steps spiralling lazily down into the darkness below.



I begin to descend. After a short distance, I come across a small alcove built into the rock. A skeleton pops up, and I put it down. And it gets up again.

Sad face.

While leading out yet another pack of skeletons, I make a fatal misstep and get myself killed again. On my way back, collecting yet more Souls, I notice that I've somehow acquired another Humanity. When I retrieve my body I have 4600 Souls and 2 Humanity. Perhaps I gain Humanity automatically when a set amount of Souls have been collected? That kind of follows from what the bonfire guy told me. Still not sure what I'm supposed to do with them, but they have to be important, so I'm doing my best to look after them.

After clearing out the skeletons from this level of the tomb I am presented with yet another opportunity to plunge into the darkness below, with another set of descending stairs.



I start moving down, and I find him, the fire thrower. He's standing around in a little room, guarding another switch. I won't deny it: it felt good when my club split his skull open.

The stairs go no further down, terminating in a dead drop. I pull the switch and return to the floor above, where a new exit has opened up. I try to leave, and nearly stumble to my death before noticing that the ground ahead ends abruptly. One step further and I'd be dead.



I find a side passage, which leads further down, and then out again. I'm standing under the bridge I used to get into this tomb. To my left is the waterfall, to my right is a bridge that leads to some white light.

I go left.

I find a ladder leading up to the armoured man I'd seen before. He asks me what I'm doing in the Catacombs, and if I'm a cleric.

I think about that for a minute. I didn't choose a clerical class to start with, however, I have entered a Covenant with the Way of White, and I even know a healing prayer.

I tell him yes, I am a cleric.

He tells me good luck on my mission. I can't get anything more out of him.

Did I say the wrong thing? Would he have asked me to do something for him if he didn't think I already had clerical business?

Too late now. The only thing left to do is head into the white light.

I get most of the way across the bridge and suddenly it shifts, turning under my feet and dumping me into the valley below. I do not survive the fall.

Well, that's something. Payback for all the abuse I've been dishing out to those poor skeletons?

I can see it. I can see my body, a green glow at the end of the bridge. But to get to it I have to go through all of those skeletons again. I feel tension for the first time. When a skeleton raises its sword, my heart feels likely to skip a beat. What if it's faster than me this time? What if I don't make it? At the slightest sign of danger I retreat to the safety of a bridge and heal up while the skeletons fling themselves into the abyss. Which is convenient, for me.

I make it back to my body and recover all my Souls. I also have 3 Humanity now. The bridge has not returned to its original position.

Standing there, it's fairly obvious what happened. When I first came down here I heard and felt movement, the same as when I'd used a switch before to upright a bridge. And there is only one switch around here, and only one other person who could have used it.

I find the armoured man standing well away from the switch, which has definitely been pulled out. He must have opened my passage when he first saw me coming, and then dumped me over the edge when I was too far over the bridge to make it back.

I confront him, and he pulls an innocent act. He asks me if being thrown to my death was "inconvenient." I tell him that, yes, it was. He claims to have slipped, and offers me a Humanity as a peace offering. He calls himself Patches or something. "We're on the same side! Undead outcasts!" he laughs.

After some reflection, I mentally shrug, and decide to move on. When it comes down to it, who's to say I'd have done any different? And I'm still here, and I've recovered all my Souls and Humanity. If I hadn't maybe I'd feel different right now, but what I really want to do is move on.

But next time I cross that bridge I'm going to run the whole way.

However, though an Undead doesn't seem to need food, the player does. That's it for today.

SCREECH OF THE FARG

Your making excellent progress in the catacombs. More than I would expect from a new player so early into the game

I will say that you have not exhausted firelink of all it's paths, however, not even the obvious ones. Something to keep in mind if your current objective proves too much for the moment

PLA

Swashbuckling!

ruzkin

I can't imagine playing the way you're playing at the moment. You've got serious skills and dedication. But yes, take note of what Screech says. Dark Souls directs you via difficulty. If you're finding an area nigh-impossible, you may be in the wrong area. Exploration of all avenues is always rewarded.

Page-

I'm finding the entire difficulty thing is hard to grasp so far.

I'm used to playing difficult games, but they are always based around mechanics and patterns, and other than those challenges, they are straightforward.

I don't play many games that would be considered open-world; I don't like them for a number of reasons (most having to do with mechanics), and I know Dark Souls isn't really open-world when compared to other popular games, but it's a lot less directed than I'm used to.

Because of this, I think I'll have far more trouble trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do, rather than actually doing it. At least, that's how it's been so far: once I get a sense of a goal, I manage it without undue trouble, but when I don't have a goal in sight it's a problem. But, someone had to play the game in order to write the guides, so there's no particular reason that I should need any outside sources.

The most annoying thing right now is that the game does flash info at me, during loading screens, but they go by so fast that I can't read them.

Polaritie

Page- wrote: »

I'm finding the entire difficulty thing is hard to grasp so far.

I'm used to playing difficult games, but they are always based around mechanics and patterns, and other than those challenges, they are straightforward.

I don't play many games that would be considered open-world; I don't like them for a number of reasons (most having to do with mechanics), and I know Dark Souls isn't really open-world when compared to other popular games, but it's a lot less directed than I'm used to.

Because of this, I think I'll have far more trouble trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do, rather than actually doing it. At least, that's how it's been so far: once I get a sense of a goal, I manage it without undue trouble, but when I don't have a goal in sight it's a problem. But, someone had to play the game in order to write the guides, so there's no particular reason that I should need any outside sources.

The most annoying thing right now is that the game does flash info at me, during loading screens, but they go by so fast that I can't read them.

Load screens aren't anything crucial.

Mainly, if your current gear is doing diddly for damage, you're probably in the wrong area.

milski

This is looking fantastic so far. Enjoy the catacombs!

LockedOnTarget

You picked a decently challenging place to start with and are doing very well there. I'm impressed.

ruzkin

I had the same problem re: lack of goals in the early game, and I think everyone playing blind took roughly the same steps you have so far. When all you have to go on is dumpy-guy's two bells (one above, one below), it's easy to get turned around or feel like you're bashing your head against a wall. But the direction you're taking now will, with persistence, lead you to good things.

Nevertheless, when enemies grow too tough, remember that Firelink is your first hub and it's larger than you realise.

Lanrutcon

This is damn awesome. Subscribed! The path you're talking is unique, to say the least. I am very interested to see if you can finish off the area you're in.

Oh, and please don't look at any guides! Rather ask questions here, so we can give you spoiler free information as to not ruin your experience.

Savant

Polaritie wrote: »

Page- wrote: »

I'm finding the entire difficulty thing is hard to grasp so far.

I'm used to playing difficult games, but they are always based around mechanics and patterns, and other than those challenges, they are straightforward.

I don't play many games that would be considered open-world; I don't like them for a number of reasons (most having to do with mechanics), and I know Dark Souls isn't really open-world when compared to other popular games, but it's a lot less directed than I'm used to.

Because of this, I think I'll have far more trouble trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do, rather than actually doing it. At least, that's how it's been so far: once I get a sense of a goal, I manage it without undue trouble, but when I don't have a goal in sight it's a problem. But, someone had to play the game in order to write the guides, so there's no particular reason that I should need any outside sources.

The most annoying thing right now is that the game does flash info at me, during loading screens, but they go by so fast that I can't read them.

Load screens aren't anything crucial.

Mainly, if your current gear is doing diddly for damage, you're probably in the wrong area.

The load screens are just random item descriptions, the same ones that show if you examine the item in your inventory.

ruzkin

Lanrutcon - it's not an entirely unique route. I've seen this path taken first by many speedrunners. Tough, but rewarding if you know what you're doing.

Oh, and re: the flame-tossing guys not respawning - there are a select few number of mini-boss type enemies throughout the game who will not respawn upon your death. There is no way to tell which these are at a glance. so just assume everything except the bosses respawn until proven otherwise.

jimb213

ruzkin wrote: »

Lanrutcon - it's not an entirely unique route. I've seen this path taken first by many speedrunners. Tough, but rewarding if you know what you're doing.

Oh, and re: the flame-tossing guys not respawning - there are a select few number of mini-boss type enemies throughout the game who will not respawn upon your death. There is no way to tell which these are at a glance. so just assume everything except the bosses respawn until proven otherwise.

I'm playing my first time right now (in a different area than Page-), and I was so, so thrilled when I discovered that mini bosses don't respawn! I used up all my ranged weapons on a particular boss, then died shortly thereafter before I could find another bonfire. When I got back to that area, it was such a relief to realize that I didn't have to face that baddie again.

Lanrutcon

ruzkin wrote: »

Lanrutcon - it's not an entirely unique route. I've seen this path taken first by many speedrunners. Tough, but rewarding if you know what you're doing.

Oh, and re: the flame-tossing guys not respawning - there are a select few number of mini-boss type enemies throughout the game who will not respawn upon your death. There is no way to tell which these are at a glance. so just assume everything except the bosses respawn until proven otherwise.

I meant unique for a new player. Most take the ninja skeletons as a 'keep away' sign.

Vorpal

Great LP. You're not doing the 'correct' order, but I've never seen a new player naturally fall into the 'correct' order (including myself). And there are virtues to doing it in the non correct order, certainly.

I say this not to get you to go somewhere else, but merely to say that if you find yourself hitting a brick wall and not having fun, go explore and try alternate routes. (There are at least 3 distinct areas you can get to from firelink shrine at the beginning, more if you have the master key). Explore *carefully*. If you are playing on line, read every message. Sometimes there are very hard/impossible to see paths that players leave helpful messages in front of. Even if you think you've explored everything, I'd say if you hit a wall/are getting frustrated, to back and re-explore. I see new players miss very very important things (primarily shortcuts/new bonfires/new paths) all the time.

As far as the tips on the loading screen going past - those are simply item descriptions. If you go 'view' all your items, there is a switch to toggle the display to show the item description. I highly recommend doing this because these descriptions sometimes actually include very important game mechanics tips/otherwise missable lore segments.

I'm not going to list all the ways to get humanity, as I feel that's too spoilerish, but I'll include a brief and rather vague explanation of the point of humanity which I will include in a spoiler below in case you do not wish to read it. (Now that you have heal it is perhaps less important to discover this early on, but then again, you have definitely chosen one of the more challenging paths).

If you are at a bonfire and select 'reverse hollowing' one point of humanity will be consumed and you will become 'human' instead of 'hollow'. There are certain things you can only do while human, perhaps the most important of which relates to 'kindling' bonfires, some of which may require the expenditure of extra humanity. If you see messages other players have left in the game world saying 'need humanity' that is their way of saying 'you need to be in human form to access some content here'. It also may be their way of saying 'turn human so I can invade you!' Having more points of humanity greatly increases your item discovery chance (as you can observe in the stats screens you have posted in this thread) so you'll have to decide the trade off between using those points of humanity or keeping them to find more items. I would not convert item humanities in your inventory to 'loose' humanities (the ones that show up in your UI) unless you are very sure of what you are doing. You've already figured this out with regards to souls, but you don't want to carry around any amount of souls/humanity that you can't afford to lose if you die.

Also, if you do find a 'firekeeper soul'

do *not* equip it and 'use' it the way you do any other soul. The game makes it sound like that's what you do, but it's not

.

Khavall

This is great, stumbling into a super hard area with a super hard starting class.... and doing surprisingly well.

SyphonBlue

Yeah I definitely found myself down in New Londo Ruins and Catacombs early on, but as soon as I found my sword doing fuck all damaged, I Nope'd the fuck back out of there so it's funny to see someone so determined to continue on in that direction.

Lucas Archer

This is pretty amazing. I love watching new players go through the game with no direction and see how they react and interact with different situations. Fun fact: I've never witnessed the Patches event there even though I've played through the game probably around 5 times.

The loading screen "tips" are simply different item descriptions. If you find yourself interested at all in the lore/world building, then the item descriptions are your best friend. Some may include hints on things you can do later on in the game.

Fawst

I suggest everyone stops offering any advice at all. Clearly this is a blind play of the game and he's deliberately avoiding guides. At the very least, just say "advice in spoiler" and spoil everything if you absolutely must offer it. Discovery is a major reason as to why Demon's/Dark Souls is so great; don't take that away from him.

@Page- Keep it up, this is a ridiculously entertaining read.

Page-

I have no plans to spoil anything.

I see that the loading screens are just item descriptions, it's just that ever now and then there's a Fire Keeper Soul loading screen, and that's the one I want to see.

SCREECH OF THE FARG

A lot of interesting details can be found in item descriptions. Sometimes even in the descriptions of weapons and keys.

Page-

Also, discussions behind spoilers are fine. I was going to leave that as my 2nd post, but I'm hitting character limits all over the place. I have no trouble not clicking on things. And I'm still trying to go my own way. It's been working well enough so far.

Rhan9

Page- is basically going the opposite way I did on my first run, so this is very interesting to read.

Page-

Day 04

Let's rewind the clock.

I'm 11 years old. It's April Fools' Day. At school, during morning recess, I hatch a plan along with representatives from the other classes of my year. We're going to play a trick on our teachers.

After recess we all trudge back to the 3rd floor. It's a small school, and all the classes of my year are on the 3rd floor. We make to go back to class as usual, hanging up our jackets on the hooks provided in the hall, but, at a designated signal, every student walks one class further, so that we all end up in the class next to ours.

The teachers take it in stride, and we all take the next period in the wrong class. After lunch we return to our normal classrooms, not wanting to overplay the joke.

As soon as I sit down, my teacher calls the class to attention. "Alright everyone," she says, "there is a new standard tests that's just come in. It won't count toward your grade, but everyone has to do it."

We all groan.

The teacher passes the tests out. I get mine and I'm even more dismayed: the thing is thick with paper, easily the longest test I've ever taken. "Remember our rules for taking tests," says my teacher. "Read the whole test over before starting, and skip past questions that are too difficult. You can always come back to them later."

The test begins. As long as it is, I think it will take the better part of an hour to complete. I get my head down and start working.

Not 5 minutes later a couple of students get up and hand their tests in. It's odd, but they're A students, so whatever.

Twenty minutes after that and more kids are handing their tests in. I'm barely half way through myself. These kids are not A students, they're C students at best.

Ten minutes later and I've had enough. The test is just bizarre, and annoying. There is no rhyme or reason to how it's structured: long division mixed in with geography, fractions alongside probing questions about Ancient Egypt. It makes no sense. I start to flip through the pages, just to see how much I have left.

Then, on the 26th page, I see the last question: "This is not a real test. Sign your name on this page and hand it in."

I look up. I see all of the students who have handed in their tests already, and I see all the students who are still plugging away. And I see the teacher, sitting at her desk, reading through notes with a smug look that she can't quite hide.

I sign my name on the last page. If I'd been thinking clearly I might have added "Well Played" under my signature. But I was only 11 years old.

I never forgot the teacher's rules about tests after that. Not to say I ever really used them, but they're still at the back of my mind.

The Catacombs

If I'd been expecting anything special on the other side of the white light I'd have been disappointed. Crossing through only sees me entering yet another tomb full of invincible skeletons. These are especially moronic, as well, which is a big problem for me. The stairs I take downward are curved around the chamber's right wall, and the skeletons are getting stuck in the middle of the room, bumping up against the side of the stairs, rolling end over end as they try to attack a target that is above them, out of reach. They are unwilling to take the time needed to back up and use the steps. I want to lead them up and out, but I can't get them to follow.

I move here and there, up and down, back and forth, trying to find a spot that will get the skeletons to come around and attack me directly, until I slip and fall the short distance to the floor below. That doesn't do any damage, but the skeletons are right there, and they're very curious about what I look like on the inside. I die. Which is no big deal, as I expected to die eventually. But, on my way back, while fighting a skeleton in a doorway, I am struck in the back by an arrow, and I die again. Without having recovered my body. That's nearly 10000 Souls, and 3 Humanity, lost.

I feel disappointed, but less than I might have been. Souls have been easy to come by lately. I can earn 3-5k every time I run back to my corpse after a death. It's the Humanity that I feel bad about losing, but that's tempered by still not having any idea what it's for. The game has told me that it helps me find items, but the only items I've found have been crappy shields and weapons (falchions and scimitars) I don't want. It's not like I can sell those to anyone, they just pile up in my inventory. No point in getting worked up over a mystery. Every now and then I just seem to acquire another Humanity. I thought it was because I hit a certain number of Souls, but I've reached 6500 again and I'm still as dead inside as I've ever been. Unless it's cumulative, as I'd thought before, between deaths.

There's nothing to do but press on.

Eventually I do clear the skeletons out, and I find another message. "Treasure." It's written underneath a flimsy-looking wall that crumbles away as soon as I tap it. I want to step through, into the new darkness, but I hear arrows being fired, and impacting against the other side of this wall. On my left is sunlight, so I decide to check that out first.



The path outside runs to my left, along the rock wall, and then curves all the way around the shape of the valley like a horseshoe, with the ends nearly meeting up again with another land bridge, but that has long ago fallen apart. At the top end of the curve the path widens out, and a small pack of skeletons paces back and forth. In the open space around me float a bunch more Skull Ghosts. Maybe later.

I can't see anything inside the treasure room. Not that there's nothing in there, because I can definitely hear things, like the ceaseless firing of arrows in my general direction, but it's too dark to see even the dimensions of the room, or where the floor might be. With some careful use of the camera I figure out that I'm dealing with 2 skeleton archers. One is on the ledge directly to my right, another is up above me, on another ledge. Below is only darkness; I'll have to fall and trust that I'll land on something solid.

I time my entrance, getting between the arrow hits, and go after the first archer, who appears to be in reach. But when I leap at him I find that he's not quite on my level. I take a short fall, landing in front of him, then slip off his ledge and fall to the floor below. I'm now in a large, open room, the general shape of a cube, and there are a couple more skeletons striking menacing posses, getting ready to leap at me. I know I can't really kill them, and I don't want to stand around in view of a pair of archers, so I keep going. I run out of the room, into a wide hall. At the end is the sparkle of an item; there's a stone casket, lid propped open, with an item inside. I run toward it. I hear the sound of stone crashing into stone, and the ceiling caves in. A huge skeleton lands in front of me. Can't fight it. I run past him, toward the item. I can't quite get in reach, and I circle around the coffin. But now I'm being pressed in from all sides, skeletons blocking any avenue of escape. With nowhere to go, I die.

Now, this. This is a problem. My body is in a place that I know is suicide to approach. I have seen the length of that space, and there is no fire thrower down there. If I fall into that room, I have to fight my way out, and even if I could do that, there was no ladder or set of stairs leading back to the doorway. It was a smooth rock face, nothing to climb. If I went down, I wouldn't be coming back up.

Upon returning to the tomb, I make another careful study of my surroundings. I can hear fire being thrown. The fire thrower is around here, somewhere. I'm standing at the top of the stairs, trying to figure it out, when it hits me. By "it," I mean a fireball. The fire thrower is standing in a room directly across from the top of the stairs. A room in the opposite direction of a fall into the treasure room, and also of the only other exit from this tomb. How, I wonder, am I supposed to get up there?

Somewhere along the line I have also gained another Humanity. I have less Souls now than I did before I died. It has to be a cumulative count.

Just to be thorough, I kill off all the skeletons inside the tomb, then the ones outside, on the horseshoe ledge (they also don't stay dead, but there's plenty of empty space to kick them into), and follow that path down into another tomb. There is a long, empty hallway, which leads to a large-looking open space. In the distance I can see what looks like statue of a horned demon. That looks suspiciously like the kind of place a game would like to put a boss of some sort. I decide to tackle the other tomb first.



I dive into the treasure room once more, and this time I make sure to pick up the item in the casket. It's a Darkmoon Seance Ring, which grants an extra attunement slot. I think I understand what the game is trying to tell me.

When I respawn at the bonfire I don't even bother to go after my corpse again. Instead, I equip the Darkmoon Ring and run all the way back to New Londo, where I buy a Sorcerer's Catalyst, a staff that will allow me to cast my Soul Arrow spell. I camp at the Firelink Shrine and equip the Soul Arrow spell, then run back to the Catacombs. On the way, I am confronted with a distressing message informing me that my club is in critical condition, so I have to go back to New Londo again for repairs.

Finally, after everything is prepared, I return to the room with the fire thrower. I can see him there, and I can target him with my Soul Arrows. If I can kill him, then the skeletons will become mortal, and I can go down to the treasure room, clear it out, and solve that mystery once and for all. I shoot an Arrow, it hits. I shoot another Arrow, it hits. But there's a new problem: every time I land an Arrow, it pushes the fire thrower back, and he is not moving forward again. By the time I've hit him with 4 Arrows he's too far away for me to target, and even after a minute of careful positioning and test firing, I discover that my Soul Arrows have a very limited range, and there's no way I can kill the fire thrower with them.



This makes no sense to me; I'm sure he has to die for me to proceed. The only other path leads to a gaggle of skeletons, none of which can be killed, and then to a new tomb. On top of that, I shouldn't have to throw away my body by falling into a trapped treasure room and not be able to recover it. There has to be a way to get to the fire thrower, but I can't find it.

This is why I told the story about the April Fools' Day test, because, like it or not, it informs my attitude toward progress in games. I don't often look at guides. I am fine with figuring things out on my own. The problem I have is that, as in this instance, the way I play games doesn't always conform with how other people play games, and, more importantly, how developers expect their games to be played. I often find that I've spent a lot of time training myself to exploit or manipulate a game's mechanics or patterns in such a way that I eventually back myself into a corner from which I have difficulty finding the right way out. It's not uncommon for me to accidentally sequence-break a game and never even realize I've done something wrong till I run into a complete dead and, and after a whole lot backtracking I find that I've been missing some important powerup or ability that would have made everything I've already done much easier.

I have a young cousin who likes to say that I go with the flow. He's only half right: what I really do is easily accept situations I'm in. I mean to say that I'm not stubborn, really, but I can end up doing the same things a stubborn person might, because I don't become frustrated with video games and will happily plug away at a task just because it's what I think I have to do, even if it ultimately turns out that I've doing things the wrong way, or the hard way.

So understand that there are plenty of reasons for what I do next.

Where any other person, any person who is sane and wants to stay that way, would come across the sort of dead end I've found and decide to retreat until they find more appropriate challenges, I decide that I'll just keep going. I'll come back to this question later, when I have more time.

I don't go back. I don't return to the safety and comfort of the Firelink Shrine and try to find another route.

I move on to the next tomb.

Upon entering I do not find a boss, at least not right away. The initial space is filled with large pillars and stone coffins. At the end of the room a new, wide hall shoots off, and the giant demon statue sits firmly in the middle of that path. Maybe later. On the right side of the hall I find another room. Inside is a ladder, leading down to a room full of coffins, and skeletons. I get rid of them, still having to lead them out to the open air and kick them over the edge because they won't die. There are holes in the floor, seemingly inviting me to fall through. Even I am having second thoughts about this venture now, so I back out for the moment.

Oh, and that statue that I thought might be a boss? It's a boss, or a mini-boss, or the equivalent. When I approach, it slashes at me with its spear, and thereafter it tries to zap me with ball lightning every time I'm in sight. I fire a few Soul Arrows at it, but they don't do any damage. Its patterns are basic enough that I can fight it, but I do so little damage to it with my club that I don't see the point. Thankfully, it's crippled, crawling around on only one leg, and is unable to leave the hall it's guarding. Behind it I can see the sparkle of an item.



Back in the side room I'm trying to coax a skeleton out of a corner, because it seems more concerned with running into a wall than chasing after me. I'm moving around while my target is locked on the skeleton, and I don't see that I'm getting dangerously close to one of the holes in the floor. I fall through. There is no way back. I am near the valley floor. In the room with me are another skeleton, and something else. Something that appears to be nothing but a set of floating eyes. The only way out is down, and I step off onto a lower ledge. Below me is even more bad news: the valley floor is covered with skeletons. Skeletons riding around in large, spiked wheels. There are at least 5 of them taking turns running into the rock below me.



I've got nowhere else to go, so I drop down. It doesn't take long before I die.

Though I'm annoyed by this lack of progress, I do make a pleasant discovery. I can drop directly from one land bridge to the one below, giving me a shortcut I can use to avoid having to clear each tomb every time I come back.

At this point I no longer care the slightest about recovering my corpse: the progress of Souls is fleeting and ephemeral. What I really desire is the progress of conquered territory. I already know I'm strong enough to take down any number of skeletons or fire throwers, provided I can figure out how to get to them.

I also know there has to be something I'm missing about that 3rd tomb. Knowing me, it's something really obvious.

I leave that problem stewing on my mind's back burner and enter that last tomb once more. I manage to clear out every skeleton in the room with the ladder, then I clear out the ones in the room below. I find another ladder, and I keep descending.

I'm in the darkest room yet. I can tell just from how far I've come that I have must have finally reached the valley floor. At the bottom of this final ladder is a small, square chamber, and on my left, around a corner that gives me just enough space to stand without being seen, is another hallway.

I rotate the camera so that I can see what's ahead.

I see him. I see a fire thrower. He's standing at the end of this hall, flanked by a pair of skeleton archers. This is what I've been longing for. This is progress.



Before I can make my move, before I can run howling down the hall to deliver clubbed justice, a skeleton appears from what I assume is a doorway at the fire thrower's right hand.

Then another appears. Then another, and another. There are 4 skeletons, in a tight group, strolling lazily down the hall, toward me. There's nothing else to do; I can't fight 4 skeletons on top of a fire thrower and 2 archers. I scramble back up the ladder and run back to the tomb's main hall. After a minute or so the skeletons catch up, still strolling cool as you please. I see no choice, so I keep retreating, all the way back to the bonfire.

By the time I get there I think I've figured out what just happened, and the realization is chilling, because it means that all my scheming and gaming of the system has finally caught up with me.

Thinking back, it should have been obvious. It probably would have been obvious if I'd been planning ahead. When I was kicking skeletons off of bridges, I wasn't kicking them into a void, I was kicking them to the bottom of the valley. When I first entered this section of the Catacombs I was so high above the valley that anything falling over the edge would crater at the bottom and die, and even if a skeleton I sent hurtling to the bottom recovered, there were impassable bridges, and their own general stupidity, preventing them from returning to their usual spots.

By the time I was kicking skeletons out of the 3rd tomb, over the bridge that Patches flipped, I was no longer hearing a death sound. I didn't care, because the skeletons were still gone, but I should have known right then that I was painting myself into a corner.

What I ran into down there, at the bottom of the last tomb, was all the skeletons I'd been tossing to the valley floor coming right back up at me. I was now far enough down that they didn't even die from the fall. Sure, it might take them a while, but eventually they would all come back.

That meant that even if I did kill the the fire thrower down there, I would still be confronted with the skeletons I'd kicked out of the previous tomb, and they'd still be invincible as long as I couldn't get my hands around that other fire thrower's neck.

But, as I've said, it sometimes takes more than the obviously impossible to turn me around. Never mind all the stuff I couldn't kill, there was one enemy down there that I definitely could kill, and nothing was going to stop me.

To lift my spirits some I decide to spend the Souls I've got in my pocket on another point in strength. With this I am able to use my zweihander, although only with a 2-handed grip.



Its damage is better than my club's, though it's pretty slow. As expected, I can work around that easily enough with the extra range it gives me, even if I still think the hitbox of every swing falls a little short of where it should. On top of the improved damage, even the lightest attack I can manage sends skeletons flying, which makes it even easier to knock them off ledges.

I return to the last tomb, and I clear out the skeletons again. I'm back in the hall with the fire thrower and his archer bodyguards. I know my time here is limited. Any minute now the skeletons I've been kicking down to the valley floor will have recovered so they can begin their long marches home. I have to kill the fire thrower before they arrive.

My 2-handed sword turns out to be just the thing. I am able to heat both archers and the fire thrower with each of its wide horizontal attacks, making the fight pretty easy.

When the fire thrower dies his corpse starts glowing. I rummage through his robes and find a skull lantern, which seems to be the weapon they use. I read the description. It says these guys are Necromancers.

That explains that.

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Sure enough, a gang of skeletons comes through the door. I start slashing at them. I kill one, and it stays dead, but eventually one of them starts blocking, which throws my attacks off and drains all my stamina. I kill one more, and it doesn't stay dead, before they take me down.

While I may have opened up another path, I am still bothered by my lack of success with the 3rd tomb. I have reached the point where I'm ready to go back and solve the questions I couldn't before. I really don't want to move on without killing that Necromancer and getting through the treasure room, and I don't want to go to the valley floor when it's full of invincible skeletons.

For a while I try to approach the problem laterally, hoping that my mind will catch on something while I keep my attention elsewhere. I even try to fight the demon statue, now that I have my big sword. I still do very little damage to it, and it nearly kills me in one hit a couple of times. Still not worth it.

Still lost, I go back over areas I'd already covered, trying to look for some passage I'd missed. I find vantage points from which I can peer at every angle with my binoculars. I even go back to Patches to see if he's got any advice. He doesn't.

That's when I make a pleasant discovery. Every time I go near the waterfall I hear a tinkling, magical sound. It's faint, but I can follow it to a source. In the corner below the ladder leading up to Patches' nook is a wall that I've always found suspect. It's just coloured wrong. But there's a statue there, a statue that shoots spikes out at me every time I come near. Still, I've got nothing better to do, so I walk into the wall anyway. It disappears! I find a small cave back there, and inside is another bonfire. This one is directly across the bridge from the 3rd tomb, and will save me a lot of time getting back there when I die. I have to roll past the statue every time I enter or leave or it will hit me with spikes, but that's a small price to pay for all the time I'll be saving.

What follows is some time spent meandering, just trying to make something happen. Everything I've done so far has been fruitless, so it's time to start trying things I wouldn't do otherwise.

I make another discovery thanks to the (still) suicidal skeletons. Every time I return to the 3rd tomb from the bonfire under the waterfall I have to pass directly under the bridge where the Necromancer jumped to his death. He's long gone, but his 2 guards are still there. When I walk below them, they go nuts and jump to their deaths. I know they're trying to get at me, but they have really bad aim. Once, though, they do a little better, and one of them lands on the path behind me. It then immediately rolls away, off the bridge. But it doesn't fall to the valley floor. Instead, it lands on a small ledge below the bridge, and then keeps going and falls to its death. But it gives me an idea. I can't really jump, but its reasonable (at least to me, when I've got nothing better to do) to assume that I can fall down to lower ledges. I've already been falling from bridge to bridge without any negative consequences. I line myself up and take a run at the ledge. I land on it, then fall to the next ledge, which leads back into a tomb. There is a loot corpse inside, and I find a scythe. I am standing above the small room where I killed the Necromancer guarding a switch.



Outside that room are those stairs that end in a dead fall into the darkness. There are a couple of skeletons guarding those stairs. When they see me, panic, and one of them jumps over the edge. I expect to hear nothing for a while, then a death sound, but instead I hear it clank down on something solid. After dealing with the other skeleton, I get close to the edge and look down. I can see another corpse laying in the darkness. I has to be resting on something solid. I jump down. I find a Green Titan Shard, which is used for weapon reinforcement. Some sort of crafting or upgrading, I assume. The blacksmith mentioned that I could do that.

With no way back up, and with death below--even though the skeleton initially landed safely on this spot, it still fell again, and then died, and even if I could go further, I don't see any more items--I finally get around to using one of my Homeward Bones, which warps me back to the bonfire.

I look around a bit more, but find no other paths. After a while I give that up again, and decide to head back to the source of my problem: the treasure room.

Now that it's so close, I can better explore it. I watch the skeleton archers some more. The one high up above, its' standing on a ledge. When I fall into the main chamber I can see a ladder leading up to that ledge. Up there would actually be pretty close to the Necromancer's room. What if there's some sort of opening? I try to climb the ladder, all the while being punctured by arrows. After a couple of tries I get to the top of the ladder, there isn't anything to find. It's just the archer, and solid rock walls.

I try the ladder to the opposite ledge, even though it's nowhere near the Necromancer. Getting up there is even harder, since now both archers are shooting at me. There's nothing up there, either.

When I finally find the way through it's just as painfully obvious as I expected it to be. In the hall with the big skeleton is a broken wall, covered by shadows so that a player with eyes only for dodging past a large, dangerous-looking enemy, might miss it. At least that's my story, because otherwise I'm just an idiot. I go through the break, into a tiny, dirt-filled room. I find a ramp leading up. Up to the Necromancer. Sure, he kills me when I get there, him and his skeleton guard, but I don't care. I return, and I do a murder, and I like it.

After that, I can clear the rest of the tomb easily. I take my spoils back to the bonfire under the waterfall and invest my Souls in another point each of vitality and strength.



I've done it. I've cleared all the tombs. There is only one place left to go: the valley floor.

But that's for next time.

pawa24

This is sorta painful. But I can't look away.

Polaritie

Impressive.

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I've got skin like an especially calloused rhino.

Pain don't bother me.

pawa24

Page- wrote: »

I've got skin like an especially calloused rhino.

Pain don't bother me.

Its all good. However just for my peace of mind, you did get the message from before where there are other (read: not so painful) paths from that first bonfire.

Speaking of the path he is taking, what happens if he kills Nito before ringing the bells and aquireing the lordvessel? Anything? Or does Nito just drop his soul like regular?

Brew

This is perfect. I wish I had your fortitude. Pray, continue.