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[PA Comic] Friday, December 19, 2014 - Southron Swords, Part Three

DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
edited December 2014 in The Penny Arcade Hub

image[PA Comic] Friday, December 19, 2014 - Southron Swords, Part Three

Southron Swords, Part Three

Southron Swords, Part Three

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2014/12/19

Read the full story here


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Posts

  • Arden CaneloArden Canelo Registered User regular
    Really, really looks like the doctor is not wearing pants. Intentional? I would be terrified of a doctor who said to me with pants on.

  • ComradebotComradebot Lord of Dinosaurs Houston, TXRegistered User regular
    Looks pretty obvious to me he's wearing pants. It's either that, or his legs are a distinctively different color than the rest of his body.

    Andy JoefortyCambiatacerescB557GreenNightslyr
  • -Tal-Tal Registered User regular
    gabe cut your hair

    PNk1Ml4.png
    CambiataRingoMenasorcB557Mild ConfusionkimeGreenNightslyrCrippl3
  • ComradebotComradebot Lord of Dinosaurs Houston, TXRegistered User regular
    So, the doctor is about to give Gabe...

    *puts on sunglasses*

    ... a crucidicktion.

    TalonSEcB557Mild ConfusionTheCanManNightslyr
  • TurambarTurambar Independent Registered User regular
    aw, I wanted to see what the shop from the last strips was about

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  • ComradebotComradebot Lord of Dinosaurs Houston, TXRegistered User regular
    Turambar wrote: »
    aw, I wanted to see what the shop from the last strips was about

    It was about this: getting your dick crucified.

    Cambiata
  • LinktmLinktm Registered User regular
    I appreciate the effort for the pun at the end, but it's just too forced guys.

  • wormspeakerwormspeaker Objectively Terrible Registered User regular
    Turambar wrote: »
    aw, I wanted to see what the shop from the last strips was about

    It was a head shop. Or I guess now that they are legal there, a "dispensary"?

  • SmoogySmoogy Registered User regular
    edited December 2014
    I laughed out loud at one of these for the first time in awhile :)

    Smoogy on
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  • Tim is on the InternetTim is on the Internet On the Internet Edmonton, ABRegistered User regular
    Comradebot wrote: »
    So, the doctor is about to give Gabe...

    *puts on sunglasses*

    ... a crucidicktion.

    I literally just came on here to say that. Damn you.

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  • StockBreakStockBreak Registered User regular
    Gabe looks like he's a teenager going through his 'awkward, needs a haircut' phase.

    Praxus1874QuidcB557
  • darleysamdarleysam UKRegistered User regular
    I feel like the entire three comic run has been a build up to that pun, and was completely worth it. Excellent.

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  • sandalwoodsandalwood Cartoonist New YorkRegistered User regular
    I hope the Gabe's hair keeps getting longer in the back and shorter in the front. Take some time to mull over it...

    Quid
  • MooinrogueMooinrogue Registered User regular
    Poor Jerry. Not how you want a "minor procedure" to go. For your sake, I"m happy to act as a passive agent of your catharsis.

  • rchourchou Registered User regular
    I think Tycho is reaching a point in his life / career where he just doesn't give a fuck anymore. He's like the Kobe of gaming personalities. I know he's going through some hard shit, but the writing he's done this year has been some of his best ever. I think we as a community his voice more than ever. Thank goodness he's got the balls to say what's on his mind.

    Loser4Now
  • - Groucho -- Groucho - Registered User regular
    That may have been Tycho's best writing ever.

    Note that it was a single coherent narrative through the entire post. The dread continuity is perhaps not that dreadful.

  • fightinfilipinofightinfilipino Angry as Hell #BLMRegistered User regular
    newspost in one image

    xdobtmM.jpg

    ffNewSig.png
    steam | Dokkan: 868846562
    Tim is on the InternetcB557GreenNightslyrAndy Joe
  • FandeathisFandeathis Registered User regular
    newspost in one image

    xdobtmM.jpg

    The circle is finally complete.

    You fuck wit' Die Antwoord, you fuck wit' da army.
  • Loser4NowLoser4Now Registered User regular
    I was literally cry laughing as I read Jerry's last blog post. Watching Mike's art evolve has been obviously, immensely impressive; but no less than watching Jerry's writing do the same.

  • ArtereisArtereis Registered User regular
    edited December 2014
    rchou wrote: »
    Thank goodness he's got the balls to say what's on his mind.
    And yet in the comic, only Gabe.

    Artereis on
    Windburn
  • fortyforty Registered User regular
    rchou wrote: »
    Thank goodness he's got the balls to say what's on his mind.
    Not anymore! Ho hoooo...

    The best card in Hearthstone is your credit card.
    Calica
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    god, Jerry's experience sounds horrid

    when I had my vasectomy done, first of all they gave me clonazepam that i was to take 30 minutes before i showed up so when i did i was feelin' fine

    secondly because i was there via referral from my GP, there was no questionnaire or interrogation or any of that, it was surgery day, that was it

    (i had met with the urologist once before that, but that was purely from a health perspective, there was no ARE YOU SUUUUUUUURE bullshit)

    and the whole thing was done in like, maybe 5-10 minutes with a laser beam and some titanium implants, no stitches, i don't even have a visible scar

    the most unpleasant part was the anesthesia needle, because there was no fancy hypospray (that would've probably completed the trifecta of weird futuristic elements to the whole thing) so it was just getting jabbed in the scrotum with a fuck-off big needle and there was no easy way about that really

    also it cost me $0 because lol Canada

  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    Really, really looks like the doctor is not wearing pants. Intentional? I would be terrified of a doctor who said to me with pants on.

    You should maybe get a better monitor!

    forty
  • RodjirRodjir Registered User regular
    A male vasectomy? Nope. Never gonna happen. No thanks.

  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    But if you were a woman, you'd have your vas deferens tied?

    PonyRMS OceaniczerzhulComradebotDenada
  • DabeDabe Registered User, Penny Arcade Staff regular
    edited December 2014
    Fandeathis wrote: »

    The circle is finally complete.

    You'll appreciate what has been on Mike and Jerry's office door since Monday:
    lj2vs8hixy15.jpg


    Dabe on
    TychoCelchuuuAegeriPonyCambiataRehabFalxComradebotcB557Rhesus PositiveSnicketysnickMild ConfusionInquisitorDark Raven XDonnictonQuidCalicakimeGreenStupidsyndalisGONG-00TheCanManNightslyrDenadaCrippl3fightinfilipinofortyAndy JoeMarcinMNASimPerson
  • foodlefoodle Registered User regular
    Pony wrote: »
    the most unpleasant part was the anesthesia needle, because there was no fancy hypospray (that would've probably completed the trifecta of weird futuristic elements to the whole thing) so it was just getting jabbed in the scrotum with a fuck-off big needle and there was no easy way about that really

    also it cost me $0 because lol Canada

    I'm sensing a connection here.

  • jasenj1jasenj1 Registered User regular
    Strange. I got my junk chopped just over a month ago.

    They gave me a muscle relaxant and soon I was a Chatty Kathy. I'm usually very quiet, but when the drugs kicked in I was talking with the doctor non-stop while he did the deed.

    He reached in with a crochet hook, fished around, and yanked out the tubes. Then he chopped about 1/2" out of each. Yeah, I watched. All the while talking about TV shows to binge watch on NetFlix while recovering.

    So far I am not happy. My chopped tubes have turned into thick angry stumps - especially on one side. I'm still popping ibuprofen regularly. The swollen tube on one side rubs against the inside of my thigh in most unpleasant way.

    I'm really hoping this all settles down soon. I'll be very unhappy if my junk is messed up permanently.

  • jasenj1jasenj1 Registered User regular
    Pony wrote: »
    and the whole thing was done in like, maybe 5-10 minutes with a laser beam and some titanium implants, no stitches, i don't even have a visible scar

    Wha!? Oh man, I should have researched the different techniques before having mine done. I just went with whatever urologist my GP recommended.

    Titanium implants? That sounds like good times with airport security.

  • Robotic DraconianRobotic Draconian Registered User regular
    Well, what a...forceful...doctor.

  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    jasenj1 wrote: »
    Pony wrote: »
    and the whole thing was done in like, maybe 5-10 minutes with a laser beam and some titanium implants, no stitches, i don't even have a visible scar

    Wha!? Oh man, I should have researched the different techniques before having mine done. I just went with whatever urologist my GP recommended.

    Titanium implants? That sounds like good times with airport security.

    Nah, these are incredibly tiny, and are made in such a way that they're non-magnetic and don't set off anything. I could climb into an MRI and not worry about something ripping out of my ballsack horribly (trust me, I asked this question many times before my first MRI for unrelated reasons since having the surgery)

    I've walked through airport metal detectors n shit. Nothin'.

    Also
    foodle wrote: »
    Pony wrote: »
    the most unpleasant part was the anesthesia needle, because there was no fancy hypospray (that would've probably completed the trifecta of weird futuristic elements to the whole thing) so it was just getting jabbed in the scrotum with a fuck-off big needle and there was no easy way about that really

    also it cost me $0 because lol Canada

    I'm sensing a connection here.

    lol

    americans man

    did you miss the part about how i got a flawless no scalpel surgery with a laser

    you guys, man

    MegaMekPLAQuidfightinfilipino
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Go back to France, socialist.

    But seriously, how long would I have to live in Canada before I, too, was eligible for free health care?

    cB557MegaMek
  • ultraexactzzultraexactzz BLEASCHMNN Registered User regular
    See, I absolutely feel his pain. I had half a vasectomy 5 years ago.

    We went in, filled out the paperwork, and then I laid down on the table. The doctor used a local anesthetic, so my crotch should have been completely numb. I put my earbuds in and listened to OCRemix's finest, and prayed. My wife held my hand and tried really hard not to watch. They used a micro incision and a laser, then knotted everything. Or so I am told.

    He finished with my right side fairly quickly. I could feel a bit of the sting when he cut in, but it felt like a pinch and that was it. Felt none of the rummaging around inside bullshit.

    Then he switched sides. And it felt like he was poking at my goddamn funny bone. "Ow that hurts. Ow Doctor that hurts." At one point, it REALLY hurt and I gasped. My wife said that something was wrong.

    Aaaaaaand, then I stopped breathing and had a seizure.

    Piss everywhere, shaking, turned pale. Lost consciousness. He stopped and got the smelling salts. The song that had been playing was 4 minutes long, as I found out later - it was still going when I came to.

    So my wife goes out into the hallway and shouts "Oh my God we need help!!!" A nurse we knew who worked there told me later that 3 guys in the waiting room got up and left when they heard that.

    The Doctor's office was at the border between one city and the next one - and the city's EMTs were out on a call. So they call the next city over, and they send 3 crews (who were on a training run at the time). Literally 12 EMTs and firefighters come streaming into this tiny office. Embarassing. And every guy on those crews looked at me with that "We feel you bro, but not really, because we're not mutilated half-men" look. Off to the hospital we went.

    A month later my wife went in to get fixed. I called once to see if I needed to do anything, like maybe get the other side done or something? Doctor never billed me, never billed insurance, never called back. So yeah, half a vasectomy.

    Could've used valium that day.

    Calica
  • ComradebotComradebot Lord of Dinosaurs Houston, TXRegistered User regular
    See, I absolutely feel his pain. I had half a vasectomy 5 years ago.

    We went in, filled out the paperwork, and then I laid down on the table. The doctor used a local anesthetic, so my crotch should have been completely numb. I put my earbuds in and listened to OCRemix's finest, and prayed. My wife held my hand and tried really hard not to watch. They used a micro incision and a laser, then knotted everything. Or so I am told.

    He finished with my right side fairly quickly. I could feel a bit of the sting when he cut in, but it felt like a pinch and that was it. Felt none of the rummaging around inside bullshit.

    Then he switched sides. And it felt like he was poking at my goddamn funny bone. "Ow that hurts. Ow Doctor that hurts." At one point, it REALLY hurt and I gasped. My wife said that something was wrong.

    Aaaaaaand, then I stopped breathing and had a seizure.

    Piss everywhere, shaking, turned pale. Lost consciousness. He stopped and got the smelling salts. The song that had been playing was 4 minutes long, as I found out later - it was still going when I came to.

    So my wife goes out into the hallway and shouts "Oh my God we need help!!!" A nurse we knew who worked there told me later that 3 guys in the waiting room got up and left when they heard that.

    The Doctor's office was at the border between one city and the next one - and the city's EMTs were out on a call. So they call the next city over, and they send 3 crews (who were on a training run at the time). Literally 12 EMTs and firefighters come streaming into this tiny office. Embarassing. And every guy on those crews looked at me with that "We feel you bro, but not really, because we're not mutilated half-men" look. Off to the hospital we went.

    A month later my wife went in to get fixed. I called once to see if I needed to do anything, like maybe get the other side done or something? Doctor never billed me, never billed insurance, never called back. So yeah, half a vasectomy.

    Could've used valium that day.

    Aaaand now I'm never, ever getting a vasectomy.


    Pretty sure I'm dealing with "sympathy testicular terror" right now (terrorsticular or testiculterror, pick whichever).

    Smrtnikforty
  • MartynMartyn Registered User regular
    Mine was a quick procedure, no real problems. Not that much pain, but was creeped out somewhat, particularly since the tray where he was putting the "scraps" was right in front of my face.

    It was like this: either I would go in to get cut, or my wife would have to. That was all I needed to know.

  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    Jesus, what barbaric crazy places are you poor bros having the lead taken out of your bullets at?

    I got doped up on a potent benzo and I was so relaxed I live-tweeted the procedure because some elements (like having a cute nurse my age wipe warm antiseptic goo all average my junk) was weird as hell.

    Like I said, literally the only painful part was the freezing needle, which was deeply unpleasant but momentary so who cares? I felt literally nothing after that, I noticed the smell of the laser searing me out of the gene pool more than anything else.

    Then for like the rest of the day and the day after I felt like I had been kicked in the sack. So I just... took it easy? No need for frozen peas or whatever. When the minimum amount of safe time had passed I was back to my husbandly duties.

    I feel bad for you bros, that shit sounds medieval.

    But other guys? Don't let their horror stories put you off. It was honestly the best decision for us.

  • Tim is on the InternetTim is on the Internet On the Internet Edmonton, ABRegistered User regular
    edited December 2014
    This is all making me surprisingly comfortable in my wife's infertility.

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  • ComradebotComradebot Lord of Dinosaurs Houston, TXRegistered User regular
    By "husbandly duties", @Pony meant boning.
    Channeling my inner Captain Hammer, and I apologize for nothing.

    Pony
  • PLAPLA The process.Registered User regular
    There was a fish mobile in the corner of the room, and the top part - the part the fish hang from - was two triangles overlapping, the Star of David. I stared at it so long, and so hard, that I became a Jew.

    Beautiful.

    Rear Admiral ChocoGreenDonnictonCrippl3Andy Joe
  • Dirk2112Dirk2112 Registered User regular
    Wow some of you guys are much more badass than I am. When I had it done, I had the anesthesiologist knock me out. I woke up to Frankenstein balls, but otherwise no issues.

    My biggest commonality with the 3 part strip is the super hot nurse on Part II. For some reason the place I had my procedure done had 1 young really attractive woman and 3 others sporting the short haired, attractive, middle aged woman with glasses look. For some reason this bothered me. I kept thinking, why couldn't a bunch of unattactive ones know that I am sterile. Then again, at least it wasn't a bunch of guys staring at my junk.

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