I don't know if I can take a year of calendar jokes.
Now I want to see a Batman villain called "Calendar Joke Man".
I'm pretty sure that villain's backstory would include being raised by the Joker and Calendar Man. He'd be Batman's greatest foe.
He's probably in the background of one of those giant Alex Ross "Kingdom Come" posters already.
Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
and I wonder about my neighbors even though I don't have them
but they're listening to every word I say
+3
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Jacques L'HommeBAH! He was a rank amateur compared to, DR. COLOSSUS!Registered Userregular
Hitler is on one of his many inspections of the Reich, today an insane asylum.
Everyone is lined up at the end of their beds while he comes down to preform the inspection, and as he passes every man extends his arm to salute, and declares, "heil Hitler!" All, but one man at the end.
Der Fürher is furious! His face turns red, his cheeks puff up, he's stamping his feet, "Vas is this?! Vhy do you not salute?!"
The man nervously stammers, "o-oh, I am sorry, I-I vork here. I am not crazy like the rest of them!"
On one hand I'm looking forward to getting out of the repeats, but on the other hand I at least I KNOW how bad the repeats are. What fresh horrors await us in the land of the new day
Where did the burgers go after their wedding? On a bun-eymoon!
What do meatballs say about mystery stories? "The pot thickens!"
How do gossipy hamburgers spend their time? They chew the fat!
What kind of company is a 24-hour hamburger joint? Fry-by-night!
What famous movie did the hamburger meat think of when they took it out of the freezer? "The Fry Who Came in from the Cold"!
What do some people have against cheeseburgers? They say, "Burgers can't be cheesey!"
Why do hamburgers make good baseball players? They're great at the plate!
What system do they teach in Hamburger High's math courses? The meatric system, silly!
What old-time song is the burgers' favorite? "Hammy" -as sung by Al Jolson!
What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins? They think they are in a pickle!
I wanted to include this illustration because of how utterly defeated the hamburgers are. They look like they are contemplating all their life choices.
April 27
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened." - Sir Winston Churchill
That "joke" reminds me of one particular Sunday at church, about 6 months ago.
The lesson for the day was about the "body" of the church and how everybody has their own role to play. The guy teaching the lesson said, "Some people are the eyes, some are the ears, and some are the hands and feet."
My pastor's father-in-law (himself a retired pastor at the age of 96) yelled out, rather loudly, "And some people are the assholes!"
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"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."
I'm pretty sure that villain's backstory would include being raised by the Joker and Calendar Man. He'd be Batman's greatest foe.
He's probably in the background of one of those giant Alex Ross "Kingdom Come" posters already.
Island Name: Felinefine
A fine line by Mark Twain...Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
It would be Superman's cousin, Kal'En-Dar.
Modern Definition. Irritainment: Media spectacles and reality shows that are so annoying, you can't stop yourself from watching.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
What kind of dog likes to take a bath?
Yes that is a scary URL, but I am 99% sure it's a fake site, ( god I hope so)
Sadly rim.jobs no longer works.
but they're listening to every word I say
It's the crayon on the CSL site that's causing the laughter that's gonna send me to hell
http://www.gotahoenorth.com/
but they're listening to every word I say
Everyone is lined up at the end of their beds while he comes down to preform the inspection, and as he passes every man extends his arm to salute, and declares, "heil Hitler!" All, but one man at the end.
Der Fürher is furious! His face turns red, his cheeks puff up, he's stamping his feet, "Vas is this?! Vhy do you not salute?!"
The man nervously stammers, "o-oh, I am sorry, I-I vork here. I am not crazy like the rest of them!"
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
Where did the burgers go after their wedding?
On a bun-eymoon!
What do meatballs say about mystery stories?
"The pot thickens!"
How do gossipy hamburgers spend their time?
They chew the fat!
What kind of company is a 24-hour hamburger joint?
Fry-by-night!
What famous movie did the hamburger meat think of when they took it out of the freezer?
"The Fry Who Came in from the Cold"!
What do some people have against cheeseburgers?
They say, "Burgers can't be cheesey!"
Why do hamburgers make good baseball players?
They're great at the plate!
What system do they teach in Hamburger High's math courses?
The meatric system, silly!
What old-time song is the burgers' favorite?
"Hammy" -as sung by Al Jolson!
What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins?
They think they are in a pickle!
I wanted to include this illustration because of how utterly defeated the hamburgers are. They look like they are contemplating all their life choices.
It's the burger version of the end to Requiem for a Dream.
If this gets a repeat, then so does this
It's like life passed them by and they can't ketchup
Mayooooooo!
Sitting there in severe angus.
We've had one joke thread hit 100 pages, once we have 2 more full threads after that.
When the 4th thread hits 65 pages, we can release the Bad Joke Thread Page a Day calendar
Then we all pray to Calendar Man for the mercy of a swift death.
Then we print the Cat Toast joke on Feb 29th
Steam // Secret Satan
It's forever my favourite dad joke.
If all is not lost, where is it?
Reminds me of this little gem:
Family is driving along the countryside and go past a farm full of cows and pigs.
Mom perks up: "Look honey! (Indicating her husband) It's your family!"
Dad chimes in: "Yep. My in-laws."
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened." - Sir Winston Churchill
Some days you're the dog. Some days you're the hydrant.
The lesson for the day was about the "body" of the church and how everybody has their own role to play. The guy teaching the lesson said, "Some people are the eyes, some are the ears, and some are the hands and feet."
My pastor's father-in-law (himself a retired pastor at the age of 96) yelled out, rather loudly, "And some people are the assholes!"
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on Start?
Seriously?
When red-headed people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.