It looks like my marriage is pretty much over. My wife and I have been married for almost 5 years, but together for 12. Throughout our relationship, she dealt with anxiety and depression issues. She also worked incredibly stressful jobs, and in the midst of all of this, she would project her frustrations onto our relationship, or at least it seemed that way to me. Each time a guy showed interest in her, she started wondering if being with me was the right choice. She didn't think she should have feelings for other people if everything was okay with us. This cycle would happen every couple of years. It would end with her reaffirming that she loves me and wants to be with me
This has had a toll on our sex life. We never had actual sex until some time after we were married, and it's never been easy for a variety of reasons. At this point it pretty much isn't happening more than once a month. It didn't really bother me, but apparently it bothered her.
She started taking Lexapro a few years back now, and she's been steadily improving. Her getting a job and us moving out to CA has put her at the best I've seen her since college. It's also put us at the start of the cycle again. She says they're feelings that she's never really let go, but we never really end up talking about it until she gets some kind of confession from someone. Now that she doesn't feel like she has to rely on me to keep her stable, it's like there's nothing left for her. I've wanted nothing more than to have her get to this point, and now she feels like she could make it on her own and really wants to try that. She had trouble seeing us growing together as people, but doesn't really know what that means. She asked me what she saw us doing together, and my response was basically going to places we wanted to experience, trying new things and growing older in the process. She said she just couldn't get excited about that.
I don't know what to do with myself now. Obviously we'll need to figure out the divorce proceedings, but just the personal side of things completely swamps me. I'll need to move, because living solo in LA is crazy expensive and I don't think I could afford it. I don't have any attachments here anyway, aside from her. We had been talking about moving to Seattle before the job offer so that's a consideration, but going there as by myself is completely different from what we were looking into before. I have no support system down here, no friends and my family is all on the other coast. I'll be doing this completely on my own. Is Seattle even a good idea as a bachelor?
The Freeze seems hard enough on anyone who's new there, and I absolutely will need to meet people. I'm terrified that if I just end up shut up in an apartment with no contact that I'll end up hurting myself. I work from home, so the job will just be there as long as I have decent internet, but there is absolutely nothing that requires me to leave the house.
I don't know what to do. I always knew there was a possibility that we ended up here, but I always thought we'd work through things.
I'm really scared, guys.