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Two [Chat]S For Sister Sara
Preacher
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https://youtu.be/oE4MW2HNluwIf you've never seen this movie, you're in for a treat. Hint its not actually about mules...
I would like some money because these are artisanal nuggets of wisdom philistine.
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With the Julio-Claudian family now extinct, the Senate recognised the Governor of Hispania, Servius Sulpicius Galba, as the new emperor, hoping his wise and experienced hands would make a change from the decadent megalomania the Emperors had been known for. Everyone knew Galba would be a good emperor - until he became emperor.
Marching to Rome, Galba took his reputation and blew it out a cannon. Punishing towns which didn't immediately open their gates to him, treating the Soldiers of the Rhine quite indifferently and overreacting to a Legionary deputation and subjecting them to decimation. And then the worst thing: He didn't pay a bribe to the Praetorian Guard.
Meanwhile an ambitious young Governor of Lusitania, Marcus Salvius Otho, was told by an astronomer that Galba (around 70 years old and childless) would soon be dead and Otho would succeed him. To this end, Otho borrowed tons of money to curry favour with influential men of the city, and arranged for one of Galba's advisers to marry his sister, in return for his recommendation of becoming Galba's heir. There was a bit of pressure to pick an heir as Galba was getting on in years and there were rumblings of a revolt on the Rhine. So Galba named an heir in January 69AD, and it wasn't Otho. And even more deadly, he didn't celebrate this happy news by bribing the Praetorian Guard. Again. Furious at being spurned, Otho gathered up the last cash he had and stirred the Guard up into a frenzy, leading them into a small revolt that overwhelmed Galba's retainers and killed him, his heir and his advisers. And so the first Emperor passed.
Ratified by a shaken Senate, Otho began going through Galba's correspondence. Taxes, petitions, the majority of the Rhine Legions in revolt, request for orders from someone called Titus Flav...wait, what?
See, Galba had commanded the Rhine Legions earlier in his career, and the kind of discipline he used to decimate disrespectful soldiers leaves you with a bad reputation, and his snubbing of them on his way to Rome really ticked them off. Galba wasn't blind to this, and had sent the gluttonous non-Military Aulus Vitellius to command them, assured he would not whip them into rebellion. And he was right, but Vitellius wasn't doing the whipping, two local commanders who had personally offended Galba had. So when the year started and the soldiers were to renew their oath to the emperor, they instead rejected it and declared their commander Imperator. For Vitellius, this was a sort of "lead us or get out of the way" moment, and he chose the latter. Even when news of Galba's death reached them, the soldiers had snowballed into rebellion for rebellion's sake, and it no longer mattered which Emperor they toppled.
While the bulk of the non-Gaulish empire backed Otho, that didn't do much good when there aren't many soldiers between you and your enemy. Still, Otho made a go of it, and his Brother helped lead troops North to block their advance. This campaign is popularly defined by the cart leading the horse, the soldiers ambitiously charging around while their commanders tried to keep up lest they be accused of insufficient commitment. A major battle took place in April that saw the Othonian troops pushed back. Despite reinforcements on the way, Otho concluded holding onto the throne was not worth spilling more Roman Blood, so he committed suicide. And so the second Emperor passed.
Vitellius' response to this was a drunken party from Southern Gaul to Rome, calling the city of Otho's death "a small grave for a small man". Setting up shop, he left day to day administration to the two men who had gotten things started. Allies when trying to pre-empt Galba's wrath, the two soon became rivals, and the three of them soon received unwelcome news from the East.
Titus Flavius Vespasianus had been send to Judea by Nero to put down the Great Jewish Revolt, the one that would eventually conclude with the siege of Masada in 73. Nero's suicide had put the breaks on his campaign as he waited for instructions from Galba oh wait I mean Otho oh come on now. A stream of Othonian refugees decried Vitellian tyranny, and once again subordinates of the commander stoked his ambition to further their own, but unlike Vitellius, Vespasian was a well respected veteran of the campaigns of Claudius in Britannia, and had a military record any emperor would be proud of. Eventually he accepted the acclamation of his troops as Emperor and moved to Alexandria to prepare for the campaign. By the time he was ready to head to Italy it was over.
Yet another ambitious underling by the name of Antonius was stationed in the Balkans and sprung into Italy without orders. In the time between Otho's death and now, Vitellius had shuffled the legions he brought with him, promoting the best soldiers to be his personal bodyguard and thus taking them out of the army. Vitellius sent his two advisers to check Antonius' advance, but one made an attempt to defect, an attempt his officers executed him for. The headless army scattered, Antonius then had a night battle near Cremona, which lasted until dawn, and when Antonius' troops undertook an Eastern Ritual of turning to greet the sun, their opponents mistook this for greeting reinforcements, decided to kill Vitellius' other adviser and surrender.
With nothing standing between Antonius and Rome, Vitellius, more a figurehead for other men's passions than anything, negotiated with Vespasian's brother to surrender and resign with his head intact, and in early December he announced his abdication. However his supporters, more in love with the idea of the man than the man himself gee where have I heard that recently, refused his resignation, and marched up to Vespasian's brother's house and executed him, while Vespasian's youngest son Domitian had to sneak away to avoid a similar fate. Talks now impossible, Antonius marched into Rome, swept the diehard supporters aside and executed Vitellius. And so the third Emperor passed.
On 21st December 69AD, the Senate recognised Vespasian as Emperor. Until he personally arrived, Rome endured looting and pillaging and Riots as Spanish and Gaulish and Danubish soldiers and common criminals ran amok. However because Antonius had acted on his own, this had the effect of leaving Vespasian's hands clean of all the chaos, a rare situation. Since all the major military areas had taken their shot at the Throne, there was nobody else to march up to Vespasian and topple him. The fourth Emperor would rule for nearly ten years, spending that time restoring the prestige of the Emperor and rebuilding Rome. His last words as he stood on his feet had humility to rival Nero's: "Oh dear, I must be becoming a god." His two sons Titus and Domitian would continue his rational reign, though Domitian had the balls to not seek the approval of the Senate for much of his reign and ultimately died for it.
Tacitus writes that 69AD could have been the end of the Roman Empire, and while the Crisis of the Third Century shows you what it really takes to threaten your civilization, it can't have been a pleasant time to live through.
It is time for new to replace old
It is done.
The chat is dead. Long live the chat.
LOL at people being excited for Metroid: Other M.
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pleasepaypreacher.net
Yes, totally about nuns.
pleasepaypreacher.net
nun...chucks?
Wait, the dudes are nuns.
I should've told you the dudes are nuns.
That game is currently sat in my pile of unplayed ones. I should get around to that some day
Celeste [Switch] - She'll be wrestling with inner demons when she comes...
Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age [Switch] - Sit down and watch our game play itself
Switch - SW-7373-3669-3011
Fuck Joe Manchin
The old chat was already dead at page 101. It just didn't know it.
Never liked the Xanthe books.
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We were free and we were men
The baby. <shudders>
We need you to say your lines like a bored sex phone worker talking to someone with a sad fetish, and go.
pleasepaypreacher.net
holy fuckballs
this is the best pizza ever
(its probably not that good, but a week and a half of scraps and canned food makes it seems like heaven)
uunnnnnnnnnngggghhhhhh
PUSH ALL THE CHIPS IN
i would double down on the $5 one.
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I always lose when I try it.
God help me if I should win.
i am not so fortunate
*longingly remembers now nonexistent bank account*
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter