ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
I got over going out alone pretty damn quick when my kid turned about 15 months old. I stopped feeling awkward and started feeling relieved that for a couple hours I was not being assaulted and cried at by a very demanding small child. I always brought a book or my tablet or something I was crafting at the time, but quite a bit of the time I didn't even use it, I'd just sit there and eat and look around and maybe people-watch a bit.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
Going on a first date today to the zoo! Excited but nervous! I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month now. I like him a lot. Hope things stay good
I'm really starting to wish I'd never spoke to my dad about my mental health issues. He gives me shit about being depressed saying stuff like "just because you're sad doesn't mean you're depressed. it's fine to be sad." Or like if I'm in the car with him and something hits me like seeing a dilapidated suburban house and I say "that makes me depressed" he goes "everything makes you depressed."
I know this isn't the thread for it, and I'm not asking for help (as Tube said this place is in no way capable of handling these issues), but it just...kinda hurts when he does that. Just, no, you don't understand what goes in my head.
addendum: The only reason this is an issue is because I live at home until my job comes through so he inevitably ends up being around me during one of my funks, like last night after the date, and while I appreciate him being there for me I need him to stop talking as if he knows the issue.
My favorite bartender is leaving in like a week! He gave me every drink he messed up for someone else, for free. I bought him a couple for the end of his shift. We sat around and talked about nerd shit
Going on a first date today to the zoo! Excited but nervous! I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month now. I like him a lot. Hope things stay good
The zoo is a fantastic place for a date, good pick.
You should use the ol' "I know it's a bit sudden, but I really like you and I'd like to introduce you to my parents..." and then gesture at the animals in the exhibit your standing in front of gag.
You should use it like 5 times throughout the day.
Finally got friends to set aside time to go see Thor with me, jesus, I really wish it wasn't awkward to go to movies alone.
....
It is?
I go alone all the time.
I just find it awkward, like lots of things.
I used to, but I worked at a theater for a year and they let me see movies pre and post shift as long as I wasn't wearing my uniform, so I saw a lot of movies by myself. I almost went to see Justice League today because I wanted popcorn and something to keep me occupied but a friend had a small thing that I ended up needing to help with.
Finally got friends to set aside time to go see Thor with me, jesus, I really wish it wasn't awkward to go to movies alone.
....
It is?
I go alone all the time.
I just find it awkward, like lots of things.
I feel like going to a movie alone is fine cause the place is dark and what not
But a restaurant would be a no cause you have to interact with a server and nah
I bring my Kindle if I end up going to lunch at a sit-down place by myself.
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
I go alone in the middle of the day, as is the privilege of the medically disabled (and also people in college)
I usually go to the first showing in the day (~11am) because that's easier if I have to work that night. Though usually only coming off a weekend since sleep is (tries to be) the priority.
I really have not been to a restaurant in years I think before I moved here was the last time that Oct-Jan of 07_is a blur because Aug-Oct of then was really a rollercoaster of a time.
I go to the movies all the time just I really didn't go that much this year because I really am just brunt out
I still feel bad even though Rogue One was out on DVD I bought it saw it and still went to the dollar theater to still say I have seen all the Star Wars movies in the cinema
That was not a fun bus ride
0
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WACriminalDying Is Easy, Young ManLiving Is HarderRegistered Userregular
I don't post as much in this thread anymore, for a few reasons. Mostly because I felt like I was trying to offload too many of my problems onto internet people instead of actually addressing them myself or with the help of friends who actually know me. And there have been a lot of problems this year, but it has been a good year. I'm gonna write the problems down, because I haven't been able to just say everything in one place, but it all ends happily, so I don't feel like I'm really searching for support so much as I am just journalling and decompressing the past year.
Spoilered for long.
I won't rehash the whole story, but as background, I got married last November. She came to visit her siblings over Thanksgiving, we got hitched, then she went back to her state until I came to get her + her stuff in December and moved her to my city. (Move #1)
At New Year's, we moved out of the room I'd been renting and into our own place. (Move #2)
In late January, due to mold or something in the new place, we had to move out. Whatever it was, it was causing Partner to have violent, potentially life-threatening allergic reactions. It was apparently really bad, because after the landlord and maintenance checked the place over, they let us out of our lease without protest, which made us think they probably found something we could have sued over, but we weren't interested in all that, so we moved to the complex where Partner's sibling lives. (Move #3)
About a week later, Partner realized that her abusive father knew about that complex, more specifically that he knows Partner's sibling lives there. Her PTSD flared pretty badly, and it quickly became untenable to live there. I begged and pleaded with her not to make us move again, because my sanity was pretty much gone from all the chaos in the first place. Routine is how I keep my stability through depressive episodes, and I didn't think I had another move in me so soon. But you can't really argue with PTSD, so we moved to a completely different complex under a different realty company. (Move #4)
The landlords at that place weren't as lenient as our previous ones, though, and we ended up having to open credit cards in our name and went into roughly $2000 of debt covering rent, early termination fees, etc. I hadn't been in debt since I finished paying off some minor student loans. This on top of the fact that the rent increase between the first apartment and the place we finally ended up was ~$200 a month. I was almost out of time off from work, because each move necessitated me driving us around to check out new places, since she's blind and can't drive around herself.
We managed to get moved, though, and spent Valentine's Day in the new place. Nothing super romantic, mostly just us recuperating. We redesigned our budget with a plan to get us out of debt by August.
It is at this point that I want to mention that in December, I mentioned to Partner that I really wanted a Nintendo Switch so I could play the new Zelda. At the time, we were planning to pick it up on release. That, however, was before Move #2 even happened. Our new situation made it completely impossible for us to even think about something like a game console.
Except...over the following months, there always seemed to be something that Partner wanted that we DID have the money for. A new couch, a bigger mattress, a new wooden table for the dining room, a pair of plane tickets (technically a honeymoon, but all her idea). There were lots of smaller moments, too, like going over-budget to get cheeseburgers for her when we had plenty of food at the apartment. Combined with some medical/dental happenings, the debt payoff target eventually got pushed out to February.
During those times, I would try to steer things towards frugality, because being out of debt is really important to me. For at least 3 months straight, I ate nothing but frozen burritos during the workweek. Frozen burritos, twice a day, five days a week and sometimes also on weekends. I had it calculated that if I stuck to that diet, I could reduce my food budget footprint to ~$80/month, without hating myself quite as much as I would on a diet of, say, nothing but ramen noodles. I would try to convince her of stuff like "we don't really need that couch", etc, but it wasn't effective. All the money saved ended up getting siphoned off into the latest thing she wanted.
About a month ago, it finally just came to a head as we were talking about something that was definitely going to push the debt payoff past February. She could tell it was bothering me, so she kept pushing me until I finally figured out the right words: "This is not an equal partnership. Whenever you want something -- like a couch or an airplane ticket -- it gets done immediately. Whenever I need something -- like a stable routine to manage my depression, or paying off the debt so I can feel secure in having a home without fear of having to move again -- it gets scheduled, and then the schedule gets pushed back and back and back and ultimately I just have to accept that it's not going to happen. And that's not even getting into things I want but don't need, like the Switch we talked about last year. That thing's never happening, because there is always going to be some new thing that you want that needs to get done immediately."
And we talked about it.
She grew up poor, and that poverty has continued into her adult life because of a confluence of factors -- not least of which is society's refusal to employ disabled individuals. I'm not rich by any means, but even so, she's never had access to the kind of financial stability I have. She's having to learn a whole new level of differentiation between wants and needs that she's never had the opportunity to explore. And, much like the story above, there has been a whole series of struggles and sacrifices and mistakes behind the scenes that I didn't always get the chance to see because, even in a partnership, it's just not possible to see everything all the time. The conversation ranged in that weird triangle between an argument, a breakdown, and a heart-to-heart. There were apologies and breakthroughs and understandings.
Today, we were laying in bed talking about a tattoo she's always dreamed of getting. At first we were talking about it in a theoretical sense, then she told me that she had found someone well-recommended with decent rates, and that she wanted to schedule a first session around June. It's a long-term project, and she estimates it will cost...well, a lot...by the time it's done, but it's something she's wanted for years and years.
Partner could tell I was starting to get depressed again, so she said that she wanted to give me my Christmas present early. I said OK, and she brought it out. I unwrapped it, and it was a Switch with a copy of Zelda.
She said, "I raised money for this from your friends and family, on top of the money we budgeted for me to get you presents. I want you to know, I'm listening to you. I hear you. And I understand I've fucked up a lot this year with money, and haven't taken care of you like you've taken care of me. And I want you to know, I'm going to fix it. This tattoo, I'm saving for it out of my half of the budget, and I'm going to find ways to raise extra money outside our usual income. And if I can't pay for it, I don't get it until I can. I know this present doesn't, like...FIX things. I know you've been traumatized by a lot of what's happened this year. This is just my way of promising you...I get it. I understand. And I'm going to make it right."
So with that in mind, here's a status report on some of the good things that have happened this year:
We had our honeymoon in New Orleans! Stayed at a nice B&B with the most fun old Cajun landlord I've ever met. She got to have beignets for the first time (and second and third times, because beignets). We shopped, went for walks, and watched The Princess & The Frog together in honor of the New Orleans setting. I took heavy advantage of the B&B's free open bar, lol.
Immediately after returning from New Orleans (which is the worst timing for this decision ever) she decided to stop being a vegetarian, because her body was letting her know it wasn't satisfied on a nutritional level with her diet anymore. We've been having fun getting her reacquainted with various meat dishes the past few months. She really digs bacon and eggs, of course. Can't wait for her to try out some of my family's cooking at Christmas.
Speaking of which, after a rocky start, she and my family are making steps towards being closer. Family's a difficult dynamic for her because of how shitty her parents were, but she's learning to feel safe with mine, which is gonna make holidays much easier for both of us.
I got a raise at work. Also, they asked me (along with two others) to fill in for my supervisor while he was out of town for a while due to Reasons. More Reasons are coming up, and they're planning to ask us to fill in again. This time, the three of us have agreed that we're all saying no if we don't each get a raise in accordance with the extra work we're being expected to do. We're tired of working harder so somebody else can get paid more than we do.
Despite all the shenanigans it took to get here, this apartment actually is very nice and we love it here. The complex has an indoor heated pool, the apartment walls are very nearly soundproof (either that or we have supernaturally quiet neighbors), it's practically next-door to a supermarket. Just a lot of really nice things about it.
There's more, but this post is already quite long.
Today marks one month since I met my girlfriend (yeah, 11th of September. Handy.)
It's easily been the best month of my year--despite the world basically burning down, it's been a pretty dang good year for me personally--and it came so completely out of nowhere.
We... have pet names for each other? Which I've never done before but it just kind of slipped out once and felt natural???
Today marks one month since I met my girlfriend (yeah, 11th of September. Handy.)
It's easily been the best month of my year--despite the world basically burning down, it's been a pretty dang good year for me personally--and it came so completely out of nowhere.
We... have pet names for each other? Which I've never done before but it just kind of slipped out once and felt natural???
Today marks one month since I met my girlfriend (yeah, 11th of September. Handy.)
It's easily been the best month of my year--despite the world basically burning down, it's been a pretty dang good year for me personally--and it came so completely out of nowhere.
We... have pet names for each other? Which I've never done before but it just kind of slipped out once and felt natural???
That's...3 months?
30 days hath September
The month before December
Any others you thought you knew
I assure you you misremember
I don't understand how all the bad stuff sticks to my memory and all the good stuff get buried
Aren't they supposed to be rose-colored glasses
It's always like I feel and remember the bad stuff more strongly
It's a really common thing among people who suffer from depression.
I have an amazing memory and people are often impression by how far back I can accurately remember, what I don't tend to mention is that I basically remember everything that ever made me feel bad because it all constantly circulates through my thoughts every day.
You're probably going to want to get some cognitive behavioral therapy or something similar to help you get out of those unhealthy habits.
Steam / Xbox Live: WSDX NNID: W-S-D-X 3DS FC: 2637-9461-8549
Today marks one month since I met my girlfriend (yeah, 11th of September. Handy.)
It's easily been the best month of my year--despite the world basically burning down, it's been a pretty dang good year for me personally--and it came so completely out of nowhere.
We... have pet names for each other? Which I've never done before but it just kind of slipped out once and felt natural???
Today marks one month since I met my girlfriend (yeah, 11th of September. Handy.)
It's easily been the best month of my year--despite the world basically burning down, it's been a pretty dang good year for me personally--and it came so completely out of nowhere.
We... have pet names for each other? Which I've never done before but it just kind of slipped out once and felt natural???
That's...3 months?
I ALWAYS MIX SEPTEMBER AND NOVEMBER UP
The words are too similar
Yeah i mean one starts with Nov and the other starts with Sept and are divided by Oct and Halloween come on now
+1
Options
BroloBroseidonLord of the BroceanRegistered Userregular
Today marks one month since I met my girlfriend (yeah, 11th of September. Handy.)
It's easily been the best month of my year--despite the world basically burning down, it's been a pretty dang good year for me personally--and it came so completely out of nowhere.
We... have pet names for each other? Which I've never done before but it just kind of slipped out once and felt natural???
That's...3 months?
I ALWAYS MIX SEPTEMBER AND NOVEMBER UP
The words are too similar
Well just remember that septem means seven and novem means nine, which means they're the seventh and the ninth month in the ten month Roman calendar
Posts
I know this isn't the thread for it, and I'm not asking for help (as Tube said this place is in no way capable of handling these issues), but it just...kinda hurts when he does that. Just, no, you don't understand what goes in my head.
addendum: The only reason this is an issue is because I live at home until my job comes through so he inevitably ends up being around me during one of my funks, like last night after the date, and while I appreciate him being there for me I need him to stop talking as if he knows the issue.
@Grey Ghost i demand answers, graham
The zoo is a fantastic place for a date, good pick.
You should use it like 5 times throughout the day.
I just find it awkward, like lots of things.
I feel like going to a movie alone is fine cause the place is dark and what not
But a restaurant would be a no cause you have to interact with a server and nah
I used to, but I worked at a theater for a year and they let me see movies pre and post shift as long as I wasn't wearing my uniform, so I saw a lot of movies by myself. I almost went to see Justice League today because I wanted popcorn and something to keep me occupied but a friend had a small thing that I ended up needing to help with.
I bring my Kindle if I end up going to lunch at a sit-down place by myself.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
While I did not get to pet them, I still feel it was an above average day.
Somebody bring me a guitar and a mic
Steam ID - VeldrinD | SS Post | Wishlist
Can we alternate the folk songs with sea shanties?
Oh my God I have been doing life completely wronnnnnng!!!!!
Oh absolutely
Steam ID - VeldrinD | SS Post | Wishlist
Spoiled for pics
So freaking happy. Can't wait for the full resolution versions, and really looking forward to a few of the others they took in particular.
PSN / Xbox / NNID: Fodder185
I still want them, but it feels really nice not to be disappointed when they don't happen.
The Aussie bush will forever be the shit.
I do that alone, too.
There’s nothing a couple can do that I can’t comfortably do all by myself.
Uh...wait...
So many options....
I go to the movies all the time just I really didn't go that much this year because I really am just brunt out
I still feel bad even though Rogue One was out on DVD I bought it saw it and still went to the dollar theater to still say I have seen all the Star Wars movies in the cinema
That was not a fun bus ride
Spoilered for long.
At New Year's, we moved out of the room I'd been renting and into our own place. (Move #2)
In late January, due to mold or something in the new place, we had to move out. Whatever it was, it was causing Partner to have violent, potentially life-threatening allergic reactions. It was apparently really bad, because after the landlord and maintenance checked the place over, they let us out of our lease without protest, which made us think they probably found something we could have sued over, but we weren't interested in all that, so we moved to the complex where Partner's sibling lives. (Move #3)
About a week later, Partner realized that her abusive father knew about that complex, more specifically that he knows Partner's sibling lives there. Her PTSD flared pretty badly, and it quickly became untenable to live there. I begged and pleaded with her not to make us move again, because my sanity was pretty much gone from all the chaos in the first place. Routine is how I keep my stability through depressive episodes, and I didn't think I had another move in me so soon. But you can't really argue with PTSD, so we moved to a completely different complex under a different realty company. (Move #4)
The landlords at that place weren't as lenient as our previous ones, though, and we ended up having to open credit cards in our name and went into roughly $2000 of debt covering rent, early termination fees, etc. I hadn't been in debt since I finished paying off some minor student loans. This on top of the fact that the rent increase between the first apartment and the place we finally ended up was ~$200 a month. I was almost out of time off from work, because each move necessitated me driving us around to check out new places, since she's blind and can't drive around herself.
We managed to get moved, though, and spent Valentine's Day in the new place. Nothing super romantic, mostly just us recuperating. We redesigned our budget with a plan to get us out of debt by August.
It is at this point that I want to mention that in December, I mentioned to Partner that I really wanted a Nintendo Switch so I could play the new Zelda. At the time, we were planning to pick it up on release. That, however, was before Move #2 even happened. Our new situation made it completely impossible for us to even think about something like a game console.
Except...over the following months, there always seemed to be something that Partner wanted that we DID have the money for. A new couch, a bigger mattress, a new wooden table for the dining room, a pair of plane tickets (technically a honeymoon, but all her idea). There were lots of smaller moments, too, like going over-budget to get cheeseburgers for her when we had plenty of food at the apartment. Combined with some medical/dental happenings, the debt payoff target eventually got pushed out to February.
During those times, I would try to steer things towards frugality, because being out of debt is really important to me. For at least 3 months straight, I ate nothing but frozen burritos during the workweek. Frozen burritos, twice a day, five days a week and sometimes also on weekends. I had it calculated that if I stuck to that diet, I could reduce my food budget footprint to ~$80/month, without hating myself quite as much as I would on a diet of, say, nothing but ramen noodles. I would try to convince her of stuff like "we don't really need that couch", etc, but it wasn't effective. All the money saved ended up getting siphoned off into the latest thing she wanted.
About a month ago, it finally just came to a head as we were talking about something that was definitely going to push the debt payoff past February. She could tell it was bothering me, so she kept pushing me until I finally figured out the right words: "This is not an equal partnership. Whenever you want something -- like a couch or an airplane ticket -- it gets done immediately. Whenever I need something -- like a stable routine to manage my depression, or paying off the debt so I can feel secure in having a home without fear of having to move again -- it gets scheduled, and then the schedule gets pushed back and back and back and ultimately I just have to accept that it's not going to happen. And that's not even getting into things I want but don't need, like the Switch we talked about last year. That thing's never happening, because there is always going to be some new thing that you want that needs to get done immediately."
And we talked about it.
She grew up poor, and that poverty has continued into her adult life because of a confluence of factors -- not least of which is society's refusal to employ disabled individuals. I'm not rich by any means, but even so, she's never had access to the kind of financial stability I have. She's having to learn a whole new level of differentiation between wants and needs that she's never had the opportunity to explore. And, much like the story above, there has been a whole series of struggles and sacrifices and mistakes behind the scenes that I didn't always get the chance to see because, even in a partnership, it's just not possible to see everything all the time. The conversation ranged in that weird triangle between an argument, a breakdown, and a heart-to-heart. There were apologies and breakthroughs and understandings.
Today, we were laying in bed talking about a tattoo she's always dreamed of getting. At first we were talking about it in a theoretical sense, then she told me that she had found someone well-recommended with decent rates, and that she wanted to schedule a first session around June. It's a long-term project, and she estimates it will cost...well, a lot...by the time it's done, but it's something she's wanted for years and years.
Partner could tell I was starting to get depressed again, so she said that she wanted to give me my Christmas present early. I said OK, and she brought it out. I unwrapped it, and it was a Switch with a copy of Zelda.
She said, "I raised money for this from your friends and family, on top of the money we budgeted for me to get you presents. I want you to know, I'm listening to you. I hear you. And I understand I've fucked up a lot this year with money, and haven't taken care of you like you've taken care of me. And I want you to know, I'm going to fix it. This tattoo, I'm saving for it out of my half of the budget, and I'm going to find ways to raise extra money outside our usual income. And if I can't pay for it, I don't get it until I can. I know this present doesn't, like...FIX things. I know you've been traumatized by a lot of what's happened this year. This is just my way of promising you...I get it. I understand. And I'm going to make it right."
So with that in mind, here's a status report on some of the good things that have happened this year:
Immediately after returning from New Orleans (which is the worst timing for this decision ever) she decided to stop being a vegetarian, because her body was letting her know it wasn't satisfied on a nutritional level with her diet anymore. We've been having fun getting her reacquainted with various meat dishes the past few months. She really digs bacon and eggs, of course. Can't wait for her to try out some of my family's cooking at Christmas.
Speaking of which, after a rocky start, she and my family are making steps towards being closer. Family's a difficult dynamic for her because of how shitty her parents were, but she's learning to feel safe with mine, which is gonna make holidays much easier for both of us.
I got a raise at work. Also, they asked me (along with two others) to fill in for my supervisor while he was out of town for a while due to Reasons. More Reasons are coming up, and they're planning to ask us to fill in again. This time, the three of us have agreed that we're all saying no if we don't each get a raise in accordance with the extra work we're being expected to do. We're tired of working harder so somebody else can get paid more than we do.
Despite all the shenanigans it took to get here, this apartment actually is very nice and we love it here. The complex has an indoor heated pool, the apartment walls are very nearly soundproof (either that or we have supernaturally quiet neighbors), it's practically next-door to a supermarket. Just a lot of really nice things about it.
There's more, but this post is already quite long.
TL;DR: Marriage hard. Marriage good.
It's easily been the best month of my year--despite the world basically burning down, it's been a pretty dang good year for me personally--and it came so completely out of nowhere.
We... have pet names for each other? Which I've never done before but it just kind of slipped out once and felt natural???
File your taxes jointly?
That's...3 months?
woo
30 days hath September
The month before December
Any others you thought you knew
I assure you you misremember
Yeah.
Yeah.
Peace out, this town.
I don't understand how all the bad stuff sticks to my memory and all the good stuff get buried
Aren't they supposed to be rose-colored glasses
It's always like I feel and remember the bad stuff more strongly
Bye bye Taipei?
It's a really common thing among people who suffer from depression.
I have an amazing memory and people are often impression by how far back I can accurately remember, what I don't tend to mention is that I basically remember everything that ever made me feel bad because it all constantly circulates through my thoughts every day.
You're probably going to want to get some cognitive behavioral therapy or something similar to help you get out of those unhealthy habits.
I ALWAYS MIX SEPTEMBER AND NOVEMBER UP
The words are too similar
Yeah i mean one starts with Nov and the other starts with Sept and are divided by Oct and Halloween come on now
Well just remember that septem means seven and novem means nine, which means they're the seventh and the ninth month in the ten month Roman calendar
That assuredly won't lead to any confusion