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Refresher course in dating
Godfather
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So here's the EXTREMELY long scenario:
First things first; I like to draw.
A lot in fact.
Only problem is that I started drawing in my free time in the middle of my Junior year at high school. I love it so much that it's what I want to major in at college. Only problem is that since I felt like I started too late, I wanted to find a way to catch-up with the rest of the art crowd who've been in the schick for years. As a result, I dropped one of my elective classes at the beginning of this year, switched to early release and signed myself up for a basic Drawing 1 class (the high school classes don't teach shit compared to these).
For quite some time i've been attending this drawing class, hanging out with a wide scale age-wise and generally having a good time. Last tuesday and thursday were the last two days of classes, and the teacher must have been pretty lax and whatnot, because he decided to combine both his drawing 1 and 2 classes together to work on similar projects. I didn't really find this out until the middle of class last tuesday, when I noticed this gorgeous girl sitting across from me drawing whatever the hell we were supposed to draw at the time. Seriously, she's a knockout, and was damn intimidating when I first saw her.
You see, this girl is striking. Not hot; beautiful. There's a big difference between the two, where when a girl is "hot" sex is one of the first things on the brain, but when they're "striking" or beautiful, you sort of get sucked in to other traits and the sex part doesn't really come into play until later. At least, that's my interpretation of the deal, so I could be completely wrong.
Anyways, on Tuesday the only thing I could manage to get out was "I don't remember seeing you here before", to which she replied that she was in a drawing 2 class, and they temporarily combined forces for the day. Before I could speak up again, she was out of the door (end of class and stuff).
Thought I blew it for sure there, and cursed myself of my stupidity.
Came to class Thursday, and as luck would have it, she's in there again. Again, scared as fuck, and pretty much froze up for the first quarter of the class. Then it hit me: I'm never going to see this girl again. It's the final class day, and unless I do something about this, i'll always keep wondering about how I was too chicken-shit to do something.
So I took a chance.
Started off slow; her responses were brief and neutral, and I felt like I was harassing her the entire time (when it was probably just my brain playing tricks on me). But I pressed onward. As the class passed, she sarted to warm up to me, telling me about herself a bit, with more responsive.........uh, responses and whatnot.
Things I found out that are all BIG positives about this girl:
1) Very humble. Her personality is great; very wholesome vibe going on here.
2) Likes to draw. That's a huge selling point right there.
3) Plays volleyball :P
4) Was homeschooled all of her life, and isn't aware of her looks.
This is a goldmine gentlemen, and i'm going to try my very best so that I don't screw it up. I got to talking, and one thing let to another, and she's going to let me draw her (something that I was very surprised about). Nothing too big, just a few gesture studies and nothing more. However, I want this to be my way of getting the inside scoop, to find out 1) if she's actually single (praying to God that she is) and 2) is there more to this girl than beauty. From what i've seen so far, all signs point to yes on that last one.
My problem?
It's been a REALLY long time since I went out of my way to make an impression on a girl. Normally I just don't really care about the dating scene (the first two relationships ended kind of wierd; not my fault btw), but this is one that I think could go beyond the other ones.
I need some dating tips H/A, and I need them bad.
What's a good way to get into the flow of conversation? What's stuff that I need to stay the hell away from? Basically, what would be a good way to spark a connection without being too upfront at the beginning?
TL : DR - Just give me some dating tips.
First things first; I like to draw.
A lot in fact.
Only problem is that I started drawing in my free time in the middle of my Junior year at high school. I love it so much that it's what I want to major in at college. Only problem is that since I felt like I started too late, I wanted to find a way to catch-up with the rest of the art crowd who've been in the schick for years. As a result, I dropped one of my elective classes at the beginning of this year, switched to early release and signed myself up for a basic Drawing 1 class (the high school classes don't teach shit compared to these).
For quite some time i've been attending this drawing class, hanging out with a wide scale age-wise and generally having a good time. Last tuesday and thursday were the last two days of classes, and the teacher must have been pretty lax and whatnot, because he decided to combine both his drawing 1 and 2 classes together to work on similar projects. I didn't really find this out until the middle of class last tuesday, when I noticed this gorgeous girl sitting across from me drawing whatever the hell we were supposed to draw at the time. Seriously, she's a knockout, and was damn intimidating when I first saw her.
You see, this girl is striking. Not hot; beautiful. There's a big difference between the two, where when a girl is "hot" sex is one of the first things on the brain, but when they're "striking" or beautiful, you sort of get sucked in to other traits and the sex part doesn't really come into play until later. At least, that's my interpretation of the deal, so I could be completely wrong.
Anyways, on Tuesday the only thing I could manage to get out was "I don't remember seeing you here before", to which she replied that she was in a drawing 2 class, and they temporarily combined forces for the day. Before I could speak up again, she was out of the door (end of class and stuff).
Thought I blew it for sure there, and cursed myself of my stupidity.
Came to class Thursday, and as luck would have it, she's in there again. Again, scared as fuck, and pretty much froze up for the first quarter of the class. Then it hit me: I'm never going to see this girl again. It's the final class day, and unless I do something about this, i'll always keep wondering about how I was too chicken-shit to do something.
So I took a chance.
Started off slow; her responses were brief and neutral, and I felt like I was harassing her the entire time (when it was probably just my brain playing tricks on me). But I pressed onward. As the class passed, she sarted to warm up to me, telling me about herself a bit, with more responsive.........uh, responses and whatnot.
Things I found out that are all BIG positives about this girl:
1) Very humble. Her personality is great; very wholesome vibe going on here.
2) Likes to draw. That's a huge selling point right there.
3) Plays volleyball :P
4) Was homeschooled all of her life, and isn't aware of her looks.
This is a goldmine gentlemen, and i'm going to try my very best so that I don't screw it up. I got to talking, and one thing let to another, and she's going to let me draw her (something that I was very surprised about). Nothing too big, just a few gesture studies and nothing more. However, I want this to be my way of getting the inside scoop, to find out 1) if she's actually single (praying to God that she is) and 2) is there more to this girl than beauty. From what i've seen so far, all signs point to yes on that last one.
My problem?
It's been a REALLY long time since I went out of my way to make an impression on a girl. Normally I just don't really care about the dating scene (the first two relationships ended kind of wierd; not my fault btw), but this is one that I think could go beyond the other ones.
I need some dating tips H/A, and I need them bad.
What's a good way to get into the flow of conversation? What's stuff that I need to stay the hell away from? Basically, what would be a good way to spark a connection without being too upfront at the beginning?
TL : DR - Just give me some dating tips.
Godfather on
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Posts
Try not to brag.
Keep sex talk to a minimum at first.
Be yourself.
*ask her about how she got into drawing*
Go to a museum with her, both of you pick something and draw it for the other.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Your overall perception is such a huge mess I don't even know where to start. :P
Okay, questions you have to ask yourself:
Maybe by answering this question you can come to some important realizations.
1) Threw me off. Since i'm still in high school, these type of girls are usually in clicks. The feeling should go away though.
2) Last day to talk to her. Had to do something to keep a connection.
3) I do, i'm just intimidated. Usually don't go for this quality of wo-man, seeing as how it's really high in my eyes.
4) No, just curious about her status. Wanted to start something casual and see if there was a connection.
5) Again, it's the fact that i'm not really out in the real world yet. It'll come as time passes.
Fair enough. But my personal opinion: you made the mistake of assuming quality just from the looks, before you actually found out about her. You saw that she was beautiful, and her value in your eyes shot through the roof.
Don't do that. Looks are certainly important, but not that important. Your attitude should be, "she is pretty, I wonder if she is also cool", rather than "holy shit she is gorgeous, I must go to her and make an impression on her!"
Is there an obstacle that is preventing you from going out to "the real world"?
Whether you are in middle school or high school or college, there are so many things you can do to put yourself out there.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
Then ask her if you can draw her nekkid.
:P
Don't really do this she will hit you
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
That's more of a second-date thing
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
I hate this attitude. Looks really are that important - without that sort of attraction, they're just friends. He's already said he'd want to see her casually to see if she's "also cool" so I don't know what the deal is.
Of course looks are important if you're going to be more than friends.
I think ege's point is that if you approach someone you don't even know with the internal mental state of "Woah, she's way up there, I need to figure out some way to impress her", you're much more likely to do stupid and/or macho bullshit than if you can approach her with "She looks really good, I wonder if she's cool. I'll spend some time with her to find out."
I agree with this.
I'm not totally blindsighted by beauty however; striking good looks is like an impressive resume. It may get you a job interivew, but when it comes down to talking, it don't mean shit.
I'm trying to find out more about her so I can make sure that she's not just another pretty face. I just don't really know how to approach a conversation that gets her to open up more at this point.
Great tips so far everyone, the more the merrier.
Looks are just one manner of getting noticed (albeit, the most obvious manner of doing so), as are several other things like being funny, charasmatic (personality wise) or intelligent. However, your sense of humor, wits and personality are much less likely to deteriorate as you get older.
You can be attracted to things besides a pretty face, and it's not really accurate to suggest that physical magnetism is the single determining factor for attraction beyond "just friends".
She does sound awesome, and I hope it works out for you. I wish I had pro dating tips to share, but the only advice I can give is this: Like others said above, you already know you have something in common, something you can talk about: drawing and art in general. So you don't have to invent "fun" things to do on a date just to do something you imagine she might enjoy. Be yourself and go from there.
How old are American high school students? I was going to suggest asking her out for a picnic where you draw and eat and get terribly drunk in the process, but then I realized you might be underage. You could do it without the getting drunk part, though.
You got to take what H/A says with a grain of salt sometimes. We had people in here before saying that right when your about to close in and kiss a girl you should pull back and blow air in her face for fucks sake.
Anyways, I think the goal here is to get her to take over the conversation for the most part. Pitch a few openers until she bites and goes with the flow, getting more comfortable in the process. I forgot to mention that she's into raising cattle or something for the rodeo (I live in Texas). My grandfather used to run a rodeo for years, so I swinged by his house today to ask for tips and information on his occupation (as well as finish off these art projects with the help of my grandmother).
I'm just trying to gather enough info to carry the conversation here, and thought that was the best place to start.
Sorry, I'm just trying to imagine that as a conversation piece. It's a good lead, though. But really, you shouldn't stress too much about this. I know you're unsure of it and don't want to make a fool of yourself, but you just have to let things happen. Everything you prepare ahead of time to say will probably be useless once you get into a real conversation. The main thing is to be relaxed and act natural; treat her like you would a friend, kind of.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
Remember that most communication is body language, not the actual words that you say.
Also, as far as sparking a connection, that's really not something you can force, in my opinion at the least. That's just something that'll happen with certain people and won't with others.
In summary: relax! slow down! don't think so much! enjoy yourself!
It makes great conversation material with girls who are into art.
That shit is crazy awesome ege, but might be a bit too out there for her tastes. I don't really know her art preferences at this point, so everything is currently fair game.
I'll try to not think about this whole date thing so much. I'll just be doing a few gesture drawings, plugging a few conversation quirps here and there to see where it goes.
Oh, and i'm staying the fuck away from my Concerta that day for this date; that shit makes you depressed and unconfident like no other. I'm thinking about dropping it altogether.
Anyway, my advice is just throw on the charm and talk to her naturally. Unless she's really into shy guys that are self conscious, shes gonna want to hear you talk to her... to entertain her. Don't be mean (it's really easy to, when you are trying to be charming and funny, taking one too many knocks at her), but just be witty. Make her realize that you are special. This usually works for me (although it can also backfire like a mother fucker).
No matter what situation you bring her into, if you can't follow through with the above the going will be tough for you.
I would just like to point out that I hate High School clashing with the fucking college setup. I was told that everyone would be presenting at class time, but it turns out that you can come anytime to present your final drawings to the teacher.
Why is this a problem? Because today is the LAST day of this class, and it turns out that I missed that girl by a one hour difference when I was in my 6th period class! We were supposed to meet up today, but now I don't know what to do here.
Normally i'd try to move on and learn from my mistakes, but fuck guys, this was a REALLY interesting girl, and I really don't want to walk away from this without a fight. I know she was interested in meeting up, but fuck it if this retarded school setup didn't screw everything up.
Is there anything that I can do to locate this girl? I just feel like I would be making a colossal mistake if I didn't at least do SOMETHING here!
Stalking is baaaad. Just hang around the art department area and she might eventually come back for a different class. Wait it out and maybe something might happen.
Wii Code: 1040-1320-0724-3613 :!!:
But granting that you know her full name and how to spell it properly, I'd recommend trying to find her on facebook.
edit: Beat'd
Yeah, this is something I DEFINITELY don't want to resort to, I just don't know what to do here.
She gave me her phone number, but it's actually her mom's (doesn't have her own phone or car; mom has to pick her up/relay her calls), so I called, left an explanation and my number. That's pretty much all that I can do at this point.
I know that she plays volleyball mondays and (tuesdays was it? Fuck, I don't know), but i'd feel like a complete creep hanging around there.
I just don't know what to do here. Ugh. This is really pissing me off.
Edit: She told me her first name (maybe her last, but I wasn't paying attention), but the important thing is that she typed the number on my phone.
How do I approach calling the number again without sounding like a stalker? Am I even allowed to make a second call? Oi.
I don't have facebook, so that's a no go. She's technically not in college (homeschooled, so around my grade level, but I wouldnt' know how to track down her Myspace even, seeing as it's damn near impossible to find stuff there.) However, I wouldn't be doing that, it would come off as WAY too forward, scaring her off in the process.
Got to play this just right so that I can salvage the lost opportunity due to this shitty timing.
Oh, then you're golden. Just respond as a really nice person (not that you aren't) and the mom should be very kind about it. Don't be in a hurry for a response, if it happens then it happens. If not, hope for a chance in running into her later on.
Wii Code: 1040-1320-0724-3613 :!!:
So just leave it to one call and never look back?
You could do a follow up phone call in a week if you haven't heard anything. After that, just let it go.
Wii Code: 1040-1320-0724-3613 :!!:
Eh... Attraction is certainly important, but I think looks only matter there up to a certain point. Pure looks - i.e. how you would grade them on a scale from 1 to 10 before talking to them at all - aren't even really the biggest factor in attraction, IMHO.
I'll do this then. Thanks for the help.
Hate it when these things happen :x
Now...I don't know what you have in mind but fairly casual might be the way to go as far as an actual dating tip.
While your mind is doing that whole racing at 100 mph thing take a look through your local paper and see if there is some kind of art exhibition or something interesting going down at a local gallery.
If your would-be-lady calls you back, just some small talk will be fine. Feel free to mention that you heard of this cool show/gallery/etc going on that you were planning on checking out. Then ask if she wants to come with. If it goes well? Get a cup of coffee or something after. If not, then you saw some cool stuff and move along.
I can't draw to save my hide, but I've got to think that you two sitting in a room while you draw her as a first date might be kind of.....odd. Keep in mind, it could be an artist wet dream and I just have no idea.
Go with the art showing, pick her up, open doors for her, etc. You describe her as beautiful, don't fawn all over her, but treat her as such (if that makes any kind of sense).
Anyways, if there's one thing i've learned from this experience is that I need to branch out some. If something like this is bothering me this much, there's a problem. Like you said, if it works, great, if not, test my luck elsewhere.
I'm gonna start taking steps to be more outgoing; get some more hobbies (learning guitar learn and cars interest me), start exercising, putting myself in positions that will force me to become more socially active (i.e. job, clubs, etc). I've always wanted to do these things, but kept putting it off to focus on art, but if I spread myself out to different venues of interest who knows what could happen?
Big, BIG props to everyone for guiding me through this mess.
P.S. - I think the only reason why she was cool with me doing some gesture sketches of her was because she's an artist herself. Normally that would not go over well.
As for expanding your social scene, might I make a suggestion?
www.kickball.com
It's run by WAKA. The World Adult Kickball Association. Very social, very fun. They run leagues all over the country almost year round. Just sign on up. It's like 60 bucks and you can join solo or with a group of friends.
Get tossed into a team, play some games, meet some folks, and while drinking isn't your scene..there is usually a local bar that hosts everyone at the end of each weeks game. Go sip on some water and chat with your team and such.
Since I didn't really get to talk to her till the last day of class (thursday, today we just turned in our stuff), I know little about her other than she likes to draw, plays volleyball, and is in agricultural activities. I'm gonna need a better reason for calling a week from now than "I want to draw you" (yeesh, that DOES sound creepy!)
Anyone got any ideas that would justify a phone call a week from now? I don't want be to upfront or anything, so playing it casual is the idea here. Just a reason that would warrant interest in meeting up with an acquaintence from class, that's all. Ideas like "lets go to the museum/art exibit" would work a little further down the line, but I don't think that's the best idea at this point. It'll be something that I plug in if I do get the chance to meet up with her later though, so thanks for that.
If you do get to see her again, one of the things you can bring up to learn more about her and see if she's cool is to ask why she was homeschooled. It should give you a fair amount of information on her family and her worldview without appearing probing.
This, I like. I read through the last few pages and it just seems like games. If she's interested enough in you, when and if you ask her out for a coffee or an exhibition or whatever, she'll say yes. You don't need to dance around all this 'so uh, I know you like Volleyball' stuff. You can talk about that kind of thing and learn more about her while you're actually on the date. That's what first dates are for.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
If the girl is homeschooled I can't imagine she would be using facebook either.