And I do acknowledge that straight cis guys do have to think about haircuts in order to 1. Not look like shit (unless that’s the intended effect) 2. Not look gay (likewise) 3. Look like whatever subculture/ethnicity/subgroup they want to seem part of. But I think it’s a bit easier and seldom so urgent as dramatic as ‘oh shit if I don’t get a haircut this afternoon my new boss will think I’m a girl.’
I have a slightly related problem. I am trying to find an actual fashionable haircut for the wedding later this year and am desperately trying to find something that is 'short sides, longer on top' that doesn't look remotely like what all the alt-right assholes have taken a liking to.
I will find something. Something that isn't an undercut.
There's no plan, there's no race to be run
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Going to get a haircut today because it’s completely ridiculous that after three weeks of letting my hair grow out everyone flips a mental switch and decides I’m a girl
It’s still very clearly a men’s haircut, just messier! It’s not longer than an inch or so anywhere and it’s still shorter sides and back than on the top. What the helllllllll
The only piece of direct information I’ve gotten from about this, as opposed to just going off what cashiers call me, is that my coworker said that when I came in right after getting a haircut was he first time she could ‘see it,’ ‘it’ being, in this case, that I was male I guess? But I didn’t get any further explanation.
I do care about my hair and don’t mind getting haircuts, but I think it’s insane that my presentation is /so/ tenuous. It’s not like I somehow go to having a ponytail and barrettes between weeks three and four of my haircut! It just looks a bit shittier, which you would think in a way is a more masculine thing anyway since men aren’t as pressured to look attractive all the time.
What a mystery! I’m meeting face to face the managers of my new project later today so I am going to ensure my hair is correct I suppose. Extra cognitive burden that straight cis guys do not have to waste mental load on: example, here.
Have you ever/are you comfortable with going full shaved head? It's coded masculine, you can do it yourself at home and it lasts a super long time before reaching a length where you need to top it up. I get a size zero on the sides and a mohawk and it's about three months before it looks like a regular ass cop haircut, and my hair grows really quickly. I highly recommend at least trying the shaved head route because it saves So Much Time.
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3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
Even if you don't want to go full no-hair, most beard trimmers will work quite well for shaving it down to a very short close crop. You can touch it up yourself for like 10 minutes a week.
I am genuinely looking forward to working for a company that asked for my preferred name on my job application. This company is consistently given high marks for treating its LGBT employees well.
I had to send an email to my new boss to politely correct him on using my correct pronouns, but his reply makes me hopeful as he apologized. He did express some minor concern with processing my IDs but seeing as how I haven't legally changed anything yet I don't think it's going to be an issue.
Speaking of, I plan on changing my name legally here in about a month or two. Also, I got my ears pierced! It hurt like hell but I'm very happy with the results! Hooray for gender euphoria!
Going to get a haircut today because it’s completely ridiculous that after three weeks of letting my hair grow out everyone flips a mental switch and decides I’m a girl
It’s still very clearly a men’s haircut, just messier! It’s not longer than an inch or so anywhere and it’s still shorter sides and back than on the top. What the helllllllll
The only piece of direct information I’ve gotten from about this, as opposed to just going off what cashiers call me, is that my coworker said that when I came in right after getting a haircut was he first time she could ‘see it,’ ‘it’ being, in this case, that I was male I guess? But I didn’t get any further explanation.
I do care about my hair and don’t mind getting haircuts, but I think it’s insane that my presentation is /so/ tenuous. It’s not like I somehow go to having a ponytail and barrettes between weeks three and four of my haircut! It just looks a bit shittier, which you would think in a way is a more masculine thing anyway since men aren’t as pressured to look attractive all the time.
What a mystery! I’m meeting face to face the managers of my new project later today so I am going to ensure my hair is correct I suppose. Extra cognitive burden that straight cis guys do not have to waste mental load on: example, here.
Have you ever/are you comfortable with going full shaved head? It's coded masculine, you can do it yourself at home and it lasts a super long time before reaching a length where you need to top it up. I get a size zero on the sides and a mohawk and it's about three months before it looks like a regular ass cop haircut, and my hair grows really quickly. I highly recommend at least trying the shaved head route because it saves So Much Time.
Oh no way! I love my hair. I used to have a fro! I would be really sad...
Also, full shaved head is in a way more feminine (in a lesbian way) than the normal guy’s haircut I’m going for. Or it would be with my face, anyway. Plus in these parts people often connect that look to military service, which I have not done. I could get clippers and keep the sides of my hair clean in between cuts, but I really appreciate the way my barber makes the transition between the short part and the long part look good by painstakingly tending to it with various tools, so I don’t know how a solo effort would go there.
When I get home I should take a picture of my new haircut; it’s good! @MuddBudd hmm yeah the haircut I get (fade to 1 starting pretty high up) is not not a fashy haircut, but because I have glasses, an industrial piercing, and textured hair that keeps the top from doing quite what it ought to, it definitely reads as hipster rather than alt right. I understand the concern though! I’d say go for it anyway, cause undercuts/side shaves look great. Plus the alt right guys I’ve had the (dis)pleasure of hanging out with actually all have kinda shitty supercuts-ish same length all around haircuts; nothing stylish at all.
Sigh one of the new managers took me out to coffee and then afterwards introduced me to someone else as a she so afterwards I had to be like ‘ah so actually I use male pronouns; I know I have an androgynous appearance but to be clear I’m going for male’ because what is my work life but constantly and embarrassingly coming out to people. But he cheerfully and with no awkwardness thanked me for telling him so that’s a good sign.
Steam, LoL: credeiki
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CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
Going to get a haircut today because it’s completely ridiculous that after three weeks of letting my hair grow out everyone flips a mental switch and decides I’m a girl
It’s still very clearly a men’s haircut, just messier! It’s not longer than an inch or so anywhere and it’s still shorter sides and back than on the top. What the helllllllll
The only piece of direct information I’ve gotten from about this, as opposed to just going off what cashiers call me, is that my coworker said that when I came in right after getting a haircut was he first time she could ‘see it,’ ‘it’ being, in this case, that I was male I guess? But I didn’t get any further explanation.
I do care about my hair and don’t mind getting haircuts, but I think it’s insane that my presentation is /so/ tenuous. It’s not like I somehow go to having a ponytail and barrettes between weeks three and four of my haircut! It just looks a bit shittier, which you would think in a way is a more masculine thing anyway since men aren’t as pressured to look attractive all the time.
What a mystery! I’m meeting face to face the managers of my new project later today so I am going to ensure my hair is correct I suppose. Extra cognitive burden that straight cis guys do not have to waste mental load on: example, here.
Have you ever/are you comfortable with going full shaved head? It's coded masculine, you can do it yourself at home and it lasts a super long time before reaching a length where you need to top it up. I get a size zero on the sides and a mohawk and it's about three months before it looks like a regular ass cop haircut, and my hair grows really quickly. I highly recommend at least trying the shaved head route because it saves So Much Time.
I was thinking this exact thing. More time to let it grow out, easier to wear than most hairstyles (zero styling in the morning for at least the first week its shaved) and you can do it at home. Also looks pretty fucking hot on most dudes I've seen it on.
Edit: Ah, I see you've addressed this. Well, you might try it once some time. It's surprisingly refreshing, even if you like your hair.
Cambiata on
"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
Going to get a haircut today because it’s completely ridiculous that after three weeks of letting my hair grow out everyone flips a mental switch and decides I’m a girl
It’s still very clearly a men’s haircut, just messier! It’s not longer than an inch or so anywhere and it’s still shorter sides and back than on the top. What the helllllllll
The only piece of direct information I’ve gotten from about this, as opposed to just going off what cashiers call me, is that my coworker said that when I came in right after getting a haircut was he first time she could ‘see it,’ ‘it’ being, in this case, that I was male I guess? But I didn’t get any further explanation.
I do care about my hair and don’t mind getting haircuts, but I think it’s insane that my presentation is /so/ tenuous. It’s not like I somehow go to having a ponytail and barrettes between weeks three and four of my haircut! It just looks a bit shittier, which you would think in a way is a more masculine thing anyway since men aren’t as pressured to look attractive all the time.
What a mystery! I’m meeting face to face the managers of my new project later today so I am going to ensure my hair is correct I suppose. Extra cognitive burden that straight cis guys do not have to waste mental load on: example, here.
Have you ever/are you comfortable with going full shaved head? It's coded masculine, you can do it yourself at home and it lasts a super long time before reaching a length where you need to top it up. I get a size zero on the sides and a mohawk and it's about three months before it looks like a regular ass cop haircut, and my hair grows really quickly. I highly recommend at least trying the shaved head route because it saves So Much Time.
I was thinking this exact thing. More time to let it grow out, easier to wear than most hairstyles (zero styling in the morning for at least the first week its shaved) and you can do it at home. Also looks pretty fucking hot on most dudes I've seen it on.
Edit: Ah, I see you've addressed this. Well, you might try it once some time. It's surprisingly refreshing, even if you like your hair.
Ah...yeah just not my style. But I will never do it unless the T makes me lose my hair, but since my dad and maternal uncle both have full heads of hair, I think (I hope!) I’m good.
this is my haircut today and I cannot manage a better picture cause I got tipsy at work and idk it's the best I can do heh
Mostly just huntin' monsters.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
+32
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MsAnthropyThe Lady of Pain Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the RhythmThe City of FlowersRegistered Userregular
So I had a rite of passage today as I went in to have some biopsies done. The whole "When was your last period?""I don't have them."Confused look."No uterus." bit.
So I had a rite of passage today as I went in to have some biopsies done. The whole "When was your last period?""I don't have them."Confused look."No uterus." bit.
I recently downloaded my hospital's phone app. It's pretty nice, lets me schedule appointments, view already-scheduled appointments, and instantly retrieve info about prescriptions and labwork.
It also has a section that suggests medical appointments they think you should make, like reupping my tetanus booster or, uh, a pap smear...
+3
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
edited March 2019
Got another prescription sorted, can pick it up tomorrow. Feeling tentatively hopeful about the other GP I'm trying to get an ongoing scrip from, as she seems to have requested I have bloods done without being asked to. Guess I'll find out in a week.
Also got another new counselor to try, meeting tomorrow. They are an LGBT specialist service, so hopefully they will be good...
on a phonecall today with a technical working group, and the organizer, who's going to be my colleague on another project, introduces me as a she. I wince visibly, maybe? Afterwards I go to her to say 'oh, by the way, I use male pronouns' and she's like 'ah shittt I do know that; I'm sorry and I won't mess it up again' which...again, that is a good response, and friendly, but I just really wish that whole interaction weren't a necessary and frequent part of my life.
This is what I was so scared of on the work front, and...yeah, I mean it's panning out exactly as I expected, that I just have to explain myself to everyone all the time. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it might, but it doesn't bother me zero!
Steam, LoL: credeiki
+2
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GrogMy sword is only steelin a useful shape.Registered Userregular
It's pretty much a daily occurrence that I have to correct someone at work. Most of them apologise and say oh of course, but the sting is still there.
Mostly it's just tiring. Which means I feel too drained to do voice exercises when I get home. yay vicious cycle
Hey humans, if you have some space to help me today I would super appreciate it!
A very good coworker friend of mine (straight cisdude) and I had a huge heart to heart yesterday because I'm legit the only queer folk he knows--his AFAB child (I think he's 13 or 14?) has come out as a transdude and while Dad is extremely accepting and supportive of Son, Dad is absolutely in the dark about how all this works.
Dad has pronouns and new name totally down, has handled the extended family's reactions/opinions with true father bear skill, is handling the school system (thank goodness for a generally positive climate where we are), and is extremely respectful of Son's autonomy and choices! But, Dad is worried/afraid/not super educated about how to balance parenting with helping Son transition, and how to feel confident in helping Son make choices about medical support during their current puberty experience.
Does anyone have links to resources for parents of trans kids? And/or links to medical guidance for transitioning during puberty?
Thank you
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VivixenneRemember your training, and we'll get through this just fine.Registered Userregular
edited March 2019
Much of what you’re asking is what I also do at work, but most of the resources I use are Australia-based (mainly cuz of the different legal and medical guidelines under which we have to operate). I also tend to sit with parents and chat about what they need on an individual basis, since all parents and their kids are gonna be a bit different.
But for just general parenting info, I’ve gotten some resources from Gender Spectrum in the past - their family section includes stuff that is fairly easy to understand and (for the most part) looks on-point.
I’ll still include a link to a local website based here anyway, which has been recommended to me by my trans clients in supporting parents, in case it’s of any help:
Medical guidance is probably not something I’d talk at length about, since my familiarity on that front sits within the Australian health system only. And while some things cross borders, it’s probably still best for that conversation to occur with a clued-up professional.
I do also have more resources saved on my work computer. I’ll have a look when I’m next in and see what else may suit.
EDIT: Also, as a good general piece of advice I give to all parents - start keeping records. Secure any and all medical, psych, educational or other types of letters or documentation that may be relevant in supporting their kid (and include copies of their original documents like birth cert, social sec, etc as well)... keep it all in one safe place and know where to find it when needed. Super handy for parents to have if medical stuff is on their radar.
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Went for an initial appointment at the new counseling place. Am scheduled to start sessions next week with a counselor who's a trans lady. This will be the 3rd different counselor person I've tried this year. I hate my brain.
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21stCenturyCall me Pixel, or Pix for short![They/Them]Registered Userregular
Ah, this is surreal.
I'm going to talk to Rebecca Ugolini of CBC Montreal tomorrow about a series on gender... she wanted to talk to nonbinary/agender people in Montreal.
I think there's a real possibility they will postpone my meetings to come out today based on the fact that nothing was coming together yesterday in conversation with HR.
Edit: It is happening today. All compacted in a short time frame.
Weeeeee
Seidkona on
Mostly just huntin' monsters.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
She got them to change their mind on the bathroom thing!
Fuck yeah! I mean, its really dumb that its something that needed to be considered, but I'm glad they came down with the fucking sane, reasonable answer.
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
I think there's a real possibility they will postpone my meetings to come out today based on the fact that nothing was coming together yesterday in conversation with HR.
Edit: It is happening today. All compacted in a short time frame.
Weeeeee
Hey. Deep breaths. You've got this.
You're gonna do amazing, and there's a big room full of weird internet people cheering you on.
You're you and you're valid and hopefully the people at work appreciate the trust that is being put in them to not be complete shit
The Constitutional Court in Austria has ruled that there should be a third possible legal gender (or lack thereof) but what the government has been doing has been to plan a commission of experts "from multiple fields" who have to unanimously decide whether any applicant qualifies
Posts
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
I have a slightly related problem. I am trying to find an actual fashionable haircut for the wedding later this year and am desperately trying to find something that is 'short sides, longer on top' that doesn't look remotely like what all the alt-right assholes have taken a liking to.
I will find something. Something that isn't an undercut.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
A fair point, I am still trying. But I have until October to figure it out.
I could always do an undercut but have some of it rainbow dyed for the wedding.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Have you ever/are you comfortable with going full shaved head? It's coded masculine, you can do it yourself at home and it lasts a super long time before reaching a length where you need to top it up. I get a size zero on the sides and a mohawk and it's about three months before it looks like a regular ass cop haircut, and my hair grows really quickly. I highly recommend at least trying the shaved head route because it saves So Much Time.
I had to send an email to my new boss to politely correct him on using my correct pronouns, but his reply makes me hopeful as he apologized. He did express some minor concern with processing my IDs but seeing as how I haven't legally changed anything yet I don't think it's going to be an issue.
Speaking of, I plan on changing my name legally here in about a month or two. Also, I got my ears pierced! It hurt like hell but I'm very happy with the results! Hooray for gender euphoria!
Oh no way! I love my hair. I used to have a fro! I would be really sad...
Also, full shaved head is in a way more feminine (in a lesbian way) than the normal guy’s haircut I’m going for. Or it would be with my face, anyway. Plus in these parts people often connect that look to military service, which I have not done. I could get clippers and keep the sides of my hair clean in between cuts, but I really appreciate the way my barber makes the transition between the short part and the long part look good by painstakingly tending to it with various tools, so I don’t know how a solo effort would go there.
When I get home I should take a picture of my new haircut; it’s good! @MuddBudd hmm yeah the haircut I get (fade to 1 starting pretty high up) is not not a fashy haircut, but because I have glasses, an industrial piercing, and textured hair that keeps the top from doing quite what it ought to, it definitely reads as hipster rather than alt right. I understand the concern though! I’d say go for it anyway, cause undercuts/side shaves look great. Plus the alt right guys I’ve had the (dis)pleasure of hanging out with actually all have kinda shitty supercuts-ish same length all around haircuts; nothing stylish at all.
Sigh one of the new managers took me out to coffee and then afterwards introduced me to someone else as a she so afterwards I had to be like ‘ah so actually I use male pronouns; I know I have an androgynous appearance but to be clear I’m going for male’ because what is my work life but constantly and embarrassingly coming out to people. But he cheerfully and with no awkwardness thanked me for telling him so that’s a good sign.
I was thinking this exact thing. More time to let it grow out, easier to wear than most hairstyles (zero styling in the morning for at least the first week its shaved) and you can do it at home. Also looks pretty fucking hot on most dudes I've seen it on.
Edit: Ah, I see you've addressed this. Well, you might try it once some time. It's surprisingly refreshing, even if you like your hair.
Ah...yeah just not my style. But I will never do it unless the T makes me lose my hair, but since my dad and maternal uncle both have full heads of hair, I think (I hope!) I’m good.
this is my haircut today and I cannot manage a better picture cause I got tipsy at work and idk it's the best I can do heh
good haircut imo
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
"The only real politics I knew was that if a guy liked Hitler, I’d beat the stuffing out of him and that would be it." -- Jack Kirby
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
I recently downloaded my hospital's phone app. It's pretty nice, lets me schedule appointments, view already-scheduled appointments, and instantly retrieve info about prescriptions and labwork.
It also has a section that suggests medical appointments they think you should make, like reupping my tetanus booster or, uh, a pap smear...
Also got another new counselor to try, meeting tomorrow. They are an LGBT specialist service, so hopefully they will be good...
This is what I was so scared of on the work front, and...yeah, I mean it's panning out exactly as I expected, that I just have to explain myself to everyone all the time. It doesn't bother me as much as I thought it might, but it doesn't bother me zero!
Mostly it's just tiring. Which means I feel too drained to do voice exercises when I get home. yay vicious cycle
A very good coworker friend of mine (straight cisdude) and I had a huge heart to heart yesterday because I'm legit the only queer folk he knows--his AFAB child (I think he's 13 or 14?) has come out as a transdude and while Dad is extremely accepting and supportive of Son, Dad is absolutely in the dark about how all this works.
Dad has pronouns and new name totally down, has handled the extended family's reactions/opinions with true father bear skill, is handling the school system (thank goodness for a generally positive climate where we are), and is extremely respectful of Son's autonomy and choices! But, Dad is worried/afraid/not super educated about how to balance parenting with helping Son transition, and how to feel confident in helping Son make choices about medical support during their current puberty experience.
Does anyone have links to resources for parents of trans kids? And/or links to medical guidance for transitioning during puberty?
Thank you
But for just general parenting info, I’ve gotten some resources from Gender Spectrum in the past - their family section includes stuff that is fairly easy to understand and (for the most part) looks on-point.
https://www.genderspectrum.org/resources/parenting-and-family-2/#more-432
Also I’ve given this out to some parents in the past as decent general advice:
http://www.imatyfa.org/assets/tyfa-faq-06-08.pdf
I’ll still include a link to a local website based here anyway, which has been recommended to me by my trans clients in supporting parents, in case it’s of any help:
https://www.pgdc.org.au/resources
Medical guidance is probably not something I’d talk at length about, since my familiarity on that front sits within the Australian health system only. And while some things cross borders, it’s probably still best for that conversation to occur with a clued-up professional.
I do also have more resources saved on my work computer. I’ll have a look when I’m next in and see what else may suit.
EDIT: Also, as a good general piece of advice I give to all parents - start keeping records. Secure any and all medical, psych, educational or other types of letters or documentation that may be relevant in supporting their kid (and include copies of their original documents like birth cert, social sec, etc as well)... keep it all in one safe place and know where to find it when needed. Super handy for parents to have if medical stuff is on their radar.
I'm going to talk to Rebecca Ugolini of CBC Montreal tomorrow about a series on gender... she wanted to talk to nonbinary/agender people in Montreal.
i'm nervous.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Edit: It is happening today. All compacted in a short time frame.
Weeeeee
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
Oh!
She got them to change their mind on the bathroom thing!
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
Fuck yeah! I mean, its really dumb that its something that needed to be considered, but I'm glad they came down with the fucking sane, reasonable answer.
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain
Hey. Deep breaths. You've got this.
You're gonna do amazing, and there's a big room full of weird internet people cheering you on.
You're you and you're valid and hopefully the people at work appreciate the trust that is being put in them to not be complete shit
The one person who I thought would take it bad didn't.
There's still a long way to go but the pretending phase of my life is done and I can finally donate the final bit of male clothes I have.
It's like a huge weight.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
Hooray!
i feel like i'm beginning to recognize a pattern.
a pattern that occurs whenever i wear less layers of clothing.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Waiting for word back on job is killing me.
Agggggh
Thanks to everyone for their support. It helped me get to this place where I am finally happy and free.
Picture of a happy happy girl:
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
You deserve all the good things. Congrats.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Crossing my fingers and squeezing my thumbs you get good news!
Because apparently this is suuuch a big deal
Shit, just let people pick whichever colour they want out of one of those 256 pencil packets.
"What's your gender?"
"Puce, motherfucker!"