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tell me a story
crwth
THAT'S ITRegistered User regular
THAT'S ITRegistered User regular
hey se++, one of the main reasons i remember joining this site was for the personal stories some people would tell sometimes (one that sticks out is some dude who had just finished jerkin off and then his dad busted in (i think he had to wipe with his blanket in a rush) and hopped under the same jizzy blanket, much to the dudes horror)
can you tell me a story? it can be funny, educational, sad, gross, etc but i only ask that the story you tell be true
here’s one for me:
a few months after i got married i still had to get my groomsmen their gifts. one of my friends had just gotten back in touch with his dad and they were gonna go up in the mountains somewhere and go camping. so i thought i’d get him a little wood cutting axe
so i go to home depot and i get that little ax but i notice there’s a sticker on it that i don’t want there when i give it to him, so i start picking at it and walk over to the trash can to throw it away. but it’s taking a bit longer than i thought, so i spend a decent amount of time picking at the side of this ax trying to get this sticker off
while i’m doing this a kid and his dad walk by and the kid says “dad stranger danger!” and i look at them and then look down at this ax i’m creepily picking at by this trash can
and the kids dad is like that’s right, stranger danger! and then he comes over to me and says “we just watched the john walsh documentary and i taught him about the importance of staying away from strangers” and i said we’ll thats a good lesson to teach
and then i kept picking at the sticker instead of leaving like anyone else would have
i’m glad i didn’t get forcefully removed by security
the end! now it’s your turn!
can you tell me a story? it can be funny, educational, sad, gross, etc but i only ask that the story you tell be true
here’s one for me:
a few months after i got married i still had to get my groomsmen their gifts. one of my friends had just gotten back in touch with his dad and they were gonna go up in the mountains somewhere and go camping. so i thought i’d get him a little wood cutting axe
so i go to home depot and i get that little ax but i notice there’s a sticker on it that i don’t want there when i give it to him, so i start picking at it and walk over to the trash can to throw it away. but it’s taking a bit longer than i thought, so i spend a decent amount of time picking at the side of this ax trying to get this sticker off
while i’m doing this a kid and his dad walk by and the kid says “dad stranger danger!” and i look at them and then look down at this ax i’m creepily picking at by this trash can
and the kids dad is like that’s right, stranger danger! and then he comes over to me and says “we just watched the john walsh documentary and i taught him about the importance of staying away from strangers” and i said we’ll thats a good lesson to teach
and then i kept picking at the sticker instead of leaving like anyone else would have
i’m glad i didn’t get forcefully removed by security
the end! now it’s your turn!
crwth on
+45
Posts
for 15 years
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air
In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'
well, i guess there 2 keys because while i was in there some girl unlocked the door, but instead of walking right in and recognizing her terrible mistake, she was engaged in a conversation with someone out of frame
this conversation continued, with the door ajar, for at least 2 minutes, with people just walking by her in the hallway, clear view of what was going on within
for some reason, I did not interrupt any of this
she finally turned to me and I went "hey" in probably the coolest way anyone could under the circumstances
she said nothing, made only the slightest expression of surprise, and closed the door
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
cool but how’s it end
in tears
You should have explained to the child that he is far more likely to be kidnapped or murdered by his own father than some stranger.
What's the dad gonna do, start arguing with a man holding an axe?
Total power move.
i got a few
also i am at work and can't tell most of them due to how lewd they are
we've all got to die sometime
I'm drinking those little hugs (basically pure sugar water) because it's keeping me awake.
Inevitably I have to pee but I'm still in Atlanta and I want to get out of the city before I stop.
However, my bladder disagrees. I need to pee immediately.
So I exit at the next exit thinking I'll find a gas station...nope.
I'm surrounded by gigantic million dollar homes.
It doesn't matter though, I have to piss.
So that why I pissed in the yard of a gigantic million dollar home in Atlanta at 2am.
when they realized I wasn't drinking it was suddenly a dollar again
did you give a nod?
or the time i played final fantasy: crystal chronicles with the lead singer of cannibal corpse
or the ol lost my virginity in the back of an ice cream truck gem
or the time i took a date to a slum, bought a cassette deck from a crackhead, then peed on a library
or the time, on a horrible date, i coordinated a bunch of friends to show up all at once and converge, so i could just slink into the crowd and drift away
or the time i got sucker punched in a bus terminal
And it was BAD. Multiple dentist visits, due to the first one failing to notice that there were some shards of his teeth that had been embedded into his lip.
Switch - SW-7373-3669-3011
Fuck Joe Manchin
But I will ruminate on anything new.
like the time a lady pimp aggressively tried to get me to buy a t-shirt
or the time female ejaculation got me uninvited to a new kids on the block concert
or the time i rolled up to a wedding in cut offs and a 40 rack of keystone light
or that time i was crucified
or that time i went to a g.g. allin show at nine years old
or that time i let a stranger crash at my place and she ate pizza in the shower then ordered me taco bell
or that time i went to the cast party after the premier of the sequel to manos: the hands of fate
The only reason people die, is because everyone does it. You all just go along with it.
I kept farting in the car and then I got that feeling...I needed to poop... right now.
I managed to hold it until we got to Blockbuster but then on my way in it happened...
I went to the counter and got the key for the bathroom and went inside.
Fortunately my boxers caught all of it so I rinsed them out and buried them in the trash and went around the rest of the day without underwear.
But nobody ever knew.
But I could tell you guys about the first time my dad found a body
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
yeah
Four games, four motherfucking games in a row, I was dead certain this one guy was Hydra. He would just continue to act in the shadiest manner possible. I called him out multiple times, lying about the cards he was playing, one time I was able to PROVE it with Daredevil's ability that lets me look at a card someone's played before they're all collected. "I got him, I got this motherfucker dead to rights" I thought.
Nope! NOT ONCE was he actually Hydra. Even the last game, when we actually were about to win if this asshole had just used his hero power, which everyone was yelling at him to do (Including the actual Hydra people because they kinda wanted to see Shield win for once!) and he just wouldn't. He was their MVP without ever being on their team.
Switch - SW-7373-3669-3011
Fuck Joe Manchin
I then had to take a 3 hour train ride to cuzco
it wasn't great
While leaving it I ran into some strangers I had briefly interacted with the previous year, and they invited me to drink a bottle of bourbon with them. So I returned to my room, cleaned up, and went back down to drink with some friendly strangers.
During our conversation I learn that they are the close friends of the guy who has repeatedly come in 2nd-place in the PAX-South Omegathon. After a few years of always be a bridesmaid though, he won. A few minutes go by and that Omegathon champion actually joins us and sit down. I congratulate him on his victory.
I then notice that he reminds me of someone. I can't quite place it though... A few more minutes go by and it comes to me.
"Hey, has anyone told you that you look just like the American version of Goku from Dragonball Evolution?"
"what?"
"It's just your hair. You have American Goku's hair."
He becomes incredibly frustrated, gets up, and leaves.
While leaving his friends shout, "Goodbye Goku!!!! See you in the morning, Son-Goku!"
I think I may have ruined his years-in-the-making victory in one comment.
I'd have been honored.
A true hero.
That’s not really a story
But I don’t tend to run into many storyable situations
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
Are you sure he wasn't Justin Chatwin?
yes
no awful hairstyles here
The first time we were all kinda laughing about it. The second time everyone else was laughing much harder than I was. I was so mad at him by the end of the weekend. SO MAD.
Switch - SW-7373-3669-3011
Fuck Joe Manchin
It was busier than you'd think, given the time, but most of the people were drunk skinheads and I was 17 and timid so I just sat on my suitcase and avoided eye contact. After I'd been there half a hour or so a nondescript middle aged dude sat down on a bench near me. He was humming "In the summertime". I remember the song very clearly.
Over the next few minutes he slowly slid closer and closer to me until he was within arms reach. Then he leant forward and proffered a card. I didn't know what to do, so I took it. He winked, and said "If you want work - call!" and then left. So I looked at the card. It was for a Czech massage and escort service. I wondered how to feel about that for a while, then settled on 'oddly flattered'.
Then I took a 18 hour train journey and didn't go to the toilet even once. This has been a story about my capacious bladder.
If it was, Justin Chatwin is pretty good at video game tournaments.
And that is my story about @Doobh
When I was around ten, we vacationed at a beach town that had a mini-golf course that we frequented quite a lot. There was one hole that was basically skeeball, but my mom kept pushing the ball up the ramp rather than hitting it, always leading to the same max-stroke penalty. Finally one time I convinced her to just go for it, I excitedly lined up behind her to see what would happen and *crack* she caught me flush in the nose on the back swing.
A year later... same course, same hole, same conversation, this time I very cleverly walked around to the other side of her. She reared back, smacked the ball and *crack* caught me flush in the nose on the follow-through.
Now I have sleep apnea because one of my nostrils get blocked when I lay down, but not always the same nostril, and I can't help but wonder if maybe those two incidents have something to do with it?
Eventually ice cream was invented, and so Death choose not to end everything.
Anyways,