One thing I’ve heard is that you have to be proactive from a young age; an example I was given was you don’t just let your kid wear pink if they ask, you have to buy pink and dress your baby in it deliberately before they’re even old enough to ask.
I do know that it is something that needs *constant* work. As an example, when our kids began to discuss relationships and marrying I would always clarify that they could marry whomever they liked (as long as they weren’t related), and also that it’s okay to be alone and never want a partner, too! I’ve also tried to stick to them/their/that person when pointing out people whose pronouns we don’t know. Yet as soon as Anya started school all that work seemed to unravel and she’d come home telling us that boys couldn’t be friends with girls and that boys having boyfriends was ‘weird’. Most kids want to fit in and so are easily influenced by their peers and it’s a constant, on-going effort to fight against the biases they bring home. You’ll end up having the same conversations over and over and over, but eventually it does sink in.
Basically, it’s hard... even if kids aren’t being directly told things by their peers they’re influenced by what they observe. TV shows and books, for example, may not necessarily be negative, but you have to work to actively seek out diversity. Even we still present a cis heteronormative marriage to our own kids, as do nearly all of our relatives.
I did rather like that no-one ever misgenders the NB character in She-Ra.
I was... less fond of the NB character themselves.
I'm a bit tired of NB characters being inherently alien or robots, shapeshifters, or in some way consistently deceitful.... Double Trouble hits all 3 of those nails and that kinda sealed the coffin shut for me.
A lot of the rest of She-Ra was fantastic though, don't get me wrong!
While I adored She-Ra from start to finish, I can understand that dislike.
That said, Double Trouble is one of my favorites. I love the fact that they've already come into themselves and aren't struggling on some personal journey. They're just comfortably evil and don't need anybody's approval or help.
Regarding folks calling themselves queer? Among everything I've learned over the years, one very important thing is how remarkably valuable loosely-defined labels can be. People are complicated! Many never fully figure themselves out until pretty far along in life, if they EVER do! Giving people more wiggle room to fit into things goes a long way. Obviously, not everything is super all encompassing, but still.
I have a friend on twitter who didn't know she was trans for the longest time, because she believed one has to be dysphoric to actually be trans. The thing is? She did have dysphoria. But because the general public has a pretty weak understanding of what that actually means, she had no idea she was suffering from it. So even if dysphoria WAS an inherent part of being trans (which isn't true), defining it that way leaves some trans people out in the cold. Looser labels are better.
I ran into a struggle myself within the aspec community. It's kind of a big rant, so I'm spoilering it.
I've run into an issue with how some folks in the demisexual community define all of us. Strictly speaking, it simply means I don't experience primary sexual attraction (so, physical attraction) to other people. I can experience secondary attraction, which is what develops when you get close to somebody, though. The main issue with getting people to understand this is that a LOT of folk conflate "Experience sexual attraction" with "have sex". In fact, literally 99.9% of people who claim it isn't valid do exactly this. Which is just. Dumb. Really fucking dumb. I hate people. But anyway!
I've seen folks saying stuff like "I'm demi, which means I don't like porn!" And I'm like "WHAT", because drawn smut is the only thing that ever did anything for me before I met Amara. And because this community is so small and barely known, it was hard to really feel confident in exactly how it works or what is universal for everyone in our little sub-community. So I just kinda tried not to think about it, and didn't bring it up with anybody.
But it turns out there's a 2nd ace label that also applies to me, which I Just discovered a couple months ago: Aegosexual. This is defined as describing "those who have a disconnect between themself and the subject of arousal." In other words you can experience arousal towards the concept of sex (which can include porn) but generally don't have any desire to actually participate in it. And that describes me pretty perfectly! And this doesn't contradict demisexuality! It's just a little caveat.
Also, autochorisexual is the most popular term for this? But aegosexual sounds cooler, and I do what I want. :P
Learning about this was a big relief, because now I have a pretty firm understanding of myself that I've never had until now. As it turns out, I fit into multiple ace sub-communities, and I'm pretty happy about that. This wasn't nearly as mind blowing as when I first realized I'm aspec, but this new label is still pretty comforting and I'm really glad I Found it.
I did rather like that no-one ever misgenders the NB character in She-Ra.
I was... less fond of the NB character themselves.
I'm a bit tired of NB characters being inherently alien or robots, shapeshifters, or in some way consistently deceitful.... Double Trouble hits all 3 of those nails and that kinda sealed the coffin shut for me.
A lot of the rest of She-Ra was fantastic though, don't get me wrong!
While I adored She-Ra from start to finish, I can understand that dislike.
That said, Double Trouble is one of my favorites. I love the fact that they've already come into themselves and aren't struggling on some personal journey. They're just comfortably evil and don't need anybody's approval or help.
I don't mind that DT is amoral or evil or whatever. I just hated that they were yet another NB character whose core identity and place in the narrative was built on deceiving people.
that fucking sucks and I loathed every bit of it. It stung even more that they were otherwise going to be a really nice character, for me.
don’t just let your kid wear pink if they ask, you have to buy pink and dress your baby in it deliberately before they’re even old enough to ask.
That is such a great & easily implemented tip! Really hope we'll get to do that within the next year : )
Also sounds like you're having some very important and meaningful conversations with your kids - hope they'll outweigh the peer pressure at school
Thanks so much for explaining the term aegosexual @Goatmon - I'll make sure to forward that info to my ace friend as I think it might apply to her & helps make sense of some of her experiences...
(also really wish I knew that term before - when we first met, she sent me some of the erotic stories that she writes and I thought she was hitting on me X), luckily our friendship survived that misunderstanding)
Oh shoot, didn't think of DT that way @Anzekay , but now that you pointed it out
it seems like a thoughtless and harmful choice on the part of the writers, not the positive representation they were aiming for : (
I did rather like that no-one ever misgenders the NB character in She-Ra.
I was... less fond of the NB character themselves.
I'm a bit tired of NB characters being inherently alien or robots, shapeshifters, or in some way consistently deceitful.... Double Trouble hits all 3 of those nails and that kinda sealed the coffin shut for me.
A lot of the rest of She-Ra was fantastic though, don't get me wrong!
While I adored She-Ra from start to finish, I can understand that dislike.
That said, Double Trouble is one of my favorites. I love the fact that they've already come into themselves and aren't struggling on some personal journey. They're just comfortably evil and don't need anybody's approval or help.
I don't mind that DT is amoral or evil or whatever. I just hated that they were yet another NB character whose core identity and place in the narrative was built on deceiving people.
that fucking sucks and I loathed every bit of it. It stung even more that they were otherwise going to be a really nice character, for me.
Gotcha. I feel like a fairly simple solution would be writing more than one of the characters as non-binary. I've said the same thing of Entrapta, who is the one strongly autism coded character in the show who also happens to be someone that gets manipulated into helping the villains for nearly 2 and a half seasons.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Entrapta. She's easily my favorite character. But some folks on the spectrum were NOT thrilled with her story arc.
I did rather like that no-one ever misgenders the NB character in She-Ra.
I was... less fond of the NB character themselves.
I'm a bit tired of NB characters being inherently alien or robots, shapeshifters, or in some way consistently deceitful.... Double Trouble hits all 3 of those nails and that kinda sealed the coffin shut for me.
A lot of the rest of She-Ra was fantastic though, don't get me wrong!
While I adored She-Ra from start to finish, I can understand that dislike.
That said, Double Trouble is one of my favorites. I love the fact that they've already come into themselves and aren't struggling on some personal journey. They're just comfortably evil and don't need anybody's approval or help.
I don't mind that DT is amoral or evil or whatever. I just hated that they were yet another NB character whose core identity and place in the narrative was built on deceiving people.
that fucking sucks and I loathed every bit of it. It stung even more that they were otherwise going to be a really nice character, for me.
Gotcha. I feel like a fairly simple solution would be writing more than one of the characters as non-binary. I've said the same thing of Entrapta, who is the one strongly autism coded character in the show who also happens to be someone that gets manipulated into helping the villains for nearly 2 and a half seasons.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Entrapta. She's easily my favorite character. But some folks on the spectrum were NOT thrilled with her story arc.
Yeah I 100% agree. I think when works of fiction only have the one character as representation, you either need to really avoid the tropes or just have another character doing the same rep so that the weight isn't carried all by the one character alone.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Apparently all of the stress of my whole recent thing has activated my very first ever case of shingles, so, wow, that's some powerful stress.
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
Oh, no!
On the bright side, you don't have bed spiders. Or at least not hostile ones.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Thanks so much for explaining the term aegosexual @Goatmon - I'll make sure to forward that info to my ace friend as I think it might apply to her & helps make sense of some of her experiences...
(also really wish I knew that term before - when we first met, she sent me some of the erotic stories that she writes and I thought she was hitting on me X), luckily our friendship survived that misunderstanding)
Ooh noooo, as another Ace who also enjoys writing erotica I can only imagine the mortification, I’m glad your friendship was able to survive.
That brings up another point I recently realized: in the past I’ve given compliments to people or characters that I consider wholly aesthetic/platonic compliments, and occasionally other people hearing/seeing the compliments (not always the recipient) would react really oddly to them. It has only occurred to me years later that my compliments did indeed sound odd when interpreted through a sexual lens...
Thanks so much for explaining the term aegosexual Goatmon - I'll make sure to forward that info to my ace friend as I think it might apply to her & helps make sense of some of her experiences...
(also really wish I knew that term before - when we first met, she sent me some of the erotic stories that she writes and I thought she was hitting on me X), luckily our friendship survived that misunderstanding)
Oh shoot, didn't think of DT that way Anzekay , but now that you pointed it out
it seems like a thoughtless and harmful choice on the part of the writers, not the positive representation they were aiming for : (
Ooh noooo, as another Ace who also enjoys writing erotica I can only imagine the mortification, I’m glad your friendship was able to survive.
That brings up another point I recently realized: in the past I’ve given compliments to people or characters that I consider wholly aesthetic/platonic compliments, and occasionally other people hearing/seeing the compliments (not always the recipient) would react really oddly to them. It has only occurred to me years later that my compliments did indeed sound odd when interpreted through a sexual lens...
You too, huh? Small world. Maybe we should start a club. lol
Also that is a MOOD. For me, becoming more conscious of how allosexuals* interpret things was like a much more mundane version of one of those fantasy stories where someone's inner eye is opened and they're suddenly able to see spirits and cosmic horrors everywhere.
For me, becoming more conscious of how allosexuals* interpret things was like a much more mundane version of one of those fantasy stories where someone's inner eye is opened and they're suddenly able to see spirits and cosmic horrors everywhere.
That is such a striking and vivid way to put it!
About compliments:
When I misinterpret them, it's usually wishful thinking on my part (i.e. I can misinterpret friendliness as flirting when actually I'm the one who'd like to flirt)
Sorry @Jensen on behalf of allosexual people who misinterpret stuff....
Have also been on the other side of that in a way (when I was totally blind to romantic advances from someone I'm not into - realising the truth was really disorienting, almost felt like a betrayal to discover the close friend had other intentions the whole time, so I think I can partly relate to your cosmic horror metaphor @Goatmon )
Btw, are there some media representations of nonbinary and other QUILTBAG characters that you are happy with?
(clearly not DT in She-Ra - is JVN doing a good job at least?)
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
You know how dogs are just obsessed with food, how if they see you with food it becomes all they're interested in. How they can be sleeping or playing or otherwise engaging in an activity and not actively seeking out food, as soon as they notice some that becomes their focus. That's kind of how "normal" people seem to me but re:sex instead of food.
I'm not saying that's accurate or fair, but as someone who doesn't have the, like, sex trigger in my brain, it's impossible to guess what activates it in others, because sometimes it's really not something I think is obviously sex related. Sometimes you can say something totally vanilla and a person responds like you've made a sex joke or propositioned them. It's a sexy minefield.
You know how dogs are just obsessed with food, how if they see you with food it becomes all they're interested in. How they can be sleeping or playing or otherwise engaging in an activity and not actively seeking out food, as soon as they notice some that becomes their focus. That's kind of how "normal" people seem to me but re:sex instead of food.
I'm not saying that's accurate or fair, but as someone who doesn't have the, like, sex trigger in my brain, it's impossible to guess what activates it in others, because sometimes it's really not something I think is obviously sex related. Sometimes you can say something totally vanilla and a person responds like you've made a sex joke or propositioned them. It's a sexy minefield.
As someone who for a long time identified as "normal" I gotta tell you this is a pretty apt analogy. Like, to the point of I've seen people jokingly (but genuinely) compare a girl propositioning a guy by acting like you'd act when trying to entice a dog with a treat. Like literally, "c'mere boy! I got a treat for ya! Want something yummy?"
Umm... do you mean in a kink context @Tox ?
Of course, not kink shaming - if that's what people are into, great, more power to them...
Though can also see how it could apply to people flirting in general
One slightly worrying thing about the doggie analogy is that it implies a lack of control - the guy just instinctively goes for it...
(which, ofc, isn't the case - people can control themselves)
That sure is a scary description @3clipse , too bad so many people believe that negative stereotype...
(including police officers, judges etc. : ( )
In contrast, I know that excuse is seen as completely unacceptable in the kink community which emphasizes consent and safety so, ofc, not judging anyone who'd flirt like that in play, to each their own...
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Boys will be ugh I was drugged & raped in the army, I ended up being the driver delivering a packet of witness statements to CID, I was not the only victim.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Army dentist back in West Germany made little kid me strip down for pictures, with the excuse of "we need to document how you grow to make sure you're healthy" something like that.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Just get it all out there
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FencingsaxIt is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understandingGNU Terry PratchettRegistered Userregular
So sorry to hear that @Weaver : (
Sounds like a terrible abuse of power, and the perpetrator hurt a number of people
Hope the witness statements you delivered to the CID made a difference and the perpetrator was stopped. Sounds like you did an extremely brave thing by coming forward
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
He only got caught because a guy from a different platoon in my company woke up during the middle of being molested. The perp got beat up pretty badly and then sent off to I think it was seven years at Leavenworth.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Btw just because this happened to me, it was still done by a man, and I don't buy into that whole "oh but men get raped too" bullshit argument people use to cover for how pervasive sexual assault performed by men is.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited August 2020
In lighter news, I'm thinking of buying an agender flag.
edit: I also wanna change up my avatar but I'm bad at art, it's a Mully art, and I was real mean to her back in the day.
Weaver on
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Thanks for confirming that the perp was stopped @Weaver , so glad to hear that.
So brave of you sharing this - thank you, it is great that you are able and willing to discuss these issues openly (less secrecy helping reduce myths and increase support for victims)
Also glad to hear about the agender flag you're getting : ) : )
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
The news is horrible so I'm trying to calm myself, and I'm thinking general hair & body care. Any tips for a ginger that wants to scale the masculinity back a tad?
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
The news is horrible so I'm trying to calm myself, and I'm thinking general hair & body care. Any tips for a ginger that wants to scale the masculinity back a tad?
Laser's not good on lighter hair like red and blonde, so you're probably looking at electrolysis for permanent hair reduction/removal.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited August 2020
Sorry I should have specified, I want more hair. Long & luxurious. I've tried to just let my hair grow a few times in the past but I always hit a point where I had no idea what to do with it and it started threatening my edit: normative (I'm still new at this)gender identity so I'd lop it all off.
Weaver on
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lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
unfortunately, all hair hits that awkward "oh my god what are you doing follicles, i hate you" stage when growing it out. and it's at different points for everybody.
i don't really have any advice on how to get past that stage, but i'm wanting to let you know that you're not alone for having that stage.
Mine used to be when my hair would almost be shoulderlength but not. because that was when my curls kicked in and I suddenly had triangle hair.
Now, its when the hair around my ears gets even remotely close to like a 3 or 4 on clippers. that's the point where I'm like "IT MUST ALL GO"
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
edited August 2020
I've been searching for a pop culture character that I can link to to show my own personal body image. I found it. It works. I makes all of the sense. Just divorce gender and you know, not want to annihilate the universe.
Yea mine went from shaved off to base of shoulderblades with only one pro trim 5 years ago (I know it was 5 years ago, cos it was my sister's 5th wedding anniversary on the weekend). I just subbornly ignored the terrible times and found ways to tie it back (for a while I'd have a hair lackie to collect hair at the top of my head as well as the base of the back, cos it wasn't all long enough to collect at the back), and trimmed the ends when I could reach them and they needed it.
HRT also helps with actually growing the hair and having it nice and thick - there are NB folx that do some HRT, and you can do small doses of E without surpressing the T for some.. let's say edge rounding. There's also things like Finasteride (which is a minor T surpressant) if you're combatting hair loss issues. Other than that you're pretty much at the normal haircare routine stuff (see the fashion thread for some recent chat on that) and just experimenting with what you like. Tell your hairdresser that you're thinking to grow it out next time you're there, I'm sure they'll have some ideas on what to do with it.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
I'm not ready to do any hormone stuff before I get my chest fixed. And I might not need to. I'm not a woman, I'm not a man. I am.
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
I know it's text, but saying out loud that I'm not a man, that's powerful. That is a thing.
Posts
I do know that it is something that needs *constant* work. As an example, when our kids began to discuss relationships and marrying I would always clarify that they could marry whomever they liked (as long as they weren’t related), and also that it’s okay to be alone and never want a partner, too! I’ve also tried to stick to them/their/that person when pointing out people whose pronouns we don’t know. Yet as soon as Anya started school all that work seemed to unravel and she’d come home telling us that boys couldn’t be friends with girls and that boys having boyfriends was ‘weird’. Most kids want to fit in and so are easily influenced by their peers and it’s a constant, on-going effort to fight against the biases they bring home. You’ll end up having the same conversations over and over and over, but eventually it does sink in.
Basically, it’s hard... even if kids aren’t being directly told things by their peers they’re influenced by what they observe. TV shows and books, for example, may not necessarily be negative, but you have to work to actively seek out diversity. Even we still present a cis heteronormative marriage to our own kids, as do nearly all of our relatives.
That said, Double Trouble is one of my favorites. I love the fact that they've already come into themselves and aren't struggling on some personal journey. They're just comfortably evil and don't need anybody's approval or help.
I have a friend on twitter who didn't know she was trans for the longest time, because she believed one has to be dysphoric to actually be trans. The thing is? She did have dysphoria. But because the general public has a pretty weak understanding of what that actually means, she had no idea she was suffering from it. So even if dysphoria WAS an inherent part of being trans (which isn't true), defining it that way leaves some trans people out in the cold. Looser labels are better.
I ran into a struggle myself within the aspec community. It's kind of a big rant, so I'm spoilering it.
I've seen folks saying stuff like "I'm demi, which means I don't like porn!" And I'm like "WHAT", because drawn smut is the only thing that ever did anything for me before I met Amara. And because this community is so small and barely known, it was hard to really feel confident in exactly how it works or what is universal for everyone in our little sub-community. So I just kinda tried not to think about it, and didn't bring it up with anybody.
But it turns out there's a 2nd ace label that also applies to me, which I Just discovered a couple months ago: Aegosexual. This is defined as describing "those who have a disconnect between themself and the subject of arousal." In other words you can experience arousal towards the concept of sex (which can include porn) but generally don't have any desire to actually participate in it. And that describes me pretty perfectly! And this doesn't contradict demisexuality! It's just a little caveat.
Also, autochorisexual is the most popular term for this? But aegosexual sounds cooler, and I do what I want. :P
Learning about this was a big relief, because now I have a pretty firm understanding of myself that I've never had until now. As it turns out, I fit into multiple ace sub-communities, and I'm pretty happy about that. This wasn't nearly as mind blowing as when I first realized I'm aspec, but this new label is still pretty comforting and I'm really glad I Found it.
that fucking sucks and I loathed every bit of it. It stung even more that they were otherwise going to be a really nice character, for me.
*prints more t-shirts*
That is such a great & easily implemented tip! Really hope we'll get to do that within the next year : )
Also sounds like you're having some very important and meaningful conversations with your kids - hope they'll outweigh the peer pressure at school
Thanks so much for explaining the term aegosexual @Goatmon - I'll make sure to forward that info to my ace friend as I think it might apply to her & helps make sense of some of her experiences...
(also really wish I knew that term before - when we first met, she sent me some of the erotic stories that she writes and I thought she was hitting on me X), luckily our friendship survived that misunderstanding)
Oh shoot, didn't think of DT that way @Anzekay , but now that you pointed it out
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Entrapta. She's easily my favorite character. But some folks on the spectrum were NOT thrilled with her story arc.
On the bright side, you don't have bed spiders. Or at least not hostile ones.
Ooh noooo, as another Ace who also enjoys writing erotica I can only imagine the mortification, I’m glad your friendship was able to survive.
That brings up another point I recently realized: in the past I’ve given compliments to people or characters that I consider wholly aesthetic/platonic compliments, and occasionally other people hearing/seeing the compliments (not always the recipient) would react really oddly to them. It has only occurred to me years later that my compliments did indeed sound odd when interpreted through a sexual lens...
Aw I'm happy to help!
You too, huh? Small world. Maybe we should start a club. lol
Also that is a MOOD. For me, becoming more conscious of how allosexuals* interpret things was like a much more mundane version of one of those fantasy stories where someone's inner eye is opened and they're suddenly able to see spirits and cosmic horrors everywhere.
*non-aces (for those who don't already know)
About compliments:
When I misinterpret them, it's usually wishful thinking on my part (i.e. I can misinterpret friendliness as flirting when actually I'm the one who'd like to flirt)
Sorry @Jensen on behalf of allosexual people who misinterpret stuff....
Have also been on the other side of that in a way (when I was totally blind to romantic advances from someone I'm not into - realising the truth was really disorienting, almost felt like a betrayal to discover the close friend had other intentions the whole time, so I think I can partly relate to your cosmic horror metaphor @Goatmon )
Btw, are there some media representations of nonbinary and other QUILTBAG characters that you are happy with?
(clearly not DT in She-Ra - is JVN doing a good job at least?)
I'm not saying that's accurate or fair, but as someone who doesn't have the, like, sex trigger in my brain, it's impossible to guess what activates it in others, because sometimes it's really not something I think is obviously sex related. Sometimes you can say something totally vanilla and a person responds like you've made a sex joke or propositioned them. It's a sexy minefield.
We just got a new puppy & I dare say you're right about dogs @Brovid Hasselsmof ,
and also (at least in my case) about us allosexual people x)
As someone who for a long time identified as "normal" I gotta tell you this is a pretty apt analogy. Like, to the point of I've seen people jokingly (but genuinely) compare a girl propositioning a guy by acting like you'd act when trying to entice a dog with a treat. Like literally, "c'mere boy! I got a treat for ya! Want something yummy?"
Of course, not kink shaming - if that's what people are into, great, more power to them...
Though can also see how it could apply to people flirting in general
One slightly worrying thing about the doggie analogy is that it implies a lack of control - the guy just instinctively goes for it...
(which, ofc, isn't the case - people can control themselves)
This is largely used to blame women for being sexually assaulted.
That sure is a scary description @3clipse , too bad so many people believe that negative stereotype...
(including police officers, judges etc. : ( )
In contrast, I know that excuse is seen as completely unacceptable in the kink community which emphasizes consent and safety so, ofc, not judging anyone who'd flirt like that in play, to each their own...
Sounds like a terrible abuse of power, and the perpetrator hurt a number of people
Hope the witness statements you delivered to the CID made a difference and the perpetrator was stopped. Sounds like you did an extremely brave thing by coming forward
edit: I also wanna change up my avatar but I'm bad at art, it's a Mully art, and I was real mean to her back in the day.
Thank you, I forget about it for long periods of time, but everything is stress right now, so it resurfaces.
So brave of you sharing this - thank you, it is great that you are able and willing to discuss these issues openly (less secrecy helping reduce myths and increase support for victims)
Also glad to hear about the agender flag you're getting : ) : )
Laser's not good on lighter hair like red and blonde, so you're probably looking at electrolysis for permanent hair reduction/removal.
i don't really have any advice on how to get past that stage, but i'm wanting to let you know that you're not alone for having that stage.
Mine used to be when my hair would almost be shoulderlength but not. because that was when my curls kicked in and I suddenly had triangle hair.
Now, its when the hair around my ears gets even remotely close to like a 3 or 4 on clippers. that's the point where I'm like "IT MUST ALL GO"
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
That preview image is a bit rough, sorry about that.
HRT also helps with actually growing the hair and having it nice and thick - there are NB folx that do some HRT, and you can do small doses of E without surpressing the T for some.. let's say edge rounding. There's also things like Finasteride (which is a minor T surpressant) if you're combatting hair loss issues. Other than that you're pretty much at the normal haircare routine stuff (see the fashion thread for some recent chat on that) and just experimenting with what you like. Tell your hairdresser that you're thinking to grow it out next time you're there, I'm sure they'll have some ideas on what to do with it.