Penny Arcade - Comic - Apologetics

DogDog Registered User, Administrator, Vanilla Staff admin
edited December 2019 in The Penny Arcade Hub

imagePenny Arcade - Comic - Apologetics

Videogaming-related online strip by Mike Krahulik and Jerry Holkins. Includes news and commentary.

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Posts

  • sawellssawells Registered User regular
    Still trying to work out whether Bruce is having dinner with HIS mom and dad or with HERMIONE's mom and dad.

    Twitter: @EssayWells
  • JunathJunath Registered User new member
    His, because he'd be dead.

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  • QuidQuid I don't... what... hnnng Registered User regular
    Junath wrote: »
    His, because he'd be dead.

    The ol' avada kedavra

    I also appreciate the capitalization of Mom and Dad

    zepherin
  • XagarXagar Registered User regular
    i like the philly steak fairy

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  • ZenigataZenigata Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Funkos depress me, as they're often the only kind of figure for some franchises. And they're just so lifelessly dull and bland. To quote a great man, they have "generic dead-eyed breadloaf heads". Sure, they're generally cheap but they also have such vague resemblance to what they intend to represent that some characters would need to be left in the box just so you know who they're supposed to be. They are the 2010's version of Beanie Babies.

    Zenigata on
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  • ThawmusThawmus Registered User regular
    Is Funkoverse just bad Heroclix?

    It looks like bad Heroclix.

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  • QuidQuid I don't... what... hnnng Registered User regular
    Thawmus wrote: »
    Is Funkoverse just bad Heroclix?

    It looks like bad Heroclix.

    They're not part of a game. They're just stylized figurines.

    H3Knuckles
  • TofystedethTofystedeth veni, veneri, vamoosi Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Tycho is right but also wrong. Hermione would never use one of the forbidden curses.

    Tofystedeth on
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  • EnlongEnlong Registered User regular
    Took me a second to realize what two words Tycho meant. My first thought was the memory modification spell (such that Batman no longer exists in Bruce’s mind and he believes his parents are alive) but that’s one word.

    YggiDee wrote: »
    Having teenaged RPG leads is really cool until you stop being a teenager yourself. Do you remember being seventeen? You're a dumbass at seventeen! I wanna be saved by the guy who's twenty-seven. He's at least payed taxes. He knows how to do shit. He can drive.
  • LucascraftLucascraft Registered User regular
    The first two words that sprung to mind were "wingardium leviosa."

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  • MarcinMNMarcinMN Registered User regular
    Accio utility belt!

    (I know, that's three words.)

  • YoungFreyYoungFrey Registered User regular
    The words are "non tristi". They summon apparitions of Bruce's parents. Batman is then completely overcome with sadness and is ineffective at doing anything.

  • PeriSoftPeriSoft Registered User regular
    MarcinMN wrote: »
    Accio utility belt!

    (I know, that's three words.)

    What about "accio belt"? Is context enough, or do you have to be specific? Does the magic know what you mean if you say "accio holster" but actually it's a fanny pack?

  • QuidQuid I don't... what... hnnng Registered User regular
    Tycho is right but also wrong. Hermione would never use one of the forbidden curses.

    I agree.

    That said, if anyone from the HP universe beats Batman, it's Hermione.

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  • Azur3flameAzur3flame Registered User regular
    Great. Now the rest of my afternoon is going to be spent watching my subconscious play out countless scenarios to see how Batman would handle espionage and combat in the HP universe. Which at this point has me genuinely surprised that I haven't already done this. My inner nerd is disappointed, but my inner adult is impressed I made it this far.

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  • FireballDragonFireballDragon Registered User regular
    It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!

    Man in the MistsZilla360
  • LucascraftLucascraft Registered User regular
    Obviously the solution is a wood magnet. She tries to cast a spell at him, he activates his wood magnet and yoinks her wand right out of her hand. Batman wins. As always.

  • flamebroiledchickenflamebroiledchicken Registered User regular
    Batman just needs some wizard repellent spray

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  • BursarBursar Hee Noooo! Registered User regular
    Quid wrote: »
    Thawmus wrote: »
    Is Funkoverse just bad Heroclix?

    It looks like bad Heroclix.

    They're not part of a game. They're just stylized figurines.

    I hate to burst your bubble, but they're a game now.
    https://www.funko.com/funkoverse

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  • GrendusGrendus Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    I think it comes down entirely to how old Hermione is at that point, and if either of them know the other is coming for them.

    Batman couldn't find Hogwarts, but if he was just hunting Hermione Grainger, he could easily track down her parents and use them to get to her. Bare minimum, they're dentists, she has dental records. So finding her is easy, even with Hogwarts being unplottable. She has to go to a muggle-accessible place at some point.

    Combat all comes down to the element of surprise, and this is where Hermione's age is important. Even in the books there was a clear progression as Hermione grew more powerful, so by book 7 and beyond she would be very dangerous. But Batman isn't really a face-tank, he'd be far more likely to go for an ambush or trap, so it really comes down to who finds who first. If Batman gets the drop on her, he wins no question. If she gets the drop on him, it's a much closer battle IMO simply because the "two words" Tycho mentions do not work for her. Aveda Kedavra requires real hatred to pull off, Hermione just doesn't have it in her. So Hermione would have to stick with other spells, which are still powerful but not unstoppable.

    Honestly, I give Batman better than even odds. Hermione is a genius, but Batman is a strategist, and he deals with cosmic horrors and other magic using villains regularly. If he can hold his own in the Justice League alongside Green Lantern and Superman, even adult Hermione at her strongest is at a disadvantage.

    And that may be the nerdiest post I've ever written.

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  • MarcinMNMarcinMN Registered User regular
    Quid wrote: »
    Tycho is right but also wrong. Hermione would never use one of the forbidden curses.

    I agree.

    That said, if anyone from the HP universe beats Batman, it's Hermione.

    So, once again, Batman wins only because someone with the power to easily dispatch him is too good of a person to do it. ;)

  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    Zatanna took out Batman with two words and then wiped his memory

    Not sure he'd fare any better against Hermione

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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  • RatherDashing89RatherDashing89 Registered User regular
    Letting other JLA members get involved makes the discussion dicey, but Batman absolutely views them as resources, and with Zatanna or a number of other buds who owe him favors, I have no doubt he could find his way into Hogwarts.

    I'm going to go with, Batman borrows the Dr. Fate helmet (so technically he's just bringing equipment to the fight, like Hermione gets to bring her wand). What's that you say? Dr. Fate won't give up his host after the battle is over? Well, something tells me after having Batman in his "head" for a couple hours will be more than enough for Fate. Batman is crazy. No one wants those bats in their belfry.

    Zilla360
  • PinesmokePinesmoke Registered User regular
    Harry Potter survived the Killing Curse because of the magical barrier formed when his parents died to protect him. You know who else's parents died to protect them? Batman.

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  • QuidQuid I don't... what... hnnng Registered User regular
    MarcinMN wrote: »
    Quid wrote: »
    Tycho is right but also wrong. Hermione would never use one of the forbidden curses.

    I agree.

    That said, if anyone from the HP universe beats Batman, it's Hermione.

    So, once again, Batman wins only because someone with the power to easily dispatch him is too good of a person to do it. ;)

    Oh Hermione would still win. But she could win much more easily.

    H3Knuckleszepherin
  • H3KnucklesH3Knuckles Jack of all interests... ...master of noneRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    I am sick and tired of the "we have to walk a mile to make excuses for Batman so we can pretend that he has any business dealing with the kind of threats that would require Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, et al to team up" routine.

    Batman is a street level superhero. The best street level superhero, but even so. He fights a sociopath with clown makeup, a burglar with OCD that makes him leave clues behind, another who's obsessed with birds, a woman who dresses as a cat, a bipolar compulsive gambler, and a chemical weapons terrorist. Also a bunch of mobsters. Occasionally a roided-out luchador who is somehow also supposed to be a criminal mastermind. Mister Freeze, Clayface, and Poison Ivy are the only prominent members of the rogues gallery that are proper super villains. Batman is at his best when he's an exceptional but mundane human fighting to save Gotham from a bunch of crazy criminals, it always feels like the premise is being undermined when you take him out of that context.

    It's a great property, but the "Batman always wins if he's prepared, no exceptions" shtick is dumb.

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  • FireballDragonFireballDragon Registered User regular
    God damn it, Gabe and Tycho are contagious.

    H3Knuckles
  • dennisdennis Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    H3Knuckles wrote: »
    I am sick and tired of the "we have to walk a mile to make excuses for Batman so we can pretend that he has any business dealing with the kind of threats that would require Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, et al to team up" routine.

    Batman is a street level superhero. The best street level superhero, but even so. He fights a sociopath with clown makeup, a burglar with OCD that makes him leave clues behind, another who's obsessed with birds, a woman who dresses as a cat, a bipolar compulsive gambler, and a chemical weapons terrorist. Also a bunch of mobsters. Occasionally a roided-out luchador who is somehow also supposed to be a criminal mastermind. Mister Freeze, Clayface, and Poison Ivy are the only prominent members of the rogues gallery that are proper super villains. Batman is at his best when he's an exceptional but mundane human fighting to save Gotham from a bunch of crazy criminals, it always feels like the premise is being undermined when you take him out of that context.

    It's a great property, but the "Batman always wins if he's prepared, no exceptions" shtick is dumb.

    Batman's biggest problem is existing in a universe where super-powers are real. In a Dick Tracy world, he'd make sense.

    Or to put it another way, he's less Harry Potter and more Golden Girls.

    dennis on
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  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    Quid wrote: »
    MarcinMN wrote: »
    Quid wrote: »
    Tycho is right but also wrong. Hermione would never use one of the forbidden curses.

    I agree.

    That said, if anyone from the HP universe beats Batman, it's Hermione.

    So, once again, Batman wins only because someone with the power to easily dispatch him is too good of a person to do it. ;)

    Oh Hermione would still win. But she could win much more easily.
    I mean she could hit him with a memory charm and he'd just have dinner with her and her parents, because that's what they've always done on a Thursday night.

    H3KnucklesMoridin889
  • H3KnucklesH3Knuckles Jack of all interests... ...master of noneRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    dennis wrote: »
    H3Knuckles wrote: »
    I am sick and tired of the "we have to walk a mile to make excuses for Batman so we can pretend that he has any business dealing with the kind of threats that would require Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, et al to team up" routine.

    Batman is a street level superhero. The best street level superhero, but even so. He fights a sociopath with clown makeup, a burglar with OCD that makes him leave clues behind, another who's obsessed with birds, a woman who dresses as a cat, a bipolar compulsive gambler, and a chemical weapons terrorist. Also a bunch of mobsters. Occasionally a roided-out luchador who is somehow also supposed to be a criminal mastermind. Mister Freeze, Clayface, and Poison Ivy are the only prominent members of the rogues gallery that are proper super villains. Batman is at his best when he's an exceptional but mundane human fighting to save Gotham from a bunch of crazy criminals, it always feels like the premise is being undermined when you take him out of that context.

    It's a great property, but the "Batman always wins if he's prepared, no exceptions" shtick is dumb.

    Batman's biggest problem is existing in a universe where super-powers are real. In a Dick Tracy world, he'd make sense.

    Or to put it another way, he's less Harry Potter and more Golden Girls.

    It's basically a question of "do you like Batman as a property, or would you rather turn him into an emo version of Tony Stark?"

    I don't want Batman wearing pointy-eared power armor, crying in the rain with Superman because their mothers had the same given name. I don't want Batman to have an arsenal of sci-fi & fantasy resources that would trivialize his solo-title conflicts, because then we're stuck having to pretend they don't exist until they're needed for the next Justice League storyline. I want Batman desperately trying to save Jim Gordon from Joker's attempt to start a therapy group by breaking people the way he was. I want Batman trying to save Two Face from himself. I want him being torn between stopping Catwoman's crime wave and wanting to go easy on Selina Kyle. Those are the kind of stories where Batman is at his best, using his wits and athleticism to do something incredible, while being confronted with personal conflicts and moral quandaries.

    Now, an exception to all that is Batman Beyond. I loved that series, but it was doing its own thing, and old man Bruce as a bitter mentor to a hero who relies on a sci-fi arsenal to keep pace with a cyberpunk world is fine to me. What I dislike is the urge people have to try and make 'present' Batman into something he's not, to fit him into a kind of story where he feels wildly out of place.

    H3Knuckles on
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  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    H3Knuckles wrote: »
    I am sick and tired of the "we have to walk a mile to make excuses for Batman so we can pretend that he has any business dealing with the kind of threats that would require Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, et al to team up" routine.

    Batman is a street level superhero. The best street level superhero, but even so. He fights a sociopath with clown makeup, a burglar with OCD that makes him leave clues behind, another who's obsessed with birds, a woman who dresses as a cat, a bipolar compulsive gambler, and a chemical weapons terrorist. Also a bunch of mobsters. Occasionally a roided-out luchador who is somehow also supposed to be a criminal mastermind. Mister Freeze, Clayface, and Poison Ivy are the only prominent members of the rogues gallery that are proper super villains. Batman is at his best when he's an exceptional but mundane human fighting to save Gotham from a bunch of crazy criminals, it always feels like the premise is being undermined when you take him out of that context.

    It's a great property, but the "Batman always wins if he's prepared, no exceptions" shtick is dumb.

    There are ways comics have made street level superheroes work jumping back and forth to higher levels. There's heroes who lack the power but have the durability (or vice versa). There's heroes with "utility" powers that can be used against stronger threats. There's heroes who are perfectly capable of operating on the global or cosmic level but have some personal connection or sense of duty to their home turf.

    There's a lot more good examples of the opposite, though. Hell, over his entire existence, Superman has spent more time fighting crooks and corruption than punching space demons into the sun, there are other ways he can be challenged except in a fight.


    There's been times when Batman's role in the Justice League isn't so overwanked that his street level became ridiculous. Basically, when he made a better Spider-man comparison than Iron Man, so you have Batman in Gotham and then Batman but with less ethical concerns (he's either so outclassed or facing high enough stakes or a non-sentient enemy, regardless he'll use things that would prove too lethal for his everyday hero work) in the Justice League. All too often, though, it's been Batman in Gotham and "I've got a contingency plan to kill Jesus if the Second Coming happens while I'm killing six different space gods by myself"-man in the Justice League.

    Hevach on
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  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Hevach wrote: »
    H3Knuckles wrote: »
    I am sick and tired of the "we have to walk a mile to make excuses for Batman so we can pretend that he has any business dealing with the kind of threats that would require Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, et al to team up" routine.

    Batman is a street level superhero. The best street level superhero, but even so. He fights a sociopath with clown makeup, a burglar with OCD that makes him leave clues behind, another who's obsessed with birds, a woman who dresses as a cat, a bipolar compulsive gambler, and a chemical weapons terrorist. Also a bunch of mobsters. Occasionally a roided-out luchador who is somehow also supposed to be a criminal mastermind. Mister Freeze, Clayface, and Poison Ivy are the only prominent members of the rogues gallery that are proper super villains. Batman is at his best when he's an exceptional but mundane human fighting to save Gotham from a bunch of crazy criminals, it always feels like the premise is being undermined when you take him out of that context.

    It's a great property, but the "Batman always wins if he's prepared, no exceptions" shtick is dumb.

    There are ways comics have made street level superheroes work jumping back and forth to higher levels. There's heroes who lack the power but have the durability (or vice versa). There's heroes with "utility" powers that can be used against stronger threats. There's heroes who are perfectly capable of operating on the global or cosmic level but have some personal connection or sense of duty to their home turf.

    There's a lot more good examples of the opposite, though. Hell, over his entire existence, Superman has spent more time fighting crooks and corruption than punching space demons into the sun, there are other ways he can be challenged except in a fight.


    There's been times when Batman's role in the Justice League isn't so overwanked that his street level became ridiculous. Basically, when he made a better Spider-man comparison than Iron Man, so you have Batman in Gotham and then Batman but with less ethical concerns (he's either so outclassed or facing high enough stakes or a non-sentient enemy, regardless he'll use things that would prove too lethal for his everyday hero work) in the Justice League. All too often, though, it's been Batman in Gotham and "I've got a contingency plan to kill Jesus if the Second Coming happens while I'm killing six different space gods by myself"-man in the Justice League.

    Honestly it always seemed like just a deus ex machina for lazy, quick writing. We just invent something say Batman did it and they don’t have to work on a way to extricate themselves for the situation they created. Because even with justice league level resources. Batman can be killed very easily. He is a popular character so he won’t be. But a real world Batman, likely would not have the time to also be a super for it. Running a multinational corporation requires a lot of time, and even just being a shareholder and directing resources requires a lot of time.

    zepherin on
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  • FireballDragonFireballDragon Registered User regular
    It's a damn shame Gabe and Tycho don't read these threads. I feel like they're really missing out on what they've started.

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  • DjiemDjiem Registered User regular
    Batman would win on account of I've never read Harry Potter but I watched a few Batman cartoons and enjoyed them so I prefer Batman.

    H3Knuckles
  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    come on, Tycho, we both tk
    Tycho is right but also wrong. Hermione would never use one of the forbidden curses.

    IIRC she did use the Imperius Curse in book 7. But given her general difficulty with martial spells, I don't think she could or would cast a successful AK.

  • InvertinInvertin Registered User regular
    Tycho is right but also wrong. Hermione would never use one of the forbidden curses.

    Hermoine is the only one of the main three who WOULD use a forbidden curse. Hermoine doesn't give a fuck.

  • Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    Keep in mind Hermoine is such a great witch, Dumbledore trusted a teenaged Hermoine with the power to manipulate time... And to not fuck it up.

    Batman is badass but magic seems to historically be of his blindspots, because magic kind defies logic so all his logical reasoning and powers of deduction probably go out the window for the most part.

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  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    If Batman could win against Hermione why didn't he go and defeat Voldemort

    Platy on
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