Penny Arcade - Comic - Apologetics
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Penny Arcade - Comic - Apologetics
Videogaming-related online strip by Mike Krahulik and Jerry Holkins. Includes news and commentary.
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The ol' avada kedavra
I also appreciate the capitalization of Mom and Dad
It looks like bad Heroclix.
They're not part of a game. They're just stylized figurines.
(I know, that's three words.)
-Tycho Brahe
What about "accio belt"? Is context enough, or do you have to be specific? Does the magic know what you mean if you say "accio holster" but actually it's a fanny pack?
I agree.
That said, if anyone from the HP universe beats Batman, it's Hermione.
I hate to burst your bubble, but they're a game now.
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Batman couldn't find Hogwarts, but if he was just hunting Hermione Grainger, he could easily track down her parents and use them to get to her. Bare minimum, they're dentists, she has dental records. So finding her is easy, even with Hogwarts being unplottable. She has to go to a muggle-accessible place at some point.
Combat all comes down to the element of surprise, and this is where Hermione's age is important. Even in the books there was a clear progression as Hermione grew more powerful, so by book 7 and beyond she would be very dangerous. But Batman isn't really a face-tank, he'd be far more likely to go for an ambush or trap, so it really comes down to who finds who first. If Batman gets the drop on her, he wins no question. If she gets the drop on him, it's a much closer battle IMO simply because the "two words" Tycho mentions do not work for her. Aveda Kedavra requires real hatred to pull off, Hermione just doesn't have it in her. So Hermione would have to stick with other spells, which are still powerful but not unstoppable.
Honestly, I give Batman better than even odds. Hermione is a genius, but Batman is a strategist, and he deals with cosmic horrors and other magic using villains regularly. If he can hold his own in the Justice League alongside Green Lantern and Superman, even adult Hermione at her strongest is at a disadvantage.
And that may be the nerdiest post I've ever written.
So, once again, Batman wins only because someone with the power to easily dispatch him is too good of a person to do it.
-Tycho Brahe
Not sure he'd fare any better against Hermione
I'm going to go with, Batman borrows the Dr. Fate helmet (so technically he's just bringing equipment to the fight, like Hermione gets to bring her wand). What's that you say? Dr. Fate won't give up his host after the battle is over? Well, something tells me after having Batman in his "head" for a couple hours will be more than enough for Fate. Batman is crazy. No one wants those bats in their belfry.
Oh Hermione would still win. But she could win much more easily.
Batman is a street level superhero. The best street level superhero, but even so. He fights a sociopath with clown makeup, a burglar with OCD that makes him leave clues behind, another who's obsessed with birds, a woman who dresses as a cat, a bipolar compulsive gambler, and a chemical weapons terrorist. Also a bunch of mobsters. Occasionally a roided-out luchador who is somehow also supposed to be a criminal mastermind. Mister Freeze, Clayface, and Poison Ivy are the only prominent members of the rogues gallery that are proper super villains. Batman is at his best when he's an exceptional but mundane human fighting to save Gotham from a bunch of crazy criminals, it always feels like the premise is being undermined when you take him out of that context.
It's a great property, but the "Batman always wins if he's prepared, no exceptions" shtick is dumb.
Batman's biggest problem is existing in a universe where super-powers are real. In a Dick Tracy world, he'd make sense.
Or to put it another way, he's less Harry Potter and more Golden Girls.
It's basically a question of "do you like Batman as a property, or would you rather turn him into an emo version of Tony Stark?"
I don't want Batman wearing pointy-eared power armor, crying in the rain with Superman because their mothers had the same given name. I don't want Batman to have an arsenal of sci-fi & fantasy resources that would trivialize his solo-title conflicts, because then we're stuck having to pretend they don't exist until they're needed for the next Justice League storyline. I want Batman desperately trying to save Jim Gordon from Joker's attempt to start a therapy group by breaking people the way he was. I want Batman trying to save Two Face from himself. I want him being torn between stopping Catwoman's crime wave and wanting to go easy on Selina Kyle. Those are the kind of stories where Batman is at his best, using his wits and athleticism to do something incredible, while being confronted with personal conflicts and moral quandaries.
Now, an exception to all that is Batman Beyond. I loved that series, but it was doing its own thing, and old man Bruce as a bitter mentor to a hero who relies on a sci-fi arsenal to keep pace with a cyberpunk world is fine to me. What I dislike is the urge people have to try and make 'present' Batman into something he's not, to fit him into a kind of story where he feels wildly out of place.
There are ways comics have made street level superheroes work jumping back and forth to higher levels. There's heroes who lack the power but have the durability (or vice versa). There's heroes with "utility" powers that can be used against stronger threats. There's heroes who are perfectly capable of operating on the global or cosmic level but have some personal connection or sense of duty to their home turf.
There's a lot more good examples of the opposite, though. Hell, over his entire existence, Superman has spent more time fighting crooks and corruption than punching space demons into the sun, there are other ways he can be challenged except in a fight.
There's been times when Batman's role in the Justice League isn't so overwanked that his street level became ridiculous. Basically, when he made a better Spider-man comparison than Iron Man, so you have Batman in Gotham and then Batman but with less ethical concerns (he's either so outclassed or facing high enough stakes or a non-sentient enemy, regardless he'll use things that would prove too lethal for his everyday hero work) in the Justice League. All too often, though, it's been Batman in Gotham and "I've got a contingency plan to kill Jesus if the Second Coming happens while I'm killing six different space gods by myself"-man in the Justice League.
Honestly it always seemed like just a deus ex machina for lazy, quick writing. We just invent something say Batman did it and they don’t have to work on a way to extricate themselves for the situation they created. Because even with justice league level resources. Batman can be killed very easily. He is a popular character so he won’t be. But a real world Batman, likely would not have the time to also be a super for it. Running a multinational corporation requires a lot of time, and even just being a shareholder and directing resources requires a lot of time.
IIRC she did use the Imperius Curse in book 7. But given her general difficulty with martial spells, I don't think she could or would cast a successful AK.
Hermoine is the only one of the main three who WOULD use a forbidden curse. Hermoine doesn't give a fuck.
Batman is badass but magic seems to historically be of his blindspots, because magic kind defies logic so all his logical reasoning and powers of deduction probably go out the window for the most part.