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"it was currently" - does this make sense?
Drez
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm writing a short story in third person, past tense.
I'm not looking for potential rewrite suggestions. I actually think I'm going to change this anyway to a different phrasing, but I'm curious if "it was currently" actually makes sense since the story is told in a past tense. Does "currently" work here?[/quote]
He was at least fifteen minutes away, he was supposed to be there at 9:00, and it was currently 8:58.
I'm not looking for potential rewrite suggestions. I actually think I'm going to change this anyway to a different phrasing, but I'm curious if "it was currently" actually makes sense since the story is told in a past tense. Does "currently" work here?[/quote]
Switch: SW-7690-2320-9238Steam/PSN/Xbox: Drezdar
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Thanks for the question. Yes, it is actually necessary foundation for the the rest of the paragraph/concept I am building to.
I've already rewritten the above phrase to convey the specific times with different language while enabling the point I am leading to in the narrative, but I am trying to understand if the use or concept of "currently" actually even works within a past tense framework similar to the manner it's used above.
edit: In other words, I'm not trying to fix the above phrase - its just an example at this point. The question is around use of the word "currently" in a past tense framework.
"Was 15 min away, supposed to be there by 9, and it was 858."
Or change it to "and it was already 858"
He's not just running late, you're both aware of it.
You could, and that would feel like setting the scene. We're joining a character, knowing that they are late, after firstly focusing on the meeting.
I could easily see that making sense if this is where we joined this part of the story, as you've got the meeting (which presumably you've learnt of earlier) as the focus, and we're now almost looking from a top down position and thinking about what will happen when the late character joins the meeting - but to me feels as if the point of view we'll take absent anything else is that of joining the meeting in media res, just in time to see the character interrupt it.
Both are certainly valid, but that's how I'd see the different styles working. I'd follow the 'currently' phrase with a few bits where the reader shares what the protagonist here is feeling or their surroundings/travels from their point of view. That way the reader isn't sitting and waiting for the interruption to the meeting, but has had their focus drawn to the character and what they are doing - with happens when they burst through the door being more of a case of "what are they going to do next?" rather than "how will this go?". Are you following the roller coaster, or waiting to see the impact.
it's like writing "He was doing it tomorrow." It 'makes sense' in that the reader probably understands what it means, but it's not a good sentence.
if playing around with tense like this is part of the point of the piece then fair enough, otherwise probably axe it
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Do you mean “he was going to do it tomorrow”? I could see a phrase like “I’m doing it tomorrow” working, but only because the “going to” is an implied (and necessary) part of that phrase.
"Hey, Bob, can you finish this TPS report for me?"
"Well, I was doing it tomorrow, but sure, I can do it today instead."
Was doing has "planning on" implied.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
I don’t recall hearing (or reading) anyone imply “going to” to “planning to” in that manner. If you replace “was” with “am” it makes sense, but using “was” there kind of wrinkles my brain. I mean the only possible implication that makes it work is to add the phrase “going to” so I get your point, I just feel like that’s very uncommon or rare if it’s ever used?
I have definitely heard “I am doing that tomorrow” (present tense) as a response to a question like “are you going to take out the trash?” or a statement like “I thought you took out the trash” I have never heard used in a past tense construction to imply a future action or a past plan of a future action.
Okay. It's a thing that happens, though.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Yeah I had a crazy day and forgot to respond till now but I googled the exact phrase and it appears consensus agrees with you! I guess that is that.
Person 1: “Was he doing it tomorrow or today?”
Person 2: “He was doing it tomorrow.”
100% makes sense to me now that I see it.
English is funny.
Sorry I doubted you all.
@Elvenshae @Eat it You Nasty Pig.
I shall now diminish and continue overusing this phrase.
English is a damnable bastard mutt, and I love it.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]