The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
[RPGs] Problem player - Advice request.
kalesche
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I have started to get very uncomfortable with a player I am GMing and also PC alongside. I have come to this feeling through several different conversations I have had with them.
I would like to have a conversation with them about these issues, but would like advice on how to approach that. Please note that they have been a good friend for a while, and that cutting them out of my life is not an option.
Things I have experienced while playing and talking with them include:
While I GMed:
At one point, four people in the game (including myself) needed to move house. So we went into a hiatus for a few months.
I said that if it's that long, I might stop running. I also floated the idea of running a different game for that group on the same night instead once we came back.
After I mentioned this, they said that to do so would be "killing" their character. I thought the language they used was pretty extreme. I eventually felt guilted into continuing to run the same game.
While I played:
There is a rule in the game we play that we occasionally forget. The gist is that certain actions add to a "Threat" counter that the GM triggers when it reaches specific points.
I chose to remind the GM when we forgot, as we kept forgetting.
The player complained that doing so is "fuelling [their] imminent doom" and compared it to a friend informing a police officer that they were breaking the law.
I suggested that I could privately inform the GM via private message instead, to prevent stressing them out, but that was not good enough. They said that I was "stacking the odds against" them and "derailing" our plans.
I admit it might be a bit rules lawyery to enjoy saying "Oh! We add a threat point too.". But this feels a bit more than that.
In other conversations:
They stated they would not change how they portray a PC if playing said PC in that manner was causing the rest of the players to not have fun. (The example I used was a rogue character stealing all the loot, and the players OOC feeling irritated by this)
They treated the character's nature as sacrosanct and unable to change. They said they were just doing what the character would do, and they should instead roll a new character instead if they were to do anything as they could not just change the character.
In conclusion
I have started to get incredibly worried as to the way they discussed their characters, to the extent that it is causing issue. That they do not treat it as a game with everyone at the table responsible for the flow of the game or for one another's enjoyment.
I also have another worry that they may have been using the games as a sort of self therapy as they are going through some private issues. I have a strong concern that they are hooking into the escapism to the extent that it is causing harm to either them or the game and worry what would happen if their characters came to harm or died. I am concerned that this is very much armchair psychology bullshit, though.
I want to approach this with the point of view that they are a good person, that they want to improve. Wading in and saying "You don't play right" feels like the wrong answer.
Any advice would be welcomed.
I would like to have a conversation with them about these issues, but would like advice on how to approach that. Please note that they have been a good friend for a while, and that cutting them out of my life is not an option.
Things I have experienced while playing and talking with them include:
While I GMed:
At one point, four people in the game (including myself) needed to move house. So we went into a hiatus for a few months.
I said that if it's that long, I might stop running. I also floated the idea of running a different game for that group on the same night instead once we came back.
After I mentioned this, they said that to do so would be "killing" their character. I thought the language they used was pretty extreme. I eventually felt guilted into continuing to run the same game.
While I played:
There is a rule in the game we play that we occasionally forget. The gist is that certain actions add to a "Threat" counter that the GM triggers when it reaches specific points.
I chose to remind the GM when we forgot, as we kept forgetting.
The player complained that doing so is "fuelling [their] imminent doom" and compared it to a friend informing a police officer that they were breaking the law.
I suggested that I could privately inform the GM via private message instead, to prevent stressing them out, but that was not good enough. They said that I was "stacking the odds against" them and "derailing" our plans.
I admit it might be a bit rules lawyery to enjoy saying "Oh! We add a threat point too.". But this feels a bit more than that.
In other conversations:
They stated they would not change how they portray a PC if playing said PC in that manner was causing the rest of the players to not have fun. (The example I used was a rogue character stealing all the loot, and the players OOC feeling irritated by this)
They treated the character's nature as sacrosanct and unable to change. They said they were just doing what the character would do, and they should instead roll a new character instead if they were to do anything as they could not just change the character.
In conclusion
I have started to get incredibly worried as to the way they discussed their characters, to the extent that it is causing issue. That they do not treat it as a game with everyone at the table responsible for the flow of the game or for one another's enjoyment.
I also have another worry that they may have been using the games as a sort of self therapy as they are going through some private issues. I have a strong concern that they are hooking into the escapism to the extent that it is causing harm to either them or the game and worry what would happen if their characters came to harm or died. I am concerned that this is very much armchair psychology bullshit, though.
I want to approach this with the point of view that they are a good person, that they want to improve. Wading in and saying "You don't play right" feels like the wrong answer.
Any advice would be welcomed.
0
Posts
Every example you're giving me just says "this is a person who is out for their own fun, no matter the effect it might have on everyone else at the table, and they're not going to learn the lesson until their character faces some consequences and/or they suddenly don't have a table to play at any more", even as they guilt you into letting them do more and more stupid shit in the games you're involved in.
I mean, really, anybody who can claim "they would not change how they portray a PC if playing said PC in that manner was causing the rest of the players to not have fun. (The example I used was a rogue character stealing all the loot, and the players OOC feeling irritated by this)" doesn't understand the whole point of a tabletop RPG- you, with a group of others, play the same game, try to accomplish the same goals, and generally all try to have a good time.
But this line? This one, right here:
"They said they were just doing what the character would do"
just screams "I'm a goose who enjoys acting like an goose IC and you have to let me get away with it because I'm just 'playing my character' and therefore you can't stop me". That line has been used so many times in the past by assholes looking to keep acting like assholes IC that anyone who would literally say it is an immediate red flag and ought to be removed from any table until they shape up or ship out.
And the bit about reminding the GM about threat is prettymuch him screaming out loud "this is a GM error that I am currently exploiting and beating like a dead horse for my character's benefit and my own enjoyment, shut up and don't ruin this for me".
As a GM, you are responsible for the fun of the entire player group at your table- and if you keep catering to and trying to cajole this silly goose, how much longer do you think your other players are going to want to deal with a goose at the table and the GM who continues to enable him?
Look at it this way: would you rather keep the goose and lose the rest of the group, or keep the rest of the group and have the goose storm off and sulk somewhere else?
If you're genuinely worried about him, then look into contacting his family and other resources that might be able to help him work through this stuff. You're not a psychologist, and the game table is not a therapy office. Get him help or help him get help, inform others close to him he needs help and you are worried about him, but do not take his mental health on as your responsibility.
One of the hardest things as a GM that you have to do is recognize when a player is just not a good fit for the rest of the gaming group. You can talk to them, you can offer to help them, but this just looks like a person who doesn't want to be helped and just wants to sit there and get their happies by being an absolute pain in the ass to everyone else at the table, and they need to be shown to the nearest exit; and their PC hit by a "completely and utterly random bolt of lightning that incinerated the person to atoms but left behind all their gear perfectly intact". If the player refuses to improve their behavior, there's not really much else you can do but show them the door and hang out the "players wanted" sign.
I can has cheezburger, yes?
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
Those statements, in and of themselves, are valid. It's okay if you've made a character that would be antagonistic to the group.
It is not, however, okay to play said character with said group. I've definitely had character concepts that just would not or could not work in certain groups because of how I made them. I just ... didn't play those characters with those groups. Because it is actually everyone in the group's job to make sure they are at least facilitating everyone having fun.
"I can appreciate that, and honestly I think it would be best if you played a different character." is the proper response to that. Especially since the person gave the out of playing a different character.
And if that's not the game you're GMing, speak privately with the GM of that game and ask them to speak to the player privately to review the character with them to make sure the new character is more amenable to the group before the player gets too invested. If you're the GM in that case, speak privately with the other players and ask them if there are any specific concerns they want to avoid with the new character, and also speak privately with the player to see if there are any concerns about any other characters in the group.