In better news, had an appointment with my PCP. I'll be doubling my estradiol while keeping Spiro the same. Getting a round of labs because I like to see the actual numbers changing, and scheduling another set for 3 months from now.
My consult is in uh February and I wont know how much I need to pay until after that so crowdfunding is me guessing and hoping Im right I guess? And I still have to go around asking people to share it so thats fun.
My insurance will cover some of it but I have no clue what Im gonna owe out of pocket.( I'm likely gonna get implants that same year so those will be entirely covered but again no clue).
There's no reason this has to be so complicated!
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
My consult is in uh February and I wont know how much I need to pay until after that so crowdfunding is me guessing and hoping Im right I guess? And I still have to go around asking people to share it so thats fun.
My insurance will cover some of it but I have no clue what Im gonna owe out of pocket.( I'm likely gonna get implants that same year so those will be entirely covered but again no clue).
There's no reason this has to be so complicated!
Find out what your maximum out of pocket is, and assume it will be that. It sucks to hit it, but at least everything after that is 100% covered.
My poor ADHD riddled brain is at its limit Ive made so many phone calls this week but youre right. I will brave the insurance company phone lines on Monday
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
My poor ADHD riddled brain is at its limit Ive made so many phone calls this week but youre right. I will brave the insurance company phone lines on Monday
If you have a moment this weekend try going to the insurance website, sign up for a login if you don't already have one, and it should be pretty easy to find in the plan info section. I know I'm a bit spoiled as far as requirements go here in CA, but the max OOP should be easy to find.
+1
Kane Red RobeMaster of MagicArcanusRegistered Userregular
My poor ADHD riddled brain is at its limit Ive made so many phone calls this week but youre right. I will brave the insurance company phone lines on Monday
If you have a moment this weekend try going to the insurance website, sign up for a login if you don't already have one, and it should be pretty easy to find in the plan info section. I know I'm a bit spoiled as far as requirements go here in CA, but the max OOP should be easy to find.
Be a bit careful on that front for fine print because I definitely got got by my insurance plan being very bold and clear that I paid 80% until I hit my maximum payment of $3,600. And then in very tiny text at the bottom noting that I then paid 20% until I hit the actual out of pocket maximum of $7,200.
My poor ADHD riddled brain is at its limit Ive made so many phone calls this week but youre right. I will brave the insurance company phone lines on Monday
If you have a moment this weekend try going to the insurance website, sign up for a login if you don't already have one, and it should be pretty easy to find in the plan info section. I know I'm a bit spoiled as far as requirements go here in CA, but the max OOP should be easy to find.
Be a bit careful on that front for fine print because I definitely got got by my insurance plan being very bold and clear that I paid 80% until I hit my maximum payment of $3,600. And then in very tiny text at the bottom noting that I then paid 20% until I hit the actual out of pocket maximum of $7,200.
Sounds like that first limit was your deductible, while the second limit was the actual max OOP.
Edit: Copayments and things like that with a set fee will go towards the out of pocket but not deductible. Payments go towards the deductible generally when things aren't covered by a co-payment and the insurance covers a percentage of the bill. Insurance is confusing by design.
Veevee on
+1
Kane Red RobeMaster of MagicArcanusRegistered Userregular
My poor ADHD riddled brain is at its limit Ive made so many phone calls this week but youre right. I will brave the insurance company phone lines on Monday
If you have a moment this weekend try going to the insurance website, sign up for a login if you don't already have one, and it should be pretty easy to find in the plan info section. I know I'm a bit spoiled as far as requirements go here in CA, but the max OOP should be easy to find.
Be a bit careful on that front for fine print because I definitely got got by my insurance plan being very bold and clear that I paid 80% until I hit my maximum payment of $3,600. And then in very tiny text at the bottom noting that I then paid 20% until I hit the actual out of pocket maximum of $7,200.
Sounds like that first limit was your deductible, while the second limit was the actual max OOP.
Yes I figured that out eventually but the snapshot of my benefits was very, very much pushing the first number and hiding the second so as a young person who'd never been in a position to approach either number before it was a surprise.
My poor ADHD riddled brain is at its limit Ive made so many phone calls this week but youre right. I will brave the insurance company phone lines on Monday
If you have a moment this weekend try going to the insurance website, sign up for a login if you don't already have one, and it should be pretty easy to find in the plan info section. I know I'm a bit spoiled as far as requirements go here in CA, but the max OOP should be easy to find.
Be a bit careful on that front for fine print because I definitely got got by my insurance plan being very bold and clear that I paid 80% until I hit my maximum payment of $3,600. And then in very tiny text at the bottom noting that I then paid 20% until I hit the actual out of pocket maximum of $7,200.
Sounds like that first limit was your deductible, while the second limit was the actual max OOP.
Yes I figured that out eventually but the snapshot of my benefits was very, very much pushing the first number and hiding the second so as a young person who'd never been in a position to approach either number before it was a surprise.
Sorry, was more explaining for those reading, not you. I find that when someone has used insurance enough to hit a high deductible, and especially their max OOP, they tend to be well educated on how insurance works.
+1
ElldrenIs a woman dammitceterum censeoRegistered Userregular
My poor ADHD riddled brain is at its limit Ive made so many phone calls this week but youre right. I will brave the insurance company phone lines on Monday
If you have a moment this weekend try going to the insurance website, sign up for a login if you don't already have one, and it should be pretty easy to find in the plan info section. I know I'm a bit spoiled as far as requirements go here in CA, but the max OOP should be easy to find.
Be a bit careful on that front for fine print because I definitely got got by my insurance plan being very bold and clear that I paid 80% until I hit my maximum payment of $3,600. And then in very tiny text at the bottom noting that I then paid 20% until I hit the actual out of pocket maximum of $7,200.
Sounds like that first limit was your deductible, while the second limit was the actual max OOP.
Yes I figured that out eventually but the snapshot of my benefits was very, very much pushing the first number and hiding the second so as a young person who'd never been in a position to approach either number before it was a surprise.
Sorry, was more explaining for those reading, not you. I find that when someone has used insurance enough to hit a high deductible, and especially their max OOP, they tend to be well educated on how insurance works.
Went to san fran pride parade as a walking trans flag. Pink dress, white cardigan mostly for sun protection, and neon blue bob wig. Had a blast, got called out by many parade walkers so I had to strike so many poses.
Got my wallet and phone pick pocketed out of my purse.
Still had a fucking blast. Got to watch Billy Porter accept his sainthood from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
+20
tzeentchlingDoctor of RocksOaklandRegistered Userregular
I'm happy you had such a good time! It sounds like your outfit was amazing. Though I'm sorry you got pick-pocketed, that sucks.
+17
FencingsaxIt is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understandingGNU Terry PratchettRegistered Userregular
Went to san fran pride parade as a walking trans flag. Pink dress, white cardigan mostly for sun protection, and neon blue bob wig. Had a blast, got called out by many parade walkers so I had to strike so many poses.
Got my wallet and phone pick pocketed out of my purse.
Still had a fucking blast. Got to watch Billy Porter accept his sainthood from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
That would be amazing! If the person you saw was also carrying a small but stuffed multi colored backpack then we can go ahead and say that was absolutely me.
hi friends, i got myself another little subtly queer-coded tattoo. at least it is for me - representing disguising one's self and all the code-switching we do c: (also, lower back leg is a tricky spot to get a tattoo - wouldn't necessarily recommend, tbh, though i'm thrilled with the results)
+21
tzeentchlingDoctor of RocksOaklandRegistered Userregular
Is that the Sheikah or the Yiga clan symbol? Either way, awesome!
got some labs done yesterday and it's wild what half a year of hrt can do for someone, at least as far as hormone levels go -
3 months of 50mg spiro 2/day
2 months of 50mg spiro + 1mg estradiol 2/day
almost at 3 months of 100mg spiro + 2mg estradiol 2/day and went from 330 T down to 25 and from 24 to ~90 E
just living that androgynous enby/demi-fem life as best i can, one day at a time
got some labs done yesterday and it's wild what half a year of hrt can do for someone, at least as far as hormone levels go -
3 months of 50mg spiro 2/day, then 2 months of 50mg spiro + 1mg estradiol 2/day, and then almost at 3 months of 100mg spiro + 2mg estradiol 2/day and went from 330 T down to 25 and from 24 to ~90 E
just living that androgynous enby/demi-fem life as best i can, one day at a time
It really is amazing, and I can't wait to join you in the sub 30T club
2 months of 100mg spiro + 4mg estradiol took my T from 994 to 241 and my E from 39 to 90.
I've now doubled my estradiol with another lab scheduled for 2.5 months from now.
got some labs done yesterday and it's wild what half a year of hrt can do for someone, at least as far as hormone levels go -
3 months of 50mg spiro 2/day, then 2 months of 50mg spiro + 1mg estradiol 2/day, and then almost at 3 months of 100mg spiro + 2mg estradiol 2/day and went from 330 T down to 25 and from 24 to ~90 E
just living that androgynous enby/demi-fem life as best i can, one day at a time
It really is amazing, and I can't wait to join you in the sub 30T club
2 months of 100mg spiro + 4mg estradiol took my T from 994 to 241 and my E from 39 to 90.
I've now doubled my estradiol with another lab scheduled for 2.5 months from now.
nice!! congrats friend - it's a fun (and emotional, we love it) place to be, and looking forward to you joining, and that's so much progress!! - i got a followup with my doc in a couple weeks and i'm excited to see where things go - seems like i might be able to just stay on my current anticistamines :? guess i'll see! mostly just glad i had good labs and the anxiety about haunted blood or whatevs didn't come to pass, lol
Cee on
0
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
I already had low T my whole life, like within normal for AMAB, but on the low end, so just three months on spiro and then switching from oral to injection E got me at zero(well, <10 which is the lowest the test can return I guess). All estrogen and progesterone now.
Trying to get into voice therapy again, and ugh wait times and scheduling around work.
So apparently the thing to get me to push presentation barriers at work, even in small ways, is for me to do it for someone else. One of my coworkers came out to me as trans, and we had a conversation later about me being enby. It has been easy for me, as I am generally fine with he/him, as I go by he/they pronouns. We were talking and one thing she talked about being worried about doing was doing even small things, such as painting her nails, and how people would react in the office.
So after having an incredibly shitty week myself (unrelated to queerness), yesterday I decided fuck it I wanted to test those waters for her and painted my nails. Wanted to see how people would react at work. The reaction was a mix of nonchalance from people like my boss, to excitement from her and one of my other coworkers.
When someone says he/they, does that mean either is appropriate in any circumstance? I always assumed pronouns are communicated the way they are for English reasons. For instance, he/them tells me "He said..." or "Talk to them." . Seeing he/they, I'm realizing that I made have made a leap in logic.
When someone says he/they, does that mean either is appropriate in any circumstance? I always assumed pronouns are communicated the way they are for English reasons. For instance, he/them tells me "He said..." or "Talk to them." . Seeing he/they, I'm realizing that I made have made a leap in logic.
If you're unsure, you can ask. Ask them how they feel about their pronouns and/or to let you know in a moment if their is one or the other they'd prefer on a given day. Most people should appreciate the consideration and the chance to talk about themselves.
it's also okay if you slip-up occasionally - it happens, and for a lot of folks it takes some adjusting. i've found it seems to depend heavily on if you're one that is living it either personally or with someone close (although i do get kind of suspicious when the same people keep doing it). for me, the best thing someone can do when that happens and they get a Look or gentle correction is just to self-correct and move on and not make a scene about it. idk how others feel but i don't want platitudes, just pronouns c:
um, anyway - proactively caring about it makes worlds of differences to folks, thanks friend!
When someone says he/they, does that mean either is appropriate in any circumstance? I always assumed pronouns are communicated the way they are for English reasons. For instance, he/them tells me "He said..." or "Talk to them." . Seeing he/they, I'm realizing that I made have made a leap in logic.
To add onto what everyone else is saying it can also act as an order of preference as well for some people so she/they is a bit different than they/she. Working both sets in as you can is also nice if possible. Obviously much easier in writing than speaking but using the full range at least occasionally can go a long way to validating people.
My baseline assumption for multiple pronouns is just "any is an acceptable pronoun for me," any further nuance has to be more explicitly explained, there's not really any standard you can rely on.
hi frens, i maybe went out this past weekend and got another fun pride thing -
putting it in spoilies bc tbh i worry it feels like i'm posting them too much, so pls feel free to disregard if you're tired of 'em! (also Cruor don't look yet!!) -
a little rainbow flower - been wanting to get like an actual pride flag (and may still, someday), but i got ~inspired~ and thought this would be a fun and vibrant idea, and i think the artist really nailed it :> - it's a silent princess flower from botw/totk, so you know, some extra layers of meaningful subtlety there c:
i got some other fun ideas i'm working on, as well - in talks with the artist to do a demigirl flower addon to my ace/enby flowers, and wanna get another full color pretty floral thing on the other side of that arm, to make a good spread of colorful, monochromatic, and everything between, but i gotta take a break both for my body and bank account (i spent most of this weekend sleepy/napping, and just like, generally under the weather, and still really feel it - i've definitely not been giving myself enough time, as a very dear friend keeps gently reminding me ;n;)
We finished watching the first season of Drag Race that my kids have ever seen and my older kid couldn't have been more taken with the drama and theater of it all. I don't know what the drag options are for an AFAB queer young person still figuring out their gender stuff but the show couldn't have landed any more squarely in my 13 year old theater kid's wheelhouse.
hey friends, had a follow up GAC appt, and increased my meds a little (25% less spiro, 50% more estradiol), but the whole encounter has me kinda musing on where i am/want to be that i'm kind of struggling with, atm -
so like...how trans is trans enough - i often just feel liminally femme, and it burns when i get forced into a gendered space or have the wrong pronouns used but i keep telling myself that i'm enby/demifem and not fully trans-femme and...i'm not completely sure that's true. feel a bit like i'm not being wholly honest with myself or my doctor because it is currently easier to just quietly take hormones and fly under the radar. maybe enby trans-demifem is a label that works for me, idk - i really reject and resent that we live in such a binary society where not even the pharmacy has an option for just nonbinary
i guess it's something i should chat with my therapist about to at least get that sounding board since tbh i think i already know the answer. (therapy for me has, at best, been me practically being my own therapist because i've spent years and years slowly figuring out how to do all this stuff and put myself back together, to varying degrees of success. so i already know and do/have learned coping/breathing/etc techniques and more than once my poor therapist has jokingly been like 'what do you need me for??') idk, sorry for rambling, but maybe the messy rambles can help someone else struggling with a similar thing, in some way, i hope ;n;
hey friends, had a follow up GAC appt, and increased my meds a little (25% less spiro, 50% more estradiol), but the whole encounter has me kinda musing on where i am/want to be that i'm kind of struggling with, atm -
so like...how trans is trans enough - i often just feel liminally femme, and it burns when i get forced into a gendered space or have the wrong pronouns used but i keep telling myself that i'm enby/demifem and not fully trans-femme and...i'm not completely sure that's true. feel a bit like i'm not being wholly honest with myself or my doctor because it is currently easier to just quietly take hormones and fly under the radar. maybe enby trans-demifem is a label that works for me, idk - i really reject and resent that we live in such a binary society where not even the pharmacy has an option for just nonbinary
i guess it's something i should chat with my therapist about to at least get that sounding board since tbh i think i already know the answer. (therapy for me has, at best, been me practically being my own therapist because i've spent years and years slowly figuring out how to do all this stuff and put myself back together, to varying degrees of success. so i already know and do/have learned coping/breathing/etc techniques and more than once my poor therapist has jokingly been like 'what do you need me for??') idk, sorry for rambling, but maybe the messy rambles can help someone else struggling with a similar thing, in some way, i hope ;n;
Hi, haven't checked the thread in a while. I've currently settled on demifem trans non-binary, as I basically feel non-binary is the right place for me but I should have gotten there from AFAB instead of AMAB, but when I started this journey I just thought I was agender for a long time. Probably a side effect of starting this journey so late in life, that it's been like, take a step, it's good, but is it enough/is something still missing, examine, contemplate, take another step, repeat. I'd say don't be afraid of discovering that where you are now is just another step in a process. edit: I hope this doesn't feel like "thanks for the obvious advice duhhh", just saw you in a kind of similar spot as me and wanted to be supportive!
Weaver on
+9
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Ooh also converse is having their back to school sale so I custom ordered some shoes to go with my skirts, because sure cowboy boots work for my tomboy mode but they don't work with skirts, for me anyways
hey friends, had a follow up GAC appt, and increased my meds a little (25% less spiro, 50% more estradiol), but the whole encounter has me kinda musing on where i am/want to be that i'm kind of struggling with, atm -
so like...how trans is trans enough - i often just feel liminally femme, and it burns when i get forced into a gendered space or have the wrong pronouns used but i keep telling myself that i'm enby/demifem and not fully trans-femme and...i'm not completely sure that's true. feel a bit like i'm not being wholly honest with myself or my doctor because it is currently easier to just quietly take hormones and fly under the radar. maybe enby trans-demifem is a label that works for me, idk - i really reject and resent that we live in such a binary society where not even the pharmacy has an option for just nonbinary
i guess it's something i should chat with my therapist about to at least get that sounding board since tbh i think i already know the answer. (therapy for me has, at best, been me practically being my own therapist because i've spent years and years slowly figuring out how to do all this stuff and put myself back together, to varying degrees of success. so i already know and do/have learned coping/breathing/etc techniques and more than once my poor therapist has jokingly been like 'what do you need me for??') idk, sorry for rambling, but maybe the messy rambles can help someone else struggling with a similar thing, in some way, i hope ;n;
Hi, haven't checked the thread in a while. I've currently settled on demifem trans non-binary, as I basically feel non-binary is the right place for me but I should have gotten there from AFAB instead of AMAB, but when I started this journey I just thought I was agender for a long time. Probably a side effect of starting this journey so late in life, that it's been like, take a step, it's good, but is it enough/is something still missing, examine, contemplate, take another step, repeat. I'd say don't be afraid of discovering that where you are now is just another step in a process. edit: I hope this doesn't feel like "thanks for the obvious advice duhhh", just saw you in a kind of similar spot as me and wanted to be supportive!
you know, yeah, this sounds exactly like where i'm at. life would have been so much better if i hadn't lost that coin flip but maybe someday i can get where luck failed me. 100% think i would have still been enby she/they and gone for the tomboyish looks. i really appreciate your advice and support because it feels like looking in a mirror, and you're reflecting my exact thoughts, feelings, and processes
also so sorry for the delayed reply - i've been out of town with intermittent service - just got back from a trip over to colorado to see my best friends and had the most wonderful time. we went to Boulder and the ren faire and just checked out so many fun and cute places, and i dressed up in a fun witchy outfit for said faire and nobody looked twice at me walking around wearing a cute dress + cloak (too windy for the witchy hat, and it would have bumped into so many things, anyway, rip). one of said best frens even did some eye makeup for me and painted all of our nails (which i'm def gonna start doing, it's so fun to do/have), and got some fun piercings (lobes + upper helix c: - though the helix was being a bitch to this bitch on the drive home with painful throbbing ;n; - would not necessarily recommend doing with other piercings but i am not known for coming up with ideas and then not doing them all the way even if it makes it a lot harder in the moment) - if nothing else i at least look queer as hell and that's fun in its own way. for anyone thinking about it that can manage/afford it, would *absolutely* recommend visiting the colorado ren faire and places like Boulder (where crosswalks are rainbows and stores are covered in pride signage) or Denver, which has a fun outdoor mall where it was raining while we checked out the stores (and i bought a cute denver trans heart sticker!!)
anyway, sorry for my usual ramblings - i really appreciate you, Weaver - your support and insights means so much to me, thanks friend
gonna have an interesting conversation with my gender doc in a few months after a few weeks ago where i was like 'i don't think i'm trans-fem, but' - they probably encounter stuff like this regularly but lol, what a turnaround
ps - those shoes are super cute!!
Cee on
+13
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
That sounds like a wonderful time! Our ren faires have been having some drama lately as I understand but hoping to make one next year. Also dang fall is on the horizon, I need to get some shawls.
+2
WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
Also, speaking of witchy outfits, I'm slowly developing my own motif. had an eye exam today, just ordered these frames with sapphire blue transition lenses and an owl engraved on the arm.
Now I just need to pop into the dinner down the street with a hooded cloak and I'll be able to recreate my AV.
Posts
I like this doctor. She's a good one.
My consult is in uh February and I wont know how much I need to pay until after that so crowdfunding is me guessing and hoping Im right I guess? And I still have to go around asking people to share it so thats fun.
My insurance will cover some of it but I have no clue what Im gonna owe out of pocket.( I'm likely gonna get implants that same year so those will be entirely covered but again no clue).
There's no reason this has to be so complicated!
Find out what your maximum out of pocket is, and assume it will be that. It sucks to hit it, but at least everything after that is 100% covered.
If you have a moment this weekend try going to the insurance website, sign up for a login if you don't already have one, and it should be pretty easy to find in the plan info section. I know I'm a bit spoiled as far as requirements go here in CA, but the max OOP should be easy to find.
Be a bit careful on that front for fine print because I definitely got got by my insurance plan being very bold and clear that I paid 80% until I hit my maximum payment of $3,600. And then in very tiny text at the bottom noting that I then paid 20% until I hit the actual out of pocket maximum of $7,200.
Sounds like that first limit was your deductible, while the second limit was the actual max OOP.
Edit: Copayments and things like that with a set fee will go towards the out of pocket but not deductible. Payments go towards the deductible generally when things aren't covered by a co-payment and the insurance covers a percentage of the bill. Insurance is confusing by design.
Yes I figured that out eventually but the snapshot of my benefits was very, very much pushing the first number and hiding the second so as a young person who'd never been in a position to approach either number before it was a surprise.
Sorry, was more explaining for those reading, not you. I find that when someone has used insurance enough to hit a high deductible, and especially their max OOP, they tend to be well educated on how insurance works.
I suppose that makes me a subject matter expert
Got my wallet and phone pick pocketed out of my purse.
Still had a fucking blast. Got to watch Billy Porter accept his sainthood from the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
I may have seen you while walking around!
It sucks now, but it'll eventually be a fun story to tell later.
That would be amazing! If the person you saw was also carrying a small but stuffed multi colored backpack then we can go ahead and say that was absolutely me.
2 months of 50mg spiro + 1mg estradiol 2/day
almost at 3 months of 100mg spiro + 2mg estradiol 2/day and went from 330 T down to 25 and from 24 to ~90 E
just living that androgynous enby/demi-fem life as best i can, one day at a time
I've now doubled my estradiol with another lab scheduled for 2.5 months from now.
nice!! congrats friend - it's a fun (and emotional, we love it) place to be, and looking forward to you joining, and that's so much progress!!
Trying to get into voice therapy again, and ugh wait times and scheduling around work.
So after having an incredibly shitty week myself (unrelated to queerness), yesterday I decided fuck it I wanted to test those waters for her and painted my nails. Wanted to see how people would react at work. The reaction was a mix of nonchalance from people like my boss, to excitement from her and one of my other coworkers.
If you mean more personally, some days I feel like a dude, some days I don't, and most days I'm somewhere in-between those extremes.
If you're unsure, you can ask. Ask them how they feel about their pronouns and/or to let you know in a moment if their is one or the other they'd prefer on a given day. Most people should appreciate the consideration and the chance to talk about themselves.
That said, This is a good rule of thumb:
um, anyway - proactively caring about it makes worlds of differences to folks, thanks friend!
To add onto what everyone else is saying it can also act as an order of preference as well for some people so she/they is a bit different than they/she. Working both sets in as you can is also nice if possible. Obviously much easier in writing than speaking but using the full range at least occasionally can go a long way to validating people.
i got some other fun ideas i'm working on, as well - in talks with the artist to do a demigirl flower addon to my ace/enby flowers, and wanna get another full color pretty floral thing on the other side of that arm, to make a good spread of colorful, monochromatic, and everything between, but i gotta take a break both for my body and bank account (i spent most of this weekend sleepy/napping, and just like, generally under the weather, and still really feel it - i've definitely not been giving myself enough time, as a very dear friend keeps gently reminding me ;n;)
i guess it's something i should chat with my therapist about to at least get that sounding board since tbh i think i already know the answer. (therapy for me has, at best, been me practically being my own therapist because i've spent years and years slowly figuring out how to do all this stuff and put myself back together, to varying degrees of success. so i already know and do/have learned coping/breathing/etc techniques and more than once my poor therapist has jokingly been like 'what do you need me for??') idk, sorry for rambling, but maybe the messy rambles can help someone else struggling with a similar thing, in some way, i hope ;n;
and i feel like it's applicable to everyone who needs or wants it, so here you go
Hi, haven't checked the thread in a while. I've currently settled on demifem trans non-binary, as I basically feel non-binary is the right place for me but I should have gotten there from AFAB instead of AMAB, but when I started this journey I just thought I was agender for a long time. Probably a side effect of starting this journey so late in life, that it's been like, take a step, it's good, but is it enough/is something still missing, examine, contemplate, take another step, repeat. I'd say don't be afraid of discovering that where you are now is just another step in a process. edit: I hope this doesn't feel like "thanks for the obvious advice duhhh", just saw you in a kind of similar spot as me and wanted to be supportive!
you know, yeah, this sounds exactly like where i'm at. life would have been so much better if i hadn't lost that coin flip but maybe someday i can get where luck failed me. 100% think i would have still been enby she/they and gone for the tomboyish looks. i really appreciate your advice and support because it feels like looking in a mirror, and you're reflecting my exact thoughts, feelings, and processes
also so sorry for the delayed reply - i've been out of town with intermittent service - just got back from a trip over to colorado to see my best friends and had the most wonderful time. we went to Boulder and the ren faire and just checked out so many fun and cute places, and i dressed up in a fun witchy outfit for said faire and nobody looked twice at me walking around wearing a cute dress + cloak (too windy for the witchy hat, and it would have bumped into so many things, anyway, rip). one of said best frens even did some eye makeup for me and painted all of our nails (which i'm def gonna start doing, it's so fun to do/have), and got some fun piercings (lobes + upper helix c: - though the helix was being a bitch to this bitch on the drive home with painful throbbing ;n; - would not necessarily recommend doing with other piercings but i am not known for coming up with ideas and then not doing them all the way even if it makes it a lot harder in the moment) - if nothing else i at least look queer as hell and that's fun in its own way. for anyone thinking about it that can manage/afford it, would *absolutely* recommend visiting the colorado ren faire and places like Boulder (where crosswalks are rainbows and stores are covered in pride signage) or Denver, which has a fun outdoor mall where it was raining while we checked out the stores (and i bought a cute denver trans heart sticker!!)
gonna have an interesting conversation with my gender doc in a few months after a few weeks ago where i was like 'i don't think i'm trans-fem, but' - they probably encounter stuff like this regularly but lol, what a turnaround
ps - those shoes are super cute!!
Now I just need to pop into the dinner down the street with a hooded cloak and I'll be able to recreate my AV.